Girls and Boys Come Out to Play
by RAEcouter
Summary: Jasper, Rosalie, Bella, Alice, Emmett & Edward become interwoven, making their mark at Seattle's Fremont Park Preparatory boarding school. Wealth and war, friendship and love ensue. AU/AH. Rated M for language and sexual themes. Slightly OOC.
1. Jack and Jill

**Chapter 1 Jack and Jill**

**A/N: I do not own any of these characters.**

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**JPOV**

"I don't care if you _promised_, it is most certainly MY weekend. I'll never understand why we have to share. Arg … JUST BUY YOUR OWN DAMN CAR!"

"I feel like a broken record, but honestly, Rosalie, if you weren't such a raging bitch all the time people might actually talk to you. Perhaps then you might have somewhere to go in _our _convertible. As it stands, I did promise to see Bella this weekend. Don't make me beg."

I could feel the annoyance quite literally rolling from my sister, not actually dissipating but instead choking away my good mood. Still, I remained casually reclined on her sitting room settee - _if she'd stop correcting me endlessly I'd just call it a couch _- feet up, head back, eyes lazily closed, quite thoroughly uninterested in the idea of yet another girl fight.

The reality was that _everyone_ talked to Rosalie, or wished they could. She is Queen. And since she's _so_ fantastic, Her Majesty was in the habit of taking whatever she wants. Attention, admiration, gifts and favors, never-ending privileges – she lived completely without restrictions. But friends? She never took those.

"I don't care if you do beg, Jasper. I have plans for this weekend - shopping plans." _Again?_

By this point, Rose was standing over me undoubtedly boring her eyes into my closed eyelids, but I knew if I squinted to make even a sliver contact she'd somehow win and I really wanted to see Bella; it had been weeks. So my exterior remained unfazed, as I avoided rookie mistakes, and prepared for whatever else she had coming. _Rosalie may own stubborn and self-righteous, but 'calculated and cunning' fell on my side of the twin coin._ I do not break my focus.

"And actually, _Brother_, I am bringing someone." _Lies. Cold one here collects hearts; she doesn't open hers up or invite anyone in._

"I assume you remember Alice Brandon?" My eyes flew open. "You know - petite as all hell, inky black pixie hair, energy for days?"

I shot straight up in my seat and brought my face within inches of Rose's. _So much for focus._

"Since when are you two friends, Rosalie? She isn't the cling on type, so why her? You better not be screwing with her …" This was as close to yelling as I ever let myself get with my firey, distant sister.

She chuckled; "Please, give me a little more credit. I am loved here; Fremont Park would be in a sorry state without me. I will do wonders for Alice Brandon. And although I am a _wondrous_ screw I don't think _I_ am the one most interested in that privilege." And with that and a wink, she turned, quite literally, on her heels. "Ah, sweet victory - you've completely forgotten why you began this valiant fight to begin with. Now I've got to be going, I'll be sure to send Alice your best in the morning." Just as she was about to go, sickly sweet smile and all, our phones chimed harmoniously.

"Hello, Mother?"

"What do I owe this pleasure, Father?" We answered simultaneously confused – they never call. Exchanging a bemused look, we settled in for the parental word-vomit digestion to begin.

"You can't be serious, Mother. Fremont Park doesn't accept students after the start of the year." Rose immediately argued hastily, pacing the entryway. _Women always launch in headfirst, don't they?_

But then it was my turn to be thrown headfirst as the words being spoken on the end of the line slowly registered. "But, Father, why did they send him out of the country? Don't they know that Renee is long gone? … But, that leaves her with no one!" I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

My Uncle Charlie, father to my best friend and cousin Bella Swan, had ties to the FBI but now for all intents and purposes was simply holding down the fort as Sheriff in dreary Forks, Washington. After my Aunt Renee passed away Charlie really pulled back on anything government issued, creating a more realistic living environment for Bella. She'd lived with him for the last three years, and had finally begun feeling comfortable and stable. To say a move from Phoenix, Arizona - where your mom, best friend and beloved sun were constantly around - to dark, dank Forks – with only trees, your estranged dad and constant rain to keep you company- was an adjustment was severely understating things. But whatever, here we were in late September, school already in full swing, and Bella was being shuffled around again.

"Well then, Father, where is she going to stay? You two are never home and Phoenix is the worst place for Bella to be left alone." _Is he honestly that stupid? _I could answer my own question.

"Mother, no. I need my own space. Housing can't be the only issue when attempting to register someone." _Whine a little louder, Rosalie._ "She doesn't fit here." Rose injudiciously countered.

Catching on to the conversation occurring between my mother and sister, as well as listening to my father's solutions I started to get excited. "Well, yes, I believe that is a fantastic idea, Father. I can transition her myself. When … so soon?" A slow smile had begun to creep across my face a while ago, and now I was embarking on Cheshire cat territory.

My eyes connected with my furious sister; "I will go this weekend, Father. Give Mother my love. Goodbye."

With that, both calls ended and Rose erupted, "Arggggg. NO! Fuck. It. All."

"Well, Rose, I guess I'll be using the convertible after all." I said as I rose from my perch and made my way past her trembling form and out her door. "Ah, sweet victory." I turned about-face in the hallway, same smile etched on my face. "So, I'll bring Bella and her things straight here then?"

With one hand on her hip and the other on the doorframe, Rosalie pierced me with a disturbing glare before slamming it shut.

_Really, _I thought as I made my way back to my room,_ this day couldn't get any sweeter._

Flipping my phone open, I hit 'Speed Dial 1.' "Hey Graceful, looks like I'm headed your way this weekend."

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**A/N: This is my first attempt and my chapters will get progressively longer as I find my momentum. Promise! I'm personally not a fan of short itty bitty chapters ... think an eventual 5K word average! Please, let me know what you think!**


	2. The Queen of Hearts

**Chapter 2 The Queen of Hearts**

**A/N: I do not own any of these characters.**

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**RPOV**

Seriously?_ Seriously? _I'd been back at school for only a month, settling into my double suite as a single, I had even finally determined who I would be this year and now that was all over. No more 'head of class,' no more second bedroom closet or absolute-freedom-to-be-myself-in-private and how dare I even think of letting a friend in now. I'd just have to settle with being Queen … again. Not that I'd ever relinquish that title externally, but can't a girl want more?

I guess not.

Bella was coming. My sweet, controversial cousin in all her never-ending brown hair, doe eyed, feisty glory. I'm guessing she'll bring her brain, along with her rocker vintage clothing, to totally push me out of the school valedictorian race. I may still reign supreme in the junior class, but Bella's genius wouldn't remain confined to her meager sophomore status. God, and if she'd only realize how smart and beautiful she was I could shove her down a couple notches. But she has always been clueless.

I know she loved her mom, but Bella had always spent her time growing up with Jasper – all of her time. You'd think that since we were born together Jasper would end up being my best friend, out of any other girls at least, but no; Bella and Jasper were the two peas in a pod. And I got it; they just fit. Staying on the outskirts, doing their own thing, while I was always so streamline. But Aunt Renee understood that my conventional appearance and interests didn't really define me. She was MY best friend. And then she died.

Since my mother won't be wining any awards for her parenting – or for anything not having to do with society, Botox or cocktails - losing Renee left me without a mom or a best friend. So I'd decided I was done. Friends were over rated. I began studying and shopping and evolved into what many would consider perfect - long blonde hair, satin skin, big blue eyes and a tight figure with exquisite breasts and a delicious ass. Men drool, women hate. Ultimately, friendship with either sex became impossible.

After my metamorphosis – aka puberty - I was thankful to be rid of any need for friends. After all, Bella moved to Forks to live with Uncle Charlie so I got Jasper back. Jasper, however, couldn't stay away, and after ninth grade our parents agreed to send us to an elite boarding school in Seattle, Washington – Fremont Park Preparatory. The American upper crust's Northwestern answer to a perfectly coiffed and preened progeny.

The Hale's defined themselves as "upper crust", therefore, money had simply never been an issue. Which brings be back to… _Why the hell can't Jasper just buy his own damn car? _I was in desperate need of a shopping fix, apparently less so now however since my dream closet was being put on permanent hiatus. _Honestly, I can hear the call of 5th and Pine even on this side of town._

In Seattle, the closest thing to Chanel you'll get is Nordstrom. On the weekends I needed a more substantial shopping high, I had no other options but to fly down to LA or over to New York. Washington State was sickeningly full to the brim of comfy casual/granola, Birkenstock footed outdoorsmen. I'll let my Christian Louboutin's explain that I don't do comfy casual.

But this wasn't just another credit card free for all - there was also Alice.

_Alice Brandon._

If there was anyone in this idiot riddled institution that could be my friend it would be her.

And I had no idea why.

Maybe it's because the first time I spoke to her she acted like we'd already met - been there, done that. Initially I was overwhelmed by the creep factor, but she sort of sucked me in after that. I never dropped the Queen Bee façade, but it was like she didn't see it. Ultimately, the shopping invitation never registered with my brain, rather it'd come out on instinct.

_Flashback_

"_Rosalie, what are your plans this weekend?" Jessica driveled, being closely tailed by Lauren._

"_We could spend a day at Hotel 1000. I'd love a facial," was Lauren's hurried contribution._

_The courtyard was full of students making their way to Friday's final session. Everyone acknowledged Rosalie in some fashion. Many just smiled, while others dared to wave. The most ridiculous of all were of course the cling ons. Jessica, Lauren and Irina were annoying at best, delusional at worst._

"_Oh my god, a facial sounds divine. Should we take your car Rose---alie?," fumbled Jessica, barely remembering how unwelcome nicknames were. She'd hardly recovered from last week's incident when she mistakenly referred to Rosalie as "girlfriend."_

_Rosalie, lifting a perfectly sculpted eyebrow towards Jessica, continued on briskly, not stopping to return more than a half smile acknowledgement towards the comical Eric and baby faced Mike._

"_I haven't ever been to Hotel 1000…" Irina ventured, encouraging the other girls to continue prattling on with adjectives, falling slightly farther behind the determined Rosalie, when everyone came to an abrupt halt._

"_Oh, Rosalie, I'm sorry I wasn't watching were I was going. I just received a letter from my best friend. God he is such an idiot ... has barely been there three months and already they're sending him home. But I am just so excited for him to be back at Fremont." And she was excited; Alice was practically vibrating with enthusiasm. Rosalie regained her balance and smoothed her blazer, but Alice wasn't finished._

"_It has seemed like forever since I've been through those gates, well anywhere interesting at least. And, well, he owes me! As soon as he's back he is my official chauffeur." The happiness didn't seem to end. Nor did the conversation._

"_So, how are you? You look great, especially those platform tapper toe maryjane slingbacks. Let me guess, the Rolando Boucles, right? I've had my eye on those in mastic. I was just a little concerned about the suede in our weather … oh, I'm sorry. I'm prattling on."_

"_Actually, no Alice, you weren't prattling." Rosalie sighed. "And you're correct, they are the Rolando Boucles. You have a good eye."_

"_Are you kidding? No Christian Louboutin crosses my path unappreciated." Alice responded with a glint in her eye. "Oh, that's the three minute bell." By that time, the courtyard had mostly cleared out. Besides the five ladies there were only a couple late stragglers._

_Rosalie turned to continue walking towards class, but changed her mind._

"_Alice?"_

"_Yes, Rose?" An audible gasp rang out from the cling ons and an energy of anticipation awaited the inevitable verbal lashing Rosalie customarily heaped upon any offender - name, personal space or otherwise._

_"__Let's shop this weekend. I'll drive." _Instead of Rosalie's customary retaliation, only the crashing of jaws across the brick pathway could be heard. 

"_Absolutely! That sounds brilliant. Nordstrom and Barneys. I'll come by your suite at ten on Saturday?" By this time the remaining girls had collected themselves enough to remind Rosalie about the spa._

"_I'm out on Hotel 1000. Alice and I have plans."_

_And with that, Rosalie continued to class._

"_Later, Pixie."_

"_Love you, Rose."_

_End Flashback_

Alice was truly a force of fashion nature. Her enthusiasm for life and friends was electric, contagious even. It was as if she was so busy being herself she had no time to recognize the persona I was projecting. She cut the shit. With her I was actually myself. Thank god.

_Finally._

Quick as a drum roll, a succession of knocking woke me from my revere. _Shit._

I eased the door open, not wanting to hasten the disappointment that was inevitable. Of course there stood Alice all perky and glossy and tiny, although her four-inch heals added somewhat to her nonexistent height. Maybe now she cleared 5'2" … maybe.

"Morning, Rose." Alice immediately went in for a hug. _You would never know it is ten am on a weekend looking at this ball of buzz._

"Hey Alice, I should have called." I couldn't keep the remorse from my voice. Remorse for my douche bag brother stealing Red on my weekend, for not calling, for not fucking being able to be her friend – anyone's friend.

At that moment my cell chimed. _Him_, my thoughts sneered.

"Jasper, don't you think you've been a big enough dick without adding annoying jack ass to the list?" I answered unwelcomingly.

"Good morning to you too, Sister. I was only calling to see if you'd be around in oh ten seconds … I need your keys. Can't seem to find mine."

"This is rich. You're putting me on. You've never misplaced your keys before, and today of all days …" As my sentence trailed off, passing through my cell Jasper rounded the hallway corner.

"Rose, god, I didn't _plan_ this. I'm doing this for Bella." Jasper's mind caught up with his body as his eyes bugged right out of his head suddenly rendering him mute.

"Jasper Hale, I don't think I've ever heard you say one solitary word. That was at least a sentence, if not _two_. I must know you better than the majority of the school with that verbose display. Obviously introductions are in order; I'm Alice Brandon."

They shook hands silently. Jasper's breathing was labored, his eyes still quite unnaturally large, and an increasing accumulation of sweat rested on his brow. Alice's smile was warm and nonthreatening, but laced with the sweetest of longing. _And she hasn't even been my friend twelve second before she wasn't mine any longer. _I refused to be hurt and chose anger instead. _I don't need you people._

"Sorry Alice, my brother has difficulty with normal social interaction. Unless he's with Bella. You know Jasper, you two really are like an old married couple. Here are the keys." I threw my set hard toward his chest which he easily swiped midair. "Don't mind us stranded girls. Go run along and tend to your lover."

Looking pissed and torn, Jasper turned to depart. With one fleeting look he disappeared around the corner.

"Lover?" Alice asked, eyes wide and fiery.

"Sorry about shopping. Blame Jasper." Alice's blazing intensity only heightened with each passing second. Always the gossip whore, Jessica chose that moment to pass by, down the same hallway Jasper just used as an exit. _Friend Rule Number One: Share._

"My incestuous cousin is coming to Fremont."

One protected heart for the price of three.

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**A/N: Alright, so I'm just finding my rhythm here. Let me know what you like, what you don't and I'll appreciate every word. Thanks for reading!**


	3. How Many Miles to Babylon?

**Chapter 3 How Many Miles to Babylon?**

**A/N: I do not own any of these characters.**

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**BPOV**

_I really won't miss you, stupid kitchen table. _I thought as I banged my shin on it for what may be the last of twelve hundred times. _That's gonna hurt tomorrow. Damn it … I'm going to be all purple in my uniform come Monday._

Why fight it? Let the rumors begin now. Yes, I was sold into slave prostitution and beaten before my rich relatives saved me from a certain death and brought me to the extraordinary school that is Fremont. Yes, I had a severe drug dependency but often couldn't pay for my stash, thus causing thugs to come 'teach me a lesson' before my rich, beloved relatives saved me from a certain death and sent me to the astounding school that is Fremont. Yes, I was a self-mutilator before my rich, beloved, savior relatives rescued me from a certain death and shipped me off to the phenomenal school that is Fremont.

_Or maybe I'll wear knee socks._

But really, I was prepared to be fodder for the masses. Just as long as Jasper was by my side it would all be worth it.

Don't get me wrong, Charlie had been pretty great. If he could stay in Forks, he would. I could see in his eyes how much he hated to leave, especially indefinitely like this, but he'd stalled the government for as long as possible. Funnily enough, it really isn't me my small town father would miss the most. Silly old man loves Forks. Even though as Sheriff he really didn't have much crime to fight, it's the five block long Main Street, suffocated by trees feel he loves. Give Charlie a beer, a fishing pole and a flat screen with sports channel access and he'd die a happy man. Too bad he's far too smart to just sit on his ass, flitting between leisurely comforts for the rest of his life.

"Go make the world better, Charlie. I don't fault you."

And, with that, he'd left for his flight out of Fairchild this morning.

Now it was just me and the table, and god, my awaiting luggage that needed to be packed. I just couldn't seem to pry myself away from the kitchen.

Where I'm headed I won't have any sort of kitchen at my disposal, which means I'm done cooking for about three years - possibly more depending on college particulars. I'm guessing Fremont Park doesn't offer a culinary arts course, or "session" as they call them. _It's like I have to learn a whole other fucking language. Enough already._ They aren't churning out house help down there, maids, butlers or anything less than socialite princesses and country club pricks.

The truth is that I feel like I'm about to walk into the hell-bent sin pits of Babylon. If Washington were Mesopotamia, Seattle is its Babylonia, which makes Fremont Park Seattle's own personal "holy city." And here I am about to willingly enter the gateway of the gods - in all their rich and entitled splendor.

Truthfully, I really can't claim to be poor. _Or sin free._ My mother inherited the same as Jasper's mom, my aunt. They were sisters and the daughters of exceptionally wealthy parents who signed over everything to them – minus a hearty retirement - shortly after I was born. Gran and Pop hit the wide-open road in a glamorous motor home, and never looked back. I hear from them occasionally, but less and less since mom's been gone. Because of them though, now, being mom's primary living relative, I'm rolling. I have no idea how much there is. Like I could be bothered to read the paperwork or listen to lawyers yammer on when my mom had just decided to up and die. Right.

But there's money there somewhere. _Though, not even money can save me from where I'm headed. _Because money was nothing - while somehow remaining everything - to those in on the boarding school conspiracy.

And with that thought, I knew I just had to get away from the house. Jasper called to say he wouldn't arrive until just after one - _what an absolute speed demon_ - and it was only just now noon. So, I hopped in my truck to head to the Thrift Mart. _I bet Jas hasn't had a good meal in a while. _Really I just needed to delay the inevitable for an afternoon.

Less than an hour later I had chicken, cheese and broccoli enchiladas broiling in the oven and a salad on the counter. I hadn't touched my suitcases, but I knew Jasper wouldn't give a shit. I mean come on - I made food.

"Bellllllaaa." Jasper boomed, letting himself in the front door.

"Um, yeah Jas, this house is small - I'm seriously about five feet from you," I snickered from the kitchen.

"Well, hello there smart ass." Jasper leaned against the kitchen door frame.

"Don't smart ass me, I made you lunch," I retorted, plastering on my most winning smile.

"Ahh, G – you make my life complete." Jasper didn't wait one more second to engulf me in a tight hug and place a quick kiss on the hair at my crown. We both took our portions and perched on our respective niches; Jasper at the table, me the counter.

"How was the drive? How's Alice? Why the hell do I have to live with Rosalie?"

Mouth full and eyes apologetic, Jasper just ducked his head and continued to shovel food in record time.

"Come on Jas, I could just stay in your room. I'm small. You'd never notice me." _Bat the eyelashes, emphasize the sad pout._

"Yeah, _I _might not notice, but Mike sure as hell would and then he'd want to 'run you over.' You really don't want that." Jasper challenged as he stood and made his way to the counter for seconds. _He's like a food Hoover._

"Oh, your roommate is harmless. I'd like to see him try to get near me with his bulldozer." I paused, "Wait … eck … gross mental image." I shuddered at the rather vivid thought. _Enough with the keen imagination already. Vomit._

"Don't pretend to be virtuous, Bells. Remember, my eyes have seen things. I've walked in on you with Jake."

"Dip shit, how many times do I have to tell you – IT WASN'T WHAT IT LOOKED LIKE! Jake never did get the hint. I think I ended up embarrassing him enough finally when I shouted 'stop touching me' too loudly and quite repeatedly in public. He can't even look at me now, which pretty much means we aren't really speaking anymore."

"When did this happen?" Jasper asked, giving me his _you've been holding out on me _expression.

"Last week sometime - he doesn't even know I'm leaving," I admitted. "Serves him right. We could have been friends but he had to dick it up."

"Literally."

"Fuck off, Jasper. Don't make me repeat myself. In fact, let's let this one die. Never say Jake's name to me or anyone else EVER again. Promise?" Jasper looked incredulous, never wanting to give up what he considered to be good shit on me. "God, Jasper, promise me!"

"Fine."

"Say it!"

"I promise."

"Alright, you clean the dishes, I'll pack up and we can get out of Forks before dark."

An hour later, everything I cared about –books, music and memories – was crammed into the trunk and overflowed into the back seat of Red; what mattered most reclining in the driver's seat.

My little house of three years was locked up tight, my truck sat sad and lonely in the driveway. This sweet, miniscule, tree infested, rain covered town, my protective dad and his side arm, my gastronomic haven – everything that made me whole again was just as fleeting as life in Phoenix with mom. But pulling away, I'd never seen Forks look so much like home, and now it was too late. I was already gone.

Leaving the city limits, it hit me how Forks and Fremont were more than just a world apart. I was now committed to the change, to selling my soul. It was absolutely like trading Bethlehem for Babylon.

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**A/N: Okay, so I hope you could follow along with me in this chapter. As always, let me know if you have any questions. I'd love to know what you think so far! Thanks for reading!**


	4. One, Two, Three, Four, Five

**Chapter 4 One, Two, Three, Four, Five**

**A/N: I do not own Twilight or it's characters, but I sure am having fun writing them. This chapter may require a little recap - So, let's start there, shall we?**

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_Previous Chapter: The Queen of Hearts_

_**RPOV**_

"_Sorry Alice, my brother has difficulty with normal social interaction. Unless he's with Bella. You know Jasper, you two really are like an old married couple. Here are the keys." I threw my set hard toward his chest which he easily swiped midair. "Don't mind us stranded girls. Go run along and tend to your lover."_

_Looking pissed and torn, Jasper turned to depart. With one fleeting look he disappeared around the corner._

"_Lover?" Alice asked, eyes wide and fiery._

"_Sorry about shopping. Blame Jasper." Alice's blazing intensity only heightened with each passing second. Always the gossip whore, Jessica chose that moment to pass by, down the same hallway Jasper just used as an exit. Friend Rule Number One: Share._

"_My incestuous cousin is coming to Fremont."_

_One protected heart for the price of three._

**APOV**

_Lover. __**Lover**__. __**LOVER**__ - Wait, did she just say incestuous cousin? _A small amount of bile made its way up the back of my throat. _There is just no way._

Before I could stop myself I was speaking, "Don't worry about our shopping plans. I can see Jasper scammed his way into getting car privileges this weekend. We'll reschedule."

I felt like I was teetering precariously in my Prada pumps and knew I needed to escape before tears began to fall or worse, I fell.

I couldn't tell up from down._ Spinning, walls shifting, hands shaking. Maybe someone drugged my non-fat hazelnut latte at the coffee cart, because this certainly can't be from … isn't about hearing … has nothing to do with Jasper Hale. Jasper and his cousin._

_Did she really mean incestuous? Like sex. Like Jasper-and-his-cousin sex?_

_But what about my drawing? - No, not here. _I needed to pull myself together to be objective.

Only a couple of seconds had passed since my system over loaded and I could tell from Rosalie's far off look that she was somewhere else mentally, emotionally – just entirely distracted. I used that for my benefit.

"Thanks again for the invite, Rose. We'll talk soon." I hugged her again, quickly, and scurried away towards the elevator.

The heavy doors were open wide, waiting and as I followed Jessica and Lauren in I hit the circular "L" button. _I am not myself ... I need to be saved. But he's gone, probably traveling as we speak. I just need to sit down. _Sitting down at that precise moment, however, wasn't an option. Lauren and Jessica were also heading to the lobby, I assumed since they didn't select any other floor button.

"So, no shopping today after all, _Alice?_" Lauren nearly spewed my name from where she stood behind me.

I turned ever so slightly, "Oh no, not today, perhaps another time. Rosalie's brother needed the car."

Attempting to remain still - while holding back my relentless fidgets from the snails pace at which we were descending - I just smiled as brightly as was available from within my dilapidated arsenal of cheer before facing front again.

"I told you." Jessica whispered.

"OH. MY. GOD." Lauren did not whisper. In fact, she nearly shouted in astonishment. "I am shocked! And that my friend doesn't happen often."

"I just knew there was something off about him."

I didn't like the direction this conversation was headed. _Did they somehow hear Rosalie's and my conversation? But they were all the way down the hall. And why the hell did you think something was off about him Jessica "assface" Stanley?_

And then it hit me. It didn't matter _how_ they found out, all that mattered was if they _did_. Because if these two did happen to overhear this titillating Jasper-centered gossip - _please God let this be gossip or just a misunderstanding, a gossipy-misunderstanding_ - everyone would hear about it in ten minutes flat.

_Oh no – Jasper!_

Throughout this realization I was trying to remind myself that I had no ties to this boy, except the friendship I was beginning with his twin. His activities didn't concern me. His social demise shouldn't elicit such angst from me, and in all honesty public appearances didn't seem to worry him much either. So why care?

_I just can't help it._

Ding. _Thank goodness. Just don't look back. _I was beleaguered by their continued whispers, occasional shouting and biting laughter as I escaped the lobby.

My body left Queen Ann Tower but my mind was stuck at Rosalie's door, replaying her words in an attempt to find my moment of misunderstanding, desperate to recall the second I missed when she laughed her comment off as the joke it needed to be. But there had been no joking moment, no matter the ways I rewound or pressed my metal refresh button.

_Pike Tower. Pike Tower. Have to sit down._

Replaying our interaction, it had almost seemed like Rosalie was upset. I had never personally seen Rose upset, but I'd heard about it, even a couple first hand accounts. The stories all seemed to emphasis her merciless accosting and vicious ridicule. The Rosalie from this morning rang as sad-masquerading and subtle seething. _I'd be sad too if my brother had sex with relatives._

_It seriously isn't true. It isn't._

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I had made it to the Penthouse level of Pike Tower. _Maybe he'll be back already. Shut it, lady, enough with the fanciful thoughts. You know he would have called._

"Hey Shorty, what's - ……. Why are you so still? You are, like, calm. What's wrong?"

"I need to be saved." My eyes were pleading with the wrong person, but he was all there was.

"Edward won't be back till next weekend, he just texted me." I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"I know." And I did know, I just didn't want to believe it.

"Um … okay … well…"

"Please Emmett. I really need to be saved." He could see I needed this; it just wasn't his area of expertise. In fact, he'd never been saved or saved someone. It was always just between Edward and me.

Still looking bewildered and nervous, Emmett conceited. "Hmm, well, isn't there like a bag or something?" _He really does look nervous._ _Big E afraid of a little intimacy._

"It's under the coats in the closet," I said automatically. "Please, can we hurry?"

Emmett grabbed the familiar Brenthaven Trek and his keys. I hopped up on his back and we were out the door.

He'd been privy to the before and after actions, but never the main event. We didn't answer questions, so at some point he'd stopped asking. I really hoped Edward would understand when he got home. _How could he leave me with no one?_ Maybe he always intended Emmett to be there in his stead.

"He won't be mad. He made me promise to be there for you while he was gone. It just seems you haven't needed me before now." Emmett was such a teddy bear.

I smiled at the sentiment, and his intuition. _They really are brothers._

We were now barreling down the parking drive in Emmett's massive Jeep. I was happy to realize I was finally sitting down. "Head towards the Arboretum."

In his uncertainty, Emmett traveled slower than normal, but we still arrived in just about twenty minutes.

"Slow down. Okay, pull over to the left here right next to the rail." Silently we got out, Emmett swung the backpack over his shoulder.

"You can leave that here. Do you have a hid-a-key?" I asked as I set my shoes on my seat.

"Yeah, magnetized under the wheel well."

"'Kay, leave your keys and empty your pockets. Put your shoes on your seat. We're going to lock everything up."

I was really grateful that is was only about 10:30 on a September Saturday morning. Seattle was often wet and cold but that pivotal week that ushers fall with a sudden burst of wind and rain hadn't reared its inevitable head. Today was actually rather warm, maybe low sixties.

I could feel the numb wearing off as I prepared myself for what Emmett and I were going to do. Yes, I'd taken this route to clear my head and ignite my senses many times. This was a jump-start to get myself back. A risk. A rush. But I'd always come here with Edward holding onto me, to awaken whichever of us was lost. There was a developed trust. _Can I trust you, Emmett?_

"Can I trust you, Emmett?" I was absolutely calm, absolutely not myself.

"Time to save you." My head shot up, eyes lit and mind confused.

"I heard him say it a couple of the times. You two didn't realize I was around." He didn't mean it to be chastising, but he was right in more ways than he meant. Edward and I occupied our own world. If one of us needed to be saved, theoretically no one else _was_ around.

I took his hand and led him away. We walked slowly for a bit; "I'll show you how I need it to be." After a few steps more, I stopped us and turned, pressing myself to his huge frame.

_Slow, deep breath._

I released all of Emmett then, except for his hand. "Don't let go." He followed me as I stepped up and got comfortable.

_Quick, deep breath. This really never gets any easier. It's like automatic hyper awareness._

"Ready?" My eyes connected with Emmett and he only nodded. "On five."

"One … two … three … four … five!" _Deeper breath._

All you could hear next were our screams ringing out across the water.

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**A/N: Fun chapter for me to write. I want all the locations to be legitimate, so that sometimes takes a little research, which I really enjoy. Again, thanks for reading! Please let me know what you think.**


	5. The North Wind doth Blow

**Chapter 5 The North Wind doth Blow**

**A/N: No, no, no … I don't own these characters … that would be Stephenie Meyer, God Bless her!**

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**EmPOV**

_So. Very. High. Don't look down!_

Fuck, I'm a big guy. I've got to keep the muscles on and the stamina up for school related as well as extra curricular activities, if you know what I mean.

I'm not too picky, don't have many pet peeves, I even think spiders and snakes and shit are cool. Dirt and sharing a water bottle don't really faze me. No one would ever think to call me Monk – _hell, I do like a good mystery though._

But heights, those are this warrior's Achilles heel.

If I found myself at the top of a cliff it would only take one look down before I'd shit myself and my balls would shrivel up into walnuts. Basically, I'd be a mess and I'd have serious sack issues.

Yet, here I stand, on a fucking huge ass bridge - the highway to my back, a lagoon straight ahead - trying to hold myself together for the itty-bitty girl beside me.

It may seem obvious to say so now, but I had NO clue what I was driving Alice and I towards this morning. I did know, though, that I'd only seen Shorty that calm a handful of times. _Why did E have to go all British and leave me as her only resort?_

The more logical side of my brain knew that being "saved" didn't involve anything kinky, or at least that's what I'd told myself. Edward and Alice were like siblings, so sexy shit would have really thrown me for a loop.

But, god how I wished I was getting off with this hot, ball of fire instead of helping her "wash" all her troubles away.

Plus her words weren't making any sense. _On five? Who jumps on five?_

Apparently cognizant enough to question insignificant details, I almost missed the five that, horrifyingly enough, would be the last word I heard in this lifetime.

And then we were falling, hand in hand, towards what I assumed was water.

_Don't look down. Don't let go. Don't spread your legs!!!! _I was pretty sure I screamed like a girl the entire way down.

And then, impact. _HOLY FUCK. This shit is fucking cold. Oooooh, motherfucker._

We seemed to hit at the same time, but I had to fight not to let go of Alice's hand, while also not pulling her down deeper as my 230-pounds acted like an anchor to her 95-pound body.

Kicking and pulling up frantically with my left arm, I brought us to the surface.

Still holding on tight, she used her free hand to wipe the water off her face and drag the streaming mascara away from the bottoms of her lashes. I was personally hyperventilating and surely about to throw up. Disoriented, I pulled her onto my back and swam us to the expanse of bushes and dirty sand that was waiting quite a ways off from our death defying launch and landing point.

"Whooooh." Alice exhaled as I set her down and fled for the most discreet place to puke.

I tried to hurry, but really how's a dude supposed to rush vomiting his fear and guts out? When I'd finished, I found Alice laying back, eyes closed, sun hitting her just enough to begin drying her drowned figure. I rinsed my mouth and joined her.

"Thank you."

"Ummhmm," was all I could muster.

"I didn't know you were afraid of heights. I wouldn't have asked." _I wonder what tipped her off? Was it the shaking or maybe the violent hurling?_

I somehow found my voice. "No problem, really," _- gasp-_ "Don't sweat it, Shorty."

We could have laid there for hours, but I lost track after we fell asleep. When we woke up the sun was on the other side of us but still beating down pretty intensely. I didn't mind the quiet that had settled over us, but it eventually had to end thanks to social decorum.

"Today is gorgeous. Bet it's our last." Alice's little hands we palming each other as her cheek rested on them and they in turn rested on the ground.

"Fall is sure to swoop in any day now. Which only means I'll be freezing my ass off _everyday _now after practice."

"Oh, but it's worth it Em. You guys'll take the Pacific Northwest League title no problem, and then it's on to Nationals. Last year was a tough break but you're the Captain this year. You'll make it happen." A suck up's smile teased her lips as she flattered me. _She'll have to do better than that to make up for almost getting me killed._

"We _are_ Water Polo gods. We'll take this year's title no problem." I stretched my arms as I sat up. "You better bring a whole cheering section to the next home match. I've defiantly earned it."

"I'm at all of your matches, Emmett." Some emotion flashed across Alice's face that looked like a cross between bashfulness and uncertainty.

"Yeah, but you don't come for _me_."

"What are you saying? I don't come for anyone else if that's what you're implying." _She seriously went from conflicting emotions to all out defensive in less than a second. _I was confused. Her words were also making me a little horny, but I tried to suppress that most basic of urges.

"Whoa. Hold on. All I meant was, all of Fremont comes out for Polo … it's the thing to do. I was just pointing out that you don't show up for me specifically, but that for this next one you should sport my number as well as bring a VW van full of hottie friends. Why so defensive, crazy girl? You really are off your nut today."

Alice didn't answer; instead she looked out over Lake Washington from the strained sitting stance that was the only remnant of her mini freak out moment.

"Alice." _Please,_ _don't ignore me._

"Hey…" I pulled at the shoulder of her flowey top and put my hand on her neck using my fingertips to gently press her farthest cheek so she'd face me. Once her eyes met mine, I continued. "What has this been all about today? First the unnatural calm, then needing to be saved and now going on the defensive about _match attendance_."

I took a breath, hoping she'd explain. She didn't.

"I'm guessing there's more to your and Edward's pact than the jump. If you two didn't talk about your issues afterwards there'd be no point in coming together every time. Okay, and obviously I'm not Edward, but I am Emmett, and I'm here."

It was Alice's turn to take a deep breath.

"We do talk." She began hesitantly. "Edward's great at listening and often helps me find answers or a way out of whatever is going on. This time, there just isn't a solution."

"Isn't there always a solution?"

"Ha. No. You get too many perks as a polo player, Em. You've been sheltered from the difficulties of teenage life."

_That's probably true._

"So, what do you do when there is no solution?" _This feels like backwards math._

"You get saved and then you suck it up. No matter if the saving doesn't keep your insides from dying."

"Shit, Alice, you don't sound good. Insides dying? God. Okay, let's do this." _Don't be angry. _I couldn't look directly at her while I pried into her personal life, so I joined her in looking at the water. "Girl issues seem to involve guys a lot of the time, is that what's going on? Is there some jackass I need to annihilate?"

Her little tinkling laugh rang out. "How do you know about 'girl issues' Emmett?" _She's seriously laughing at me … and she's deflecting._

"So, it is a guy."

I replayed the earlier defensive mini freak out …

"_I don't come for anyone else if that's what you're implying"_

"When you said you didn't come to my matches for anyone else you were being defensive. I think you were lying. So," I eased the last bit out, carefully, kindly, "Which one of the guys do you come to every match to see, Alice?" I felt like I was pushing and promised myself if she didn't answer I would let it drop.

"He has someone else, and may or may not be mixed up in some really discussing shit, so I'd rather not say." I promised myself I wouldn't continue to pry but then she had to go and imply one of my teammates was on the sly.

"Those guys are my responsibility, Alice. If they're screwing around in any way that could effect the League title I _need_ to know!"

"They don't test for degrading sexual practices before matches, Emmett, so I think you're in the clear." _She sounds so sad, but seriously the guys aren't that bad. She shouldn't be hurting like this over a little amped up testosterone._

"Aw, come on Alice, the guys are perverts, I'll give you that. But that's it, we're not such bad guys." I don't know how I ended up defending rather than listening here, but it seemed she had something wrong.

"I have my sources." In this she sounded confident. _Who knows those fools better than me?_

It was like she heard my inaudible question. "His sister told me. So, yeah. And he was standing right there and he didn't deny it. I thought I had a good read on him, I actually feel like I've known him for years." She shook her head. "I think I was just really wrong. Anyway, thanks again for jumping with me and listening to my rambling. You're good at saving." She said the last part with a wink and her signature smile, but then her eyes dimmed slightly. "And you weren't completely right. We don't always talk out our issues. This, the jump, is mostly a recharge. It restarts the battery, but that doesn't mean you're ready to run at full power right away."

My mind was charging ahead a mile a minute over Alice's words. Only one of my six guys - our three subs hardly ever saw pool time – had a sister at Fremont. Alice of course didn't know this, but by letting that insignificant detail slip she told me exactly what guy she was messed over. And it happened to be the teammate I knew the least, mainly because he hardly spoke. The sister mentioned was of course Rosalie, goddess of all that is holy, so the guy in turn was Jasper. Besides his twin status, his abilities in the pool and a few random things here and there, the only thing of consequence I knew about Jasper Hale was that he had someone named Bella up north that would come to our away matches in Port Angeles. I'd never seen her, only heard she'd been in the audience. _Poor Alice._

Alice didn't realize my silence was filled with dawning realization, so she didn't clue in to the fact that I'd been clued in.

And so, unaware, she stood up signaling that question and answer time was over.

"I feel gross. Let's head back to the Jeep."

I hopped up in compliance. I wasn't good with the whole heart-to-heart thing and I hoped I didn't upset her. It just seemed appropriate I continue to try and fill whatever shoes Edward left for me. _Stupid aqua sock wearing bastard._

She was right though; there wasn't a solution. There was only sucking up and moving on. _But from insides dying?_ That shit sucked.

We made good time up the bank and onto the highway, and next thing I knew I was fishing around trying to find my hide-a-key.

"So, what's the bag for anyway?" I threw open my door and tossed the Trek towards Alice's seat, reaching through to unlock her side.

"There are towels, some clothes, even a little trail mix and ... water bottles." She unzipped it and threw me a water bottle. After our nap we were both dry from the sun, although our clothes were matted and gunked with dirt. I knew nothing of Edward's would fit me. _I am a little hungry, though. _We missed lunch, which is something I just didn't do.

"I'd go for some trail mix." She laughed.

"What?" She just laughed again.

_Shoes on, trail mix in hand, smiling Shorty. Checkity check. _And then we were off, away from the bridge, away from the fading summer sun, back to fucking Fremont and everything that was hurting Alice.

Pulling past the gates I prayed her battery was charged for full impact, because as I approached the circular drive I noticed a certain BMW M3 cherry red convertible parked haphazardly, and next to it stood a particular tall, blond teammate of mine with his arm around one of the sexiest girls I'd ever seen.

At that moment two cells trilled once, signaling a received text.

_--I'm flying into Vancouver, BC tomorrow with a connection to SeaTac. Emmett, pick me up at 10PM, Bitch. Ali, can't wait to see you! E--_

Alice looked my way, "Next weekend huh, Em? Looks like he changed his plans." At this point the convertible scene was to my left and as Alice finished her sentence she looked past me.

"Stop! Emmett, please, I want to get out here!" She'd already flung the Jeep door open and was hopping out, even though I'd barely pumped the breaks.

"Alice!" I called out after her retreating form.

"Love you, Em. Thanks for the swim." She hardly turned as she flashed her brilliant teeth at me, flirtatiously, and continued her escape.

I realized Jasper had witnessed the entire exchange, as did the girl I presumed to be Bella. It was obvious someone was moving in, what with all the boxes and suitcases overflowing from the car onto the parking drive, and since Jasper sure as hell wasn't leaving Bella must have been staying.

_Good way to save face, Ali Sweetie. Use Emmett all you need._

It really didn't bother me being there for Alice, and I was even a little sad our connection was sure to be short lived with Edward coming back tomorrow. Mostly, I couldn't help but feel badly for Alice - not so much pity, just empathy. Even though I didn't understand, I did.

Pulling my Jeep into my spot, I remembered to text Edward back.

_--Fucker, you left me to the wolves here. See you at 10.--_

I hopped out of the Jeep and was almost knocked over by a hearty gust of wind that hadn't been in the air earlier. _Fuck, I spoke too soon. Fall decided today was the day after all. Damn, this shit is strong. _I had to put my head down and push through to even move away from the Jeep.

With my scandalous brother heading in from BC and Bella coming down from fucking god-knows-where on the Peninsula it was like the North wind was literally dragging every excuse for drama it could muster right to Fremont's door step. _Not like that's new... But, I guess it's new for Alice._

And really, I didn't want to get any more involved than I already was. Life was kind to me and I didn't need issues. Plus after the day I'd endured - and that delirious nap in the dirt - I felt tired and heavy. All I wanted to think about now was food. So I made up my mind to take a quick shower and then head to the Refectory 'cause dinner was up in twenty. _Shit, I could eat a cow._

And, with that, I left all the rest behind me.

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**A/N: A little bit longer chapter from Emmett, which I find to be ironic – that he'd have the most to say at this point - but whatever, I just type. I'd like to know if those of you reading are enjoying this thus far, and what I can do to draw you in more. Really, I've hardly begun, and I'm still feeling out my momentum, so I can take this pretty much anywhere. Thanks again for taking the time to read!**


	6. Glossary

**A/N: This is not a chapter update, but rather a lexicon for the Girls and Boys universe, which I've determined will be vital to the overall understand of London Bridge.**

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**Girls and Boys Come Out to Play Glossary**

Companion to Chapter 6 London Bridge is Falling Down

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**Allwood **- Ralph Allwood is the current Head of Music (Precentor) at Eton College.

**Barmy **- Crazy

**Eton College** - Also known simply as Eton, is a world-famous British independent school for boys, founded in 1440 by King Henry VI. .com

**Head Man** - The Head Master.

**Heathrow** – London International Airport

**Informal Change** - Appropriate casual clothes as determined by good taste and good judgment, for wear in and around Eton on informal occasions.

**Michaelmas Half** - The autumn term at Eton. There is also a Lent and a Summer term.

**Morning Coat** – The outer jacket of the Eton uniform (or school dress as it is formally referred).

"**On the Bill**" - If a Eton student misbehaves, he may be placed 'On the Bill,' which means that the Head Master or Lower Master will see him and rebuke or punish him appropriately.

**Pop** - The school prefects, more properly known as The Eton Society.

**Precentor**- The musician in charge of music in College Chapel: usually the same as the Director of Music. Currently, Ralph Allwood holds that position.

**Prefect **- A student monitor in a usually private school.

**School Dress** – The Eton uniform, often referred to as 'tails,' consisting of a black tailcoat (or morning coat) and waistcoat, false-collar and pinstriped trousers.

**Special-K**– A slag name for the drug Ketamine.

**Tails** – The abbreviation for Eton's school uniform, or school dress.

**Trainers** – Sneakers


	7. London Bridge is Falling Down

**Chapter 6 London Bridge is Falling Down**

**A/N: I do not own these characters, they are Stephenie Meyer's – lucky, genius woman!**

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**EPOV**

_It is so fucking hot._

I was lying flat out, hazy and bewildered but I could only truly care about the sweltering, inconceivable heat engulfing me. My body seemed to be covered in some sort of heavy tarp - _I might literally be on fire _– making the whole experience exponentially worse.

The heaviness was pressing and sticking to my back and arms, confining my movements. I tried to lift myself up anyway, anything to relieve the pressure, but I was met with steadfast resistance.

_And who the hell is sitting on my motherfucking head?_

Looking down all I could see was a surrounding bright light, my face crushed against cobbles. It took me way too long to register that I was indeed outside, and that, in fact, no one was sitting on my head; rather I was most likely the victim of a fatal hangover. _Hell hurts worse than they say. _But the influx of consciousness didn't wane. I was quickly becoming all too aware.

The "tarp" was obviously my tails, however nothing covered my chest underneath. My morning coat was soaked through with perspiration as I had been literally baking in the noonday sun. Seeing as I didn't remember anything of this morning, it would make sense that I'd spent the night out here. That determined, I felt tapped out on relevant information.

_Why the hell am I in the school yard? No bastard could even be bothered to wake me; I'm laying in the middle of the walk for fucks sake. _

_What day is today?_

Sitting up brought on all new realms of information. I could see that I was completely alone, which meant it had to be the weekend otherwise this spot would be packed with Pop bitches, seeing as their wall was nearby. _Barmy, fucking, pompous prefects._

I was pretty fucking grateful for the silence that came with being deserted. If my head was this affected sans noise I couldn't be held responsible for what would come of some ass causing a racket. _Ah yeah, you'd ignore him to death. That would sure show 'em._

Now I was standing, a bit hunched over, attempting to step without moving more than I had to or making any noise whatsoever, and I kept looking down to avoid the furious sun when I realized I had no shoes on.

_Damn it all. Where are my bloody shoes?_

This was already turning out to be a very long day and I was confused and just wanted to get the hell home. _Forget understanding, forget everything; just let me get away._

And then it clicked.

I put my hand in my trouser pocket, almost having to smile at what I knew I'd find. Red, lace, stringy. An ace of an invention. _Seriously, how could we make it as a society without thong panties? _They were overt sex and revived many details surrounding the explicit merriment I'd experienced just the night previous.

_Dirty blond, leggy, bendable … ahhh, Tanya. Such a good helper._

But having my way with the truly fuckable maid service wasn't the final memory trigger that pulled me together enough to find my house and reach my study with fortitude. My instincts to _get away_ were so hard grained that even without a functioning thought I still had the good sense to be far from Eton, finally rid of London, just … home.

And last night had been my farewell celebration.

No one had been invited. Well, no one knew I was leaving. Just as well, since I'd rather not remember anything about this god forsaken, miserable mistake. _Even you, leggy Tanya. _That shit was tainted. The Special-K helped with the forgetting, at least for last night. Now it was up to me to completely wash this place from my life.

I tossed the red ball of lace into the trash not wanting to forget later and accidentally take anything from here along for my escape. _That would really defeat the point._

Catching my reflection in the mirror it occurred to me that I needed a shower, badly. So I grabbed a fresh informal change, threw my school dress on my bed never to concede to it again, and slowly headed for the calm and cool of the water.

Making my way through the different house maids, a few times around really, was what got me through all boy's school hell. Playing second only to Allwood, Eton's current Precentor, and first in everything he conducted was what lured me here. Well, musical excellence _and _parental insistence. To them, Eton College was be the bridge that, once crossed, would ultimately help me fulfill my potential. Honestly, I'd always been an incorrigible dick who decided delicious ass was far more appealing than devoting every waking moment to my "talent." Enter woman-less boarding school with endless musical possibilities. It didn't hurt that Eton wanted me. I mean, come on, that's pretty fucking awesome.

But then, it really wasn't. "Endless possibilities" turned out to be the same old shit, only surrounded by wankers in robes. And "woman-less" ended up including my favorite kind of surprise; horny, wet, bedside helpers were every guy's wet dream.

But, I could get that at home. I _was _enjoying ass-a-plenty before I agreed to spend my eleventh year slaving away over compositions. _God, I didn't even make it through Michaelmas Half. _What was intended to be a year transfer turned into a three-month calamity. I never fail at anything, so I'd chalk this disaster up to unnecessary parental involvement. _They should have left it alone. It isn't the worst thing to wait to apply one's self until University._

Finding my phone, I decided I needed to let Alan know I'd missed my flight and would need the jet after all. I really didn't want to involve him, but I'd already texted Emmett and Ali in the wee hours of the morning, so the news was already out there.

The time flashed up at me. _What the hell? 10:14 AM …_

I'd been sure noon had long passed with the sun beating down so relentlessly, like it had nothing better to do than burn me alive in the school yard. _I still have no idea where my shoes went._

Luckily, the shifted time perspective left me spot on for my flight.

Now that I couldn't take off before everyone got a start on the day - like I'd originally planned - I'd just have to walk out like I'd walked in. _I really do need to hurry. _None of my house brothers even looked up. They'd finally learned their lesson after my continual silence only proved just how disinterested I was in knowing, speaking to or acknowledging their presence. These assholes were pretentious purely based on their _mummies and daddies _accomplishments or social positions and that shit was just all around pathetic. I simply didn't belong in this lifelong, all absorbing brotherhood, no matter how well I played their music or picked up the slang. _Or how good I filled out the school dress, _I thought as I laced up my trainers.

Patrick was waiting out front, and seeing as I had nothing with me besides my shoulder slung messenger bag he simply handled my door, and returned to his designated spot in life – driver's seat of a limousine underneath a chauffeur's hat.

"Where to, Sir?" He looked at me through the rear-view mirror. I looked outside.

"Heathrow."

The flight went quickly, and before I realized it I was already buckled in for my connecting flight to SeaTac with a chesty flight attendant asking for my drink preference.

"Scotch, neat." I couldn't help but eye her tits shamelessly, a slight tug as the corner of my lips indicating my approval. _Just one more button and I'd have a nice little - er, big - show. _But, then I'd have to touch.

I was the type of traveler classified as VIP, so it didn't matter if I was sixteen, ordering alcohol and eye fucking the woman in front of me … it was all allowed, expected even. I was King. And who the fuck refuses royalty?

Working my drink to the point of guzzling, I contemplated what I was walking back into at Fremont. Undoubtedly, there was a new freshman crop to consider. Young girls, unaware of what their budding bodies were capable of. Inhibitions down at the first sight of confidence and flirtation. If they knew they were desired, it empowered them, and then they just wanted to please.

The excitement all remained in the conquest with them, however, and there was something unavoidable to be said about development and experience; the chase for women who knew what you were after and how to make you cum in your pants waiting for it never got old.

So, there were certainly sexual things awaiting me at Fremont. Always. But what I actually missed most during my foray into the British royal court was Alice. Maybe Emmett too, but mostly my Ali girl. She was just all joy and energy and constant. Best surrogate sister, hands down. She cut my shit and threw it back in my face. Yeah, I missed her and I hoped she'd been okay while I was gone. Emmett knew I left him in charge of that business; he wasn't one to let me down.

When I wrote her a week ago announcing my eminent return, I'd just been brought up on disciplinary action for simply always being on the bill. Head Man Little was tired of having the same conversation new ways, and decided to involve Carlisle and Esme. Suffice it to say, they worked it out and insisted I stay. I insisted I go. And so I arranged my departure.

I thought it would take some time to pack and ship my belongings as well as get my transfer organized, but I really hadn't settled into a life there and after one afternoon I was all set to get the hell out.

Suddenly, my reverie was cut short by the pilot.

_Mmm. We'll be arriving in Seattle in about, mmm, ten minutes. It's a brisk forty-six degrees out, and as you can tell by our continued turbulence, there's a significant wind chill to the air. Mmm, please be sure to put your seats and tray…_

_Ahhh, Seattle. _Back to all the rain, wind and cold I could handle. _I love it. Nothing like a horrific transfer experience to make you appreciate the otherwise truly inconvenient attributes of home._

After touch down and with my bag slung, I attempted to maneuver around other first class passengers as I headed for the exit. A woman and her sleeping child were crowding the aisle and to get through quickly I needed to squeeze by her and my favorite chesty attendant sandwich style, with me as the peanut butter and the jelly. Instead of encroaching on the already flustered mother's space, I had no choice but to press myself against said attendant accidentally letting the fingers I had wrapped around my shoulder strap graze ever so meaningfully across both of her erect nipples as I went. _So much for needing one more undone button._ With a final half-smile of utter entitlement I was out the door.

_Let's see, 9:50. _My cell told me the flight had been slightly early, but not by much, so I continued on my way down the escalator towards baggage claim. Obviously having nothing to retrieve, I headed straight outside and found Emmett's obscene Jeep immediately.

"Fucker, you know you can't park here." I jumped up into my seat.

"Hello little brother, England not so kind after all?" Emmett was grinning wide.

This was a standard greeting for us, and as warm and welcoming as a hug.

I smiled back. "Hell no! I am fully on board with the jackasses that hold America up as supreme. London has nothing on our little Seattle. Come on, dude, drive. The sooner I'm done with traveling the easier it'll be to pretend all this never happened."

"Okay, okay." Emmett retorted with a laugh.

"If you knew the dramatic shit that has befallen precious Fremont in your absence you wouldn't be in such a race back."

Small talk or not, Emmett's sudden abandonment of ignoring the affected world had my interest peeked.

"And what the hell is so interesting at Fremont that you bothered to notice?"

"Well, I'd say having to jump off a motherfucking bridge into motherfucking ice water is something a dude can't help but notice." These words seemed normal enough, but in reality they scared the shit right out of me.

"What happened?! Is she okay? What the hell, Emmett, you should have called me!"

_Ali needed to be saved while I was gone. Gah. I should never have left her! _I knew this was a possibility, what with me being gone an entire year, no matter how good life had been going for her before I left. But it had only been three months. I mean, sure, I'd seen the slight decline of her usually untainted cheer, that's why I made sure Emmett would be there. At least it sounded like he stepped up.

"She's fine now, well, I guess fine is relative. It was about a guy and what has turned out to be his cousin. Look, the whole thing is beyond me and dude, I'm serious when I say I can sort of understand because this cousin chick, Bella, is sexy as hell." - _He's making no sense -_ "But, anyway," Emmett exhaled, "Ali is just really excited for you to get back."

"_Ali_, huh?" I smiled over at Emmett. Taking pleasure in this blatant show of familiarity.

"Whatever, douche. You risk your life with someone and it makes you closer. I still can't fucking believe you actually left me to jump, JUMP, off a bridge like that. You know better man. You fucking know!" He looked a little purple and I could tell he'd been pretty pissed at me since this whole incident took place.

"You were the only person I could leave her with, Em. Get over it; you did it, it's done. You won't have to save her again. Okay?"

Surprisingly, I saw no relief in his responding expression. His shoulders even seemed to tenses slightly. _Whatever._

"When did all this happen anyway?"

"Yesterday. We were actually together when we got your text."

I was glad the jump hadn't taken place too long ago. _I'll talk to her about it tomorrow. _Having to be saved was a desperate practice we developed long ago, and we never trivialized it.

"I see." _What do I say? _"Thanks for making the jump. She wouldn't have asked if she didn't really need it."

"I know that. And really, I'm fine with it. I'm just glad she wasn't alone, I guess."

"Yeah." I really couldn't say anything else. I hadn't been there for her.

Since it was getting late I-5 was pretty calm the farther we got from the airport, and before long Fremont was before us. Pulling through the gates had truly never felt so brilliant. All I wanted now was to wash up, maybe have a snack since airplane food was for shit and get some rest before classes tomorrow. So much had changed in absolutely no time; it would feel good to have an adjustment period.

Emmett and I trudged through Pike's lobby and into the elevator. Emmett had his head down and wouldn't meet my eyes. _What's he avoiding? _

_Oh, no._

"Fuck."

He just looked up.

"I'm tired, Emmett."

He smiled.

"God," I took a deep breath and raked my fingers through my hair, "how many?"

His smile grew. "I think about thirty. Really, I had no part in this!" _Cheeky bastard._

"You let her in. You're a fucking accomplish."

"Really, how could you expect less? We have class tomorrow and your friends wanted to welcome their favorite guy home before school got in the way."

"Fine." _I am not pretending to be surprised._

"Act surprised." _Fucking ape mind reader._

"She'll know I'm lying." _Obviously,_ _he hasn't spent that much time with Alice._

Emmett gave me his stern Polo Captain look.

I put the key in the lock and turned the knob, looking over my shoulder glaring at my traitorous brother as I entered our dark suite.

A couple things happened at once. The lights flicked on, a thunderous "Surprise" rang out from all directions and a tiny ball of limbs and excitement flew into my arms.

"Welcome home. I missed you!" Alice sang in my ear.

"God Alice, what a surprise." She pulled back and looked at me.

"You're a horrible fucking liar." She smiled. "I don't care if you're surprised. I'm just glad to have an excuse to throw a fab party!"

"Fab, huh? Now looks who's British."

"None of us are British, E, that's the best part about tonight. Don't leave again, 'kay?"

I nodded and set her down. Without the little pixie blocking my view I could survey my sitting room. Many guys came up to me then and shook my hand, asked London and travel questions, but I hardly heard any of it, because not more than ten steps in front of me, on the arm of my former Polo teammate Jasper Hale, was the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen.

Emmett caught my eye line and whispered, "That's that Bella I was telling you about."

I couldn't help it, I had to say it out loud, "Bella." I liked how it felt on my tongue.

And, just as if she'd heard me calling out to her, Bella turned her big brown eyes my way. Locking in on my gaze, she slowly raised her right eyebrow and turned away abruptly, all in a matter of seconds.

It wasn't teasing, or playful; that simple ascending brow felt more like a challenge. And the cold shoulder, a message.

I wasn't to have Bella. And that idea only led me to one argument, one thought.

_Oh silly Bella, didn't you hear, I am King._

Two minutes later Jasper and Bella made a beeline for the door. She looked determined and instead of tailing them I simply sent a nod towards Jasper's retreating form. He two-finger saluted me back and was gone.

"Bella." I mumbled to myself as I continued to stare at the spot she'd just been standing on.

"What did you say?" I hadn't realized Alice was so close, or really that I'd spoken audibly.

"What?" I felt obligated to play the dense card. _Too many questions otherwise._

"I heard you." She whispered. And then Ali just stalked off.

I could only stand, bewildered at what had just transpired and suddenly felt my exhaustion. _Emmett was right, this is too much. _I walked a few steps to my right, closing and locking the door behind me. Done with the party, I slid onto my bed. The beginnings of sleep came quickly and just as I was about to sink deeply into the awaiting darkness her face filled my mind.

_Hmmm. _Bella.

But, even in my mind's eye, her returning gaze still held reservations, and I promised myself as I finally slept, that I'd conquer this petite, beautiful brunette who had so uniquely, and immediately captured me.

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**A/N: Woooh! I wouldn't have thought Edward's introductory chapter would require so much research, but boy did I learn a lot. If you ever need a British slang web site, I have a million now:). As always, thank you for reading! I would LOVE to hear what you think, especially if you think I am including enough descriptive detail. I've been going back and forth on how much to include. Let me know!**


	8. Monday's Child

**Chapter 7 Monday's Child**

**A/N: These phenomenal characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

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**BPOV**

My cell was chiming from a far away place and I desperately wanted it to quiet down.

Presently, I was rolling around tangled in deliciously soft, white sheets encased in strong arms that pressed me snugly against the smooth pains of a lean chest and impossibly defined abs. My eyes were closed but I did manage to catch brief, flash-like glimpses of unruly bronze hair and perfect white teeth. These alluring sensations seemed quite real while simultaneously registering in my brain as a dream. And, god, that unforgivable chiming noise only seemed to contort the haze even more, making the least important sensations of this beautiful parallel world more tangible and the aspects of _him _fade.

For the quickest of moments I was a mile deep in surprised green eyes. And then, immediately, all that remained were the sheets.

I opened my eyes then, instantly missing the surreal euphoria of tangled limbs and heavy breathing, when I realized my legs literally were twisted up. _My bed is a mess. _Obviously, I had been seriously thrashing around.

I sat up to gauge the damage of my still unfamiliar new home. Deep cobalt blankets littered the floor, while my naked body – preferably so while sleeping – was haphazardly wrapped up in my lovely rich people sheet. _Probably one thousand thread count, or something equally obscene. _I had two hundred and fifty count target sheets at home. _It's hard to hate something this luxurious, though._

I had knocked my bedside lamp over and could still hear my phone somewhere lost in the mess. Pulling my sheet away from my legs and up under my armpits, I rummaged until I could eliminate the interfering noise.

Phone off, I leaned against my bedroom door and let my eyes close hoping to find that the messy hair, hot skin and occasional flash of green remained alive behind my eyelids.

_Thank you, God. He was beautiful._

My eyes flew open and I walked through the sitting room, anticipating a cool shower to release me from this silly stupor. Rosalie was already gone, I assumed, seeing as her bedroom appeared empty and I was quickly taking over the bathroom.

I lathered up, bathing the air in coconut and freesia, as I let the water work out my unwarranted desires. Exfoliated and smooth, I dried off and fingered my waist length hair into tangle free tendrils. Lotion had become my only post-Arizona beauty necessity.

Living in Washington meant distinct seasons. The coming and passing of each time of year could wreak havoc on sensitive skin, so lotion was my saving grace. I massaged my skin thoroughly, working the cream diligently, and finally found calm.

I'd spent Sunday organizing all of my shit so I wouldn't have to worry during my first week about losing stuff or tripping over my scattered boxes. Thankfully, my weekend work paid off being that today was Monday and I knew just where I'd unpacked my uniform.

_How cliché. Plaid skirt, white collard blouse, tie … god. I don't even know how to tie one of these._

I studiously covered my bruised legs with over the knee stockings, which surprisingly left about four inches of uncovered thigh exposed, just begging for disaster.

_One strong gust of wind and I'll be ALL out there. _My cheeks felt warm not only at just this one prospect of how I could royally humiliate myself on my first day, but the multitude.

I quickly changed into wind emergency approved satin boy shorts, left my tie draping undone beneath my collar and stuffed my session schedule in my satchel.

Letting myself out of the suite I was relieved to find Jas waiting for me.

Leaning against the wall in that 'I'm a guy, so I don't give a shit' way he somehow looked much less cliché than I felt even though our uniforms matched.

Instead of offering a 'hello' he just sort of narrowed his eyes at me, scrunching up his cheeks in the process.

"What, Jasper?" I knew I was still a little pink from my private moment of realized inevitable embarrassment and his intent gaze was encouraging the red to break free. Over the last few years I had really gotten a handle on my irrational blushing tendencies, but overt attention still seemed to do me in.

"Nothing." He shook his head, but still had some sort of concern etched on his brow.

"Right. Let's get this over with." And I followed him to the elevator, wanting to kick his ass for making me feel self conscious and not even having the balls to spit out just how utterly horrific I looked in my uniform. Jasper and I weren't cut out for conformity, me more so than him however. He didn't seem to stick out too much here, except perhaps in personality and standards.

On our drive to Seattle, Jasper had given me a laundry list run down of all the bitches, fuck ups and necessarily avoidable crazies at Fremont. Why he worried was beyond me. Sure I was nervous about this location change, but I couldn't give a damn about the people. Everyone was just a passing ship anyway. I'd be here for a few years and then I'd leave never to see most of them again. It was just that the last time I'd made a significant geographical move I'd had such a traumatic time adjusting that I'd needed to take a year off from school. Truly, that was more about losing my mom than moving in with Charlie, but still, that shit's lasting. Now I was a lone, parent-less wolf and that seemed like an inevitable step for me. Thank god I had Jasper. _Even if he worries too much and scrunches his face up at me all disapprovingly._

And, really, this change wouldn't legitimately register until I was engulfed in the flock of plaid and pretension that the halls and courtyard of Fremont promised in the pamphlet. That reality was about to hit, however, full force.

Making our way from my building's second floor elevator and across an all-glass sky bridge, I found myself entering a massive living room with doors, hallways and stairs going every which way. Students were perched on sofas and at wooden tables; there were people huddled up around the hearth of a massive fireplace, hunched over banisters and crowding the stair landings.

Jasper dragged me to the back of a line at the far end of the gigantic room that seemed to attach itself to a promising sight.

Jas leaned in close to my ear. "I figured coffee could only help what you're up against today."

"Well actually, it will scorch like a bitch when I spill it, but for today any pain is worth a caffeine induced buzz."

I knew that people were watching me - I could just feel the judgmental stares - but I refused to look anywhere but down or into Jasper's eyes. _Just let me get my coffee and find my first class. That is all I ask._

Attention was another bone of contention that brought on inevitable anxiety. Today I would trip at some point, leaving me even more battered, and I'd have to get up and keep going. My life was that predictable. I didn't need to add "freshly crippled" to the list of reasons for people to gape and stare, maybe even point and laugh at foreseeable clumsiness thanks to my crutches or wheelchair or missing leg.

"So, " Jasper began quietly, dutifully filling my anxious silence; "how was Rosalie this morning?"

"Already gone when I got up. Hopefully she's avoiding me. That could wind up being peaceful. Maybe she'll bunk up with the bulky, curly haired guy I saw her mind fucking at the party last night."

Rosalie could have any guy and knew it. She seemed to generate an inner power by finding the best looking guy in the room and wrapping him around her baby finger. Last night, she didn't choose the hottest guy, though. Oddly enough, the hottest guy had seemed to be eye fucking me.

"Bulky, curly haired guy? Hmm. Well, whatever, Rose has a short attention span, so I wouldn't count on it. I can help you avoid her though. How about you come with me to practice after school? You can meet the rest of the team and miss out on awkward bonding time with Rosalie. We can get dinner after." Jasper just smiled down at me, like he'd struck brilliance, when the truth was I'd hardly caught what he'd said since he'd spoken everything in a barely audible whisper.

"Why the covert whispers, Sherlock? We goin' stealth mode now?" _Sometimes he's so weird._

He only answered with a shrug and then it was our turn, so I ordered our usual and Jasper paid.

"Thanks, Sugar Daddy." With a wink, he led us outside and across the courtyard.

"You have Algebra in here first." Jasper gestured through a heavy wooden door down another hallway, within yet another tower. _Was it Banner Tower? Or maybe Pacific? _"I can come show you to your next class at the end of session." His last sentence sounded more like a question.

"No, no … I'll manage." I gave what I hoped was a reassuring smile and lifted my proud chin high.

"We don't have free period together, so you'll need to find the Refectory on your own for lunch." _He seems so concerned._

"No problem. Really, Jas, I'll be fine. We'll meet up for your practice later; what time?"

"I have to be dressed down by three so how about quarter 'till, outside the Physical Education Tower?"

"I'll bring my pom-poms."

"You better." He flicked my shoulder and left for his own class.

Turning to pull the door open I realized everyone confined to the broad hallway seemed to have their eyes directed my way, so I hustled through the door and found a seat towards the back. Once the session got a rollin' I leaned my chin into my palm and ventured to close my eyes; I wasn't disappointed. Hair, a brilliant bronze mess, lean, toned arms so very strong around me, heavy breathing right at the nape of my neck surrounded my senses and left me dizzy. I lifted my eyelids, slightly concerned.

Sure, Edward Cullen was good looking. _Don't lie. He's delectable. He is without a doubt the best thing you've seen … better than any fantasy. _But Jasper had mentioned him, in detail, many months ago while airing out the less than ideal aspects of Fremont. He'd basically pegged Edward as the supremely entitled, playboy - obscenely rich, naughty, harassing, unapologetic - basically a womanizing bastard. Edward had trained post season with the team last year, and Jasper hadn't been too heart broken when Edward chose to transfer overseas for this school year.

Then unexpectedly, I found myself at a 'Welcome Home, Edward' party last night, ushering in the unwanted presence. Jasper had to make an appearance and I didn't feel like staying in after spending the day holed up in the confines of my room unpacking.

As soon as Edward arrived I could see why Jasper didn't like him. And I don't mean he exuded utter asshole from every pore. Rather, he seemed to have something with Alice. Jasper's Alice. And that something had her flying into Edward's arms before he fully made it through the door.

When I looked to see if Jas was okay, after undoubtedly witnessing the absolutely blatant display of affection, I found him blank faced and staring. I turned to in-tune the situation for further deliberation later only to find him, Edward, an unfathomably beautiful man focused intently on me. He had seen me before I'd seen him and had situated a crooked, playful smile on his lips before I'd turned his way. Registering that he was indeed focusing on me, I was left completely surprised. _Really? You've just been reunited with Alice but you look at me like THAT. I'm on to you, buddy. This is so not happening … Oh my god I could eat you._

I couldn't stand looking back at him for much longer without walking over to him, so I spun around towards Jasper who was mid conversation with Mike. Minutes later we left.

Edward now seemed to be burned into my eyelids, unleashing his full essence upon me every chance I closed my eyes. _Why am I breathing heavily? _I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and closed my eyes automatically. Instantly I was bombarded with a chiseled jaw line and actually felt the sensation of long fingers grazing my collarbone. _Gah!_ The bell rang twice then, signaling the session closed.

_How do I not close my eyes all day? _I questioned as I thoughtlessly sipped my now lukewarm coffee.

It really was a bittersweet dilemma when you thought about it. On one hand, I tingled and sparked and came alive from the flashes that filled my mind without sight, but the outward effects were increasing each time. Panting my way through classes wasn't my idea of a calm first day.

I somehow found my way to sophomore English and the Biology lab after that. Both classes were a success, as I refrained from accidentally – or purposefully - closing my eyes more than a blink in either one. Rather I concentrated on what I'd need to accomplish to be caught up.

My free period came next and I knew I'd be able to fill that time with secret people watching and reading - both activities requiring my eyes to remain alert and active. _Touché freaky Edward visions, touché!_

The Refectory was a large central building with a grand atrium full of wrought iron tables and chairs. Past the entryway, there were two massive wooden doors that led to a mall food court type set up, only fancy. There were five "restaurants" to choose from and I settled on one that served fresh deli sandwiches. There wasn't much that rivaled a white shirt like grease or spaghetti sauce, so I avoided.

I set my satchel down next to my food, realizing I'd need napkins only after I'd made the trek through the double doors. Making my way back into the land of many choices, I grabbed a fist full of napkins – _one can't ever be too prepared for say a soda spilling suddenly all over their schoolbooks _– and turned quickly to find my table once more.

And then it happened.

My warning sensors went off loudly as I caught my first school day glimpse of _him_. He was striding away from one of the restaurant counters with only a red apple in hand. Edward looked deep in thought, but continued to address those he passed with this or that recognition, as he too made his way to the double doors. Everyone seemed to notice him, fawn over him, look dejected when he didn't send more than a nod their way. _He's absolutely loved here._

I walked as quickly as I dared back out to my sandwich, knowing I could avoid any contact with him if I only hurried. _Watching is dangerous enough. Fuck, Bella, this guy has you unable to close your eyes. Move it. _But of course I caught some part of my body on something - maybe a chair leg - and only had enough time to brace myself for impact as my eyes flew shut.

Warm, sweet breath hit my face instantly, and the arms I'd come to crave wrapped securely around me. Firm and flawless, strong and assured, all of him seemed to surround me. Somewhere I was wondering when I'd feel the impact of my fall, and why it was taking so long to come. But I pressed my eyes tighter still, willing my simple yet thrilling fantasy to act as a buffer for the humiliation that would befall me soon enough. Almost too realistically to comprehend, I felt his hand caressing my side and his other cradling my neck; his slender fingers tangled in my hair. Those capable fingers massaged my nape slightly and a soft moan escaped my lips.

And then my dream world came to a screeching halt at the sound of the most gloriously deep chuckle.

My flushed body went ridged as I opened my eyes slowly. Every sensation I'd attributed to my sightless daydream seemed to actually be occurring with me at center stage. Tantalizing fingers, staggered breathing, heaving chest repeatedly pressing my breasts against his exceptionally close form, and of course the moaning. If everything else was real, that must have happened as well. But the only visual my mind could fully register was the never ending green before me.

"Are you alright?" Edward's voice was deep and a little gravely. And he couldn't have stared into me more absorbingly at that moment if he'd tried.

"Oh, um, I think so." Thank god I found my voice and my bearings simultaneously as I was able to answer and lift myself from Edward's grasp all at once.

Sitting up, I realized that Edward must have had to dive to reach me in time to brake my fall with his body. _That is hot._ I shook my head.

"Thank you for catching me, I hope I didn't hurt you." I wasn't really concerned that I'd hurt him – _I am so small compared to his manliness_ - I just couldn't think of anything else to say to this "stranger."

Edward gave his throaty chuckle again as a response while he helped us both off of the marble floor.

The entire room seemed to be quietly looking on as I took my hand back from his and gave him a small smile, cheeks surly ablaze at such unbridled attention. The silence from him would have been awkward except his gaze was so intently spellbinding. He seemed to take in my hair and mouth for ages before meeting my eyes again.

"My name is Edward Cullen."

As he appraised me I found myself mesmerized by his eyes shifting around my face, but once he spoke I couldn't help but slightly slack jaw as his flawless lips formed the greeting.

I took my lower lip between my teeth and found his eyes again, breathing out slowly to steady my voice, "I'm Bella Swan."

Whatever had transfixed Edward for the few brief seconds since he'd caught me seemed to change as his eyes broke from mine to take in the audience beyond us.

His cocky, crooked grin from last night appeared suddenly and I could just tell whatever was coming next would piss me off. Sure he'd been sweet and attentive, even a little bashful and dare I say overwhelmed at the beginning of his heroic gesture, but that wasn't who he was. _Jasper warned me. A warning I should take seriously._

"Thank you again for your quick reflexes, Edward. I'm sure I'll see you around." I'd cut him off and moved past him before he'd registered the situational shift. I had my belongings piled up and was headed for the atrium doors by the time he turned.

I didn't bother to look back; I just fled. _Where the hell am I going? _Realizing I had no idea, I stopped to gather myself on a stone bench. I pulled out my sandwich and took a bite.

_What the fuck was that? _I shivered at the memory of his arms actually being around me and his hand stroking my hair. _He has gentle fingers. And plump lips._ I wished I'd remembered to smell him. _I bet he's mouth watering._

_But he is bad news. Fantasize all you like, girlie, but that is it. You don't need an asshole screwing with you._

The bell rang out twice, signaling five minutes until final session. After washing down my sandwich with soda I located a restroom near my French room to splash a little cold water on my face and run my fingers through my hair.

With about fifteen seconds to spare I found the last open seat in the back and claimed it. The one subject I'd studied during my year off was French. I'd needed something to satiate my brain and found the French language beautiful verbally, as well as in written form. That would make this my only upperclassman session, but I knew I'd be able to hold my own.

I opened my textbook to the page designated by Monsieur Laurent and was almost downright giddy to discover that they weren't too far ahead of where I'd left off in Forks.

Paying close attention to Monsieur's pronunciation and then quietly repeating every word back to myself kept me absolutely enthralled for the entire session. _If only all lectures were this fantastic I'd have no problem keeping my eyes open. _I was jotting down the homework details and mindlessly looked to my left as I processed a thought, instantly catching my breath at what I saw. Only three desks up and two to the left sat Edward, head turned down as he wrote. I tilted my head for a better view of his upper body and face. Just as my appreciative perusal reached his hair he turned his head slowly, eyes connecting with mine.

He didn't smile or look away. The bell trilled twice and everyone began grabbing their belongings and heading for the doors. Edward just kept watching. I finally looked away and picked up my bag. I didn't want to be late meeting up with Jasper, but I did briefly look back once I reached the doorway only to find the room empty. _Hmm._

I found Jasper waiting outside the Physical Education Tower as promised and couldn't help smiling proudly at making it through my first day unscathed, well basically.

"Good day?" Jasper asked, returning my grin.

"Something like that. I made it. That's what counts, right?" Jasper slung his arm around my shoulders and led us inside.

The smell of chlorine was only slightly abrasive and brought back fond memories.

"Oh my god, Jas, remember the public pool summer after second grade when you lost your trunks and refused to get out until someone found them?" Jasper grimaced.

"I remember you shouting at me to get out and not worry about everyone seeing my "winky" 'cause you were cold and wanted to go home."

"I _was_ cold and you should have just used a towel. Why you had to be so stubborn and demand your Power Ranger swim trunks I'll never understand."

By this point in the story I was cracking up and Jasper finally chuckled along. He stopped us in front of a long set of bleachers.

"You can sit here. I'm going to go change so I don't get yelled at."

I winked at him. "Oh Jas, you know how I love your itty bitty Speedo. Yes please, hurry up and change." He contorted his face and stuck his tongue out at me before heading to the locker room.

In all honesty, I believed Speedo's to be the most revolting invention of all time, and frequently reminded Jasper of this fact. Men were simply not meant to wear such minimal amounts of clothing. That sad excuses for coverage was the only down side to being Jasper's one woman cheering squad. Actually having to watch your cousin jump around in next to nothing wasn't something to list as a joy. _Gag me._ But he was a rather awesome polo player, so I sucked it up and supported. And this would be my first practice. _Maybe they have one of those lame ass team cheers that gets them all fired up, but actually makes them look like bitches, that I can use against him later. _I couldn't help smiling to myself at the endless possibilities.

The wall clock read 2:53 and the coach and a few players were already near the pool. I spotted Mike – _Oh god, hairy, misfitting spandex … vomit – _and lanky Tyler who I'd met at an away game in Port Angeles last year. I couldn't see the coach that well from where I sat, as he appeared to be speaking with someone fully dressed.

I felt the bleachers move beneath me and I broke my focus from the coach and team to find out who was joining me.

_Well, fuck._

Rosalie sauntered over – _I'll never understand how girls walk erect in heels that high _– with Alice following closely behind her. They didn't sit right next to me, but closely enough to require that I speak if they did.

"Hello Bella, sorry I missed you this morning." Rosalie's mouth smiled but her eyes were venomous, and I just couldn't care less.

"That's alright, Rosalie. Jasper helped me find my way around." I dismissed her false concern and turned my attention to the girl I'd yet to meet. "Hello, we haven't met yet, I'm Bella, Jasper and Rosalie's cousin." I waved slightly, being too far away to comfortably shake hands.

"It is so great to meet you, Bella, I'm Alice!" _Well aren't you the epitome of energetic._

And she was. Alice was almost bouncing in her seat as she spoke_, _"Are you here to cheer Jasper on?"

"He is the only person I know here. Plus, I've only ever seen a match, never a practice. I'm hoping he does something embarrassing that I can use as ammunition. When a person's in their element they seem to be quite a bit less reserved." I smiled as friendly as possible. Alice seemed like someone I'd like. Why she was here with Rose was a mystery. "Are you here to watch your boyfriend?"

Alice's expression blanched minutely. "Oh, no, I don't have a boyfriend. My best friend's on the team, so I thought I'd support. He was supposed to take the year off, but plans changed."

Inwardly I gasped. _No boyfriend? So Edward wasn't scamming on me minutes after his girlfriend welcomed him home. Because Alice wasn't his girlfriend. _I was a little breathless, even though I knew I shouldn't be. _He probably still has someone. _That thought was enough to shake me loose. _Need a distraction…_

"What about you, Rose? Come to peruse scantily clad prepubescent boys?"

She almost looked stunned, like she forgot how we danced.

"There is nothing immature about who I'm here to ogle." Her eyes drifted back to the now full sized team beside the pool. Jasper had joined them, as well as the same huge, curly haired guy Rose had immersed herself in last night. There were five others I didn't recognize who weren't horrible on the eyes. _This team looks so much better than last year. _Of course, I couldn't be truly sure what last year's team looked like since I'd only really paid attention to Jasper. Too much dick on display, and not in an appealing way.

Shouting broke out from the far side of the pool where the coach was being yelled at by unfamiliar teammate number six. Their words were being caught up in the echo of such a large, water filled space so I couldn't quite deduce the purpose behind such an angry exchange.

Finally, number six pulled off his cap roughly and headed back to the locker room.

"Drama in the polo family." I murmured mostly to myself.

"James is a starter, so he sees lots of pool time. I think since Edward's back he's been booted to substitute."

_Wait,_ _Edward? Didn't she just say something about a best friend … who was supposed to take the year off … because perhaps he was in London. Duh, Bella. _I wasn't normally so slow on the uptake. _But, that means …_

Just then, from the mouth of the locker room where I'd just watched James disappear, emerged the most glorious sight I'd ever beheld.

Edward Cullen, all skin and muscles and hair, in nothing but a splendid Speedo. It was like that little banana hammock was made for him specifically. I instantly felt warm all over and my breathing hitched as I watched him lithely join the team and pull his cap over his bronze sex hair.

All that was left in my brain was … _I love Speedos!_

Rosalie and Alice made comments about the way the water would trickle down their bodies as they entered and exited the pool during warm ups and how they looked jumping up into the air during plays. I was in a silent stupor, only visually aware of Edward.

Edward was quick, fluid and strong. He moved expertly through the water and handled the ball with ease. Sometimes he'd smile, other times it looked like he was growling.

During a sub rotation, Edward caught me watching him as he took a seat on a bench. His surprise at seeing me at his practice was apparent. I tried not to convey my absolute lust for him as I stared relentlessly, but found that impossible after forty-five minutes of his almost nudity and my already keen imagination where he and I were concerned. He returned my gaze, boring his green into my brown. Feeling my mouth slacken and my body react to the impossibly electric current I felt despite the great distance separating us, my instincts took over.

"Tell Jas I'm not feeling up for dinner and that I'll see him tomorrow, okay Rose?"

And without waiting for an agreement, I took off down the bleachers, out the front doors and stopped just long enough to slide down the brick exterior wall.

I was trembling and gasping, just attempting to steady myself. Every pressure point on my body was radiating energy that I'd never felt before; it was like I was caught up in an electrical storm.

_It has been one day. And in that one day you go completely crazy over a motherfucking bastard who is so very BAD for you, or so you've been told, but seems so very GOOD – at having muscles and never ending eyes and perfect hands._

_What are you thirteen? Are you the prepubescent one here, Bella? Childish, silly girl. Don't you see, he's royalty around here and you don't want any part of that. You will not have him. You don't want him. You don't. No more thoughts, no more dreams, NO more fantasies._

It had only been one day. _Fucking Mondays._

Exhaling a massive breath, I felt more at ease. I rested my cloudy head back on the cold brick, letting my eyes droop.

And again, all I could see was green.

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**A/N: Ahhhh, so much Bella. She always seems to have the most to explain, well her and Edward. I needed to get more of her in here and this hopefully painted a pretty good picture of where she's at in this fic. Thank you so much for reading my ever growing story (5k chapter means I'm finding my momentum:)). It warms my heart to hear your thoughts, good and bad. So let me know!**


	9. Three Blind Mice

**Chapter 8 Three Blind Mice**

**A/N: Oh how I love Stephenie Meyer for creating such amazing characters for us to mold and distort and put together again.**

**Hopefully this something new is fun for you. It certainly was for me!**

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**JPOV**

_Dammit, Bella. Honestly, over the knee stockings? God. And why the hell is her skirt so short? I really have my work cut out for me. Every low life at Fremont is going to have her on their radar after one glimpse of this uniform._

_Why couldn't she just be plain – not ugly, cause who really enjoys hanging out with ugly people even when they're just your cousin – but maybe a little homely is all I'm sayin'? She can't even manage to be just pretty she has to set a new bangable standard over all of Fremont. Fuck._

I am a guy, and I am not blind. If anything I'm simply hyper aware of the reaction Bella's attire undoubtedly warrants. Every other girl would be wearing the same, Britney-esk outfit - _only sans uber-fantasy stockings_ - but they weren't new meat and completely oblivious to their charm the way Bella was. And it doesn't get much sexier than an untainted new girl who has no idea how fuckable she is – _and_ _in thigh-highs no less._

"What, Jasper?" Her cheeks were a little pink, and she looked huffy.

_I just want to keep you safe, and the guys here are not safe. But you demand to make this as difficult as possible._

"Nothing." I replied to her obvious frustration at my appraisal of her appearance. _She wouldn't believe me even if I elaborated._

_Onward to hell, shall we?_

I led us from the hall, to the second floor and into the Commons. Everyone turned and of course began to stare; many looked stunned, some eyes bulged, other's mouths hung agape, tongues lapping - and those were just the guys. Many girls threw stink eyes, some looked purely curious and others pretended to ignore. Bella would realize at some point all eyes were on her and once she did she'd flame up and her day would be a disaster. _I need a distraction._

The coffee cart at the far side of the room looked promising, so I grabbed her and headed over.

Normally Bella would have my full attention, but as we got in line I spotted Rose lounging in one of the sofas with Alice beside her. _Alice._

Seeing Alice brought back my inane actions caused by being so close to her at Roaslie's doorway; so cheerful, so intoxicating. _I'm such a mute douche. _But remembering my encounter with her this weekend only forced me to recall the other times she'd appeared during the last two days.

Like Saturday afternoon, when a matted and peeked Alice jumped out of a Jeep, flashing her radiant smile towards said vehicle's driver and my polo Captain, Emmett Cullen. Thanking him for the swim – _A swim? Oh. My. Fuck._ – she turned and floated away; her high heels accentuating the length of her legs, the curve of her ass and her tiny waist.

Or fucking Sunday night as Alice threw her petite, perfect body into the awaiting arms of Edward Cullen, the returned supposed best friend. Legs entwined around his waist, head thrown back in laughter and delight, the sound of my heart ripping and teeth grinding in unbearable jealousy surrounding me. And then, she jumped down only to take the arm of Emmett,_ swimming_ companion extraordinaire, and pressed closely to his side in greeting, looking upward into his eyes with what could only be described as affection.

Now seeing her before me, the confusion began to take on a life of its own. The same questions I'd been drowning myself in since last night now felt more like a mental explosion. _Is she dating Emmett? Is she really only best friends with Edward? You've always thought they were much more. But both of them? Are they sharing? _I saw stars at that tasteless, degrading idea.

I realized Bella was answering my question about Rosalie and mentioned something about a bulky, curly haired guy, but all I could see was Alice on the arm of Emmett, my bulky, curly haired quasi-friend and teammate. Alice swimming in a silver bikini, the sun reflecting off her flawless skin, Emmett's filthy hands on that skin, Edward eventually joining them, water trailing between … _wait - _I shuddered in repercussion as I reclaimed reality _- swimming_ _… practice_. I'd see both perpetrators at polo practice today after school.

I was so tense from my silent musings that my inner secrecy must have seeped into my conversation with Bella, but it didn't matter if she thought I was weird for whispering, I'd possibly just figured out a way to gain clarity in this entire Alice mess. I had to know if I stood a chance. _Nothing like the prospect of the girl you want getting with two guys simultaneously to set a fire underneath your ass._

With Edward's return to Fremont, he'd undoubtedly be at practice to reclaim his starting place – _James'll be fucking pissed_ – and Emmett was always more verbal after an entertaining weekend. Perhaps practice would give me insight into this heart wrenching, messed up ménage a trois.

I paid for our drinks and let my eyes linger on Alice's shiny black hair and curved pout as we walked toward the courtyard. _Oh, how I want to know those lips._

I brought Bella to Banner Tower, where her first class would be, and offered to return afterwards to help her find her next. As I suspected, she was too independent for her own good and insisted she could handle it. _I love how her little chin sticks up all tough. The little kitten thinks she's a ferocious tiger. _I tried not to let the small smile break free so it most likely came out looking like a grimace.

I wouldn't see her again until the end of the day, and I really didn't want to leave her to fend for herself, but I promised to meet my little one-woman pep rally outside of the P.E.T. and hoped she'd make it through unscathed.

Walking to my government class I saw something that sent my mind reeling and my stomach heaving; Rosalie and Emmett engaged in an all out mouth fuck. _Maybe it's all a conspiracy and everyone is fucking everyone._

The day passed without consequence, though feeling a little halted and jerky, and all too slowly 2:45 became a reality as I fidgeted against the brick wall of the P.E.T. waiting for Bella.

Five minutes later there she was, coming around the corner, looking alight with something.

"Good day?" I already knew the answer.

"Something like that. I made it. That's what counts, right?" I steadied us both - a balance for my jitters and a weight for her unexplained euphoria - as my arm came down around Bella's shoulders.

I walked her inside, towards her seat for the duration of practice, and Bella chose that moment to bring up scarring emotional baggage from our childhood. _The public pool? Of course I remember._

"I remember you shouting at me to get out and not worry about everyone seeing my _winky_ 'cause you were cold and wanted to go home." _I still can't believe she labeled my dick 'winky.' Second graders can be so cruel._

"I was cold and you should have just used a towel. Why you had to be so stubborn and demand your Power Ranger swim trunks I'll never understand."

She did her little snort laugh and I couldn't help but chuckle at such a ridiculous memory, as well as the snort.

I walked off to get changed into what Bella considered God's most horrific creation, and inwardly had to admit the Speedo wasn't my favorite either. _Those Power Ranger trunks were the shit, though!_

Most of the guys were dressed down, so I hustled, flinging my clothes into the open locker and pulling on the offensive suit. Cap and towel in hand I headed for the door where Emmett caught up with me. _Bring on the weekend raving, my friend. _We walked across to the other side of the pool.

"So, your cousin, huh?" He had a cheesy smile plastered on his face, but an actual question in his eyes.

"Uh, yeah. Her name's Bella." This conversation already felt contorted and I really had no more brain room left to weed through additional Emmett induced confusion.

"She's hot man, I'll give you that." We were now standing in front of the rest of the team, and my eyes shifted over towards Bella. _Great, so it begins._

That's when I realized Bella wasn't alone. One bleacher over sat Rose and Alice. _Unnnggg… _my coherent thoughts shorted out.

"Hey, you talkin' 'bout Bella, Cap?" Mike decided to join in. _Thank god. What do you say when someone comments on your cousin like that … thank you?_

"Yeah dude, but she's Jasper's." _Huh? _I felt an implication in Emmett's words but decided it had to be a result of my fuzzy Alice brain.

"She _is_ my cousin. So how about you guys stay the fuck away." I said this with a smile, but put meaning behind every word. My eyes found Alice again.

"Yep. Your cousin." Emmett kept on with the repetition and implications I couldn't be imagining, but then shouting broke out at the other side of the pool and my attention was pulled elsewhere.

It looked like coach was breaking the news to James that Edward was back. _Knew he'd be pissed. How he missed the tornado Edward's arrival was stirring up in school is beyond me. _The shouting died down and James took off, hopefully to cool down.

Edward joined us, and was welcomed by the few guys who couldn't make it out to the party. Coach started warm ups and I took my place for laps in between Emmett and Mike.

"If I had a cousin that looked like that," Emmett murmured, "I'd bang her too. No one blames you, man."

The whistle sounded and I dove into the water.

_WHAT THE FUCK? Bang her? He means Bella right? That has to be what all that 'she's his' shit and 'yeah, your cousin' was about. Come on. Who believes shit like that? Emmett is such a naïve fucktard. Just cause you'd screw your cousin, Captain, doesn't mean we all would. God._

Ten laps later we emerged from our prospective trenches.

"What the fuck, Emmett? How sick do you have to be to think like that? She's my fucking cousin, man." These words came out in a kind of strained laugh. I was still breathing hard from the laps as I pulled myself onto the ledge.

Emmett held up his hands in surrender. "Hey dude, that's just what I heard. Sorry, thought it was as reliable a source as you could get."

"Who told you this?" I wasn't really angry, mostly just grossed out and blanching in utter disbelief.

He looked uncomfortable and a little upset as he answered, "Well, actually Alice told me."

_FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!_

"And she said she heard it from Rosalie."

_Rosalie fucking Lillian fucking Hale._

Now I was mad.

**EmPOV**

"Oh, Emmett, mmm." Her words were all throaty and hushed and made my dick jerk in my pants.

She continued rocking her body against me and pressed her breasts flush with my chest as I sucked on the skin just beneath her ear. Rosalie smelled like vanilla orchids and blackberries, her skin smooth and hot under my lips.

She pulled one hand over my shoulder and clasped it behind my neck, letting the other roam under my uniform jacket and tug away at my tucked in dress shirt. Finally freeing it, she slipped her warm hand underneath and into the waistband of my pants and then beneath, into my boxer briefs. My breath hitched on contact.

Meeting her mouth I pulled her bottom lip between both of mine, sucking gently and sweeping my tongue back and forth, entranced by her taste. She parted her lips for me then and I wound my tongue with hers as my hands stroked both of her sides, purposefully grazing the swell of her breasts with each pass. At that sensation she purred, which spurred me on further.

Fully pinning her to the wall, I deepened the kiss, turning my head to gain better access as I hitched up her leg, propping it over my bent knee, and slipped my hand up her thigh and under her pleated skirt. My thumb was full on tweaking her nipple now, through her white shirt and thin bra, causing her to squirm and arch her back.

I moved my thigh bound hand high enough to reach around, slip my fingers under her panties and squeeze her bare ass.

She hissed into my mouth and ground her center into the thigh she was straddled over.

And then the single bell rang, reminding us of our very public location and the reality that we were both now late to class.

I touched my forehead to hers before she extricated herself from my grasp and straightened up. As a parting, she firmly rubbed her palm once over my dick, smoothed her uniform and walked away.

_Fuck. Me. Now._

I couldn't go anywhere until I got myself under control, so I thought of the most dick deflating sight imaginable - all my teammates in their Speedos - and that cleared me right up.

Dammit, Rosalie Hale would be my undoing. I'd thought something might happen last year when we partnered in Bio, but for whatever reason it didn't and for that I'd always been sorry. Then last night, out of the blue, she sauntered over and asked if I was glad my brother was back in town. I was, so I said so.

She didn't seem as distracted as she normally did whenever conversing with others and she wasn't surrounded by her usual pack of highly annoying cling ons, so I was open. And honestly there was nothing I wanted more than to talk to Rosalie Hale. Except, of course, to be fucking Rosalie Hale. But, whatever, talking always seemed to be the first step in that direction. Well, it was with normal girls, anyway.

Rosalie was the shit around here, basically Fremont's matriarch. She knew it too, and that was hot. She was controlling and manipulative and domineering. _HOT._ And not normal.

And now, apparently, we were getting frisky in the courtyard pre-session. _Not that I'm complaining. _Obviously, though, this chic liked to run hot and cold. We were hot right now, but she could turn frigid without warning. _How do you keep a girl like Rosalie hot? _I figured I'd have to wait for brilliance to strike later, otherwise my ass would be riding sub come match day with unexcused absences under my belt.

I was only about five minutes late to Calc when Edward wandered in behind me.

"Dude, I know why I was late - and it was necessary if you know what I mean - but this is your first day back. Don't screw the team by being a tardy douche."

"Go to hell, Emmett. I over slept." Now that he mentioned it, he did look pretty out of it.

"You locked yourself in your room at, like, eleven. Why the hell would you oversleep?" We were in our seats now and Edward just continued to face forward as if we weren't having a conversation.

"No good reason." From what I could see his eyes looked a little wild and he sat ridged in his chair, unlike any tired person I'd ever seen. _He better not be on anything. We test in like three fucking days. _Everyone would hear if I asked now, so I didn't.

"O-kay."

Edward basically ignored me for the rest of class, and Alice, sitting closer to the instructor than anyone enjoyed, kept tossing glances and smiles over her shoulder at us.

Hmm. Now Alice was something completely different all together. She was nothing like Rosalie, besides being mindbogglingly hot. Even her sex appealed in a majorly different way. Alice was _tiny_. There was just certain shit you could only do with tiny girls. _Too many images … god, a guy could get permanently lost on that girl._

While Rosalie was a wild card, Alice seemed consistent. And Alice wanted Jasper, who apparently only fucked cousins. _I'm not looking for a girlfriend though, and Alice would be more fun than I might possibly know what to do with. Plus, she is energetic. She just goes. _There is something to be said for unwavering energy. If Rose was the jaguar, Alice was the cheetah. _Very different, indeed._

Determined not to box myself in, I decided there was plenty of Emmett to go around. Maybe I could cushion the blow that would be Jasper and Bella going public – _as public as you can get seeing as it's illegal … it's illegal right? _I mean, come on, I wasn't blind. I saw them arrive at, as well as leave, the party last night together; they were so obviously in their own little world for two. _Poor Alice._

The double bell trilled and I looked over at Edward. _What is this guy's problem?_

Everyone was sayin' 'hi' or 'welcome back' to him, and honestly he never paid anyone much attention, but he looked so uncomfortable or confused … or something.

"Hey man, lets get out of here." We stood and that's when Alice reached us all perky and glossy lips.

"Hey guys … Edward? Hey, E what's wrong?" I knew she'd cut his shit and make him talk.

But, she didn't.

"Nothing. I've got to go." And he just turned and walked out, raking his hands through his hair making him look like a crazy hobo.

Alice turned to me. "Do you know what's up with him?" She wrapped her miniature hand in the crook of my elbow as we made our way out the door. I knew she had Social Dynamics next, so I pointed us in that direction.

"He said that he overslept this morning, but then looked like he'd been electrocuted. Maybe he's in shock. Perhaps London doesn't look so bad now that he's back to the ritzy dramatics of Fremont." I grinned down at her and moved behind her, slightly encircling her waist to maneuver her through the crowd.

Her bells and chimes laugh chorused as she leaned into my guiding arms. "Yeah, it's all been a lot of change, rather quickly. He'll calm down. I bet being back in the water will help."

"Will you be at practice today then, cheering me on?" _I wonder if she realizes that I'm shamelessly flirting. And hating her tie considerably for blocking my view down her shirt._

"Ha. I was thinking about going to cheer Edward on!" She looked up at me with a grin that said 'duh.' "You know, since it is his first day back and everything."

I kissed her forehead as I left her by her session door. "As long as you're there."

I turned back once to send a parting smile, and when I faced front my eyes connected with Rosalie's. _Oh yes, she has this pathetic excuse for a class as well. _The look in her eye said she'd witnessed my exchange with Alice. _Plenty of Emmett to go around baby, _I thought as I smacked her ass in passing.

I didn't see anyone else for the rest of the morning, and I took my free period in the library so I could work on formations and a couple attack strategies. We had a match in Puyallup on Saturday and with Edward back we needed to revamp some of the old plays. He and I were unstoppable, and really James couldn't fill half of Edward's shoes as center. As point, and Captain, it was important I have a well-developed connection with our main scorer, and it really couldn't get easier than teaming up with Edward. He knew what formation I wanted before I said a word. _The ass kicking advantage of brothers._

Eric wouldn't be there today, so I'd have Jasper pick up goalie. _It should be a good practice._

I looked up from my formation sketches and found wide, freaked eyes looking back at me.

"Fuck, dude," I whispered so we wouldn't get thrown out – I really had a lot to do and only here to do it - "you don't look good."

Edward just kept looking back at me like he was waiting for me to answer _him. _I returned my focus to my work. _If you're going to be difficult and look all wild and scary …_

"What do you know about Bella?" This sentence was like Latin to me: foreign and full of misunderstood meaning. The idea of translating it seemed arduous and purposeless. Edward didn't ask about girls. He had them and walked away. No thoughts, no questions. No legitimate interest. So I gave it straight.

"She's fucking Jasper." That was all I knew. _Oh yeah_, "And she lived on the peninsula."_ That too._

"They're cousins." Edward only looked thoughtful now. _How are you not shocked? I was at least shocked. 'Cause that shit's just weird. _But it was true_._

"I have a reliable source. Very informed." I shrugged. _A sister would know best._

All the tension that had taken up store in Edward's shoulders and neck evaporated, his trademark calm returned, the cool began emanating from him once again.

"That's all I needed to know." A slow cocky grin spread, but his eyes still held what I thought might be sadness.

"You interested? She _is _hot."

He just stood and headed towards the door. "I was," was his only goodbye.

**EPOV**

_You were looking for something, anything. Just one excuse to write this off._

_Now you have it._

Bella was fucking her cousin.

It didn't matter that I fell asleep quickly last night only to dream of her peaches and cream skin on mine and her long hair tangled all around me. It was irrelevant that I woke up completely drenched through with sweat and lingering memories of her mouth sucking, licking, murmuring things against my ear and realized I'd have to motor to make it to session on time. I was not as effected as I'd thought when I held her body extra close, after feeling the urge, no the _need_ to intervene when I saw her go flying. Her warm, small, no doubt supple body moaning in my arms. _God. _It wasn't the end of the world that I caressed her hip or stroked her hair or got lost in all her coconut and gardenia … _or was it freesia?_ And I laughed with her. _I laughed._

It wasn't a problem that I forgot who I was for one incomplete conversation and realized too late that switching personas wouldn't go unnoticed by her. I wasn't blind, or stupid for that matter, I saw her register my shift; I was even thankful she cut me off before I could say something I'd regret, perhaps even regret horribly. _And why the hell would I have regretted it? Why now? Why her?_

Well, not her anymore. I had my excuse. Filthy. She fucked her cousin.

_I fucking hate Jasper Hale._

_I don't think it's true. That isn't her. _It was her. She is that. I'm done.

And apparently, the battle was over. _But what about the war?_

I rushed to make it to French on time. _One tardy is enough today, I haven't even really claimed my place on the team yet. Don't want to give James ammo for an injunction._

I'd been so outside myself all day long that I actually felt exhausted. But also I'd never felt as alive as I did this morning, when I first woke up, or this afternoon, when I swallowed her sent down like a starving man. That was when I'd determined to find a reason not to let this immediate infatuation rule me. I could not resign myself to this; I would not relinquish control. I left London to take my life back. It was time for the driver's seat.

I planted myself in my desk and dragged out my textbook.

Our course material provided a welcome pause in my ever present mental turmoil; no matter how resolved I was to this new development - to the acceptance of my excuse – I could only seem to hold the chaos back so far. Session flew by and, before I realized it, homework was being assigned and the spot behind my right ear began to tingle. Instinctively I turned and felt my instability flooding back as I found deep, brown eyes penetrating my resolve.

_Who even said she was interested? Perhaps I didn't warrant a pause in thought. She may not even remember my name._

And that was the true issue here, if I was finally honest. The mere idea of her, not a girl or a girlfriend or an interest, but actually her … left me vulnerable. _How alien._

And now I couldn't even drop her gaze or move from my desk. Every possibility, every unknown swirled around me, holding me in place, until she broke the connection and walked away.

_And if she isn't interested and I'm open and she leaves - I'd be over. _And I was out of my seat before she reached the door, flying faster towards the secondary exit than I'd moved all day absorbed in my chaotic internal conflict.

I couldn't truly say I'd be worse for her than, say, screwing your cousin, because that shit's bound to leave you psychologically fucked. But I was bad enough. Heart of stone. Impenetrable. _Well, almost. Or, I was. Now I'm clinging to rumors I don't even believe._

I ran all the way to the P.E.T. and found the coach in his office, in desperate need of a distraction. He asked about London, I deflected. _No need to flaunt mistakes. _We walked out to the pool in the direction of the locker rooms, where I'd head shortly to finally dress down and get back to where I belonged.

He'd known I was back for less than twenty-four hours but, of course, assumed I'd claim my spot. I mean, come on, I had trained with the team as center for the entire off and pre season; I'd earned it. Plus, Emmett was Captain and just loved to spout off about "connections" and "the brothers who kicked ass;" he may have even had a song. That seemed almost ridiculously embarrassing enough to be something Em would do.

Coach seemed pleased to have me back, even though I was a difficult, arrogant, son of a bitch. _I am a fucking god of a center. _So I headed to the lockers with no plans of being any of those things today. _Might as well ease everyone back in. Not that I have the energy to do anything besides swim anyway._

The guys were all leaving and I heard the shouting begin. _James is tiring. Best not to be stuck in here with him shitting bullets like that. _I threw my suit on and grabbed my cap, realizing too late I'd forgotten a towel, and passed James on my way out.

He wanted to hit me; I could feel it.

I pushed myself hard during laps and drills. As a team we focused on what formations we'd use Saturday and I honed in on my strategy of attack; following through with the formation and scoring was my main purpose. Besides training and off-season tournaments, this sport was still new to me, although, I wasn't concerned. I was naturally agile and affluent in water - so unlike my music. I had to labor over compositions before they were what I knew they could be.

And it wasn't that I was opposed to dedication or hard work, it was the chance that dissuaded me - the chance to fail. Prime example: London. I have one place, one puzzle where my piece fits and my study abroad was the proof.

_Do you even know what happiness is?_

My head snapped up, from its neck bent position, as I shakily walked to the bench to take a breather. _Where did that come from? Happiness? What the hell? _And all my resolve blew away.

Heart thumping erratically at such an uncharacteristic question, head spinning, thoughts freaking out that I'd finally actually lost it, lost my control. _From one fucking question. _My eyes also reacted to the bewilderment of my mind as they flitted about, scanning the area.

_God. _All the air whooshed out of my chest, and I choked on the unavoidable answer.

Happiness was the brown eyes looking into me at that moment. Happiness was realizing they were actually there, in the same room, focused completely on only me and lit on fire. Happiness was recognizing want and burning and emergency in them. Happiness was feeling like I was looking into my own eyes and seeing my own thoughts and conflictions and desires. And Happiness didn't fade when she shot up from her bleacher, mouth tossing out silent words, and all but annihilated everything in her path during her escape.

Happiness didn't walk out when she did. Happiness lived here now.

This happiness was permanent, whether I was her happiness or not.

I grasped my hands over my head and brought it down between my legs, feeling like both a flying and dying man. I couldn't ignore it. The denial was over. It wasn't about a question, it was about recognizing her, and recognizing myself, absolutely, because of her.

I'd never been the recipient of a truly pivotal moment before. I'd never made the leap required to grab it.

_But, what happens when you're left with no choice but to jump?_

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**A/N: Okay, so that was an absolute blast for me. It was also a new format that I'm sure I'll have a better grasp on for Chapter 9 when we hear from the girls. Oh yes, the girls have their turn! Thank you for bearing with me while I play and experiment. Thank you so much to those of you who read and those who leave me reviews, it is encouraging and thoughtful of you. So, thank you for giving back a little bit of your time to let me know your thoughts! Happy, Happy New Year:)**


	10. Three Little Kittens

**Chapter 9 Three Little Kittens**

**A/N: These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**This delayed update comes to you with an apology. I fully intended to have this posted by Jan 1, but shockingly took the day off (insert gasp here) to read my first book since putting down the Twilight Saga, after four times straight through. I had fun with it, and although I don't wish to tear devoted fans from Twilight or fan fiction I can't help but share this enjoyment. Check out Kristin Cashore's Graceling. Sure, I found myself seeing Katsa as Bella and Po as our Edward, but it was a great initial foray back into the world of literature.**

**But seriously now … on to what we know and what could never, ever be replaced!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**RPOV **– Monday, Late Afternoon

The memory of Emmett, thick and firm, against my palm was seared into my memory. You'd think, being a woman - thus being capable of thoughts beyond the sexual and having had quite a few hours pass since experiencing such a sensation - that the recollection might have waned, and perhaps it would have … if he hadn't been jumping around in front of me for the last ninety minutes. Wearing a scrap of spandex. In water. _Tight ass, desperately defined 'V', packs and packs of abs, and his pecks – god. _I was soaking through my satin.

_Wheeeee._

The high-pitched sound of the coach's whistle rang out to signal the end of practice. The guys all jumped out of the pool and grabbed their towels, except for Emmett who chose to walk my way.

I'm not normally one to sit and watch a sports practice; I liked people to think I have better things to do with my time. But Alice just happened to mention she was planning on making an appearance, and after the public display of affection I witnessed between her and Emmett before class I found myself curious. I pondered their relationship, and considered the possibility that he also fondled her ass in the courtyard. _Humph. _I did not like that.

He reached our bleacher quickly, all smiles and hotness. My heart skipped a beat. I couldn't pin point when it started beating again.

"Hello, ladies." As he greeted he reached a hand out to Alice, who reciprocated by reaching back. Swinging their interlocked hands upwards, he placed a kiss on her overturned knuckles, swung once and freed them.

"I'm glad you came." He grinned widely. "Nothing better than a friend supporting old Edward on his first day back."

"He looks like he could use it – still. Ever find out his deal?" We joined Alice's train of sight and looked Edward's way. _He doesn't look that in need of support to me. _Brooding and constipated seemed a normal look for Mr. Popular. Obviously, I was out of the loop.

"I'll let you ask him the questions. I'm all about avoiding the drama, remember?" They laughed together.

Neither Alice nor I had divulged our motives for coming today. I had hardly the audacity to open the can of worms that was a friendship with Alice when we met up at last night's party, let alone start hashing out intentions and personal thoughts.

But I'd decided, after being a bitch to her about the whole Jasper/Bella thing, – _she absolutely has something for him though, I know I saw it _– the least I could do was try. Make an effort to figure out this friend thing that was so sensitive for me. _And seemingly impossible_, I added as I batted down the jealously their obvious display of familiarity inspired.

Alice, of course, had no idea of my physical interactions with Emmett, beyond speaking with him at Edward's homecoming bash. She'd witnessed that first hand – actually, my ability to be normal with her encouraged me to seek him out. _Obviously, I'm not upset with her_. I was trying not to be upset with her.

"And Rosalie," Emmett finally turned his attention on me, "I am surprised to see you here. Did you enjoy practice?" Emmett's voice dropped a little at the end as he brought his drying, chiseled body closer.

"I found it entertaining." I met his gaze aggressively, but let a smile spread over my lips, eventually turning my head towards Alice. "It appeared to be quite the workout. Don't you agree, Alice?"

She smiled. "Oh, yes." Throughout practice, we hadn't discussed much more than the guys and their _exercise_; making comparisons, speculating over stamina, tossing out size related predictions. Their suits begged for the attention. As did Emmett, standing before us in all his hunky, near naked glory.

I took a step forward, placed my hand on his chest and purred, "Are you tired?"

"No, I'm good." He looked back and forth between Alice and me, jovial but slightly confused. _He's just too much fun to play with._

"So I was correct." I sent Ali a devilish grin of victory and she inched her eyebrows high into her forehead as she chuckled.

Emmett looked like he wanted to ask for an elaboration but Jasper walked up, abruptly stopping in front of Alice.

"Alice," _He's so shy with her - what a pussy. _"Do you know where Bella went?"

First shock, then pain touched Alice's features until her face settled on pleasant surprise and a friendly smile. "She left in a hurry, mentioning not feeling up for dinner, and said she'd see you tomorrow."

Jasper's looked at me for the first time and narrowed his eyes, saying nothing as he quickly shifted his focus to Emmett and then back on Alice.

"She left in a hurry?" Emmett found his way into the conversation, looking a little alarmed as he directed his words towards Jasper. "You don't think she heard me. I mean, we were pretty far away."

Jasper looked so pissed off and desperate to get away but also somehow unable to move from his spot on the concrete.

"I have no idea, Emmett."

Jasper was all out glaring at me now and Emmett's face was scrunched up in such worry. Alice seemed to be taking the whole thing in silently as her gaze penetrated Emmett, successfully avoiding me, and taking second long breaks to glance at Jasper.

This round robin of meaningful looks was getting boring fast. "What is everyone's problem? Bella went back to the suite early, god Jasper; she doesn't need a babysitter. Seriously, you two need to cool it with the lovin'."

Jasper hit critical mass. "That's enough, Rosalie." His words thundered and his body shook, causing me to realize he was significantly more butt hurt than I'd ever seen him.

"Enough what? Just go, Jasper, find your girlfrie-" But he cut me off – _he cut ME off._

"Shut the fuck up. Just shut-the-fuck-up, Rosalie. You are pathetic." He enunciated every world and turned his back, heading in the direction of the locker room.

I couldn't really process what had just happened seeing as my brother had apparently left the building and some jackass had just addressed me in a horrendously foul manner. No one spoke to me that way. Ever.

I was more than confused at how outrageously Jasper had just acted and looked to Emmett for clarity, seeing as Alice had lost her sense of speech in all of this.

"I think Jasper is pissed at you Rosalie." _I'm familiar with the what, clearly, it's the why I'm confused over._

"It appears so." I shrugged my shoulder in a "who knows why" gesture.

Emmett took a heavy, uncertain pause and let out a gust of breath.

"Maybe you shouldn't lie about him." His words caused me to blanch because I had no idea what he was talking about and so I looked at Alice, whose eyes had grown round as saucers and were blinking in staccato.

Alice finally spoke, almost to herself. "Lie?" She rocked back and forth, heel to toe, waiting for something as she contemplated a mental difficulty. Suddenly, she snapped her head up and brought her hands to Emmett's arm. "It was a lie." So much hope filled her voice she was almost singing. And it wasn't a question she formed, but a strong statement.

He affirmed her and when his gaze finally included me I found disappointment there. Disappointment in me. _He's frowning at me. What did I do? What lie did I tell? _I was really beginning to feel a mix of anger and panic fall over me as I watched the two important people in front of me being so affected by my apparent actions. They were forming a team before my eyes and not even willing to give me a clue as to what the cause was. So I just stood there, on the outskirts, clueless, racking my brain for the key that would open me up to the problem.

But Alice turned abruptly in my direction before I could continue thinking through a possible answer and the only way to accurately describe her expression was pained.

"You aren't really a bitch, Rosalie. But you sure are an expert at pretending." She was only able to whisper. And with that, she slipped an arm around Emmett's waist and they walked away, Emmett's disappointment turning into displeasure as he sent me a parting nod.

I was standing in confusion and disbelief at what had just transpired here. It seemed whatever had everyone crazy should have been brutally obvious to me, being that my brother had just verbally accosted me and my one budding friend was walking away relying on _the_ guy, someone I'd actually allowed myself to pine over, for support.

And then I was alone.

Alone was an absolutely familiar world for me. I'd lived there peacefully for years and been content enough – sad, but content. I'd chosen that as home to prevent the unavoidable reality of abandonment.

Yet, here I stood, having hardly dipped a toe into the waters of meaningful interaction and, already, I cared too much. Those hurting faces, which were now turned away from me as they retreated from my perplexity, and apparently poisonous presence, made me hurt. _I'd caused them pain. Their hearts were aching because of me._

I longed for the proverbial, callused heart I'd spent years hardening. Pain was less there.

But one significant word echoed in my searching memory … _hearts._

_Oh._

_Well, shit._

I had _shared _my venomous insecurities that day with Alice, in front of my doorway, in an effort to protect myself from the pain of watching those I loved choose others over me.

And I'd lost anyway.

I'd cultivated this outcome in my panic and selfishness. _And instincts._

I really wished I wasn't instinctively a bitch. But I was. And in that, Alice had been wrong.

But I had been wrong more.

As a result of my carelessness, I'd underestimated Alice's feelings as well as the influence of my own words. But now the caring was welling up inside my once cold, still heart, and I realized it was all geared towards her, that dynamic fountain of life.

I'd lost Jasper years ago and Emmett wasn't yet mine - _not that he'd ever take the time to see the true me now_ – but Alice, I could read her. And I had never been considered intuitive. But, the verve frequency she vibrated at registered with me unlike anyone else. _Even Renee. _I still didn't understand it, but I couldn't willingly forfeit it either. Even for myself.

So, I'd figure out this friendships thing if it meant having Alice in my life. I could go on wishing, somehow, the guy I'd been in love with since sophomore Bio Lab would take another look and find something worthwhile in me. But, I should probably start small.

_Time to reign in your insufferable bitch tendencies, Rosalie, _I thought as I strode from the P.E.T. to confront what awaited me at the suite.

Apparently, this would be the day the Queen rescinded her thrown.

And that really wasn't starting small.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**APOV **– Monday, Early Evening

I held the frame in my hand, absorbing its contents.

It wasn't a nondescript drawing. Every contour held definitions that had been executed with uniquely weighted strokes. Each line had taken extreme care, or at least I assumed they did, seeing as I couldn't quite remember the in-betweens of drawing this figure, this man. My only memories were of beginning with his legs and finishing with his left hand. This was the only human rendering I'd ever drawn. Never one before, none would follow. This was all. He was it.

I remember running back to my room, that first day of sophomore year, and tearing through my pristinely saved drawings. I'd only ever bothered to look at the collection occasionally, whenever I felt the urge to walk down memory lane or evaluate my artistic advances. The difference with this man drawing was that there was nothing to compare it too. How do you go about critiquing progressing style technique of a man compared to fashion sketches or architectural designs? You couldn't. And I didn't. But every time I'd pull out that sheet of questioned inspiration, since putting it to paper in the fifth grade, I'd study it relentlessly, memorizing each eye and hair strand and muscular bend. I knew this man. I'd made him up and I never knew why. Until I pulled out that lose leaf sheet for the last time, on that particular day, and held it up, confirming what I'd already been witness to.

I'd seen his legs first, splayed out from his desk, but my eyes continued their ascension until I reached his face. They were one in the same. My drawn man and this man, only I'd known the paper form for five years, and the living, breathing version was Fremont's new student.

How did I draw Jasper Hale so many years before meeting him? _Well, not meeting him … seeing him._

The shock of contributing to yourself in a life altering way is profound, never realizing you've done it, and then suddenly being punched in the heart when it shocks you awake. _Shocked to say the least._ Edward had to save me that day. Although it wasn't our first, I came alive in a new way when I broke the surface, my mental clarity surprising me greatly - but I didn't have to question my settled mind.

It was obvious that Jasper was to mean something significant in my life. I drew him, how he looked his first day at Fremont, not five years previous. So, there was a timetable to this physical premonition, and I needed a course of action. Only, instead of speaking to him I began watching him and looking at my newly framed drawing more frequently. I wanted so desperately to really know him, but too much felt at stake to force it. _I have never been a subtle person. _Without meaning to, the course of action morphed into a waiting game.

And until Saturday, in Rose's hallway, we'd never spoken. But, by the end of sophomore year, I had already fallen in love with Jasper Hale; so quietly kind, introverted and self-assured. I was the worst kind of obsessed stalker. Well, not the worst. I didn't have a closeted shrine, just the one drawing, and I didn't become dangerous. Really, he held all the power.

Everything I'd believed for so long crashed down around me at Rosalie's simple lie. But the lie wasn't truth. Emmett had confirmed that much for me. "Straight from Jasper's mouth," he'd said.

I knew I'd failed Jasper for believing it, which meant I really didn't know him that well. I'd been naïve. And now I was second-guessing myself. And Jasper. And my drawing. And the faith in the future that drawing seemed to promise.

But there were no promises. Life was what you made it. Even through all the destiny mumbo jumbo that I was doubting, though, I didn't stop needing to be with Jasper. And I was done settling. My course of action would need to change.

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**BPOV**

Monday was gone, Tuesday was upon me. Actually, Tuesday afternoon to be precise.

I laid face up on my bed, just as I'd done for the duration of my waking hours last night and continued after jolting awake this morning, staring wholeheartedly at the ceiling. Now it was my free period, and having avoided the Refectory at all costs, I was now psyching myself up for French.

I'd ignored everyone so far because it seemed the best way to get my brain back. _What a horrible time for a brain to go missing, in the proximal presence of bronze hair and awakened passion. Awesome! _Dripping sarcasm couldn't even persuade a smile.

_Blah._

I couldn't face Jasper, no matter his confusingly dyer attempts to coerce me from my room last night or walk me to class this morning. He'd be so disappointed and concerned if he knew where my heart – _come back rational thought, come back _– was leading me. Rosalie was never someone I'd seek out or was sought after by. So, that one was a piece. And, well, those are the people in my life in one second or less.

French now loomed over me and I found myself desperately clinging to yesterday's resolution – _it wasn't New Years but what the hell_ – No more thoughts, No more dreams, No more fantasies.

_I wonder how many people have actually attempted controlling their dreams and succeeded?_

I had found that one-third of the resolution impossible. Such dreams I never knew my mind was possible of creating. This morning, once I'd reclaimed consciousness, I could not remember anything specific, not one thing. But I was, of course, naked, sweaty and hopelessly turned on. And it was all for him, because one thought in his general direction, in that aroused state, elicited erratic breathing and an immediate need for alleviating friction.

_Up and out, get your ass up and out._

It was frenchin' time, er, time for French, and I was going to meet this head on. _God,_ _no more inane jokes, you're making everything worse. _My thoughts fought with my deteriorating mind as I licked my lips, deep in thought of kissing, of his lips molding to mine, of his tongue brushing my lips, finding its way inside my mouth. _I am going insane. _Any impulse control I once possessed was vanishing.

No matter how disobedient my brain seemed to be at the moment, my thoughts, and fundamentally my fantasies as well, had been giving me less trouble than my dreams. Perhaps it was because I was an active participant in what I allowed my mental attention to dwell on. With the distraction of my bedroom ceiling now gone, however, questions were infiltrating the space up there quite rapidly.

_Could he see the want in my eyes yesterday? What did he think if he did? Was I imagining him returning that want? Does he desire to know me, kiss me, hold me? Would he even be willing to satiate this ever growing thirst for him and possibly want more? If I told him of my dreams would he use me? Would it be a game to his overly experienced self? Is he really as naughty as Jasper's warning indicated? Is it such a bad thing if he is? Oh no Bella, don't slip into your bad boy faze now._

But Edward could never be a phase. He seemed a little like breathing at the moment no matter how hard I fought it. Like if I truly allowed myself to get started on him I'd never grow tired, never become bored, my eyes would quite possibly cease noticing the male populous all together. But slowly, my mind was attempting to protect me from myself.

_He'll break you. Because you care too much, too soon without any reason or guarantee._

And he would break me. My resolve was beginning to pay attention to that reality again. _I've gone over this a hundred times. It's always the same circle._

But, in truth, it didn't matter what I wanted to say to him or how I wished to take his yummy body and make it completely mine, I wouldn't. I couldn't. _Just a passing ship._

_I can handle this._

_But why does he look so intently and have such a profound impact on all of my faculties if he is meant to be nothing to me?_

He must be a red herring. _Repeat it again and again, perhaps then you'll listen to yourself._

I was standing just outside the classroom door now, the session having already begun, with my eyes fixed on his empty chair. My heart sank and swam with relief at precisely the same moment. Such a reaction left me immobile, and then, without warning, I was ablaze.

Warm fingers cupped my inner elbow and soft lips brushed the hair near my ear.

"Bella," he breathed, low and delicious and raspy, "hello." _Mmmm._ _Shit._

_He, him, Edward. _A chill sped down my spine.

I turned my head to find his eyes – _this can be__ my one cheat for today _– but he didn't make spatial allowances for my face. I had to tip up to find his eyes and my eyelashes brushed his chin and cheek on the way. His free hand flew to the door frame before us and his eyes fell closed as a low groan escaped his chest. He dipped even closer then and found my eyes, his heavy breaths washing over my face. I inhaled his sent greedily and swayed on my feet, eyes hooding to match his. Edward let the hand that was already caressing my arm lift and steadied me by the small of my back, pressing me softly against him. My eyes clenched shut. _Oh my god. No. Just a passing ship._

"Hello, Edward." The words were breathless and low. I allowed myself to return to his eyes and then forced my body to move, to walk from him and find my seat.

_I said I could handle Edward, not a groaning, stroking, hungry Edward. Fuck._

I refused to look at him, although I felt the direction of his gaze and saw the outline of his person angled toward me in my peripherals. My cheeks reflected the burn I was experiencing everywhere. _I want you. I love that you're looking at me. Wait, no. Don't wear down my resolve by focusing on me. Please don't look; I don't even know why you are. I can't handle this. _By the end of the lesson, one I'd been absolutely oblivious to, I was subtly shaking. The double bell brought me bolting to my feet and out the door. I didn't stop running until I reached the suite. _Damn him and his ardent, orgasmic charm._

Seattle Starbucks was more likely to limit itself to one corner shop than there was a possibility I'd attend water polo practice today. I found my ceiling again, eyes wide and dressed in full uniform. I could bother with the changing and the comfort, but I had my first bi-weekly creative writing seminar tonight after dinner where uniforms were mandatory. The seminar would be part colloquium, part independent study and was quickly becoming the bright spot in my heavy, wooden, rickety roller coaster day. The kind that is ever unpredictable, shaking your insides up, heaving you over hills you weren't prepared for and leaving you exhausted from clinging to the safety bar for dear life. _P.S…. where the hell is my damn safety bar?_

Torture. Tribulation. Toe curling, emotional torment. My eyes were focusing, then diluting and finally blurring.

It was dark outside when I went to reengage my eyes, cluing me in that I'd fallen asleep. I wasn't sweaty, but my cheeks were wet.

First making sure no one was here to interrupt my solitude, I made my way to the bathroom. My shoeless feet were cold and my head ached. Looking in the mirror was distressing. I ran a brush through my hair and splashed water on my face, applying mascara to brighten up my red, puffy eyes. _Deep cleansing breath._

I'd missed dinner so I grabbed peanuts and a water bottle from my room. Satchel slung, brand new writing tablet secure within, I smacked my fresh balm coated lips together and made quick time to the Creative Arts Tower. _I will keep moving; I will be fine._

I had about five texts from Jasper that I was avoiding. _I'll check them later, when I actually have something to contribute that won't just piss him off. _I shoved my phone deep down, next to my logic.

All of Fremont's performing and creative arts courses were housed in this one tower. It had a wide, brick stair step entrance that guided you into a lobby with a staircase on either side. My daily English class wasn't held here, but being that this was a creativity intensive course it must have merited such inclusion. I found my way to the fourth floor, soft music filtered through the hallway, and never once passed anyone. The class sizes were exceptionally small at Fremont, being that annually you had to basically pay an entire teachers salary to attend. But I'd yet to come across a session with only ten pupils. I didn't recognize one face from any of my other classes and quickly deduced I was the only underclassmen. The teacher insisted we call her Carmen and proceeded with an informal seminar structure. We would be discussing multiple fiction and non-fiction prose, comparing and contrasting effective voice communication and detail execution.

My mind wandered to the music I could still just make out and reveled in its sorrow. It had a phenomenally calming effect, which I figured would inspire a sweet melancholy in my response to tonight's prompt.

Carmen released us to find a secluded location to begin our composition. I was in the hall and following the music before I could stop myself.

I knew I was going in the right direction even though the music was getting softer and softer; the reverberations felt closer with each step. By the time I had made it to the first floor, and determined the music was coming from the concert hall on the other side of the lobby, the piano had quieted.

The grand stage was empty. Slowly I strode down one of the many aisles, fingers grazing over rows and rows of lavish, theater seats. I didn't make any noise as I rounded on the stairs that led me onstage.

I missed the melody, but didn't see a piano anywhere. _I must have been mistaken._

There was little light shining down from above but the tall stage made for an eerie writing setting – I was convinced. So, down I went Indian style then transitioned instead to my back with my head propped up on my bag.

I attempted to recapture the somber cadence of finger to key, white and black, culminating over one another to proclaim such emotion. _What did the music feel like? Where did it take me? _My pencil tapped on the pad as I contemplated. _It brought me to him. To how denying him makes me feel. _And although he hadn't asked of me something I refused to give I was unwilling to seek out or listen for a question in the first place.

"Dammit, Bella." I whispered into the abyss of my solitude. _At the rate I was going, this would be my permanent state … alone._

"No." I stated. _Alone._

"No." It came a little louder now, echoing in the massive room. _Forever?_

"No!" Motivated by this sob, I'd hoped up and began pacing, wracked with unbearable indecision. I had a choice to make based on a question. _Can I trust him? _He'd never even asked me to.

"No, no, no, no, no, no…" There wasn't anything particular to say no to, but then there was also everything.

My cheeks were wet again, and my melody began softly but absolutely, as if the piano were beside me.

I whipped my head around, feeling lost in a dream so unlike anything my mind had been capable of processing as of late. Writing forgotten, I eyed the farthest stage curtain and stepped through to the opposite side. One small light, high in the rafters, shone dimly over a glossy black piano and the back of a man, bent in submission, shaping the black and white into gray.

He had bronze hair.

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: This stretched me. I don't know if that is how it will be received, but it did. These women are complicated and exceptionally multifaceted. I hoped to show something familiar as well as bring out something new. I have more time to get it right, but I liked this start. I am enjoying this so much and couldn't be more thankful for your readership! Please, take a second and let me know if you're connecting with, and enjoying, the character direction. Thanks again! RAE**


	11. One For Sorrow

**Chapter 10 One For Sorrow**

**A/N: All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer!**

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Tuesday Night

**EPOV**

My heart thumped erratically as I crumpled over; shoulders turned down, forehead resting on the smooth lid. As the finished melody still clung to the air around me, I encouraged my scattered mind to replay the events of this afternoon.

She hadn't seen me as I'd trailed behind, slowly, keeping her in full view. Black leather, buckled boots that stopped just above her calf muscle created a stark contrast to the remaining length of her bare, creamy legs. The worn boots were so tough, harsh even. But Bella was the epitome of silk and satin; her shiny hair, warm eyes, pure skin were the definition of delicate. _She is a delicacy. _But those boots, they were almost biker-esk. _And so damn hot. _No other Fremont female would ever be caught wearing them. _Shit, that only makes them that much hotter._

With each step her pleated skirt would shift and rise, exposing an extra inch, or so, of thigh. Bella's white collared shirt was askew, and mostly hidden beneath her long hair, while her tie remained undone, the ends hanging loosely over each breast. I made a mental note to teach her how to properly tie it later, not bothering to pretend I was above fumbling through that lesson to manage even one strategically placed thumb graze. Only adding to the exposure, she hadn't quite managed to loop all of her buttons, so her soft collarbone was left uncovered and waiting. _I'd touch there too. I'd touch there first._

Of her face I could only see the profile, but I'd waited all day to see more of her, so the simple side shot before me was not fucking enough.

Bella stopped just outside our classroom, looking in but continuing no further. From the angle of her face the universe was unfairly limiting me to, her features appeared drawn and conflicted. I wanted so desperately to see her eyes, read them, to continue my ardent unraveling of her secrets.

Fed up with my limited viewpoint and the vast distance separating us – _uh,_ _yeah okay, maybe eight feet wasn't vast per say_ – I brought myself up beside her and reached out, finding purchase in the hollow of her elbow.

She was a little cold to the touch, I assumed from being outside braving the Washington fall without a jacket, but the skin-to-skin contact warmed me instantly.

_God._

I felt lighter just being near her, like all the stress of this ordeal just melted off and all that was left was me needing to be closer. Her draw was more intrinsic than foolish desire.

Even her sent called to me, and although I'd held on to it from our Refectory encounter, I now felt I'd cheated myself thinking it was possible to remember such intoxication. Before a single thought crossed my mind I was dipping down closer, drinking her in, and found her name falling from my lips. _Too deep, too husky._ And I barely remembered to tag on a greeting to my guttural, worshipping utterance.

There was nothing that could convince me to pull myself away from her at that moment, especially not the burden of socially acceptable personal space rules. So when Bella turned I didn't move, and her eyelashes made contact with my face, proceeding to flutter, essentially bring me to my knees.

Yes, she'd held on when I dove to break her fall yesterday, and yes that touch might have been just as involuntary as this eyelash brush. But dammit, if my mind didn't explode at the tickle of those lashes and the feel of her warm breath indicating her mouth was only a centimeter from my neck.

And her lips, fuck.

They were parted and then she bit down, pulling her bottom red one between her teeth. And all of this, all at once was an overload. I had to hold myself up. I had to hold myself back. Every cell in my organism cursed me for not splaying her up against the nearest wall and indulging; whispering all of my adoration and pulling myself flush with her, if only to feel her curves pressing against me for a second.

She'd sucked in a breath then and swayed on her feet. My hand went to her back for support and then her eyes were gone, hidden behind clenched lids – though a half a second before I would have sworn they'd been unfocused and drunk. "Hello, Edward." She sounded out of breath and I realized if this was how she sounded in response to a back graze … oh, the wondrous ways of encouraging such panting again crowded my mind_. Coaxing my name from her lips, having it uttered, shouted, screamed by her will be my life's triumph._

But I didn't really know if she'd been responding to me. She had only greeted me, after all. And then she'd walked away, found her desk and refused to look my way the entire session. But I couldn't keep from looking at her. The blush that joined her on the walk to her seat had spread slowly, and most alluringly, down her neck, hinting at what else could be touched by a blush as it disappeared under her shirt and buttons.

_Bella. Beautiful, tempting, fleeing Bella._

After Monday's "pivotal moment" of sorts I'd spent the remainder of my night, sectioned off in my room, churning over the whys of this instant consummation. Why did I react this way to her? How could she fill me up like this? I don't even know her. _Whoa dude, you never needed to know anything about a girl before this – why the hell are you starting now?_

But I had known a girl before this.

Alice is a girl. _You've never fucked Alice._

Alice just wasn't _that_ girl to me.

There had really only ever been two categories of women with me, Alice and conquests. Fine, there was my mom too, but that's family shit. Anyone who wasn't Alice - _damn there's been a lot of those _– was automatically in the second category. But Bella didn't fit into either. Obviously I wanted to conquer Bella, but not hastily. And the idea of playing my usual game with her made be remember how much of an ass I truly was. Honestly, I desperately wanted to be someone Bella could trust. Fuck, I didn't even know how to be someone _I_ could trust. What was trust anyway? And who the hell said I could trust _her_?

Word on the street remained that she was still having Jasper, and fuck if that didn't piss me off to no end. I didn't know this girl at all, but I couldn't believe that was legitimate. _No, you don't want to believe that shit's level because Emmett isn't always reliable and she just doesn't seem the type. _In my hay day – _which apparently ended yesterday when I royally mind fucked myself, well more like Bella was the mind fucker, whatever – I was fucked _– I'd reigned supreme at spotting a burgeoning virgin a continent away.

Virgins … and what the hell happened to my previously enticing freshman harvesting plan? _Fuck me. That doesn't even appeal anymore._

I was a stranger to myself.

And so now there was a girl, who couldn't be confined to the title of best friend or tension relief, infiltrating my senses, ensnaring my thoughts, monopolizing even my bodily predilections. And she was always walking away.

Footsteps resonated on the orchestra stairs just beyond the stage tapestry - the only thing separating the unwelcome intruder from me and my space cadet tendencies - and brought me rushing back to the present.

Not feeling like leaving, and really not seeing the logic in it being as I was here first, minding my own business, simply attempting to log some independent study hours – _shut the hell up dude, your composition book hasn't moved from the bag you stuffed it into in London._ Really, I just detested being interrupted.

Head still resting, I found no energy in me to move or even tell who ever it was out there to fuck off; so instead I listened. _Perhaps it's another desperate couple attempting to find a place to screw where their house attendants won't intrude. Maybe she'll be vocal. That wouldn't be so bad. _The idea of sex made my fingers twitch as I held out from indulging in a sensual and inspiring melody.

_Cut the shit man, you don't inspire. _My mind hardly registered the fact that my arrogant anger had dissipated so quickly that I'd even thought to encourage whatever cheeky scene was unfolding on the stage's outermost parts. _I'm not a helpful guy. I'm a dick,_ was all my mind could process before soft humming began to penetrate the curtain barrier. A sweet voice was breathing out the song I'd just been playing; well I'd been more like butchering it actually, but she hummed the notes never the less. An intermittent tapping and sigh threw off the metronome and I was getting bored, itching to play some more but feeling confined to my silence. Trapped. _I wonder how fucking long I'll have to wait to get some apparently impossible alone time?_

And then her voice halted my bitching.

"Dammit, Bella."

I nearly fell off the stool.

Bella. My mind was flooded with images of the smile on her face and the sashay of her body; her collarbone remained at the forefront of my visual. _Was she alone? Did Bella come in here with Jasper and now I'd have to wait out their interlude - listening, avoiding, imagining … envisioning how it would feel to have my hands around Jasper Hale's throat?! _I strained to hear every breath and motion from the girl of my most striking torment.

But it seemed like she was talking to herself. And then came a "no," and then another, and then she cried out her most definitive "no" yet, so much sorrow resonating in such a simple command. She was on her feet now, her steps colliding with the wooden floor as she paced, only repeating the same heart breaking word as if trying to convince herself, as if to eventually discover belief in an already arbitrary notion. _We so often say no when we actually mean yes. _I thought someone famous must have said that once. Or maybe I read it in Men's Health.

I knew it was wrong of me to be here, listening to this private personal exchange. And it crippled me to hear so much distress in her voice and I didn't think I could take one more "no" so my fingers found the keys. I had to let her know she wasn't alone. She wasn't meaning to share this confidential moment and she deserved to be let off the hook.

I guess I'd hoped she'd run from the concert hall, embarrassed or stunned at being unintentionally interrupted. But I heard no responding action. The slow melody drowned out any subtle noise, and nothing of hearable significance was reaching my eardrums.

So, I kept playing. And then, somehow, I knew she was behind me. There had been no physical indication, but I knew.

And immediately I was the music, finding myself and filling the notes with my own sorrow and confusion and hope. I poured every moment of the last two days out and then the expression continued on to include my past, my ever-tainted history. I had nothing to offer her except truth. So I held out my own privacy for her to unwillingly intrude upon. She could see it clearly, I was sure, because I myself heard every unforgivable choice I'd made replayed. I was nothing, the blackest of black.

But Bella was behind me, so this foreign melody inadvertently found happiness; even if it did remind me of something small, fragile and childlike. _Was that me?_

I'd essentially bared my soul, when I'd only initially desired to ease any humiliation on her part. When what I had inside was expressed completely, the music faded away, and was followed closely by silence.

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**BPOV**

There were seriously no words. So I said nothing.

_He is everything you never knew he was but somehow suspected._

Edward had turned my world upside down. He'd swaggered in and found my eyes, grinned that cocky bitch half smile of his and made a choice. Ever since, his attentions followed me.

He'd continued to play knowing who it was that stood only feet from his musical dichotomy; half pain, half joy. He'd had to have heard my tantrum. It seemed, though, that Edward was now indulging in one of his own. But unlike my invaded moments, he'd invited me along, ushered me in for a front row view. _Actually, he seems to have taken me backstage._ That had to be monumental. That had to mean something more than 'I want to spread our legs.' This was a gift for only me, alone with him in this narrow passage of the concert stage.

But it was too much. I felt as though I knew nothing for certain and everything was all swirly around me. I'd understand better of he only did want sex.

Edward chose that disoriented moment to swing around and face me, legs leading the way, elbows resting on knees, his disheveled hair falling into my view of his eyes.

_So crushingly beautiful, so downcast._ He refused to look up, but I was desperate to know what was in his head because what filled mine were my excessively loud heartbeats, and my warnings, and my floundering sense. But he was my own personal magnet – _mine plus a million other girls'_ – and before I realized I'd even moved my hand was at his brow, and I watched myself brush the bronze mess away to find his eyes. Edward's eyes. They were tired, but quite confidant and incandescently alive. My hand found his jaw line, fingers dancing at his neck. _I should touch his lips while I have the chance. _But his eyes redirected me.

What I saw reflected in all that green was the power of whatever choice he'd made. His certainty. _He is a smug bastard. _But Edward also seemed broken or open … something completely new to him seeing as he looked so assured while also so nervous.

And then a pleading smile found his perfect lips; while his fingers wrapped gently around my wrist, caressing a trail up to my elbow and back. I was no longer aware of the room around me or the ground beneath my feet. All I knew of were the eyes in front of me. And all they said was that he wanted this - me.

But it was too much. And honestly, not nearly enough.

My next words shocked me, seeing as they were the depths of my concern, my inward speculations coming to life. I hadn't known I was possible of saying these words, without a hint of ire or challenge, and mean them seriously. Although underneath this was a challenge. And I couldn't believe I left myself so vulnerable as to speak them out loud. But my heart never asked my brain for permission and just went ahead anyway.

"You're not ready for me." My breaths were slow and long, my eyes refused to blink.

He stood immediately and brought both hands to cup my chin, thumbs grazing back and forth. His brow held such worry, such care. One staggered breath later and Edward blew me away.

"I am." Everything was a blurry haze now, nothing felt tangible or possible. One word became my reality's foundation.

_Proof._

"You'll have to show me."

I only saw him nod. And I turned and stumbled away.

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**JPOV**

_Fuck, Bella. Text me back._

I was waiting outside of the Creative Arts Tower because I was done with being avoided. It was obvious that Bella was raging at me, along with anyone else, seeing as she was steering clear and sulking. _The rumor didn't spread that far, hardly anyone found out. _She just couldn't be _that_ mad. _Well, maybe at Rosalie. _That thought made me grin.

I could see their fight now and I couldn't help but laugh. When they got going no feeling was spared, no ammunition went unfired. _I think we could all use the stress release of a knock down drag out verbal war._

Bella's class had ended fifteen minutes ago and I'd already surpassed impatient last night when she'd refused to come out of her room.

Rosalie had been standing at her door when I'd barged into their suite. _She should be the one who has to tell her, _I'd thought. It only seemed fair. _Scheming, manipulative she-devil._

I'd inched by her to try and coax Bella out only to hear Rose's door slamming the next second. _Why'd I have to get the bitch for a sister? _Us being born twins had been an enormous waste of a built-in cosmic connection.

Having to wait to make things better was killing me. It was nine-twenty now, and the other independent study students had left at nine. But just then the doors swung open, and who I'd expected to be Bella turned out to be Edward.

"Hey man, you seen my cousin? She's brunette, about yey tall," my hand demonstrated her height, "and wearing boots you've never seen on any Fremont chick?"

Edward was his normal pissed off, brooding self. "No." He connected with my shoulder as he passed by, a little harder than necessary.

_I don't think there's a response designed for such non-interaction._

"Alright." It was all I could think of and by the time I said it the night was empty again.

Finally, finally, FINALLY Bella stepped through the door and walked to me. She looked a little sheepish.

She hesitantly met my eyes. "Sorry I've been MIA. I just needed some time."

"So, you're not upset?" _She didn't really look upset. In fact, she had a little, sweet smile on her face._

"It's not too bad anymore. I feel like my life got a little simpler in the last hour." She shrugged – _freaking shrugged_. I didn't know what could have simplified things, but I was certainly glad she wasn't angry. _Especially at me._ Bella was no fun to fight with. She played dirty when left scorned and bitter.

"Oookay. Well, I'm sorry anyway. Rosalie's a bitch, you know that. And fuck - that people actually believed her. God, how desperate do all these rich a-holes have to be to latch onto such an outlandish idea." I didn't shrug, but instead shuddered at the picture of Bella and me in my head. _Get out. _I think a grossed out noise escaped and Bella's confusion became apparent on her face.

"Wait, what's Rosalie involvement here? And what are you so disgusted by?"

_This didn't freak her out? And obviously Rosalie's involvement was news to her. I wonder if she thinks it's my fault? That wouldn't be good._

"Yeah, Rose told Alice first. And then it went from Alice to Emmett. I don't know who Emmett told, he never said. It wouldn't surprise me if he said something to Edward, though. They're brothers after all. But that should be it."

She just stared.

"I told Emmett to fuck himself when he asked me about it. Sick bastard. But it only made too much sense when, at the end of the line of Gossiping Gabby's, there stood Rosalie, holding the 'I'm a terrible, conniving, supremest bitch' sign." This all came out in a rush as I was trying to hurriedly assume no responsibility. The less I was involved the less I'd suffer.

"Jasper, what the hell are you talking about?" Bella looked a little panicked, her confusion taking on a new light. That's when I realized we weren't having the same conversation.

_Fuck. I knew this was going too well. She hasn't yelled once yet. Should I hand over my balls now or wait for her to lash out all on her own. _But what the hell, what did she need to simplify? What wasn't 'too bad' anymore? Bella had been here for about three days. What takes my low maintenance Bella and spins her out of herself in less than a week? Shutting me out. Needing to take time.

"Bella, why have you been avoiding me if you don't have a clue what I'm talking about?" Her evasion now made no sense whatsoever.

"No, Jasper, what's going on? What did Rosalie do? What does everyone know?" She said everyone much more quietly than the rest of the sentence. _What the hell? Bella doesn't care about people … arg … what is she keeping from me?_

But I had a story to tell – explaining to get to. Currently, however, I was freezing my ass off, just standing here outside. Mike would be at my suite, so Bella's room it was.

"Let's get inside, so I don't break a tooth."

Bella huffed because now she was pissed.

As we walked down Bella's hallway, I thought for sure I'd heard Alice's voice coming from behind the doorway. Bella was anxious and fuming and barely contained. So the minute we walked through the door it ceased to matter that Rose and Alice were hugging by the _couch_; Bella just went ahead and dove right in.

"What the fuck, Jasper? Dammit, just tell me what is so bad that you thought I was upset with you and with Rosalie," she turned and jabbed a finger in Rose's direction, "for more than the normal reasons? And why the hell is everyone talking about it? And Emmett, a sick bastard for believing it ... what does _that_ mean?" Her hands flew from her hips wildly up into the air.

Bella was bright red, and stopped pacing the moment her final question was delivered looking pointedly at me for a comprehensive answer.

My face and hands felt tingly from jumping straight from freezing air into a heated room. I let that distract me. But I knew she wouldn't be patient much longer, and I didn't know where to start. _Maybe the beginning? _I was quickly trying to decide which part would be less unfortunate, so I could start there.

"Well, we'll leave you two to straighten this out." Rosalie had Alice by the hand and was pulling her away.

"You." Bella spun to face the girls, but zeroed in on Rosalie. "How about you tell me what your involvement in all of this is. You seemed to start it, which makes sense since you are the root of everything that is evil." Bella began the stare down and Rosalie didn't disappoint.

"Yes, Isabella," Her voice could only be regarded as a sneer, "it was my fabulous imagination that began this lie. And what harm does it really do you? No one's the wiser - outside of what, six people? It isn't as if you have a tarnishable reputation or a chance of ever fitting in? Honestly, if this hadn't hurt Jas or" her eyes broke their severe eye line to find Alice's, "…anyone other than you I wouldn't be sorry in the slightest. I bet you wish you _were_ having an incestuous relationship with Jasper. Then at least you'd have a real claim on him instead of exhausting the 'cousin' title. Everyone knows cousins are at the bottom of the familial totem pole."

Rosalie smiled; Bella began to understand.

"I pity you Rosalie. But that isn't new." And then Bella shocked the hell out of me by turning away from Rose and flashing me a scandalous smile.

"So, we're lovers, huh?" And then, she laughed. _Thank God. I think I might have heart failure from this girl's mood swings. _And right on schedule, Bella sobered and turned to Alice.

"Who did you tell and who did they tell?" Bella did a fine job of pretending to be cavalier, but every player involved in this exchange of hearsay was concerning her when they normally wouldn't. I'd been worried she'd be hoping mad at Rosalie and then me, by extension, but not at the gossip mill.

Ali rushed to Bella and grabbed her hands, "I'm so sorry." And she did look quite apologetic about the whole thing as she bowed her head in surrender.

"It's okay Alice. I'd just like to know. Go on." Bella squeezed Alice's hands back as her reassuring nature showed itself. _I bet they could be friends. _That idea had me wanting to do somersaults. Luckily, I somehow managed to keep all the flipping on the inside.

"I only spoke to Emmett about it, and he only told his brother Edward. Emmett isn't going to say anything about any of it and Edward doesn't really care about other people. It is probably off his radar by now since he doesn't even know you."

Pretences still in place she followed up anxiously with, "And have they been straightened out?"

"Jasper told Emmett himself, but I haven't seen Edward yet and Emmett promised not to talk about it anymore. Edward won't say anything though, like I said."

Bella pursed her lips and swallowed audibly, eventually forcing a fake smile.

"Great." _What a liar. _But I wouldn't call her out in front of Rosalie, who was still thrown off by Bella's almost immediate and uncharacteristic withdraw from their normal waltz – _more like slam dance _– ritual of communication.

"So Jasper," Alice was speaking to me then and I was all-ears, "Rose and I are throwing a party for the entire Water Polo team here, Friday night, to pump everyone up before the match on Saturday."

"Oh, and Bella, you can ride with Rosalie and me to Puyallup if you want. We aren't allowed on the team bus." That last sentence seemed to be directed more at Rose than Bella. We all could guess why.

"Humph. Like I'd really fuck someone in a cubby-hole bed." Rose was speaking to herself but we all heard and raised our eyebrows. "Just because Lauren did doesn't mean I would. Thank you very much."

"They do say you are a reflection of the company you keep, Rosalie."

"God Jas, then I feel horrible for you, toting little miss I'm a Rebel over there around in front of everyone that matters."

"And Jessica, Lauren and what's her name represent everyone who matters in your world, right Rose? Sad. Cling on wannabes."

Alice cut in before our sibling bickering could get everyone riled up again. "I am Rosalie's company now. I've taken it upon myself to rescue her. No offense Rose, but those skanks were annoying."

I had to laugh at that, and couldn't believe my eyes or ears when Rose joined in. It was apparent that Alice was just the balance Rosalie needed.

"Alice, where have you been all my life?" I was grinning like an idiot, because I'd meant it literally, but like the pussy I was I could mask this declaration as merely a thankfulness revolving around my tamed sister.

"I've been here. The question is, what the hell took you all so long?"

Bella was only half listening, and although her and Rosalie's lifetime of issues were long past being resolved in the immediate future, it was refreshing to be around this beautiful little sprite as she brought us together. She wasn't only Rose's new tether weight, she held onto us all it seemed. She was the kid at the carnival, and if I had a choice I'd like to be the string touching her hand rather than a faraway balloon.

"So, a party huh?" We were all reclining around the sitting room now, the tension dissipated for the time being. Rose and Alice took up the settee, Bella laid prostrate on the carpet and I'd spoken up from my collapsed position in the button back chair.

"And a carpool to the match?" Bella added, looking skeptical.

"You certainly don't have to come." I'd been around Rose for less than thirty minutes and already I needed a vacation.

"Rosalie, of course Bella is coming. Hush." And Rose only shook her head, no retort, no verbal lashing.

_Alice is more than I could have ever imagined. _I was a cliché uttering idiot.

"I'm glad you girls will be there. We're going to kill 'em. Sorry to ruin our victory surprise now, but that's just the facts."

Three beautiful girls ignored me.

"So, Alice, tell us about your friends." Bella was sitting up now, finally engaging, but looking positively twitchy.

"Oh, well, the people I love the most who aren't in this room are obviously Edward - he's my best friend - and his brother Emmett; though Em and I are newer to friendship even though I've known him just as long as I've been connected to E."

"And 'E' is Edward?" I couldn't help but notice how Bells leaned forward as she questioned, though I seemed to be alone in my observation. And it made no sense to me, so I disregarded it.

"Yep. He is a very misunderstood guy. Well, not completely. He's got a 'special way' with women, which is to say he's horrible with them. He hasn't gotten past the idea that getting major ass is all there is to life. Well, that and piano. He doesn't play for anyone though."

"Alice, you must know a side of Edward Cullen no one is privy to, because in all of my interaction with him he's only come across as an arrogant jackass." _I know first hand he's the worst sort._

"Oh," Ali was laughing, "he IS an arrogant ass. That's his charm." She said this with a knowing wink at the girls. I'd never seen Alice look uncomfortable, but she was remarkably at ease in this room, surrounded by us, talking about her world.

"And Emmett?" It was Rose's turn to be interested.

I knew that tone. _Poor Emmett. Well, sort of. _He would obviously be Rose's new pet before he knew what hit him.

"Oh, well, like I said … we're new. But you'll have a better chance to get to know him yourselves at the party. Emmett _and_ Edward, actually."

"You all forget they're my teammates, I know them well enough." I threw the reminder out there with absolute indifference.

"If you don't like them, well then, you don't know them." Of this Alice was certain as she bore her gaze into my relaxed eyes. _Why have I been such a chump and kept my distance from this girl?_

"Bella, did you send the dry cleaning with Clara?" Rose had apparently remembered something previously forgotten and it pulled her in a different direction.

"I have no idea who Clara is."

They continued with mundane questions and answers and I was one hundred percent focused on Alice. She looked up from the magazine she'd been flipping through throughout our conversation. Slowly she placed the magazine on the ottoman and broke the silence.

"Why did the rumor make you so mad?" I was surprised by such a personal question and looked around me to see if the others were as caught off guard as I was, but they weren't in the room anymore. I felt nervous to be on the spot, because there were two truthful answers to Alice's question but only both together made up the whole truth behind my frustration.

"It is only Bella's first few days, she doesn't need to start out living something down. Well, anything more than she's already fighting against. And I'm not really one to put myself out there, so most people know nothing about me. That type of rumor is believable when someone doesn't know me and then they look at Bella." _First truth._

"I believed it. I didn't want to, though." She looked so disappointed, in herself, maybe in me too. _It sucks to realize you leave nothing behind for people to hang on to, for others to know beyond a shadow of a doubt. _But I really never cared about what I put out there until now, realizing I'd been holding back from the one thing worth going out on a limb for in this god forsaken school.

"I never gave you a reason not to, don't worry about it. But, if you don't mind my asking, why did you tell Emmett?"

"Well, I didn't actually say your name, but he figured it out without me even realizing it. I take full responsibility for it getting out regardless."

"But why go to him?" This point seemed important to me for a reason I couldn't put my finger on. _Maybe the private swimming excursions? _

Now she was on the spot and her eyes darted nervously.

"Edward was gone and I needed someone to talk to. The only person left for me was Emmett. And that sounds mean, like a last resort, but when you only have one person to begin with you are still the most pathetic thing about the circumstance."

Everything about those words, and her as she formed them, made me feel as though there were more layers here. From personal experience, I knew that you only had multifaceted opinions or emotions on things when there was value attached. Something has to matter to be worthy of such attention and effort.

We sat in comfortable silence until I was done with half-truths.

"I didn't finish answering your question."

"I didn't really finish answering yours."

"The second reason this foul lie pissed me off was because I didn't want to be thought of like that, that I was capable of doing that to Bella, or to myself. I didn't want to be thought of as taken. I didn't want you to think I was spoken for." _Second truth. Whole truth. _

The shy bastard in me wanted to drop our stare, but the fucker who just confessed his sorry ass to the woman he'd loved for a year but never spoken to held on tight.

"I need to show you something." She whispered this and then, taking my hand, led me through the door.

I was outside of my body when I realized I was stepping on an envelope that had been propped up on the sill.

It was addressed to Bella, so I set in on the entry table.

"Bells, you have a letter. We're out of here."

The door swung closed behind us.

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**BPOV**

_Bella,_

_I will show you._

_Undeniably yours,_

_E.C._

And it continued to promise the same unbelievable thing no matter how many times I read it.

What was I kidding, if he was a ten, then he was my fate. But he would have to show me.

As well as forgive me for a lie I did not tell, and actions I would never perform.

But I hoped beyond anything else that he didn't believe it.

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**A/N: I feel like we're finally wrapping up some of what we began with and now we're moving into new story territory. I can't really believe we've only covered five days. How much fun there is still to have! Thank you so much for reading diligently and if you have a second, please share your thoughts and even your desires for coming chapters! You're amazing, RAE**

**P.S. Check out Bella's boots on my profile!**

**P.P.S. I'm not sure if you've figured out what links all of the chapter titles, but it would help you to understand each chapter even better if you determined their origins. Just a clue. And I'd love to hear any speculation.**


	12. Ring a Ring o' Roses

**Chapter 11 Ring a Ring o' Roses**

**A/N: Oh, Steph how we love you and your fantastic imagination. All characters are hers!**

**Yes, these chapter titles are based on Nursery Rhymes; some titles/rhymes are infused into the chapter, others are not, they are merely representative. I'll tell you though, it has been a great starting place, inspirationally, for those times when a chapter is more difficult to get out. You all did great with your guesses, thank you for taking the time! And here we go …**

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**APOV **- Thursday Night, Early Evening

_Knock -knock -knock_, went the rap of my anxious knuckles on the aggravatingly impenetrable suite door.

"Come on …" I was near whining and it wasn't doing a bit of good. _If he were able to see the pout I have going on over here on this side of the door, he'd be a goner. For sure. _And it was true; my puppy-dog face put all others to shame. But no one succumbed to its begging quite like Edward.

I rested my cheek against the cold wood, the feeling of defeat setting in.

I'd been banging and pleading for close to forty-five minutes, but no response had come. I knew he was in there. God, I had seen Edward walk into Pike Tower with my own eyes, but had, for the first time in my life, been too slow in my pursuit. _He must have sprung into an all out sprint when he heard me calling out to him. _By the time I'd made it to the penthouse floor all seemed dead within 7A, and nothing had changed in the almost-hour that had passed.

I really wasn't trying to push him. There had been an overreaction on my part, the night of the Welcome to America party, which had led Edward to turn in early and me to remain distant. After elaborating, though, on what a fantastically misunderstood guy my best friend was with the girls and Jasper Tuesday night, I'd been dying to spend some 'us' time. I really knew nothing about London and why he'd decided to come home so abruptly, and life … I didn't know what his everyday stuff was like these days. Basically, I was missing E tremendously.

I would never have guessed things were going this poorly, though. To be ignored for this amount of time, left stranded in the hall. Edward just didn't shut me out. He always needed me there when he was drowning. _Literally._

I was excellent at reading him, so he often left it to me to "shrink" his crazy boy brain, figure out the issue and then kick his ass into fixing it. _If he's this detached, perhaps the guy doesn't want you to know this problem._

We just didn't keep secrets. So, if Edward was avoiding me to maintain privacy then whatever was plaguing him was a huge deal.

When Edward felt like a dick for having sex with three different girls, all in one night, during last year's freshman rush he told me. After Jessica came to him claiming to be pregnant, he ran straight to me; even though I'd always detested Stanley for the whore she'll forever be and had never made a secret of it. _Well, honestly, the degree of my hatred now is mostly intolerance of her inabilities then … to figure out birth control, or a pregnancy test, or being human. Damn moron. _But he still relied on me even though he'd worried I'd think less of him. Which I did - and didn't; he was more important than the hatred and the all around revulsion towards a skank.

He confided in me with parental issues, squandering his potential issues, Emmett issues – no matter how male and shallow – and he'd even come crawling back, groveling incessantly after drunkenly trying to feel me up; even offering up his face, thinking that punching him would make me feel better, more in control again. But I just laughed at him, because no way would I punch Edward for just being himself; and my head found its spot on his shoulder and that was that.

I slid down the door, my full weight pulling and guiding me quickly. I dug around in my Chanel and found the small note pad and decided a different tactic was needed.

_E, I love you and you don't have to tell me, but I am here. Ali_

I ripped the slip of paper free from its leather binding and slid the note, face up, under Edward's door. But the paper wouldn't go more than half way, like it was coming up against something on the other side, and then suddenly the paper was snatched from my fingers and completely disappeared.

I must have been a sight - and giving quite the show to any passerby - perched on my knees attempting to peer under Edward Cullen's suite door. _Ass undoubtedly hanging out. _So, I turned myself around and let my back, resting on the wood, hold me up.

I felt a thud on the door like someone was pressing their weight into it, and I waited.

The lock turned first and then the handle; finally Edward's entry way was in full view.

"You were sitting on the other side the entire time?" My sullen Cullen – I'd secretly called him this for years - just looked at me and walked away towards the bar, grabbing lime Perrier for me and a long necked bottle for himself.

"Well, I did learn something new." I quipped, following him. "You are the quietest breather alive. Quite the hidden talent I'd say. You know I have supersonic hearing and never made out even one single sigh. And since you're such a sac of blah, I'm sure there have been quite a few of those. Perhaps you are destined for the circus." I was trying not to be testy and make him regret letting me in, so that really meant I needed to stop talking.

And then no one spoke and we were getting nowhere.

"Do you remember at your welcome home party when I was sort of a bitch for no reason?" There wasn't much use in pretending to be bashful or pitiful; we both knew he always forgave me.

After a long drink he replied, "Yep. Remember when I forgot to thank you for said party and proceeded to allow your silly avoiding games 'cause I got all wrapped up in my own shit?"

I nodded and we both smiled. Mine was more blinding than Edward's though, I was pretty sure, considering his looked exhausted and somewhat pained.

"So, obviously, you were expecting company?" I'd moved to lean against his bedroom door jam and was taking sarcastic stock of the filthy mess before me. Clothing was strewn everywhere, his blankets taking up residence on the floor in a heap, but the most haphazard, as well as interesting, area was his desk. Piano composition rolls were draped every which way and they were _written_ on. Music notes filled staff after staff and I was floored.

"You're composing again. Did you begin this in London?" My fingers gingerly connected with an edge of the nearest page.

"No, I couldn't sleep last night …" Edward palmed his eye right on cue.

"All this in one night?" I questioned, highly skeptical that such a vast amount of work could be laid to paper in eight hours. Not to mention it took E weeks to perfect one sheet, let alone an entire roll. And he didn't even have a piano in here, just a keyboard. Edward always took to ivory when writing something this definite, this audacious.

"… Or the night before, I guess." He smiled down at me with one side of his mouth refusing to turn up. So, I zipped around and collected his clothing, flung the bed sheets into order, and sat Mr. Hello I'm a Train Wreck at the foot. With him sitting, we were eye-to-eye.

"I promised you didn't have to tell me. But now that I'm here, and were having such a great time, " _-he always appreciated my dry wit- _" do you maybe want to fill me in?"

He pulled back from my hands, which had been perched on his respective shoulders.

"Alice." This was a warning. _Why is he shutting me out?_

I moved to give him some literal space and stretched out on the bed next to his ridged, hunching form. _New topic? _It was worth a try.

"I have new friends." At this he mimicked my horizontal comfort, resting his head on a propped up elbow.

"Oh really? Anybody hot?" His playful twinkle was fighting its way back, and that was exactly what I wanted, so I kept on.

"Of course. They are _my_ friends. Well, you sort of know some of them already."

"Go on."

"Obviously you know Rosalie and Jasper Hale." The recoiling reaction I received from that was a step backwards in our progress. _Shit._

"No Edward, they aren't what you think. I really like them." I threw in a quick smile. "And they also have a cousin - Emmett may have mentioned her - her name is Bella and she's wonderful. Rose and her don't really get along, well, neither do Rose and Jas, but -" My mile a minute confession slash desperate, and quite incomplete, attempt to convince him of their merit was interrupted.

"Wait." Edward was on his feet now, but otherwise still as stone.

"Everyone knows Rosalie Hale's a raging, totalitarian monster. And, _Jas_? How could you possibly have been around _him_ long enough to throw around a nick name like that?" He paused, and I let him take a second, because I knew he wasn't finished. Edward was turned away from me now, speaking to the window, hands thrusting through his trademark locks. "And Emmett did mention Bella … but only in relation to Jasper … and fucking."

I could have sworn he held his breath after that.

"That was a misunderstanding." I'd promised not to talk about this anymore.

Edward was wound so tightly I honestly was beginning to worry. He purposefully avoided my eyes while collapsing next to me, spreading his arms out to complete the top of a 'T.'

I rested my head back on an outstretched arm and followed his cue by keeping my eyes trained towards the ceiling. _For whatever reason he's keeping a secret from you, but you ARE going to give him space and you WILL let him come to you in his own time._

I could be patient for my friend. _For today, at least._

"So … _Jas _huh?" I could hear the smile in his voice and that, in combination with thoughts of Jasper, warmed me.

"He's amazing, Edward." My animation shook the bed.

"You've felt that way for a while, haven't you?" _He knows me so well. _My irreplaceable friend turned his faraway eyes to me. "And here I thought you enjoyed supporting _me _at practices; it would make sense you were there to gawk and drool over _him_." This came with smiling and teasing and love. _You're the first amazing one, Edward._

He turned back to the ceiling then.

"He's not good enough for you, Ali." The sentiment was clearly somber and no-nonsense.

"Will you get to know Jasper better before you make that your final opinion, please?"

And Edward would, because he loved me. And I would figure out a way to help him through his problems because, god knows, I loved him.

**EmPOV **- Friday

I'd been avoiding the suite at all costs the last couple of days, what with Ed being all moody and temperamental while incessantly banging away on that damn keyboard. You'd think a guy would be allowed to get some much needed rest in his own space and not be forced to sit awake, at three in the morning, by his insane relative; one might also think that Edward should stop acting like a woman and get over this emotional apocalypse. That 'one' I was referring to - _no shocker here_ – was me! This had to stop.

"Go out, take what you want and leave the other shit behind. All will be right again," had been my advice to him this morning at six, when I was heading to the pool for laps and he remained crouched over the previous night's musical hurricane. Bitch was a mess.

I had no idea if he would follow my advice, or what the issue was to begin with, and truthfully I really didn't care if he moped all fucking day as long as he got over it by tonight. I'd see Edward in Calc and English, I'd avoid his depressed ass during free period, get him pumped at practice for our match tomorrow and then insist he make an appearance at Rose and Ali's party. Since London I hadn't seen the proper return of my wing-man. This event was not optional.

Dry and feeling alive from my work out, I was in my Calc seat before the bell rang. Ed was looking more alert, while finally sitting upright, and even smiled back when Alice flashed her sparkling teeth our way. _Good thing man, I'm going to need your presence of mind tonight. _Girls were drawn in by tortured not torturous.

And if anyone could teach being tortured, brooding and undeniable, it was my baby brother. Lucky for him everyone had missed out on this recent split from reality. I knew for a fact that Angela and Ben were taking a break, and that meant a recommencement of her and Edward's arrangement. _I wonder if the hermit even knows._ Getting with her should kick him out of this funk.

Edward didn't usually occupy so much of my concern but he'd never given me reason before this week – first scaring the shit out of me and second exhausting the fuck out of himself. He'd been consistently one way our entire mature life – this was not his way. _Dude, you're overreacting. He's just adjusting to Fremont again. London sucked. Give him time. Maybe a little Angela action will charge him back to full capacity._

"I hear Ben's pretty messed up over Angela needing a break… again. What's the deal with him anyway? What guy wastes his freedom and dates seriously now? It's supposed to be about quantity, not quality. We have forever to be old bastards who settle."

Edward just looked at me and shrugged.

"So, you gonna call Ang?"

"Sure." At least he seemed as disengaged as per-usual – or his prior "per-usual," before he went cyborg.

"You always said she was your favorite regular. There's no substitute for raging break up sex."

"That's true." He smiled like the cocky son of a bitch he was and I could finally see the lost fire in him returning.

"Actually, she'll be at the party tonight."

"She?" His eyes were still hazy.

"Dude, Angela. She's the only girl we were talking about."

"Right. And the party's at Rose and Bella's place?" With this question, some of his seconds-previous calm was disturbed. _He's too interested. _My brother always jumped on board at the last second, details be damned. Determining to go to a party before the last possible moment was an over commitment for him. It may not make sense, but it was Edward's charm. He didn't give a flying fuck about anything. _Except Alice. _Okay, yes, except Alice. _Maybe piano, too. _Shhhh.

I had a theory brewing now, and needed to clear my head so I could test it in a way he wouldn't see coming.

"That's right. Rose and Alice are throwing it. I never told you that I got straightened out on that Bella stuff. It wasn't true."

But he didn't flinch, didn't get excited, didn't get pissed. He was non-responsive.

_Okay, I guess that theory is dead._

I guess it would make sense that Edward was a mess over a chick; there's a first time for everything. And since his changes aligned with Bella's sudden materialization into our lives I'd thought maybe. Whatever. They say it's dangerous to try and understand the deranged because then you start to question your own sanity – it was apparently this huge motherfucking cycle that I really couldn't afford to get caught up in. _I'm in junior classes for a reason. No point burning out the only brain cells I've got over Ed._

I'd let him figure it out.

"You'll be at the party." I didn't ask, or tell. I stated how he _was_ going to have my back tonight – crazy or not.

"Yeah."

"Cool." He didn't need to know I actually wanted him there. I didn't have to turn into a woman too.

**RPOV **– Friday

"Okay, guys, put one tank in each corner and go ahead and wind a hose into the bottom of every one, then turn the water on full blast. There should be dye pills in the tanks already."

Alice was General of this operation, being that she was essentially a professional party planner. I would co-host with her when the time came, but first I'd been given the job of acquiring the muscle – I use that term loosely since we were talking about Fremont guys – to haul around all our larger than life décor.

Massive, three hundred and sixty gallon fish tanks – sans fish, but plus dyed, blue water, glitter and waterproof light tracks that ran throughout – were stationed at each of the four corners of the sitting room. The DJ would plug in where my velvet settee normal sat, which currently resided in my safe-from-vomit bedroom. The bar needed to be front and center, near the kitchenette, so it'd have access to water, and would be manned by this junior named Ben who always mixed my Grenadine cocktails just right.

The well endowed, as far as strength was concerned - since for many of these guys their other areas were sadly a bit touch and go, if my memory served me correctly – of Pike's third floor filled my suite, being good little slaves and succumbing to every one of Ali's whims.

"Great. Now, those tanks will take about an hour to fill up, so please watch them closely. If you two will grab the tables from the hallway and set one up there and the other there, that would be wonderful. Oh and you, you can grab the buckets and cases of beer and liquor and set them by the bar." Alice looked up to catch my eye.

"Rose, what do you think? Still a little sparse, huh? I think I was right about the lighted floor tiles – I am so glad I went ahead and rented those. Hey you, yes you, can you grab a couple other guys and start hauling in the large tiles, please? Oh, thank you! Help me move these bags, Rose, so we can connect the floor."

That had been three hours, two attempts at the dance floor, and one significant face plant – _god Bella, two left feet much_ – ago. It was six now and we'd ordered in from Monsoon on the Hill, because what kind of pre-party didn't include Asian fusion?

Mouths full and anticipation churning, the three of us sat cross legged on the nightmare floor – although, I had to admit the lights from the floor and the fish tanks gave you a surreal underwater experience.

"Damn Alice, this place looks amazing." I couldn't help the awe; it was automatic and unavoidable.

"Thank you, thank you." She took little half-bows and then laughed at herself.

"We've got to get going, though, if we want to be ready on time."

Alice gathered up our empty containers, discarded them, and ushered us into my room. Bella and I were fairing pretty well, considering all of the time we'd been spending together with Alice. Ali seemed to think that being a group was a fantastic idea, but really I didn't know if I could stomach Bella so constantly.

Like now, she was draped across the settee just zoning out. We had major makeup, hair and dressing to do and she couldn't care less.

"Come on Bella, let's start with your hair."

"You know Alice, I think I'm going to grab a quick shower. Hot water sounds sinfully fantastic right now." Alice, obviously disappointed at having her project walk out the door, turned on me.

"Are you two fighting?" I'd guess the look she was giving me was her eagle eye, but it was way more menacing and fairy-like.

"No more than usual. God, Alice, Bella lives in her own world. And in that world it doesn't matter what you wear to a party or the time it takes to look properly fabulous. Now, since we have our own world to get to – lets."

It was moisturizer, bobby pins, red lipstick, Chanel No. 5, black and white lace, style irons and black eyeliner for miles once we began.

My room was definitely the larger of the two in our suite. Because we lived on the top floor, odd ceiling indentions littered our spacious living areas. Bella's room, in particular, had angular cutouts and protrusions which left less walking and storage space. My room was quite rectangular though; large enough, in height and width, to accommodate my queen canopy bed plus all of my clothing and shoe storage.

I had a professional makeup counter and vanity next to my additional clothing rack, which was keeping our dresses for the evening, and a couple last minute options, hanging safely within their garment bags.

In heals, lingerie and silk robes Ali and I put the finishing touches on our hair and faces as I filled her in on the goings on of the day.

"So, did you hear about Angela and Ben - you know, the guy we have covering the bar tonight?"

"Yeah, I know Ben - but I know Angela better." She rolled her eyes, clearly alluding to her foresight of the very near future and keen memory of the repetitive past. Ali knew all things Edward Cullen. And Cullen had a permanent punch on Angela Weber's post break up fuck card.

"I bet you do." I grinned wickedly at all the titillating knowledge only Alice's tiny head held.

"Why? Are they on a "break" again?" Alice seemed a little distant in her interest, or perhaps just distracted.

"God, of course they are. Why they've spent over a year breaking up only to get back together is a mystery to me? Seriously, what could the point be? Either find someone you want to be with or fuck everyone. I didn't make the rules, but I sure as hell worship them. Anything else just causes little bitch drama."

"Well, Ben and Angela are always on the outs, it was only a matter of time really."

"So, obviously you'll be seeing less of Edward now that Angela's all hot and horny for kinky shit she's been missing out while coasting with white bread Ben."

"I haven't seen him too much lately, anyway. But we talked yesterday and he's really concerning me. Maybe getting his favorite spur of the moment action will straighten him out."

"It isn't like he'll have to go out of his way to claim her. Sometimes I think Angela only breaks up with Ben when she needs another go around with Eddie. I doubt he'll even make it through the door tonight." The idea that someone would be getting some later, and that I was still hard pressed to think of anyone but Emmett, was starting to incessantly grate on me. _Maybe what's grating isn't the thinking but your own inaction. You're a fucking doer, Rosalie. Cut the shit and claim him. _But I didn't want to as they say 'hit it and quit it.' I wanted him to only want to fuck me. I wanted him with only me, every night and every day.

I was losing my stronghold, as well as my attention span apparently. Alice's next words brought me from my daydream into total intrigue. Who could resist juicy predilection gossip?

"God, if he only heard you call him that he'd think I put you up to it. I'd tell you more, but I can't. Let's just say, he really enjoys that name … just not in public." She had a glint to her eye, as she knew she was teasing me with classified information. If she told Edward's secrets she couldn't be trusted with mine, and that's why I knew she wouldn't budge even if I begged. Alice was solid.

"Maybe we'll hear Angela screaming it from Bella's bedroom later tonight."

"Lucky Edward." We laughed raucously at that, although what was actually whipping us into such frenzy were the quickly approaching festivities. _Nobody can resist a good party._

"Okay, I'm clean and dry." Bella was rose red. _Her shower must have been scorching to leave her that lingeringly flushed._

Knocking sounded from the front room.

"Shit. That is probably the caterer and the wait staff. They're early. Rose, you curl B's hair, I'll go get them set up."

Bella swiveled around to take stock of her options. Alice was already out the door and I was sitting behind the mirror brandishing a hot style iron. It was like I could hear the wheels turning. Her response didn't disappoint.

"You've waited for years for an opportunity to burn the hell out of me. I won't make it that easy, Hale."

"Oh, silly cousin, I've already burned the hell out of you, and it _was_ easy. Now I'm bored with that, so get your snarky ass over here and let me do what I do."

Bella hesitated, a permanent sneer adorning her lips.

"I don't trust you, but seeing as Alice will pussy punch you if do anything to sully this _shin dig_ I think I can take my chances."

Smart-ass retort. But true.

"She is a force, isn't she?" My rhetorical question created the break in conversation that would be the only thing to get me through this Alice-concocted ordeal.

I combed through her hair and felt ridiculous acting like girlfriends, meticulously doting, brushing, curling, applying and perfecting someone who I despised. _Alice is conniving. And I thought I had ways. _Alice was her own realm of Machiavellian regime.

It all felt absent minded - since I could turn a horse beautiful without ten percent of my efforts - but I began to become more comfortable as I fell into the familiarity of adding shine to her hair and a perfect coat of mascara to her enviously long lashes.

"So, how do you think Edward Cullen came to love the nick name Eddie? I find that insider info tantalizing. Anything that gives me the upper hand is dreadfully intoxicating. I would think you feel the same way, Bella. It's a woman's prerogative to feast on power."

Really, I just wanted to know if she'd been eavesdropping, intentionally or otherwise, on Alice and my earlier conversation. Without delivering it correctly, though, she'd see right through me. _I still have some tricks. _I smiled inwardly at my panache for everything malignant. _No, you're supposed to be loosening those bitch strings, Rose, remember? _Oh yeah.

Never the less, I wanted to know.

"Is that what Angela will be screaming from my room? Eddie? How fantastic for me, and my love for debauched furniture and bed sheets."

She was angry. But she was trying to disguise it in sarcasm. And I just might have stumbled upon something more illicit than a snooping relative.

Rosalie Hale may not read people very well, but if there is anything I _am_ fluent in that would certainly be … lust. Lust was a favorite evil fruit that colored everyone the same. One bite was harder to spot. But anyone gnawing on the same apple for long burns red, because lust manifested into fantasized ownership. Was Edward Cullen Bella's choice produce? Did she feel entitled to him because she lusted after him the most ardently?

_And I mistakened her for someone sharp. How obtuse of me. _Book smarts and street cred – quite different indeed.

"Rose are you almost – oh my god Bella, you look amazing." Bella looked once in the mirror.

Alice was right of course, and I guess that had been the idea. It still felt odd to aid Bella in any way.

"Thanks. I guess I'll go get dressed." She walked towards the door. "Thanks Rose," she said without turning.

"I'm dying to get into my dress. Zip me up will you?"

Alice slipped on her dress and I fastened her in, and we repeated the process for me. One last look, spray and gloss and we were back in the sitting room. Trays of pasta, in individual Chinese containers with chop sticks, and mounds of bananas and chocolate were being prepared and would be circulated throughout the night by the waiters. Everyone knew what our guys needed before and after a game - food, drink and otherwise. We'd take good care of them.

"It is so nice to have a professional staff even though I'm away from home. Why couldn't we hire a legitimate bar staff again?"

"I don't trust just anyone with my cosmos. Ben's an ace – perhaps he was meant to be a barkeep over a boyfriend. That would make a lot of sense."

Alice just laughed.

"You think I'm joking; just wait until you taste the divinely mixed goodness I'll pass your way later. Maybe you'll be Ben's new girl by nights end. _Just keep me in martinis baby and I'll never let you go_." I said, impersonating Alice's drunken voice and swagger.

"We'll see. God, don't let me get drunk, we have to get up early tomorrow. And this dress is coochie short. Drinking will not increase the likelihood of keeping my privates private."

She smoothed her outfit down as if to secure it around her permanently. The silk, fuchsia was short, but only as short as mine. Except, on my legs, the sequined, skin colored mini dress I'd chosen looked almost indecently tiny. _If anyone can pull it off …_

We passed through the bustle, and I followed Alice into Bella's room. She still wasn't dressed and Ali immediately decided her options her revolting. Really, they just looked like everyday clothing.

"Hold on." Alice whooshed from the room and was back before I'd have sworn was humanly possible.

"Wear this. Don't argue." Alice thrust a garment bag at Bella.

"But Alice-" Instead of taking it, Bella pushed it back. The tug of war ended before it began, as Alice unearthed the Bella-destined frock.

"I even got it on sale." Alice knew her audience. And sale did seem to be the trigger that got Bella into the black, jersey and taffeta BCBG.

"Let's pin your hair up a little so we can show off your back." My comment surprised even me. But my personal excuse, as I shook off the surprised looks from both girls, was that is would be a shame to waste a cut out, barrel shaped tieback like that. It was all in the name of fashion.

Finally ready for our guests, it was time for the final walk through.

Taking in the entire room, Alice's seamless tabletop and floor top decoupage reminded me of her incredible efforts at putting all of this together. The entire atmosphere resonated wealth and privilege. And winning! After a bash like this our guys wouldn't be able to help but show Puyallup who owns them. This was going to be the kind of fun that had been sorely missing from Fremont since fall term kick off.

At the idea of enjoyment, my thoughts returned to Bella and my little assessment. It sure would be entertaining to watch everything play out. Angela and Edward playing … sassy Bella stepping in to take what she thought was hers, as her social ashes fall around her. She would get what was coming to her if she laid herself out there for any Fremont boy, let alone the mighty Edward Cullen. He was no amateur. And he certainly wasn't a Romeo, though he did leave a trail of poisoned Juliette's in his wake. The toxic fire of course was him.

But if she needed a wake up call, it wasn't coming from me.

_Welcome to the game, Bella, where the players burn to kill._

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**A/N: I am getting really excited for the party, so much in fact, that I'd planned to include it in this update but knew by the end of this final POV that I couldn't do it justice yet; I need another day to think on it. Hopefully this chapter gives you even more insight into these characters and gets you jazzed for what's to come. Let me know what you're like and not like so much about Girls and Boys, if you have a second. Thank you so much for reading time and time again! RAE**

**P.S. Links to the party dresses can be found on my profile!**


	13. Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush

**Chapter 12 Here We Go Round the Mulberry Bush**

**A/N: All characters belong to SM!**

**I don't know how to say this without it sounding like the tacky plug that it really isn't – I promise - but it's time for the Twilight awards, and I am having a ball nominating my much deserving favorites in all of the different categories. Now, I am new at this whole thing, but there are plenty of writers out there who are seasoned and have provided us with much amusement and inspiration. Please, go nominate and then vote for those stories you so vehemently read and review and let their author's know how much you love and appreciate their hard work. Seriously, it's a blast!**

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**EPOV**

_I have absolutely no fucking idea what I'm doing._

I'd spent all of Tuesday night repeating Bella's impossible request to myself, hoping that by familiarizing those words with my consciousness that perhaps a bolt of lighting would flash and I'd be inspired. Struck with the most convincing, alluring, and absolutely foolproof way of conveying my true intentions towards her.

And they were honorable, well, as close as Edward Cullen's intentions could be concerning anything remotely honest.

And she'd known my limitations, fucking instinctively. Edward Cullen could only be trusted so much, because at the end of the day, no matter how much I may care for her I would still be plagued with the realities of myself. I couldn't escape my identity, just as I couldn't white wash my past.

She'd left the stage before I'd even responded, and I knew that the least I could manage would be to start off on the same page. Bella had to know that I'd take her words more seriously than she'd think possible. I just didn't know if I could get through a conversation without pulling her close to me and burying all these troubles in her heavy, shiny hair washing them all away as my face burrowed deeper and deeper into her sent and silky strands.

So a letter it was.

But it hurt to over think my words so I just wrote what should have been said before she'd fled.

Leaving it on her stoop, I ran back to my suite, flinging my bedroom door closed behind me. As I'd rocketing across the space to the bag with the paper and the drawer housing my favorite pencil, the old Edward was abandoned and I allowed my mind to spin out and the melodies that brought her to my side that night to enrapture me.

By the time Wednesday morning dawned I was wrist deep in my composition, endlessly going over the notes I'd struck and the harmonies that had been conjured. Wholes and halves and sixteenths waved their flags at me while I scored them to staff after staff.

The fervency of my pencil to scroll, finger to key momentum was powered by the small hand that had brushed the hair from my eyes, and palmed my strained jaw. The endless propel was driven onward by the gentle fingers - from the only warm hand that would ever exist to me - that trembled as they tickled my neck. Her eyes had been on my lips, and her breath ragged, the moment we connected skin to skin. And the privacy of the moment, souls barred, inadequacies apparent, only heightened all awareness.

And I'd had to touch her because she was creamy and soft and smelt like unrealized need. I had no idea there would ever be someone like Bella, and I didn't think she'd ever felt a tenth of the passion, in the entirety of her life, that she was feeling in that moment. I sure a hell hadn't. And it wasn't because she was creamy and soft and fragrant, but because she mattered.

And I'd never thought someone could hold so much importance. Not to me.

_Fuck you, Edward Cullen, and all your weak shit. Fuck you for hiding and bastardizing yourself._

Looking at the clock I realized if I didn't motor I would be late, which was out of the question with the match on Saturday. Though, I'd admit, that Saturday seemed far as fuck from now and every motive in my body was pulling me back toward my incomplete personal rendering, my music.

_But she'll be out there. Somewhere._

I was in the shower, soaped up, rinsed, brushed, dressed, frowning as my frowzy hair and out the door in minutes. The natural light stung my eyes and the incessant chatter of the congested crowds caused me to turn inward, keeping my annoyance at bay by soundlessly humming my ode.

But I didn't see her for more than one short class all day. During my one assured time, for at least a glimpse of her calming face, Bella arrived late, kept to herself and left early. I held out a small hope that she'd come to practice. _Why the fuck do people hope anyway? You're just setting yourself up to feel like shit._

And Wednesday night blurred into what had engulfed Tuesday's nocturnal hours and before I could refill my coffee cup for the twenty-seventh time it was Thursday.

I had no idea how to show Bella anything when she wouldn't look at me. Yesterday she'd seemed so unsure. And sad. Five feet of scroll had to be omitted when my emotions went on and on distressing over whether it had been something in the short note I'd left that caused her pointed distance. _Maybe she didn't get the letter. Maybe she'd changed her mind. Maybe the reality of me finally set in. Maybe I should shut the hell up and get to class._

The cool morning greeted me before I was nearly ready. Shivering, I stopped to pull my jacket tighter.

I found her then and directed all my body language, absentmindedly, in her direction. She was only walking; bag heavy on her shoulder, hair swinging all around her. Bella would have caught my self-important eye even if she hadn't been glowing like the most fucking brilliant sun in existence. It was like I had a homing beacon attached to her and any time she came within a twenty-foot radius it shocked my heart and dick mercilessly. _If Bella only knew how much control she truly had over me…_

She was so near, and I'd promised to show her. So, when her eyes found mine watching her, as she was about to pass right by, I reached out and brushed my hand against hers, "Good morning, Bella." I brought my whispering mouth close to her cheek. "I missed you yesterday. I'll see you in French." I would have suggested free period, but I'd not found her anywhere yesterday or the day before, and thought it might be better to play the non-expectant, non-threatening card. Her eyes only widened, a genuine smile playing around the corners of her pouty, wanting lips, and she continued walking.

I'd desperately wanted to grab her from the center of the crowded courtyard, pull her down into my lap at the nearest bench and kiss her properly. _Her lips were fucking begging for it. _But even that small public gesture would ruin her.

Being with me would defile her. And if I didn't care it wouldn't be a problem – _I'm an expert in the art of corruption_ – but I didn't want her to have anything in common with the others, the proverbial graveyard of hookups past.

I chided myself for trying to take the easy way out. _Shut the fuck up dude, none of this is easy. _But fucking her would be exceptionally effortless – _but, shit, I wanted to put some exertion behind it, how about more like drive all my effort straight into her, over and over _- but proving I was more than that, however, wasn't so ABC.

My feet dragged as I made my way to Calc, then shuffled to Physics and English. I obviously hadn't slept in days, but my exhaustion was of another nature. I could hardly push through my laps, as I made up for the multiple missed morning work out during free period.

I just felt heavy all over and was beginning to think it was the impossible, elephant-esk question weighing me down.

_How do I prove to be something I'm not but could be, possibly, someday?_

It felt like huge boulders were strapped to my feet, keeping me from filling my lungs with air, like all of my issues had sunk me to the very bottom of an Olympic sized pool. If only I could stay afloat, even just break the surface. My answers had to be waiting for me up there, up above on dry land, where normal people found feelings and love and happiness.

_Feelings? Okay, those are definitely present. Love? Yeah right, you're Edward Cullen._ And happiness was a certainty; happiness had found its way to me. _Bella._ So, I guess this was what if felt like to come up for air after all. Maybe I was just waterlogged.

However, the idea of proving myself to Bella was ferociously laughable. The only thing I was capable of assuring anyone was that I was a complete and utter jackass, the king of all dicks. _Is it wrong that, even in a haggard time such as this, I say that with a double meaning?_

Case in point. I was not a friend to women. I was the fiend.

I'd been proficient at playing the role of Casanova; not considered a break neck task when the only requirement of me was unfailing charm and contractual perks clearly stating endless sex with ripe, wanting girls. Although, I didn't know dedicating my spunk to that form of devil would leave me incapable now. But I'd never imagined my life taking_ this_ turn.

I couldn't even covet that now impossible lifestyle as I always thought I would if it happened to end. There were no spare amounts of yearning left within me to waste anything on less than her. And since she seemed to be my own personal sun, it didn't seem it could ever get better than Bella Swan.

Somehow, despite her brilliant shine, I could look directly at her and did throughout most of our French session. I couldn't help it. I just re-angled my chair, so it wouldn't be so awkward, since I sat father up in my row than she did, and hoped to catch her eye.

I felt pathetic at my obsessing. That reaction didn't last long though, because slowly she began returning my gaze, just briefly at first but eventually I had her eyes and the indiscernible message we were passing back and forth had me reeling despite its unapparent meaning. We were just looking.

Of course this development had to occur seconds before the bell, but just pre ring she mouthed "Tonight" in my direction. I could feel my face pulling and scrunching and warming. _I think I'm turning into a woman._

_Tonight._

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**BPOV **– Thursday Night

I laid down in the faintly lit concert hall, the cold platform floor permeating my white blouse. My writing assignment was untouched because I was waiting. I'd thought Edward would be here before I even arrived, but the piano stool was empty and there had been no music wafting around me as Carmen had prattled on about dirty realism.

It had been a tiring couple of days. I'd stewed over Edward's note, and the fact that he may or may not believe I was a cousin-fucking whore.

I was overwhelmed with the possibilities that laid therein.

On the one hand, Edward might not have believed the rumor at all. _This was my favorite hand. _On the other, he may have found out it wasn't true, confirming his suspicions of foul propaganda. _A fine option. _And on yet another hand, he may have believed the lie from the start, wasn't ever corrected by Emmett and was now hoping to have a turn. _Shit._

My heart spent all of Wednesday breaking as my rational told me Edward Cullen would indeed fall into the trap of believing and scheming. He was not someone afraid of getting sullied, and on the platter hand number three held out I was served up nice and filthy.

When I'd said "You're not ready for me" I wasn't jesting over sexual superiority, he won on all counts there, I'd meant he wasn't prepared to have me without ruining it. Without screwing up the possibility of more.

I'd felt so foolish as I realized how incorrectly my vague challenge could have been construed. So I didn't wander around where I might bump into him and I refrained from any eye contact when I couldn't help being within his proximity.

I'd left before the bell - _Teachers be damned! I am a mess here, okay?_ – and walked around the corner to steady my shortened breaths. He wouldn't pass this way with the myriad of other Fremont fuck ups and floozies – _Did I say mess? I meant maniacal_. – but I'd be able to see him exit from this vantage point.

And then there he was.

And he looked horrible. Purple circles under his bloodshot eyes, pallor skin, shoulders slumped as if the weight of the world rested there indefinitely.

_He couldn't be such a good actor as to fabricate such misery._ I didn't see how this could be a game he'd voluntarily play.

And that was what I told myself today, as I sat in my French seat, yet again yearning to watch his eyes watch me, but not wanting to over commit myself, or weaken my resolve, by meeting his gaze. _If only I could be two places at once._

I was struggling not to look. I had felt his eyes on me. But I hadn't known what to believe. The hands were juggling the many options up and down and all around inside my mind, creating impossible indecision, where at any sign of weakening I'd be diving for his arms, his lips, his …

And that was the other difficulty I'd incurred; my dreams had begun to seep into reality.

Waking up sweaty, panting, needing was so normal now it had become somewhat boring – _yeah right_ – but this morning I'd awoken myself by the sheer force of my orgasm.

Yes, or-gas-mmmmmmmmm.

From a dream.

And I couldn't even fucking remember the dream!

But the tool responsible for guaranteeing such unbridled satisfaction … that was burned onto my brain. It was now all I could see when I closed my eternally, heavy lids. Edward's dick. _God, I must have a visiting host possessing my mind and body … this isn't me._

What could send a heart-reeling girl from uncertainty to forceful, self-induced - yet cognitively unaware – climax in less than a day?

Surprisingly enough, Alice. _Or not so surprising, perhaps._ She did seem to specialize in the impossible.

Though Alice and Rosalie were currently shopping, as I ran my mind back over these details -still cold, still waiting for Edward – for the umpteenth time, last night we had been party planning.

Well, Rosalie had been busy checking off the Master list, I'd volunteered to stuff the teammate gift bags and Alice was worrying a mile a minute.

"Emmett says he's reclusive, says he stays in his room when he's not in class. This isn't Edward." She'd just kept saying the same thing, in differently worded versions, all night.

So, this morning in the courtyard, when his weary eyes lit up as our hands touched and as his breath bathed me I realized he wasn't putting on a show. He was miserable, unless – it seemed – when he was near, or looking at me. I didn't understand the math of it. But I realized, as long as we kept getting to know each other between the two of us, it might not be such a downward spiral if he truly ended up being only a manipulative jackass.

So my lips said "Tonight" when they were dying to say "Hall broom closet."

That was this afternoon.

It was now eight-fifty-five and the concert hall contained only me.

I'd officially been stood up.

_So much for the hope in you, E.C.._

And I felt like shit.

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**EPOV **– Thursday Night

_no, No, NO! FUCK!_

"Alice, why the hell did you let me fall asleep? You know I have independent study tonight?" I'd gone from zero to fucking panic mode – which is a hell of a lot faster than zero to sixty – and was reeling with my Rolex in one hand and iPhone in the other.

_It cannot be eight-fifty._

"Edward, I'd say you've put in plenty of practice and composing time. Probably enough for the entire term."

"No, Alice, you don't understand. I have to go."

And I was out of the bedroom, and then the suite and finally threw myself down Pike Tower's entry steps. _Run faster bitch. This is over if you don't get there NOW!_

Bella had been waiting for me, wondering where I was. Undoubtedly, going over all the reasons not to trust me in her head, and this was proving her right. I'd never thought she'd been wrong not to open up to me when I'd said Sesame - or, more specifically "I am" - but it was all semantics now because I had essentially fucked myself before even getting started. That shit wasn't good enough. _I am going to catch her and show her …. Fuck … show her something good about me. Prove at least I'm not a complete careless motherfucker. _Because when it came to her, I couldn't care more.

And it was like my day, or some other equally awe inspiring shit, because just as I rounded the corner Bella was barreling though the Creative Arts Tower doors.

She saw me then and flipped her long hair behind her as she readjusted her course and came stomping towards me, stopping only inches from my face.

She opened her mouth and closed it. Letting out a huff, she just started shaking her head back and forth, pressing her lips into a taunt line; her eyes darting to everything but my own pleading gaze.

_She's pissed. _Quite possibly she was beyond that level of anger, but I couldn't take it entirely serious because she was such a small, spirited little thing, and in combination with her livid face and jutting out chest, her reaction only registered with me as sexy as hell.

I didn't think telling her my observations would make me look any less like the asshole I really was, through and through, but being late was an accident and Bella needed to know.

"I fell asleep after practice this afternoon and literally woke up five minutes ago." She had to understand. I needed another chance.

"You do look like shit." _Yes, Bella I do look like shit, like a shit who hasn't slept in two nights._

"I ran all the way here." How the hell I managed to find energy to run, three hour nap or not, was a mystery to me.

"It's not that. You've looked tired as hell for two days. What the fuck are you doing?"

_God, uhngg, Bella slash Pissed slash Fuck._ She was one fucking hot girl. _Bella, please, just let me fuck you._

And that's when I stopped listening to my dick, because if I kept on being a dumb shit I'd never even get to touch her motherfucking collarbone. _Or hear about why she transferred to Fremont or why she's taking the creative writing workshop or … well, that's new._

Whatever, I couldn't waste time being surprised by all the shit I was interested in now that I cared.

"Fucking shit up, obviously." I abandoned pulling my hair out, and attempting to pinch away the headache that had sprung my just behind the bridge of my nose, and wound my fingers at the base of her neck as my forehead found hers. "Bella, I'm sorry I was late." Her hip was in my hand and I hadn't even thought to put it there. And as I shifted her closer, she let her palms rest on my chest and her eyes took in my remorse.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" Concern flickered, and caused her lids to narrow around the deep brown of her eyes.

"I've just been working on something." I still couldn't believe she'd noticed my warn state, I'd only seen her refusing to look not observantly watching.

"I see." She dropped our mutual stare. _Was she sad again?_

"It's impossible to sleep when you have as much on your mind as I do."

"What's on your mind, Edward?" Her gaze was one with mine again.

"You." _Truth. _Her eyes lit up and dimmed almost within the same second.

"That can't be all." _Also, true._

I took a deep breath, steadying myself, trying to find the best was to put this.

"I'm just trying to figure out how to do this. I know what kind of guy I am, Bella, and you deserve better than him."

And then she was kissing me. Warm mouth on warm mouth, my other hand joining in to cup her neck as its partner in crime cradled her head, fingers winding deeply into her hair. She had a lock on my waist, pulling her arms around and meandering them up my back, running her hands softly over all of the different levels. I groaned into her mouth as the weight of needing just to hold her was suddenly lifted and the ach to lay her back and explore her came crashing down upon me.

I pulled her bottom lip, and sucked to which I was awarded my first moan, deep and soft and breathy. She licked the crease of my closed lips the moment I'd released her bottom one from my attentions, her tongue so soft, so gentle. And then my tongue found its way inside, head tilting to experience her more. But the taste of her was my epitaph, having died somewhere along the journey of this kiss and been inscribed to her alone.

"God, Bella." I'd needed air and the words were an involuntary utterance.

"I'm not with Jasper. I never have been." And that she'd chosen this moment to make this declaration made me see that she thought there was a chance I didn't know the truth, that I was still believing the lie.

"I never wanted to believe it," I promised as my lips found her succulent neck skin, the first dig of an excavation that would take years of examination to unearth all her treasures. A lifetime even. "I couldn't stay away even if it was true."

I was getting pretty good at the whole honesty thing, and my reward was her lips on mine once more, only she was in charge now, licking the crease again to get me to open up and then waging a battle with my tongue that was fierce, slow and determined. She snuggled even closer somehow, and I tried to avoid pressing my eager archaeologist against the hip I was clutching. But he was more than ready for his turn and I hadn't gone so long without actual sex in years, so I knew we needed to stop.

I slowed us down, bringing my attention to her cheek and eyelids and finally her forehead.

We needed to actually talk if things were ever going to change. I had to know where I stood with her, not based on assumptions but actual words.

"You don't trust me."

"No." It hurt so much to actually hear her confirmation.

"I _will_ show you that you can." My voice cracked a little under the sheer volume of these words.

"I hope you do."

And there it was again, that vile concept of hope that was sounding more and more heaven sent by the second.

Bella took a step back from our embrace.

"I don't want to be like all the rest."

So, I did something I'd never done for anyone but Alice; I walked her back to her suite. But I never loosened my grip on her waist as I pressed my nose into her hair and guided us, which was not how Alice and I rolled. This was my own virginal moment, and I was giving it all to Bella.

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**BPOV **– Friday Night

"God, if he only heard you call him that he'd think I put you up to it. I'd tell you more, but I can't. Let's just say, he really enjoys that name … just not in public."

"Maybe we'll hear Angela screaming it from Bella's bedroom later tonight."

"Lucky Edward."

_Lucky Edward. Edward and Angela? Quick, they'll spot you and realize you were listening in if you don't say something._

"Okay, I'm clean and dry." My head was spinning and felt thick with fog.

"Shit. That is probably the caterer and the wait staff. They're early. Rose, you curl B's hair, I'll go get them set up."

And then it was just Rosalie, demon-cousin, and me. Yeah, okay, we'd been getting along all right what with all of Alice's insistent meetings and planning. Rose actually seemed to be calmer with Alice around, more at ease with herself. I knew Rosalie's domineering and personal Bella-related issues all stemmed from her insecurities. She wasn't so much a brutal bitch as absolutely alone. Alice was exactly what she needed.

I, however, needed to get away before she proved me wrong and burnt the shit out of my face.

"You've waited for years for an opportunity to burn the hell out of me. I won't make it that easy, Hale." It was time to go.

"Oh, silly cousin, I've already burned the hell out of you, and it _was_ easy. Now I'm bored with that, so get your snarky ass over here and let me do what I do."

She was right; I'd been set me up before even setting foot on the manicured lawns of Fremont. _Maybe she is just a brutal bitch._

No one puts themselves in the hands of the enemy unless they have a protector. _Or are maybe suicidal. _But I wanted to keep my face scab free, thank you, and knew just the person who would ensure my safety.

"I don't trust you, but seeing as Alice will pussy punch you if do anything to sully this _shin dig_ I think I can take my chances."

And with a smile, Rosalie went to work. "She is a force, isn't she?"

I let my mind find Edward again, where he'd been waiting patiently on the outskirts until I could give him my full attention.

I'd told him I couldn't trust him, right at the tail end of two spine tingling kisses. Not my best move, but he'd rendered me irresponsible by telling me he wanted to be more, saying I deserved more. What girl isn't a sucker for the bad boy turning over a new leaf? _Dammit. I am exactly the fucking sucker apparently._

"So, how do you think Edward Cullen came to love the nick name Eddie? I find that insider info tantalizing. Anything that gives me the upper hand is dreadfully intoxicating. I would think you feel the same way, Bella. It's a woman's prerogative to feast on power."

This filled in some of the blanks for me, seeing as I'd missed the meat of their earlier conversation. _Eddie. _Hmmm.

She wanted to know if I'd been eavesdropping. _Whatever, unintentional overhearing is my prerogative as well as power. _If only I had some power to come by. This Angela news felt more like a blow to my gut then a feast of power.

"Is that what Angela will be screaming from my room? Eddie? How fantastic for me, and my love for debauched furniture and bed sheets."

_Why do Edward and I have to go round and round like this?_ There always seems to be something between us, sometimes good like our feelings, and sometimes bad like Angela or the fucking rumor. Nothing major had laid down any roots to keep up apart yet, or convinced me he wouldn't change, but was it only a matter of time? Would someone figure us out and come between us; would we ruin this ourselves?

"Rose are you almost – oh my god Bella, you look amazing." I glanced in the mirror for the first time. I looked the same to me, just curlier and smoky eyed.

"Thanks. I guess I'll go get dressed." I was at the door in a second and was feeling charitable, but "Thanks Rose" was all I could choke out, as I headed to my room.

I'd never been one to paint the town red, so my fancy clothing options were scarce. I'd had class when Alice and Rosalie went shopping, so I couldn't tag along; and knowing my vastly limited wardrobe and truly wanting to look like something worthy of _the_ Edward Cullen's advances, it hadn't sounded like the worst idea ever.

I hadn't minded forfeiting the outing whatsoever until I realized he wasn't coming, and I'd missed shopping so I could sit on a cold stage feeling like crap.

"None of these will work." Alice approach from behind had been silent. As I whipped around to face her I was stunned by the vision in front of me.

Both Alice and Rose enamored the senses on contact. Primed, polished and wearing designer outfits, they both had a shimmer to their skin and ensembles that would be driving the guests green with envy and mad with lust all night long.

"Hold on." I didn't even really see Ali leave and then she was back again.

"Wear this. Don't argue." Alice thrust a garment bag at me and my hands pushed out instinctively.

"But Alice-" I knew I could make due with what I had. _And I'd sink through the floor the moment everyone sees Alice and Rose. You won't even register on Edward's radar if any of the other girls come dressed with as much zeal as your friends._

"I even got it on sale." Alice said holding out a stunning black dress. I slipped it on because I had to. I'd shrugged off the will to refuse.

Wait, did I just say friends? Well, one friend and one heinous relative was more like it. _Rosalie did curl your hair _– that had been nice -_ and is now offering to pin it up… what?_

"… so we can show off your back." My ears only heard the last part of her sentence as the first few words had been sucked into a black void of what-the-hell.

But she did. Rose grabbed some bobby pins and hairspray and went to work, creating an over the shoulder retro look that actually made all the difference and left me feeling truly beautiful.

I managed a smile as I mentally checked myself and prepared for her next conniving stunt, because Rosalie may have her moments but it would take more than girly bonding to spay her inner demon from deep within.

I tidied up my room, _since it would be used recreationally later_, I sneered, and pepped myself up for fun.

I wanted to believe Edward with every ounce of my heart. God, even my colon and lungs and spleen couldn't help getting wrapped up in all of the emotions he elicited. But my damn brain, it had to keep me in check.

My fingers found my lips as I remembered with such clarity how Edward's kiss had felt and tasted - the perfect pressure and fervor and warmth. His hands had been on me, and refused to stop holding, as he walked me to my suite.

And in my imagination the image contorted and instead of his arms around me they were Angela's, embedded between, constricting our steps and halting our progress, signifying everything that continued blocking our pathway home.

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**A/N: When I made it to the last point of view of this chapter and realized, yet again, the party wouldn't be included, I felt badly. But then I guessed, that if anything could make up for having to wait for the party, it would be the extensive Bella and Edward in this update. I promise, the next chapter will be the party! I am thanking my lucky stars I didn't promise before this because both Chapters 11 and 12 started out with the title of the party chapter and both had to be changed. I have been just as surprised as you! Thank you so much for hanging in there with me! ~RAE**

**P.S. I'd love to know, from those of you who checked out the party outfits on my profile, which dress you liked most!**


	14. Hey Diddle Diddle

**Chapter 13 Hey Diddle Diddle**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM!**

**The dresses seemed to be a toss up, and that's just fine by me – I love all three specifically for the girl that's wearing it.**

**So, here we are - we've arrived. You've all been so faithful and patient. I think maybe we should have a party in your honor … so, I dedicate this to You! (Please prepare yourself as the meaning behind this stories M begins with this update.)**

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**BPOV**

I was trying not to eagle eye the door. Not that I could really see it through the ass-to-dick grind fest spilling over the florescent floor and into the entryway. Fine, I was attempting not to _look_ like I had hawk eye and was failing miserably.

I'd been craning my neck, teetering on my tippy toes and slowly absorbing the accelerating pandemonium of my surroundings for an hour and a half. _Is it seriously eleven-thirty?_

If I'd thought I knew what it meant to throw a party, Fremont society was the continual bitch slap I needed to find reality. In every corner of our underwater themed sitting room the music, alcohol and guys were slowly being pounded harder and stronger as the night progressed.

It had become every woman for herself. Apparently our "Water Boys Kick Ass" ceiling hanging should have read, "Get 'em, Grab 'em and Fuck 'em." That certainly seemed to be the actual motivation behind these festivities.

But surprisingly, it wasn't the worst way to spend an evening.

Rooney, Boys Like Girls and Death Cab had started out the night as people began to arrive. Ninety minutes later, I felt at the center of an amnesiatic Top 40 radio station. Is it 1994, perhaps 2005, no no of course … it must be 1999 again. It is a party after all.

We'd sloshed through a string of one lost dance tune after another, meeting up with Christina when she was Dirrty and Britney being a Slave just for me. It was a sexual parade with every girl not using her hand for the choice wave.

Rihanna brought on this crazy ass femme line-dance that had every girl throwing around imaginary umbrellas and bending over, head to floor. No knee bend necessary. How they could simultaneously shake tit and ass, drop it, stomp it, flaunt it – I would never be coordinated enough for all that.

Back to different partners now, as Usher and will. encouraged the guys to 'wanna know who you are,' short skirts were made minuscule by probing fingers, spread legs and upward thrusting. I wouldn't have been surprised if every other pair of panties was pushed aside to accommodate the unzipped sycophant attached from behind.

It was all sort of making me hot. _Where the hell if Edward?_

_Fuck this, my name is Bella and I need a drink._

Normally I'd be unintentionally distracting myself by fidgeting with a sleeve or some sort of frilly edge or even my school necktie, however, my current outfit didn't adequately provide for intolerable waiting games such as this. But the dress was actually rather comfortable in that "sure my breasts are on display but I'm not chafing" kind of way.

The heals, however, plunged me into the sky. Resting on four inches of stick did not encourage balance but rather laughed at me from below as I dared to move forward.

And of course there wasn't a straight line to the bar so I pressed and shuffled my way through the crowd. _And that was a hand on my ass. Awesome._

On top of watching for Edward, I'd kept one eye on Angela the entire night. She'd been making the rounds - guys to dance with, using Jessica and Lauren to get guys' attention with. She was rather boring actually. _And I am way too jacked up to focus on boring booty call hoes even if I am the fledgling in the Edward game. _It wouldn't be her he wanted anyway, it would be the sex. That much I was sure of.

What was the opposite of dull, however, was Alice and Jasper. Someone may have super glued them together, but I was more inclined to think there was something finally brewing there. _God, about damn time, Jas. _He'd only been crazy about her forever. _What is it with guys? Sissies – all of 'em._

Back on task I tried to determine what I wanted to drink. _Like I really need a pick me up. _And I didn't. I was practically vibrating to the musical, hormonal hum in sheer anticipation. But I'd yet to have anything but water and a little pasta - because I wouldn't be a dumb shit and sip anything on an empty stomach. _Beer sounds wretched, bleh. _I was straining to come up with a name for something really fruity.

"She'll have a Blue Knickers." The breath from the open mouthed voice was hot on my neck.

It was very familiar. _Thank god._

My whole body was an instant puddle of relief - all except for my lips. They were fighting to break free a most embarrassingly toothy grin that would no doubt be illuminated by the glowing floor. _You are too eager and scary. And hopeful. _I needed him to come through for me.

_Yeah, like by staying the fuck out of my bedroom with Angela. _Well, any bedroom.

Ben's previously kind attentions turned Hulk-like, and through clenched teeth he responded, "I'm not sure I've heard of that one, _Edward_." The name was definitely delivered with a growl.

"Here, allow me."

Edward proceeded to step in front of Ben, thoroughly dismissing him, and quickly shook together my drink's ingredients.

"Did you just get here?" I attempted to sound nonchalant.

"You mean you haven't been looking for me?" His words held mock hurt and sarcasm, but his eyes were warm. We were surrounded by all of Fremont's elite, so if I didn't play this right the cat would be out of the bag. _I can read the rag headlines now 'King Sticks Swan.'_

But Edward was standing right in front of me and I _had_ been waiting all night for a moment just like this.

"I knew you couldn't stay away for long. It was only a matter of time." My tones were muted and my gestures slight, but I couldn't keep my eyes from dancing as I took in his tousled hair, fitted gray dress shirt and narrow black slacks. His clothes rested so closely to his body that as I blinked, zeroing in on his hair, a concoction of pre-coital images burst forth. 'Just got you naked, now I gonna have you' images._ Mmmm._

"You have no idea how true that is." Edward's smile was crooked, playful and truly mouthwatering. _Swallow, now. Do not drool. _I suddenly had to resort to short, easily understood commands so my brain could quickly follow and keep me from acting the fool.

His strong hands grasped the whipped cream can, as it foamed a hefty layer stacking higher than the glass rim. I pawed his hand as I took the colorful potion and swiped my tongue across the excess before it dripped further down the side. _I'm sure his eyes just dilated._

"It looks like I'm going to the beach." The drink glass was tall, with a straw protruding out of the blue liquid, which smelled delicious and pineappley.

"Am I invited?" _What?_

I whipped around to find unfamiliar eyes probing mine, waiting for my response to a question that wasn't his to ask. And then it clicked. _This is that guy James from Monday's practice. _It felt like an intrusion, but we weren't in the dark concert hall, we were in the middle of a raucous party.

I took a long drag from my straw, filling my mouth with liquid courage. _Impaired inhibition might just get me another kiss. And not from James._

"Actually, only me and my drink are invited. Just a simple little trip for two." I was drippy and condescending as I shoved the blatant message in his face.

His eyes were raking over my "comfortable" dress and, I'm sure, mentally detailing all that was housed beneath. My snip did not seem to deter him even as his eyes finally lifted from my short hem to Edward.

"What up, man? You know, Angela's been looking everywhere for you. Getting rather impatient I'd say, you know how she gets when – oh, hey Ben, I didn't see you there." Ben had been peeking out from the other side of the bar set up, waiting to reclaim his post.

I felt awkward and I wasn't even really involved. But I was alert. _Angela, huh?_

"I need a minute. Excuse me guys." I just wanted to breath before launching into some jealous tirade that would be mortifying, so I clomped my way into the mass of people and was out of sight in seconds. But when I found a seat, on the far side of the room, there was only one question tearing a hole through my mind as I stabilized myself with gulps of air.

_If Edward could have someone right, this second, why would he bother working so hard for just another kiss from me?_

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**EmPOV**

"Emmeettt," -_Enough with the whining, girl- _"Where is that sexy, late ass brother of yours?"

Oh, Angela. She was, in a visual nutshell, what string free, casual hookups had in mind when they were invented at the beginning of time. Medium height, thin figure, moderate beauty and a huge fucking mouth. What came out of said mouth, however, was shitty annoyance that made a guy instinctively reach for the nonexistent mute button. She'd obviously had some augmentation done over the summer break, so at least she was stacked.

Silicone was fucking sweet to look at, but not so much with the touching. Who enjoys manhandling rocks? Not I. _I'll leave that to Edward. Poor fuck hates falsies more than me._

And really by this point in my thought process I was really just blatantly starring at her boobies. Bitch couldn't careless, though, seeing as she'd downed the bar in anticipation for her break up fuck.

"Haven't seen him yet, sorry. I'll tell Edward you're looking if I run into him."

She'd checked out somewhere around "sorry," I was pretty sure, and was now hanging off my arm.

"Dance with me Emmett, I love this song."

I didn't even know this song, but what the hell; my other partner had walked away at the advances of this tart so it wasn't like I had a reason to say no.

"Sure baby, come on."

I had to give the girl credit; the moment we found our rhythm she was grinding up on my junk just right and arching her back a little more with each "just dance." I bent my head into her shoulder and just enjoyed myself.

That lasted about thirty seconds, and then I felt a finger stabbing at my shoulder. Said hand yanked me around and I faltered my grip on Angela, sending her stumbling backwards without a dick to absorb the impact of her ass gyration.

"Is there a problem, Rosalie?" Her eyes were narrow and her mouth hung slightly open. With a toss of her elbow length blond hair, she wound my hands around her body and folded herself into me.

"I didn't have a dance partner." All matter fact, like a _duh_ could be attached to the end.

I let out a bark. "So, you thought you'd just come find me?" _Domineering, fucking perfect woman._

"I was watching you and then I wanted to be dancing with you." Her whispers were muffled from under my chin where she was swirling that experienced tongue around my Adam's apple. _I'm game._

I spread her legs with my knee and slid my fingers underneath the edge of her sparkly, clingy dress. The skin my fingers came in contact with was the silkiest I'd ever touched. From experience, I knew it was the unexposed skin that was a girl's most delicate, and I couldn't help but consider what that meant for any of this seductress's skin that was less exposed than her legs.

"You host a great party. It was great of you and Alice to put this on for us." If I could keep up light conversation, I might have a chance of standing up straight and walking away from this dance. But the juncture point at which my thigh connected between her legs left nothing to question. _I can feel her wetness straight through my dress pants. _But the more important point - _Is she even wearing underwear? _I was dying to venture and find out.

"My pleasure." The willingness in her voice made my hair stand on end.

"Will you be there tomorrow, cheering me on?" I figured with the party and all it was a safe bet, but I didn't want to be left wondering and then disappointed if she didn't show.

"I'd never miss you in a wet Speedo, Em." _Em? Hell, why does that sound so hot coming from her. Like, personal and intimate._

I buried my face in her hair then, rubbing circles up and down her back and arms. The incessant dance song had turned into something slow. But this was no county school prom, and I was raging harder by the second, so I grasped her hair at the scalp, pulling back slightly to find her lips and cover them with my own.

One, two, three beats later and my tongue was deep inside her, slow and deliberate and methodical. This was all I got on this dance floor - her wetness on my leg and a proper mouth fuck. The clawing at my back drove my hand down to her ass as I reared my thigh higher, creating friction.

The music was pulsing all around us, as was her center on my leg. And in the cover of the distracted hormonals surrounding us, I thought I'd push my margins and brought my thumb around to let it seek out our connection point.

_FUCK._

No, she was indeed not wearing underwear, so instead of cotton or satin or lace my thumb directly hit clit. A swollen, moist bud straight out of my utmost fantasy. _Dude,_ _This is so much fucking better then that imaginary shit. You are in public, fucking completely surrounded, getting Rosalie Hale to moan and throw her head back and grind into you._

_Hells yes._

"Mmm, Emmett." _Oh my fuck._ Her whispers were going straight to my dick.

"You like that." I was planting open mouth kisses along her jaw and neck, one hand still pulling her hair.

I was lost in all that was Rosalie as her head fell forward to my chest and the sent of her hair, skin and arousal intoxicated me.

"Emmett, I still can't find Edward." _You have got to be kidding me. _I could only tilt my head to the side.

"Angela, I haven't moved. So, obviously I haven't seen him either." Rose was clutching my shoulder now as she guided her own subtle rocking, up and down my thigh, and my thumb forged, carefully ahead giving her just enough. _How the hell do you not see that I am busy?_

But truly, Angela was oblivious. _Drunk crazy, sex starved girl._

"Can you help me find him?" Obviously, Jessica and Lauren could see how _full_ my _hands _were at the moment as they were attempting to pull Angela in the other direction. But it was too late.

"Angela … walk-the-fuck-away … now." Rose's voice was throaty and sinister, and she only paused to stifle a whimper. _She's so close. I cannot believe she hasn't stopped this. I mean, we are in the middle of everyone._

But, really, one look around told me that those surrounding us were just as hammered as Angela, not to mention involved in their own trysts - vertical, horizontal and otherwise.

A flash of bronze penetrated my distraction. The sight of my absentee wing-man had never looked better.

"Edward's by the bar." Rosalie was hanging on for dear life now. It was on.

And just as Angela walked away, Rose began humming from deep within her throat right next to my ear as this wet hump of sorts ignited her fall. At her next words I completely lost my shit.

"I wish you were inside me." _That makes two._

Her lips were pressed to my ear as she gave me all her noises and heavy pants. ""Oh god, mmmm."

And as her hums resounded inside me I remembered just how long I'd wanted to show her, thoroughly, how fucking unforgettable I could make her feel. _This is just a taste, baby._

I guess I wouldn't have to wait much longer before giving her the full show. _Ready or not, Rosie, here I come._

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**JPOV**

Every pressure point on my body could feel Alice. She was in my hands, on my chest, around my waist, between my legs, lips, ass … heart. She was everywhere. And I did not want to disconnect.

Bella had just brushed by us, though, with a major drink and wobbly steps. Maybe she was drunk, maybe it was her ridiculous shoes, neither mattered, because it was the crumpling of her shoulders and the harassing of her bottom lip, alone in the corner that convinced me. I was all she had, so I would be her pick-me-up.

"Ali, do you want to make your rounds now? I thought I'd go perk Bella up." I'd waited until she wasn't pressing or kissing quite so much so it wouldn't feel like a brush off.

She followed my eye line towards a lethargic looking G. "Oh, do you need my help? I'm a very positive person; people say that it's highly contagious." Her eyelashes were batting as they framed her convincing eyes. _Her smile is incredible._

I laughed, leaning into her tiny frame, "Don't I know it? Sunny _and_ productive." I said indicating our surroundings, "You're like my own Marry Poppins."

"Is that supposed to be a good thing?" Her eyebrow irking upwards as she questioned, only making me laugh more.

"Hell yes, you have a bag you can pull anything out of. Now _that_ is convenient." Wagging my own eyebrows in suggestion, I went in for a kiss that moved down her neck to nuzzle her in farewell. "I'll find you soon."

It had only been three days since Alice had introduced me to her world and shown me, in detail, how much I had to learn about her. Her dorm room itself was an eclectic masterpiece. I obviously knew she was artistic, but could never have imagined that the landscape and organic murals, which advanced on the scope of her wall space, could have come from her hands, her imagination. Perhaps a cross between a Warhol and Derain type painter, who could be hired by very rich girls to plaster their room with earthy luxury, may have been a more obvious guess. But what ridiculous girl from Fremont would even think of that. And I didn't think this kind of talent would advertise in Elle. _She'll turn the world upside down. I bet she'd like that perspective anyway._

Truly, what I'd absorbed Tuesday night was like Beethoven, Yellow Book slash Composition. Not the passion of the most petite thing I'd ever had my hands on. But, there was more brewing in Alice's miniature pinkie than in the sum of entire people groups. Everyone was without. Alice's had it all.

And that had been it. Just stretching out on her bed, letting her chatter on about her muse and inspiration for each aspect of the wall covering expanses. And when we'd grown tired, she pulled off our shoes and rested her head on my chest. And that was enough.

With the party planning and practice, our time had been limited, but I wanted to legitimize my relationship with Ali post haste. I wanted it to be us. Officially. Together.

But she deserved more than a half ass attempt squeezed between pool time and dinner. So, that meant figuring out something romantic. And I would, as soon as we won the match tomorrow and resumed a regular practice schedule. _My undivided attention._

Kind of a ridiculous idea to be promising in my thoughts as I left Alice's side for Bella's, but it was _Bella_. And right now my best girl of forever looked low.

"Hey Sad Lady, why all frowny?"

"Well, my glass is empty for one." She spun her wrist and empty glass emphasizing her point. "And two, I'm tired of analyzing every little detail. I cannot possibly do any better than I am. My mind can only handle so much and pair that with my raging … you know, I'm just tired." She forced a half smile, diffusing the stressed energy of her impromptu rant, as I stared trying to interpret her words.

"What is up with you?" _Only Bella spends a party thinking about self-improvement._

"I'm pretty sure I just answered that. New question - no wait, I have one for you. What the hell are you doing over here when you could be over there with the short pink dress and the groping embraces?"

I knew she meant Alice, who was wearing the brightest pink dress imaginable – _and damn short_ – and I also knew she was trying to sidetrack me with lusty thoughts.

"Seriously, G, I think you should let loose a little. I won't let you go crazy, but you look like you could seriously use a break from yourself."

"That I could, my dear Jasper, that-I-could." She poked my forehead with her index finger at the end there to really drive home the fact that I was right and she was tipsy.

"One more drink?" With this she threw her arms around my neck.

"Lead me to my watering trough." _I like drunken Bella._ But this would be her last drink. Girl was a major lightweight.

I half dragged, half tripped Bella over to Ben and he loaded her up with "another blue one" as she put it. Glass in hand, part two of "help Bella find fun" needed to be put into action.

"How about a little dancing? You've probably been avoiding the floor all night."

"I'm wearing deathtraps. Damn straight I've been avoiding the floor. I can't walk stably barefoot." She was leaning slightly too far over and punched the end of her sentence with a stumble. I laughed. _Only her._

"Oh, but the Bella I know sure can _dance_ barefoot." My wicked grin sprang into place as many Bella-esk memories swarmed my mind.

"What are you talking about? If I can resist the urge to shake my thing to a Brit reunion special I think I'd say I could resist anything."

"Anything?" _Take the bait .. take it._

"Yeah, Jas. Anything, I'm good with my blue. Thanks."

"Okay, just sec." I stepped over to the DJ, slipped him a hundred and requested the moneymaker.

_Bella, I think it's time you show Fremont who's who here._

"So, you're saying, nothing could get you to dance and let go a little bit right now, really, you expect me to believe that?"

Her eyes narrowed and hip jutted out almost disastrously.

"Fuck Jasper, yes. I am a horrible dancer. Nothing will change my mind."

"What if M5 came on and requested a 'Little of Your Time' you'd be able to refuse that?" My fucking grin ate up my whole face 'cause she was owned and had to know it.

_Gold. _My indie loving BFF would never admit to her hard-core crush romance with Maroon 5 even if I, say, threatened to light her on fire. But avoid dancing once the music started pumping? No freaking way.

"What did you do?" She was pissed/smiling/eyes alight. _G, loves herself some M5._

"I did you a favor." And like I wrote this shit for a movie her song came streaming from every speaker.

Her glass was empty again and the Vodka was obviously hitting her system – or breaking it down – because the moment the F#, F hit their repeat she was slipping off her shoes and rolling her hips back following the motion of her head and neck, hair trailing behind. _Shit all she needs is a wind machine and she'd be aces._

And my snarky, unique, rockers Bella was gone. Grinding sexpot was out to play. _She just has no idea what she's doing._

Oh, her moves weren't like the choreographed steps every girl learned, they were pure free style, all instinct. But not only did she not know how fantastic she truly was at moving like that but her eyes were closed, so she was completely missing the reaction of every male within ten feet.

Lovers, covers, ride, sly; with each additional suggestive word another guy would approach only to have her wave them off pushing that ass farther out and fingers digging deeper into her hair.

I could count on one-hand instances like this and it made me more proud with every one. _Bella was just full of surprises. _It only took proper knowledge, a little baiting and, like tonight, a couple glasses of "blue."

_Just a few more song plants to extend this moment of carefree wild, _I thought, as I headed back over to the mouth of music, roll of bills in one hand, fucking smug back pat occupying the other.

"Jasper, what has gotten into Bella? And him … oh my god, oh my god … it all makes sense now. Oh my god."

And I was so motherfucking clueless as I turned around and found Bella no longer swatting but bending over, ass popped for Edward fucking Cullen. _What the hell?_ _Wait?_

"What did you mean Alice, 'It all makes sense now'?" I felt panicky, like I should know the answer to this already but all my mind could shoot were blanks.

"Don't you see, that's why Edward's been acting all strange and Bella ignored you. He wasn't adjusting from London and she wasn't freaking over the rumor. God, Jas, I've never see him look at _anyone _like that." Her surprise was my fury.

The douche _was _looking at her in a peculiar way, like … like she was _his._

_Hell fucking no. _I would not let him crush her.

_Not her._

I rushed through the crowd that was half dancing, half watching the center stage spectacle that was Bella and Edward, and I tried to pull him off her to give him the 'fuck off' square in the eye.

But, before I could utter one warning, out of nowhere flew Angela, of all people, screaming her fucking lungs out.

"I dumped him for you and you dance with her, that trash. That filthy whore who's fucking her cousin and doesn't even try to hide it. Yeah, that's right _Bella _we _all_ know your perverse little secret. Incest swarming cunt. You're over. Now get your hands off what is mine."

My jaw was permanently disconnected from my face and was now rolling around on the ground, at the dead bitch's feet.

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**EPOV**

I so desperately hadn't wanted her to walk away, but what with James being his smarmy self and all that Angela talk I didn't blame her. I was pretty sure news about Angela and my history had circulated to her, there wasn't a way to miss it. Who I was fucking, or about to fuck, or had just finished with was always the highest rung on the gossip chain.

But I wasn't going to fuck Angela. _I'm not. I'm not. I'm not._

It had just been so long, in a painful, all consuming way. And with Bella's ability to spark me from a mile away I'd pretty much spent this entire week fighting blue balls. I guess I could resort to helping myself, but seriously, I don't think I'd had stooped to that since I was maybe twelve. _Not solo anyway._

And, Ang was good sex. She used to be my favorite. Realistically, she still was, since I hadn't shared more than a kiss – _and your fucking soul_ – with Bella.

But right now, the only thing that was appealing about the idea of Angela was the release I was guaranteed.

I only wanted Bella, though.

I wasn't going to fuck anyone else. _I'm not. I'm not. I'm not._

_You are such an asshole. You said you'd prove it to her. Now your talking yourself down from a pooty mountain that wasn't yours to climb in the first place._

But sex had never been meaningful to me. I liked Angela best because I always got her when she was raging mad, and horny as hell. Rough, dirty sex and no strings. That was what my actual definition of 'favorite' was.

And if, by some miracle, I didn't screw this thing up with Bella I wouldn't get that for a while.

_Resign yourself, dude. She is it. She is your worth it._

Fuck Angela. I was done being stupid.

And then of course my life turned on the irony.

"Ohh, Edward, I've been looking for you all over." The purr was poison and the absolute last thing my restraint could handle right now.

"Angela." I only nodded my greeting as my eyes searched for an exit. I saw a crowded corner and decided to make a break for it before a very drunk Angela could pounce or follow me.

"Have fun." And I darted and slid and … I made it. I hastened a look to the exact spot I'd just fled and, upon seeing the very bewildered girl I left in my dust, I breathed out my relief. _Thank god._

Saying a silent prayer for the dark room, disorienting floor and overcrowding I saw a blur of pixy hair and flung out my hands to grab her back before she was able to slip away.

"There is the hosting goddess. Awesome party, Ali. Really, you've truly given yourself something to beat with this one."

"Ahhhhh, Edward. How long have you been here? Do you like the floor? Yeah, next time you're so putting it together – when the party isn't for you, that is. Did you get your teammate gift bag? Bella did a great job with them. Oooooh, I am just so happy you made it. You're looking better."

Parties were Alice's element, just like a museum or Chanel; once inside she just oozed thrill and energy. I think it had something to do with all of her senses being triggered at once. Too much over stimulation.

A lesser friend would ask if she'd been drinking, but I doubted she'd shirked her responsibilities for even one minute to grab a glass, or fork full, of anything.

"Where's Jasper? You may not have seen me, little bit, but I saw you. This here dance floor was seeing a whole lot less dancing than macking going on."

Alice's smile reflected off the florescent floor and blinded me slightly.

"You look happy." And she really did; so content, so electrified.

"I really am, E. God, I am."

"Good. I'm still forming my opinion on the guy though. I'm not sold." _It was still a hell no if we were speaking actual truth here. _I couldn't stop myself from pinching my nose bridge. This was not the time or place to get a headache.

"You have some time, we're still figuring stuff out."

"Hmm." I didn't know what I thought about that. _Is the joker stringing her along? _Alice was someone you locked down.

_Kind of like Bella?_

Yep, exactly like Bella.

_You are a fuck up._

At least I was aware.

"Do you want a drink, Alice?" _Please save me from my thoughts._

"No, no, I'm going to go find Jasper. He was cheering Bella up, but should be done by now. I'll see you, kay?"

But she was gone before I registered an appropriate response because my eyes were plastered to the bar. There was no longer a dangerous Angela but rather Bella, just standing there looking expectantly towards the DJ table.

That's when I saw Jasper making his way back to her.

I'd wanted to tell her earlier how unfair it was of her to wear such a dress. It was the most blissful torture. Her cleavage was tantalizing and her tiny waste was on full display, making it seem like I could wrap my arms around her twice. She was just my size.

Not to mention, the black against her complexion in combination with the tinted pink blush spreading down her neck and chest was ravishing. As she exchanged some sort of tiff with Jasper she became my solitary sight.

It was only her and me. And she was taking off her shoes, and fuck me her ass swooped out, meandering lower and lower towards the floor as she palmed her side and clenched her hair.

I sure as hell had no idea she could dance like that. And neither did every other fucker who began approaching her. _Where are they coming from?_

To the relief of my sanity, it seemed she was waving them away, as her moves became bolder and even more relaxed and as quickly as they came the random guys were gone, disappearing into nothingness.

And I couldn't just watch anymore, because it wasn't fair to leave her all alone out there without a partner, in this large, loud empty room.

I came up behind her and she didn't bat me off like the other mystery men, instead she coiled her arm around behind my head and ran her fingers through my hair.

"I liked my Blue Panties drink." Her head was leaning back against my chest now, since she wasn't tall enough - sans heals - to rest her head on my shoulder. I bend down to inhale her fragrance, and my nose was awash with her freesia and coconut and pineapple, the perfect hint of Vodka lingering.

"I'm pretty sure it's called a Blue Knickers." I couldn't help but chuckle and groan simultaneously at her intoxication and grinding ass. She lowered my hands from her waste to her low hips and guided them over her hipbones and upper thighs.

"But, how did you know my panties are blue?" _Fuck. Bella in only midnight blue satin panties. Pale skin against deep, sinful blue strips of miniscule fabric. Perky cheeks just peeking out at the bottom. _My mind sashayed through vision after vision as I stroked her pelvis in inspiration.

"I was born for that sort of guessing game." My voice was low and husky in her ear as I adjusted my stance so her angle would hit me just so.

"Lucky you. But, not so lucky me, huh?" And my movements faltered slightly, because despite my clouded thinking, I knew this must have been what Bella needed Jasper to cheer her up over.

"I said I'd prove I can be good, Bella. And I will." _Please believe me._

"When do I get to prove I can be bad for you, Edward?" Her words were like a piercing white light that rendered me speechless. She didn't wait for my response.

"How about now?" And over she went, bent to a perfect ninety degrees absolutely railing into my already hard dick and just begging me to lay her out right here, on this abandoned party floor, and take it nice and slow just to tease her.

_Oh. My. God. Bella. Her voice, the dirty talk, blue panties, the fucking unbelievable pressure …this is pure heaven._

And then the bliss train drove me straight into hell.

First I felt strong hands whip me around: Jasper.

Second, the party came rushing back to me: Fifty shocked faces, staring, judging.

Third, screaming: A horrible nightmare come to life.

"I dumped him for _you_ and you dance with _her_, that trash. That filthy whore who's fucking her cousin and doesn't even try to hide it. Yeah, that's right _Bella _we _all_ know your perverse little secret. Incest swarming cunt. You're over. Now get your hands off what is mine."

Angela tried to rip my grip from Bella, but just as Jasper had failed, so did her weak ass attempts.

_They all know. Or think they do. And how we were just dancing, in front of everyone, what it looked like, what it was…_

There were too many thoughts.

I saw Emmett in my peripherals stifling a sidesplitting roar. _What the hell could he honestly have to laugh about right now?_

Jasper looked like he was about to rocket right out of his pants. I could actually see him hitting Angela right now. _I can almost feel the breeze of his swing._ I looked beyond him.

Alice was open mouthed, looking horrified and trying frantically to get the DJ to play another song instead of allowing the horrible silence that had befallen to continue. It didn't seem to be working until Rosalie joined her, hissing once and the music began.

Bella was somewhat limp in my arms as Angela continued her attempts to shove her off.

"Stop." My boom startled me and, it seemed, everyone else. "Get your fucking hands off her."

My mind was so clear, and the crowd around me was of no concern. My brother and friend could handle all this shit themselves because it was their fault anyway. Right now it was only Bella and me.

Bella, who was currently growing redder and more unsure of what to do with every passing moment. And I certainly had no idea what she wanted of me at this exact second, but I knew over all she needed to trust me. _She wants to trust me._

"Let's get out of here." It had to be her choice.

"I don't think I can walk." Her voice was only a whisper.

So, I pulled her into my arms and ran.

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**A/N: Whew. And the party is only the icing my lovelies! I hope you paid attention, though, because I have a question … who's who here? We are all thoroughly aware of who the "dish" is in this tale, but who is everyone else? And please, let me know if you enjoyed the festivities! ~RAE**

**P.S. The two pieces of art compared to make up Alice's supposed artistic influences can be found on my profile! She sure is her own gal, that Ali!**


	15. Sticks and Stones

**Chapter 14 Sticks and Stones**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM.**

**The break down for Hey Diddle Diddle is as follows: Cat – Rosalie, Fiddle – Alice, Cow – Jasper, Dog – Emmett, Dish – Edward and Spoon – Bella.**

**I just want to say a quick Thanks A Million to everyone who takes the time to review, leaving me their thoughts and encouraging words, it means so much to me! You're all wonderful!**

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**APOV**

"I can't believe I didn't put this together sooner…"

The music was reverberating off of the stunned wall of party guests, who had yet to collect their astonishment and resume gossiping themselves into oblivion. It seemed only Edward's behavior tonight could be the catalyst to strike these unsuspecting, self-righteous high-breeds into silence.

There had been no actual fight, just bitter lunacy. Angela was so drunk, and now recoiling most thoroughly from acting out and being shoved aside in such a humiliating fashion, that she was nearly inconsolable. Jessica and Lauren carried her off to the edge of the sitting room so she wouldn't remain the center spectacle – left in the ogling wake of Edward and Bella's departure.

From the moment those horrible words began rolling off of Angela's classless, senseless tongue I had been most concerned for Jasper. Although Bella's feelings were foremost in my heart, it was Jasper's possible reactions that were swirling about, disturbing and alarming me, causing legitimate panic that over road my mental faculties. It had been most obvious, as he'd clenched his fists and planted his feet firmly, that instinctively Jasper was motivated to hit the deranged girl. And with Bella in the spotlight of Angela's accusatory monologue there could be no greater provocation for him to do just that. I knew his affections were growing for me, even though we hadn't discussed it in so many words, but Bella was his best friend, his lifelong number one, and had already undergone undue scrutiny for this lie.

We'd all thought it was behind us. We were moving forward. _In ways I'd never realized. _I couldn't keep my thoughts from turning back to the image of Edward assaulting Angela with his warning, sweeping Bella up, protectively into his arms, and running her away – far from the disastrous ramification this night would still hold in the form of damning defamation.

If I hadn't been so wrapped up in self hurt over Roaslie's lie and trying to forgive, my escalating relationship with Jasper and being party planner of the year I would have been realistic in my assessment of this supposedly contained and defused calumny. Now, my mistake would be the joke on so many of us. _Us. The four of us. _And Rosalie and Emmett by default. Though, Rosalie's payment for beginning this defamation of character was far from over and Emmett had to endure the imminent rumor radiation in literally every area of his life: brother, friends, his suite and his team. They had it just as bad as the rest of us. _So, the six of us, then._

Of course, Lauren and Jessica had overheard Rosalie spouting off her salacious fabrication of Jasper and Bella's relationship, and how daft did I have to be to honestly question whether they could keep something as juicy as an incestuous relationship to themselves?

_I've known for over a week this would happen and I did nothing. I thought nothing of it._

Now I felt horrible. As well, my mind felt tired from the tornado of thoughts.

"Put all what together sooner?" Rosalie was just as dumbfounded as I was at where the evening had led us. I shifted back and forth in my stilettos as I replayed E's behavior over the last few days.

"Edward. I should have known. The sleepless nights and composing at warp speed – being so beyond himself and unhinged." I thought back to his reaction when I'd first said the rumor was only that, a misunderstanding, not true. _There was so much undisclosed relief there._

"I'd thought it had only been Bella." I snapped my head into the present. How Rosalie could respond to the scene we just witnessed, and shrug her shoulders like that, only served as a reminder of how out of sync she was with both Edward and Fremont. Not only did Edward's wildly uncharacteristic behavior not faze her but she also didn't throw herself headfirst into frenzy over the drama of it all, the sport to come. _No wonder she's so sad; she falls in the middle, never finding her rightful place._

But her words were far more interesting, at the moment, than her uncharted psyche.

"You knew? How? She would never tell you that." There wasn't anything more true. _But ten minutes ago, you would have said that Edward's truth lay within his ability to remain disengaged. _But no, Bella would never voluntarily share personal information with Rose. _Bella wasn't blind, deaf or dumb. But how could she possibly be thinking clearly?_

In observing the night's events, it seemed Bella felt close enough to Edward to let him take her away, that she'd opened herself up to him somehow. _That is blindness and an obscurity of common sense. _Bella had only been with us a week. Edward's legend served as a resounding caution. _Could she possibly ignore something so well known, not observe the trouble that followed him and refuse to allow her intellect to protect her from this inevitable heartbreak?_

"Don't I know it. The lack of gal palling going on with my dear cousin and me isn't a secret. It was only a hunch, which turned out to be spot on, I guess. Well except, like I said, with Edward going all white knight on our unsuspecting asses." At this pause, Rose's voice went from cavalier to almost caring. "Do you think he's okay?"

Her statements helped temper my own spinning logic, but at her question I had no definitive answer. And her wonderings were the pivotal element here. _At least she seems as confused about Edward's behavior as I am. God, Alice, you are supposed to know him better than this. You're supposed to see things coming. _Well, piss on me for not being an Edward fortuneteller.

"I really don't know what's going through his mind. This honestly could all just be a phase, or a game. I know what Edward will be one day, but I don't think he's ready for that day to arrive so soon." I felt like I was providing too bright an insight into Edward and my connection, verbalizing our private understanding of one another. I hadn't even really discussed my belief in his future with him, my opinions as to why he lived the way he did and where it would inevitably lead him if he didn't pull his shit together. _I just need to talk to him, really talk and pronto._

Emmett and Jasper were heading back our way and I wasn't nearly ready for the additional unanswerable questions I knew would come from both guys, as they looked perplexed, jumpy and peaked.

"Seriously, Alice, what the fuck was that?" This was obviously Emmett's way of voicing shock.

"Which part, Em?" I wanted to take off my shoes and sit down. I'd never felt inclined to disassemble an outfit before. God. _I think maybe we should play the quiet game while Alice calms her massive Edward's-been-holding-out-on-me migraine. _Couldn't everyone see I had no more answers than they did and that realization was slowly killing me?

"How about all of it? Angela's shit storm, Edward's throwing verbal daggers and the dramatic exit? Do Edward and Bella even know each other … Jasper? Do they hang out?"

"I really have no idea, man, I mean-"

"Oh shit…." Em's face was alight with memory and connection.

"What Emmett?" I had to know what he was piecing together. _Dear god please_ _give me the answers that will return me to some semblance of sanity! _I felt like I was detoxing, the anxiety of this situation was shaking me so severely.

"Before I knew the lie was some Rosalie stunt, Edward had come to me and asked what I knew about Bella. Him caring like that really weirded me out. When I told him what I knew I saw a sliver of the jackass come back but, I don't know, it was gone by that night. And ever since then he's been like a whole other person. You know what I mean, Shorty; you've seen his room."

I was not willing to talk more about that - how Edward was in private didn't need to be made the business of every listening ear in this sitting room - so I only nodded and redirected this puzzle arranging.

"Yeah, so there's definitely something going on with them." I bit my nails. _Shit, will I never truly knock this horrific habit? _My manicure was mangled. _Nail polish, seriously Alice? Edward has become a stranger to you and you are so sketch right now you haven't even figured out how to be happy if Bella and Edward actually get together. _I laughed out loud at my rambling thoughts and probably had everyone considering committing me. _Get together? _Right.

But my laugh we like static to those closest to me. We were all hovering in between disconnected thoughts and feelings and any noise became a hum of nothingness. Well, all except Jasper.

"There won't be for long." Jasper _had_ calmed down, but as the possibility of what might be sprouting up between his cousin and the school's royal manwhore-asshole – _Sorry E_ – surfaced he was instantly livid. My mind searched for some way to appease him.

"Jasper, I know you're concerned-" But these words felt more patronizing than placating so it didn't bug me when he cut me off and laid it out there.

"I'm really not, Alice, because there isn't anything to be concerned about. Bella isn't going to _be_ with Edward. I know what he is and she cannot possibly get caught up in any of his shitty temporary amusement. No fucking way!"

With Jasper's escalating volume, people were paying even closer attention to us, and there was a time and place for this conversation that was not now. I could tell Rose felt we'd shared enough with the general public just as I did.

"Jasper-"

"Really, Rosalie, you really want to talk to me right now? I don't think you want to go there." He was officially boiling over.

"Why don't we get everyone out of here, okay Rose?" _Thank god for Emmett thinking on his feet. _In the back of my mind I was sad such a beautiful party had to end in such dilapidation. _Shut the hell up, vain Alice, you've done enough damage._

"Sure." I knew Rosalie had a hard time not responding to Jasper's wail, but she checked herself. Really, she didn't have room to say anything back, but that didn't keep her from mumbling something about "unfinished business" and "punching the bitch's cock-sucking mouth" as she followed Em. _Well._

"Jas, we don't have any information. Try not to worry; at least Bella isn't here to see and hear all of this." As my arms wound around his waste, I let my fingertips drag up and down his back in as reassuring a motion as possible. Slowly his muscles unclenched and he leaned into me, head resting atop mine.

At our increasing calm, more surrounding whispers and snide laughter permeated my previous panic bubble. Every miniature grouping of the overall worst people to ever grace this earth had their own version of the night's events concocted and were each gearing up for mass distribution. Honestly, hardly any of Fremont had been invited to this exclusive affair. There were plenty of cruel, undiscerning ears for this news to travel to.

And so, Angela was a dismissed Edwardian whore and Bella his latest acquisition. And my heart sunk at the new truth this most unfortunate evening socially sealed: neither girl would ever be the same.

**BPOV**

I wanted to know where we were going, since it seemed we were traveling in circles.

"Whoa there. Not so fast, I can only hold you if you let me. I really don't want to see you catapulting yourself onto the sidewalk." He meant this to be playful, but his voice was strained and still fell in whispers even though we were alone, with no one left to intrude or afflict. _I'm sure the universe has plenty of heinous plans for me later – this may be my only moment of peace. _My starry night postponement, with Edward surrounding me, suddenly felt priceless. I couldn't believe there was something to be thankful for in the heinous Angela-outburst, but the reality jolt it sent through me had weakened the effects of the alcohol and granted me a fair chance at enjoying this time.

"Edward." I didn't really want to talk so much as I wanted to hear his name out loud. I wanted for it to be okay that I said his name. It hurt to know that echoing 'Edward' in the hallways or courtyard would automatically make those listening acknowledge me and assume things. _Um, hello, people will never stop now, not after what you just left behind._

"We're almost there." _He's so tender with me - in his touch and his voice, in his openness. _This beautiful man _was_ ready for me.

But we weren't almost there; not in our discovery of each other and being near one another, not myself waging this war with my new daybreak oppressors. Oh yes, I knew, to some degree what awaited me come tomorrow morning. If it were a normal Saturday I could stealth mode myself, limiting my degree of exposure, but no. I'd be jumping head first into match day with the whole of Fremont surrounding me on narrow, congested bleachers. I would need to accept these circumstances that seemed similar to executing a sloppy cannonball into a pool full of pure chlorine, rather than the normal delusion promised. And although I should have spent these thoughts, these middle of the night moments, reinforcing my exterior wall, preparing for the landslide of shit to come, I could only house such warnings in the back of my subconscious. Edward's arms and warmth and breath were my first priority now, because I didn't know how long I got him for. Tonight could be it. _The truth of what we just did back there by leaving might be the trigger. The consequences might be too much for him._

After being reprimanded for squirming, and realizing he planned on carrying me until reaching our destination, I'd tucked my head into his shoulder, silently breathing in every wisp of his mind-altering musk. It was Edward's personal masculine blend of crisp, cool freshness and exotic spices. _So alluring, so seductive. He fogs my mind._ Men obviously wore cologne to draw women in, but often they applied it so the sent wore them; clinging to every inch of clothing and exposed skin, the blatant odor hitting you before the dude even entered a room. Any fragrance radiating from Edward, however, was more like a second skin, hovering so close to him that I even questioned whether it was a spray on sort of deal to begin with. Maybe it was his soap.

"Do you wear cologne?" I was done with knowing nothing because I didn't ask.

I could hear the smile even before he spoke, "I put some on this morning. I'd imagine it's gone by now, though, seeing as I changed clothes."

I heard the unlocking of a door and was swept from one dark room to the next. Finally I found myself sitting upright on a large plush bed. The comforter and assorted blankets were so luxurious that my presence on them only indented just where I sat, leaving a hill of lush comfort on either side of me.

I could just make out shapes from the light peeking in around the window seat curtains. Edward's room was a mirror image of mine, architecturally speaking, otherwise the shadows cast led me to believe he enjoyed the much finer comforts of his parents riches.

A massive, probably king sized, mahogany four poster - that I'd need a step stool just get down safely from - surrounded my small frame. A desk and small keyboard table hovered in the corner, both made from the same wood as his lavish bed. Both were piled high with never ending stacks and rolls of paper, so meaningful in their disarray. Tall, dark bookcases and chests of drawers lined the final wall; overflowing with books and music, picture frames and in all of it I could only see the passions of this misunderstood man's living creativity.

My eyes came back to him - as I was spatially adjusted to being in his room, on his bed - and away went his button down shirt. I gulped because the pains of chest that stared back at me through the darkened haze were more glorious than any imagination's design. No one had done him justice. Not the bragging Fremont floozies in between sessions, not male models on television heightening girl's expectations for what a real man should look like, not my insignificant fantasies and especially not the P.E.T. pool lighting. _I should have known he'd be more than unbearably sexy up close._

I was pretty sure he had to have heard my ridiculously immature gasp; I was not in control of what Edward's half-nakedness did to me. _Fuck, B, he isn't even the half-naked you're allowed to lose all control over. _But I couldn't begin to help myself.

I knew he was watching me rake over his exposed skin, and I should have felt embarrassed. However, although I was sobering up quite rapidly, the alcohol still present in my system did wonders to dampen any shame. _Good to know all I have to do to prevent igniting into blush red flames is get tipsy. _It was always good to have options.

My mind stopped nervously wandering as I watched Edward rummage around a dresser drawer and pull out some clothing. Shirtless and glowing, now donning pajama pants that he'd flung on with lightning speed, my living figment came over, lifted me down to a standing position and, keeping his eyes trained on mine, reached around and pulled my back tie. _How do his eyes hypnotize me into letting him do anything he wants? _Edward's palm laid flat against my exposed back as the other hand loosened the strings completely and then found my zipper and released the dress' hold on my body.

I was in shock. I was overwhelmed. I had no idea what Edward was planning on doing to me and with me, tonight or tomorrow or the days that would inevitable follow. But my brain couldn't form coherent thoughts or questions or concerns; I was being entranced by green.

My shoulder straps fell on either side of me and for some reason I silently praised my instincts for wearing the strapless bra even though I could have comfortably gone without. The second my pretty black dress hit the floor with a rustle, Edward lifted my arms over my head, his fingers caressing my skin all the way up until the protrude of my wrist bone, and brought a half buttoned, man's cotton pajama top down.

One button, two buttons, three; he let his fingers brush the exposed skin between my breast as he fastened me up, putting my comfort before his preference, I was sure. We matched, my shirt and his pants. _How serendipitous._

"Hold still." His voice was far beyond horse, perhaps from not talking for a while, perhaps because I was with him in this way. I only knew I trusted nothing less than my own voice at that moment.

So I kept my entire body motionless, as my eyelids made up for my immobility and blinked at a rapid pace. I was trying to keep my chest from heaving and my lip from falling off at the sharp ministrations my teeth were inflicting on it.

And then his face was gone from my view, his shoulders, hair, chest, everything was gone, but I remained resolute in my promise to hold still. That's when I felt the flutter of the shirt hem against my thighs. Two broad, warm hands touched my legs ever so gently, calf muscle to knee hollow and up.

Up.

_Oh my god. Up._

And finally shifting around front to where the shirt fell. And just as quickly as he'd repositioned his hands, so began the increase of air circulation to my legs – _He's folding the shirt up higher_. My breathing hitched loudly. It was now just him on his knees, face level with my underwear and naked stomach, and me dying to press my legs together to relieve the undulating pressure between them.

Edward's hand began tracing the edge of my now infamous blue panties, something I'd imagined him doing the moment the unfamiliar drink was ordered for me.

His touch was feather light, half his fingers dancing on the satin material while the other half was attentive to skin. Across my waist and around to my back, my captivator allowed his palms to flatten out as he led them over my ass, the end resulting in him cupping just beneath the curve, his fingers sneaking underneath the boy cut edges.

"Bella." Edward's face was now cheek to stomach and the shirt blanketed around his head and shoulders, trapping him inside.

And his mouth was warm and desperate and I knew I was shaking and not obeying his request for stillness but I was running on involuntary action now as I moaned at the first brush of his tongue on my hipbone. Slowing sucking, with slight teeth grazes, and when I looked down I could only see him beneath my shirt, his shirt, feeling full well his hands on my back and spreading beneath my underwear, his hair tickling my stomach.

"Edward." I didn't mean to sound panicky, but I wasn't calm by any means. In a mix of thrill and need and fear - not to mention vodka - the truth of our current position was finally registering with my senses.

"This is all I wanted." He was so strained and so hot on my skin, and his words made his lips brush back and forth against me, sending additional ripples down my spine, eliciting a fresh layer of goose bumps. All erratic. Most erotic. Feeling. Ever.

"No, that is a lie. I need more – all - but this is what I wanted for tonight." And I believed him. Maybe because he'd never once venture to the front of my panties, and all that laid beneath, although I was sure he was being asphyxiated by the desire I was emitting. And I was thankful; because no matter how much I wanted him for myself I knew allowing this to go further would not make him mine.

And that indefinable pull that had linked me to Edward from the start, despite what he was, what he did, became double tethered in this sacrificial moment of his. He could have been with Angela, taking her body and gratifying himself, but instead he chose to press his lips to my skin and graze his hands adoringly under the panties that were worn specifically with him in mind.

My hands came underneath the useless shirt - that I had been right about being for my comfort alone - and found his neck and hair. My fingers weaved along his scalp and down onto his naked back. I moved myself down further to be closer, releasing him from the fabric, and as I did he folded his legs crisscross and brought me down into his lap.

"I can't kiss you when I take you to my bed." And his slightly open mouth found mine parted and waiting, no pretenses of closed lips to get past. We were both undone by now.

Edward moved so hungrily as he pulled my neck closer angling himself to caress my tongue most deeply, giving the greatest contact possible. I was groaning at our closeness, moaning at the uninhibited collision of our skin; my legs wrapped securely around his bare waste, his hand roaming from thigh to the flesh of my back. Heavy panting, pulling, longing, everything heightened so far beyond kissing on the floor of his bedroom. It was like Edward was trying to convey some unspoken promise while he kept himself from going to the farthest reaches of pleasure we both wanted. _I want him. Shit, I need all of him, _I thought, but I wanted to wait more. I'd waited sixteen years and never imagined such anticipation was possible, that such intoxicating lust even existed. _Was this lust? _Well, obviously lust had a hand in this, but could only lust tear at me this way, like if we stopped touching I'd no longer exist? As if, him walking away from me now would not only be the end of our together but also what I was finally finding buried deep within myself.

And he would turn away; he was Edward Cullen. _Why is life so cruel? _I couldn't keep from tearlessly sobbing into his mouth at the unjustness. _It gives you everything only to take it away the moment you reach out to claim it as your own._

And so I stopped kissing back because I could already feel the ache our inevitable separation would cause. The pain I'd been reminding myself of even before it suddenly felt real and worse. I was self-preserving to a fault. And I'd experienced enough loss for a lifetime. _How could this feel the worst? Him? What about fucking HER? _She was the worst. Edward was just a boy.

_No. Liar._

_He's not._

_He seems more and more like everything._

"Bella," He pulled back, lowering his hands out from my mussed hair to sweep the stray strands that were catching on my eyelashes. "Bella, what's wrong?"

There was more pain than question in his words, but when I met his eyes I saw the understanding flash.

"I wouldn't have left with you tonight if I was only going to walk away from you tomorrow."

"You will leave someday. It might as well be tomorrow if it will eventually be ever."

Mine were heavy words, filled with duty and expectation. It was so callused of me to anticipate his failure, but I had to be drastic if I wanted to survive this.

He placed soft, adoring kisses down my neck before scooping me up and situating me at the center of his bed. Lying down next to me, he settled the covers over us and drew me deeply into his tender embrace.

"As ironic as this sounds, I wish you'd been able to witness all of the horrible things I've done, seen all of my unwavering habits, so that you'd truly know how far away this moment is from any of that. Really, every second I spend with you pulls me farther and farther from that fucked up person. I really hate him, Bella, the person I was just a week ago, because he left you nothing to trust."

I knew he was telling the truth, and was not surprised by my trust in his words. Honestly, what he said was often my comfort, but it was his actions that would always plague me. Edward had always been one way and I sure wasn't enough of anything to get him to change permanently.

"I believe you mean your words, Edward…today"

"No one knows their future positively, Bella, but I will show you everyday how you've changed me if you'll let me."

Everyday together would make the one he left physically impossible to live through. _But how can I emotionally survive life without him right now? You couldn't even enjoy a party when he was late, what if you pushed him away and he stopped coming altogether. _I would literally spend all of my days craning to catch glimpse of him indefinitely.

_How the hell did I get so wrapped up in Edward Cullen anyway?_

_Shit Bella, stop saying his first and last name like that. Is he honestly the Edward Cullen you've heard about right now, holding you like the eighth wonder of the world? No fucking way. He is giving everything he has and you are too scared to even see straight. He's so ready … why can't you be?_

The words were out before I realized.

"I'm scared." And I had no idea when my tears had started but I could feel them on his wet chest, so I blinked back what I could and I felt him tremble beside me in response.

"I am too." It was just a whisper, hardly loud enough to be considered words, but I heard him. He'd given me his heart, his status, his everyday – he'd placed his entire person into the palm of my hand. And I felt like a freaking heroin addict because I still wanted more.

I was powerless at avoiding his lips after all of our blatant honesty, so I crashed myself to him, feverishly trying to find the promise he couldn't ever give - forever …

**EPOV**

... but I slowed us before the kiss blurred my resolve not to take things too far in this wide-open bed of mine. Hell, there was absolutely nothing on this overcast, green planet that I would ever want more than the body of the lovely girl I was holding against myself. Nothing. But there was something I wanted equally, and that was to be intimate with her thoughts and dreams, her fears and limitations, to hold her trust in my hand like the fragile egg it would forever be once I'd earned it.

My Bella had abandonment issues. She'd been uprooted to Fremont, after the start of term and left here indefinitely. _Who would force her away? Who would let this intoxicating presence go?_ I reached into every crevice of my mind to uncover any forgotten information I may have overheard as to why she was here or what made her keep people at arms length. _Except Jasper, and even that sacred relationship has been perverted._ There were simply no answers for me to find from within my own knowledge.

Once I'd finally calmed our mouths, and evened out my own breathing, I found the questions piling up and needed to fucking spill out in the ultimate search for a solution that would open Bella up to me. Anything to give me the chance to win her completely.

"What brought you to Fremont?" My lips were on Bella's closed eyelids and her fingers were tickling along my scalp. Her massages faltered momentarily.

"Charlie, my dad, works for the government and was sent out of the country on assignment. I am in the legal custody of my Aunt and Uncle now, until I'm eighteen."

The next obvious question would be about a mother, but if Bella wasn't in her care, something had happened. Her mother was gone for some reason.

"Where is she?" _Please, I don't want to hurt you._

"She died." _God._ My hold couldn't have been closer, but of course, at the matter-of-fact nature of Bella's quiet whisper, my arms clung harder and my feet tangled more purposefully with hers. _She thinks she has to be so strong all of the time. _Even through tears her little brow puckered in a steady resolve.

"How long ago?" This was such sensitive terrain and I didn't want to push, but the fucking questions were taking on a life of their own.

"Three years. I lived with Charlie after that. I should be a junior, you know. I'm the same age as you are. But I had to take a year off so now, instead of being really young for my grade I'm really old. Renee started me early 'cause even kids twice my age couldn't keep up, she'd worried waiting another year would stunt me. I suppose my stunting just came later in life." Maybe to distract herself, or perhaps me and my necessary questions, she began tracing the details of my face; eyes, cheeks, lips. I let out a shutter. I'd never felt softer fingers in all my life.

"Why would your dad leave the country, now?" _Since we've already drudged up horrible memories …_

"It's his job, and it's hard for him to be around me, I think. I take after my mom a lot." A wistful smile punctuated her thought.

"So they were married when she-" I don't know if she stopped me or if I stopped myself but the idea of saying _died,_ and it being in regards to someone so important in Bella's life, felt positively crippling.

"No, they'd been divorced for years. But he still loved her even though she left him. He never moved on." Her pause here held disgust; for her mom leaving, her dad never letting go, both. "I lived with her in Arizona, right down the street from Jasper. After she was gone I had to leave him and move to Forks, where Charlie's home was. This time I figured if I had to move again so quickly at least I'd be getting closer to something important rather than being pulled away from it."

"Everything seems to get taken away from you." I hadn't meant to bring her tears back, because her previous ones had ripped a hole the size of the Pacific in my heart, but here they were again. My thumbs new job was to catch and eliminate every single drop.

"You just have to expect nothing, Edward. If you don't count on it, it can't hurt you." _My fierce, fighting girl. Always so protective of yourself._

And my question's blanks were now full, packed with the broken pieces of the girl I loved.

Love.

_Yes._

Holy hell, I loved her. I fucking loved this girl so hard and had no idea how I was capable, having a heart made of stone and all, but there could be no other word to describe this elated anguish, this need for her that began at the quick of my bones and drove me to bring her ten times the joy just catching her eyes with mine that gave me the strength to refuse my most base desires because deep down I knew she wasn't ready. And to _make love_ to someone? Even Bella? Especially her. Shit, I wasn't ready either, not by a long shot.

"So, you keep everybody away." I didn't ask, I went out on a limb and assumed.

"Were you at the same party as I was tonight? I fight tooth and nail with myself over letting you in and then I get screamed at for doing so even slightly. It was like Angela was my conscience, reminding me what I'll never be and who I'll never keep. My problem isn't letting people in, Edward, it's convincing them to stay."

Feeling like a jackass, I crept back slowly from the ledge I was teetering on. I didn't regret asking anything because of what I'd learned; I felt closer to her knowing real, tangible things about her life. But talking like this was wearing and the night had already been such a chore. I was thankful I'd convinced myself to go, even as late as I did, if only to get that dance with Bella and these invaluable moments to touch her and learn about everything that made her who she was. But she was pulled in so many conflicting directions that made her so confused. I had no idea how to help or how to not lose her to her own demons.

"You must be so tired. Try to put tonight out of your mind and rest. I'll wake you up with plenty of time to get back to your suite before the campus is crawling with students. I don't want to add a walk of shame to your heavy ridicule plate."

"I don't care about Angela, Edward, or anyone else." A little yawn escaped her perfect lips and her eyelids drooped. "I'd never want to forget tonight, and the way you touched and kissed me. I've been wanting that so badly."

_Oh god, Bella._

"And I'm glad you liked my panties. I wore them for you."

_Fucking hell. _I guess I'd be falling asleep completely hard.

"You need to sleep, too, mister. You have a big game tomorrow." Even though she was near sleep and her eyes were fully shut now, the most flirtatious grin enveloped her lips.

"Maybe I'll wear a mini skirt and be horribly distracting. Everyone's going to be pointing and staring anyway, might as well give them something good to look at. Maybe a little bend over action, repeat some of my dance moves from tonight…."

"Don't you dare! I don't want anyone else looking at you." I was a bit panicked and chastising as the jealousy in my words rang loud and clear.

"Silly Edward. I wouldn't do anything to – _yawn_ – break your focus."

"I'd hoped you would still come."

"I'll be there. With bells on." Bella's little pucker sought out my lips for a goodnight kiss. Everything about this mesmerizing girl was so soft, so perfect.

"Goodnight my fallen king." _And always with the quippy comments._

I stifled my laughter at such a profoundly true statement, and held back a heaving sigh. I no longer had any idea how to act in public, and I wished I didn't care what everyone else thought, but it had been my life for so long that I was more nervous than I should have been for tomorrow.

I'd spent my life controlling what others perceived about me by regulating what I put off, thus creating the appearance that I didn't give a flying fuck … when, actually I did. I'd always cared too much about the wrong things, and now that I was finally putting my heart into something worthwhile and fulfilling - someone so disarming, so above me in every way - I wasn't going to let the trash that walked the halls and called Fremont their Alma Mater matter to me any longer. Everyone I loved would adjust and, especially Alice, surely like me better. I was tired of being an asshole. _Now if only I could find the switch to turn that impulse off._

I'd get there.

Bella sighed beside me, murmuring something incoherent as she snuggled deeper into my encircling arms. _I wonder if she's the kind of person who can remember their dreams?_

She was my haven and I joined her for a few hours of rest that went all too quickly and made the harsh sunlight of seven am shock my nearly catatonic mind into awareness all too abrasively.

Consciousness showed me I was alone in my bed, though her side was still warm, and the black party dress was no longer hanging on the back of my chair.

I worried why she didn't wake me to walk her back to her suite. _Or say good morning._

_Did she kiss me goodbye? _I detested the idea of missing even one second of Bella's lips on mine.

The previous night flooded back to my mind, as did the dream I had rewritten where I allowed our embraces to go after pulling her into my lap on the floor. I would get Bella back into this bed and hold her, touch all of that creamy skin and make love to her, cementing that she would be mine until she no longer wanted to be.

Groaning, I leapt out of bed, beginning to hum in anticipation for the day before me, and allowed it to capture my full focus. _Hell yes._

_Match day bitches._

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**A/N: Just a bit of post party understanding, and B/E time, before we jump head first into the match and all of Fremont's drama! I'm wondering something of all you fantastically devoted readers, who is your favorite character thus far in G&B? Just curious:) Thank you so much for reading, and, as always, I welcome your thoughts and input. ~RAE**


	16. It's Raining, It's Pouring: Part One

**Chapter 15 It's Raining, It's Pouring: Part One**

**A/N: Who loves SM's Twilight and rewriting her characters? I do, I do!**

**I haven't ever really explained that this first ff of mine began as a writing exercise, pure and simple. I still do not know what I am going to write before I begin typing each new chapter. I mean, sure, we knew there was a party coming up and now a match, but beyond that I've only ever known who the characters were and let them just find a natural progression. Thank GOD I allowed myself to dwell in quiet inspiration for a while, though, because I now know where all of this is going and I am FREAKING excited. That said, I have no idea how to get there – so don't worry, if you've like the writing style so far, my recent plot epiphany won't effect the writing because I'm still working chapter to chapter. We have a ways yet to go in G&B, so hold on tight my bbs!**

**All of you blew me away by enjoying all of the characters equally (well, almost … lovely Edward), which I love, love, love! My goal here is to make this an ensemble fic - all six characters, all the time. So, let's see how I do …**

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**RPOV**

"Alice, stop thrash- ALI, STOP." My voice was only a pitiful croak as my arm - half dead, half tingly from restricted circulation - flopped out to locate, and still, the restless form beside me. However, seeing as my king sized bed was ginormous and what my arm was searching for was a teeny, tiny pixie girl, it contacted with nothing and the restlessness continued.

I heaved a heavy groan, knowing I was being forced to sit up. Placing my hands on either side of my bra and panties laden body, I supported my weight so at least my upper body was suspended.

"Alice." I hissed. "She'll get here when she gets here."

I turned my head as the movements on my opposite side slowly calmed down. There was so much concern in her charcoal eyes.

"Did you sleep at all?" _She looks too alert, like she's running on pure adrenaline._

"Yeah, in and out. But I woke up at every noise, thinking it might be her trying to sneak in."

"If Bella did sneak, it would be her prerogative, Alice. She doesn't owe us anything."

"I know, but you don't want to be her friend. I do. I _care_ about her, Rosalie. Even if you don't." Alice's emphatic, tinkling voice filled my scantly lit bedroom.

Humph. I actually _did_ care - hell if I'd ever admit it though. And, as Alice had found rest in and out, I had not. Not more than fifteen minutes of sleep occupied my night. And I fucking had no idea why I was this worried or felt so shitty. The weight of last night - Angela's words, everyone's panic, all of Fremont's inevitable inclusion - felt like a heavy, ever-growing burden with each passing hour of insomnia. Such wakefulness had left me worn out and grimy.

"I need a shower." _Maybe the cleansing water will rid me of this guilt. _I was out of bed and grabbing my silk robe before my balance was completely resolute. Steadying my vision and body, with a blink and a hand on the mattress, I continued, "Don't attack her the second she walks in. Okay?" The door slam we'd been waiting for all night finally sounded, punctuating my request. _I still can't believe she stayed out … it's seven in the frickin' morning._

Alice was in her own robe, and by my side, before we walked out together into the still decorated sitting room to greet Bella.

She looked so quiet, so small in that moment. Just looking at the room around her, no doubt replaying last night. We seemed to startle her out of the unpleasant reflection.

"Bella-" Ali started off way too shrill and vigorous, and my hand went to her arm as a reminder. Understanding, she dialed it back, letting her concern, instead of impatience, flow forth. "Where have you been? We've been so worried." Bella's eyes shifted back and forth between Ali and me, taking in our appearances and Alice's words. Disbelief colored her features and the dark chuckle that escaped her lips was joyless.

"We? You I understand Alice, but _We_? Fuck if Rosalie cares anything about me. She did this." Both of her arms came out indicating to everything inside the suite and beyond.

_Oh God_. Her anger was late but also somehow right on time. _I guess we're going to do this now, huh? Good._

"Yes, _Bella_, please blame me for all of _your_ problems. If you had asked me I would have told you to stay the hell away from Edward Cullen and all the plagues he carries. " _Liar. You would have pushed her closer to her demise. _Why did that instinct feel wrong all of a sudden? This was how we were. Hate was what you heaped on your enemy. _But is she really still that?_

"Edward? EDWARD? What about _Jasper_, Rosalie, huh? What about the fucked up rumor you threw around to get at _me_ using _him_ in the process?" She was livid and pacing, and I knew this whole display wasn't about me, but rather, us. We needed this. Almost as much as she seemed to need it personally.

"Fuck you, Bella. Don't throw Jasper in my face like I give a shit. You took his attentions from me long ago. Hell, you are his twin, not me. You always had each other, You Still Do, and no insignificant rumor is going to take either of you from the other." I breathed in and finally took it There. "Not like death. Now, there's a pretty sure fire way of losing the person you love the most."

Bella's head was shaking back and forth in a mix of disbelief and disgust as she came up, getting as close to my face as her 5'4" frame would allow. "Don't. Fucking. Go. There." Her eyes were red and hands were shaking as she pointed her finger centimeters from my eye.

"Renee was all I had, at least you have something left." I knew the tears were streaming down my cold, ominous face; I knew their presence defeated the tough exterior I was so desperate to display. But I was powerless to stop their flow.

I had no idea what brought on all of Bella's sudden rage and need to explode this way. But it had been so long over due.

"You still have your mom and dad, Rosalie. Don't pretend to understand what I have and don't have." This was spat in my face and I took it because I knew she just didn't get it.

"I don't." These two words answered both of her statements, answered everything really. I didn't have parents, not in the legitimate sense of the word, and I really didn't know what love Bella felt her life still held. I only knew how much mine didn't.

"Don't what? Understand? Care? That's fine. Just stop fucking talking about me and hurting the only people you actually have a chance of having in your life. Because despite what a fucking bitch you are we are it; we're your only chance, Rosalie."

She was giving me the opportunity to really dick this up or finally set it straight. _You left your throne days ago, remember? You have Alice now. And maybe Emmett. But Alice IS Jasper and Emmett IS Edward and Edward and Jasper ARE Bella. _If I wanted in with any of them I had to join the unit. My sigh was dramatic and exhausted, my words condescending.

"I _don't _have parents Bella and, no, I _don't_ understand you. That is so far beside the point. You being at Fremont is _hell_ for me. Sure, it's a constant reminder of Jasper's preference, but really just you alone makes it too difficult. You are so much like _her_, you look like her and sound like her, you even swear like her. But you don't care one damn iota about me, and that's fine cause that has always been our rhythm. But just as you point out how very little I know or care for you, you regard me just the same. This is a middle of the road situation, Cousin. I make up lies about you that spiral out of control and you have my brother and bring back my pain. Stop being the victim." And I was spent. After no sleep and the heavy ass brick on my shoulder weighing me down I had nothing left, no more words of truth no more anything. So, I just sat down on the ridiculous dance floor.

Ali's hand was in mine before I realized she was sitting next to me and had pulled Bella down with her, all of us situated cross-legged on the floor, but I couldn't meet her eyes.

"I didn't ask to be a victim, Rose, just like you didn't ask to be a bitch. It's just the way it is."

"It doesn't have to be, Bella."

I had to finally look at her, because she needed to understand that I was trying, but not for her. I also wanted her to see my double meaning; it really was time for her to stop suffering from the past just as it was my time as well. We had both chosen to heal in a way that was now crippling us from moving forward. From finding new love.

But this was all a journey. Bella's arrival, my honesty, the six of us becoming something together. Change would be the bitch now. It was such a forceful motherfucker, stretching and pushing us even if we weren't completely ready.

And it seemed the spell was broken.

We hadn't really fixed anything, but we were at least caught up with unloading past shit. Our wheelbarrows were empty and waiting for us to heave more baggage into them now.

I felt lighter. And that made me smile. It had been so long.

Bella smiled slightly too. Not at me, or my own emerging smile, but I hoped she was feeling the lightness as well. Perhaps not as much, but at least somewhat. Although, it seemed this fight only took the edge off of whatever stress she was currently under. _Just the icing on the cake._

Alice was worried and unsure of the current climate – I could tell by the rigidity in her shoulders and the uncertain set of her darting eyes. But her sympathetic tears had stopped flowing and her determination to just be here for us was paramount.

She just sat and held us for a while, rocking back and forth. My legs were falling asleep and as I went to suggest we start getting ready a humongous yawn escaped me.

"Did you two sleep at all?" _Yes, the unpredictably sudden thunderstorm has passed just as quickly as it came and we could now get on with the day._

"Not really." Alice had waited to speak long enough and now seemed to be bursting as the heated temperature of our explosion had finally dissipated. "I couldn't wait for you to get back." She looked my way as she used "I" instead of the provocating "We" again. "I was worried and unbelievably curious, so Rose let me stay."

"And what in the world would you be curious about, Alice?" Bella was a devil girl, knowing full well the volume teasing Alice would elicit.

"YOU LEFT WITH EDWARD AFTER DANCING LIKE SEX! ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER? WHERE DID YOU STAY LAST NIGHT? WHAT IS GOING ON?"

She'd held back for so many hours. Really, I was proud of her for limiting it to three questions.

Bella's eyes grew big, but her small smile remained. "I stayed at Edward's last night. That is really the only question I have an answer to."

"You were there, if anyone knows it would be you!" I knew this wouldn't go father, because I believed Bella when she said she didn't know what was going on. We _were_ talking about Edward.

"You'd think, right? Anyway, I don't have it all figured out yet, and really don't want to think about it anymore. Right now I could just really use a shower."

Truthfully, all three of us were a mess.

"We could all use one in a pretty bad way. Alice – Alice, we'll all get ready and hit the road. Red is waiting, as is the match. We need to go root on our men." I had to shake her so she'd accept the plan and just let it go for now. Her eyes told me she wasn't even close to giving up, but her following words rang with an air of patience.

"Fine. But if you aren't going to spill we at least get to dress you. You MUST look fierce going into the pit of evil that awaits us in Puyallup. Do you understand? No weakness can be shown today."

"I get it, Ali. Sure you can dress me. If I'm going down I should at least look hot." Bella's shoulders went up and down, like she didn't get how serious we were being.

"Hot, Bella? No … you need to look Best." _That is the only suitable medicine for overcoming a rumor – making sure people know you are still better than them no matter the shit they think they have on you. _That was always how I defeated everyone else; no one had the tricks I did for getting ahead.

Alice's eyes shimmered as she snapped to it, setting Bella up in a hot, fragrant bath.

Maybe I could right this wrong, maybe I couldn't. Either way, I'd be moving freer and charting new Rosalie territory. My thoughts went to Emmett, and last night, and his hands. I knew he loved my body, but I prayed he'd look for more than that in me. I was slowly beginning to think I could show him something worthwhile.

"Rose, only an hour left." Alice's voice carried out from behind the wall of steam and brought me back to the here and now.

Shit. There was so much left to do.

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**EmPOV**

_Hell yes, Puyallup, Fremont's coming to town. And we are going to crash down on your asses._

_Today's the maiden voyage of the Dual Cullen Crusade,_ I thought, as I hummed "The Brothers That Kick Ass" melody excitedly to myself.

It was a classic Seattle day as the team boarded up and headed out. Wet, windy and oddly picturesque. _People just don't get how unparalleled this city is until they've traveled over I-5 themselves and seen the hazy city, looming in sepia tones and hugging the water – sure as hell beats Chicago. That's for damn sure._

Our team bus was sick, but the seventy-five minute trip to Puyallup really wasn't enough time to take advantage of its wide range of amenities. Fremont hooked its players up, and seeing as Water Polo was the god of all the Park's sports, they handed us an even thicker slice of goodness. Private bunks, plasmas with Guitar Hero, Rock Band, even fucking karaoke if we felt so inclined.

The kitchen held available pre-match approved snacks - much like the girls served last night - however Coach and I were in agreement that it wasn't kosher for the guys to swallow too much down before hand. Once we'd won, he'd unlock the pantry where the good food was kept. More often than not, we'd hit up a restaurant after, but I had a feeling tonight the guys would be most interested in heading straight back to campus. Well, Jasper and Edward at least.

_Whipped bitches._ And as far as I knew, neither of them had a legitimate claim on either of the girls that had their minds doing crazy eights. Hell, I didn't really know Jasper from Adam, but Edward was honestly beginning to feel like a tripped out clone; he looked like Edward, talked like him but as far as behavior went, shit, it was like he was shorting out. I wouldn't go as far as to say he needed to be deprogrammed, rebooted per se, he was just a pretty unfamiliar guy as of late.

When I'd arrived home – after breaking down the full-fledged information tug-of-war that had infiltrated my sexy-Rose evening – I found Edward's door closed. I even went as far as turning the handle - something men avoided for involuntary cockblocking purposes - and it was locked. _Peculiar._ He'd never cared to lock the door before, hell, sometimes he left it open even with a guest over.

Times were a-changin'. Edward seemed to give a shit now. Whisking Bella off to reconvene in his room. _Hmmm._ Jasper was sure to throw a fucking fit when he found out the details of their night. Together. Alone. _Like he'd said, he is Edward Cullen after all._

_Really, though, where else could they have gone? We live within the confines of gates and fences … that limits a guy's options._

But all that drama was a wash; today was match day and those fuckers seemed to finally have their heads in it when I rounded them up for the locker room pep talk.

"Men," I gave a moment for the melodramatic pause, "we're here to win." I threw my hand into the middle and ten hands joined mine in a pile. "One ... two ... three ... Break." _I want to know who made that up just so I can let them now how lame it is._

We split off to grab our gear.

"Inspirational." _Edward, always the wiseacre._

"I do what I can." I was securing my cap into place when I felt anxious tension creep up.

"Hey Edward, I want to talk to you after the match." Edward raised his eyes slowly, finally meeting Jasper's as he absorbed the blatant meaning in these words.

"Jasper, man, leave your personal shit at the door, alright? I need you rowing at full speed today. Got it?" I managed to stand between them, whether it was necessary or not, and gave a firm squeeze to Japer's shoulder reinforcing the sentiment.

"Yeah, Cap, got it."

I didn't miss the pointed glance Jasper left with Edward as he rounded the corner towards his borrowed locker.

"I hope you know what you're doing." At my words, Edward exhaled a huge gust of air and ran his hands over his face and through his mangy hair.

"I have no idea." He leaned himself unsteadily against the wall of metal and I stayed alert in case he toppled over - 'cause brother looked unsteady leaning like that.

"But you, like, like her – Bella – right? That's what last night was about? 'Cause I mean, you gave up a guaranteed fucking hot score, even by your standards, for her. I mean, seriously dude, the Angela bridge is more than burned, it's more like a crater now. I hope the sex was worth it."

He just looked hard at me, like he was torn.

Finally he stared off in the other direction. "We aren't having sex."

Whoosh. All the breath was out of me in one second, and I was immediately desperate to recover some air so I could unload my truck full of very obvious questions right on his crazy, perplexing head. _You're talking to a girl, like spending time with her, and not having sex? Why the hell would you put yourself out there last night – in front of all the most fucking important people at school, your friends – without any promiscuous returns? Why was your damn door locked if you were just whispering and exchanging Eskimo kisses? Where the fuck is my brother?_

"Leave it alone." He beat my recovery time, springing the worst words imaginable.

Leaving this unsolved was not an option, but it seemed he wasn't going to spill this shit to me. _I'll get Alice to work one of her spells on him then make her relay back. _That was a much better plan then following his complicated ass around constantly trying to have a fucking heart to heart.

I wandered after Edward and the rest of the guys out to the pool, twirling my goggles on my finger, when I my eyes locked on _her_. I honestly shouldn't have been looking into the crowd to begin with - that weakness always resulted in loss of focus - but after Jasper, and then Edward and my minimal sleep I was realizing quickly how off my ace game I had been already today. The universe was against me, apparently.

And now her. _Rosie. _She was the monumental distraction of a lifetime. Rosalie wasn't just a hot girl I tallied in my brain to catch up with post-match and retrieve a number from. Oh, I knew her enough by now to know - well, to realize - I wished to know her better. Know her most.

Her hair was curled, and looked silky even from here, illuminated by the overhead billiard lighting. The long wispy pieces, twisting around her index finger, suddenly bringing me back to the first time I'd touched it.

_Flashback_

"_Tell me again why you're in a tenth year bio session, Emmett. You obviously know what you're doing - so you're not an idiot or anything - but, it has to be embarrassing being a junior and having to take this course with little old sophomore me." She fingered her blond locks and batted her sexy eyelashes, red pucker covering perfect white teeth just taunting and reeling me in._

_Flirting with Rosalie in the back of Mr. Riley's remedial science class was a highlight everyday, even when she'd snark or bitch or suck up. It was simply our time to be together. We'd ask each other personal questions and laugh at stupid shit Fremont students found themselves getting into. Everything seemed fair game._

_And I'd discovered, over the last two months, how much warmer Rosalie was than she'd ever dared to let on. A hell of a girl, actually. Although she may not have realized it, our banter was rooted in seriousness for me. Despite the small fact that I currently had a couple girls going at the moment, I'd take her on in a heartbeat. But somehow "part time" with Rosalie Hale didn't seem like enough. However, for me, anything more seemed impossible. "More" wasn't a specialty of mine. So, on with the flirting and fantasizing._

"_I'm for shit at testing. So, to ensure I stay active on the team, I dumb down my course load and Coach pads the teachers when he can. There is a method to my madness."_

"_Well then, how come this is the only class I have with you? You'd think if the Coach can yank the teachers over testing, the least you could do would be to pick a more enjoyable schedule. I'm quite enjoyable, don't you think?"_

_She was a tease, and she was baiting me._

_I reached out and brushed her busy hand as I wound a new strand over my own fingers. I tested the bounce of such perfect hair – if she's this well groomed on top _… _- and slowly lifted the piece I'd detained behind her little diamond-studded ear._

"_As enjoyable as they come, Rosalie. Although, I don't know first hand."_

_She licked her lips wet and moved her hand along the inside of my leg. The double bell pulled us out of our lust-laden moment._

_Grabbing her books, she walking past, bending low so her lips brushed my ear as she breathed out, "I'll be enjoying the thought of you until tomorrow, Emmett Cullen. See you then."_

_End Flashback_

And so the term had progressed. I wasn't ever able to lock it down, because for some reason hitting it and leaving it felt wrong. Like a mistake. But now I had a real shot. Hell, I'd felt her wetness through my pant leg and on my fingers. I was so close I could almost literally taste her. _Shit. Fucktard, don't get hard in your Speedo. There's no covering that evidence up._

A whistle rang out and I shook my multifaceted thoughts away determined to dispel the funk that was weighing me down. _Narrow your mind man; your team is counting on you. You are the water. _I felt like fucking Bodhidharma. _Zen baby. This pool is my cave_

_Yeah, I know shit, _I thought as I mentally patted my genius self on the back.

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**APOV**

I looked over at Bella as the three of us continued, one foot after the other, in resolute determination.

The entire section designated for the away team – which now held all of Fremont Park - shifted their attention towards us the moment we'd entered the thick, chlorine-clogged air of the Puyallup High School pool. _Thank god she looks hot. _And it _was_ a good thing we took extra care primping, because with the looks and not so subtle whispers flying every which way it seemed news had traveled fast.

"So," I said quietly, as I turned to face my girls. "Just remember, you look fabulous." I turned by body so it appeared that we'd only paused to admire the luscious, half naked guys waltzing around right in front of us. "Because, Bella, you need to put all that confidence into channeling your inner parvenu. Everything about you needs to scream fierce and untouchable."

"Alice is right. Do not let anything get to you. No-thing." Rose was playing her part well as she eyed Emmett and moved her lips covertly.

"I can do fierce." Bella responded immediately, with a simultaneous flick to the hair, and subconscious straightening up of her shoulders. _She sounds tired. Bella better not half ass this._

"On a normal day, you own fierce, but today's events have already tapped your energy. You're going to have to fake it. Just pretend everyone is me!"

I watched Bella and Rosalie have this brief moment, acknowledging their familiarity with one another and Rosalie's attempts at encouragement and support. Bella blinked back these words and, I'm sure, her fears and scattered thoughts. Soon enough, her head was up, chin leading her forward. "Good thing I look best." Her words were punched with bitch.

Rose smiled and chuckled a little while I was left soaring on the inside. _She's going to do this; she's going to win._

We followed closely behind Bella, but let her lead our way. On the drive down, we'd decided Bella should be the shit. Rose had a hard time letting go, I think, because queen was her status. But she recognized fully the need to conquer this tiny society battle today if Bella was going to remain sane enough to make it out of Fremont with a diploma. Plus, no one had the power Rosalie did, so if she was backing up Bella there would be a few people to drop out of the fight immediately, strictly out of fear alone. At least, that had been her firm prediction.

So, Bella led us to the very front row of bleachers, which hugged the pool and gave us a choice view of our guys. Our selected seats screamed, "We aren't hiding, so do your worst."

The mummers at our backs increased and snippets of conversation swarmed over us.

"…. it has to be like being with your brother … but if my cousin looked like Hale I'd … that must be why she transferred, so they could be together … it's sort of cute … such a fucking slut … white trash, how could she taint Fremont by even being associated … they just let anyone in these days … Jasper is so quiet, I bet he's an animal in bed … maybe he's interested in trading up … I heard she left with Edward Cullen … is it, like, a three way thing? … I heard she started crying and throwing beer bottles all around the party … wait, Edward and Jasper are gay? … that isn't what I heard … Angela is pressing charges because the bitch up and clawed her fucking hair out - all because Edward chose her … I heard Edward tossed Ang to the curb … she was a timed out fuck …. and what the hell is Rosalie doing, associating with _that _… I guess she enjoys filth, she's been known to get in quite a few predicaments herself … Bella Swan, so pathetic … and now she thinks she's dating Edward Cullen … dream on bitch …"

Slowly, everyone's voices began fighting to be heard and the entire expansive room was filled with half-whispers, the harsh laughter resonating as the echoing exclamation point.

"Hey Bella, I may not be your cousin, but … I like myself a dirty girl." …

"Could you not get a real guy so you had to pay your relative to be your fuck buddy?" …

"You do know if you get pregnant, your children will be deformed right?" …

"I can see you now Bella, sprung around Jasper's hard dick, just grinding away. I have to admit, I don't hate it." …

"Alice, didn't I see you up on Jasper Hale for most of the party? Are you in with Bella too?" …

"That must have been why your dad left you; he found out your dirty secrets and disowned your filthy ass." …

Person after person was leaning close to us and running their mouths, just waiting for the rise and explosion. I clenched my fists - pushing every desire to defend everyone involved far from my mind - and willed myself to relax, all the while keeping my face perfectly poised. My hearing detected the ref's whistle but I was still resetting my resolve, too focused to care.

I could feel B shaking slightly beside me as Rose's breathing remained unfazed. But chancing a look, I realized it wasn't hurt that colored Bella's features, and caused her quaking, instead outrage was emanating from her every pore. Pure, unadulterated hate.

"Hey. It's good. Smile. Breath." _Come on, girl … we've hardly just begun._

"We'll begin our assault soon, Bella. Keep your head cool, keep it in the game." Rose was a true aristocratic culture extraordinaire.

The match was beginning and, of course, Angela chose that moment to approach. Fried hair flipping behind her, a haughty air to her stride, her fake, perky boobs bouncing everywhere normal breasts wouldn't. The whole thing made me want to superglue her lips shut to avoid the forthcoming verbal shit dribble.

"Bella, poor girl, I hope you've recovered from last night." She was sickly sweet, flanked by Lauren and Jessica – her new post-Ben lackeys - looking desperately uncomfortable as they avoided any interaction with a deceptively calm Rosalie. My own normal energetic hum was now tapering out, feeling more like a twitch. _This would all be easier handled if we'd slept at all last night._

"I had nothing to recover from. But thank you for your concern." Bella locked eyes with Angela, giving her a chance to back away. _Idiotic, stupid girl. _I silently wished Bella would just punch her straight in the saline inflatables, maybe rupture one in the process. Obviously, the stress from all this had worn my sanity down to a nub.

"Nothing to recover from … poor girl. Everyone heard me accidentally blurt out your "little sexual secret."" -_Did the bitch seriously just fucking use air quotes?- _"You must have spent the night humiliated now that we all know about you and Jasper's biblical relationship. I have to admit you are quite the little whore, aren't you?" Lofty arm gestures and enunciated words made this exchange aware to all ears and seen by all eyes. _Yes, please, let's drag Podunk Puyallup into this while we're at it. Poor people have enough problems without heaping ours on them._

Bella leaned in close to Angela and delivered her most toying smile. I eyed Rose who was staring hard at her dismissed cling ons, looking like a huntress deciding which prey to consume first. Bella's proceeding growl was low but direct.

"Oh yes, _Angela_. I am. I'm the whore who left with Edward Cullen last night _instead_ of you, after I believe, he threw you away. So, really hun, I hope your night has left _you_ fully recovered, because besides a little lack of sleep I couldn't be more satisfied right now if I tried."

We'd missed the start of the match and our guys were fanned out in the pool. Angela stood tongue-tied, red and floundering for her next round of assault tactics. But I was done.

"You're in our way. Leave." I'd yet to talk, but I really just needed her gone and to move on. Without another word, the chorus line retreated.

_-- We survived the preliminaries. Don't let down your hair until we're safely in our suite. R --_

And Rosalie's text, that came only seconds later, was right. Bella and I exchanged a subtly victorious smile and tried to shake off our remaining nerves. It was time for the match.

But just as I finally turned my attention to the water activities before us I heard the shouting explode and the truth of the sight before me found meaning in my brain. An actual fight had broken out mid match.

"What is your fucking problem, man?" _I know that voice._

"Arg. You, you are my fucking problem, douchbag." Panic coursed through me as I recognized the second voice as well.

A grouping of bobbing white caps, resting atop countless players, were unsuccessfully attempting to hold Jasper back as he flung himself wildly at Edward over and over.

"NO!" I rushed forward as I watched Jasper – eyes burning blind - attacking his teammate, and my best friend, throwing punch after punch and repeatedly holding him underwater. I could tell Edward wasn't fighting back, but defiantly struggling to breath as the turbulent water around him surged on his nose and mouth.

"Stop man." But he was submerged fully then - cap flying off, bronze hair sprawling and arms attempting to counteract Jasper's attacks.

"Jasper, stop!" I heard Bella ring out, from somewhere nearby, as some of the sub guys tried to keep me from the pools edge as I leaned over to pull the Neanderthals apart.

"Alice, let go. What the hell are you doing?"

Both guys went under before I could answer, Emmett choosing that moment to join the fight and dragging them all below the surface. But I'd had my hand on Jas's shoulder and with the force of their departure I felt my balance wavering. Everything we'd been trying to accomplish today was now ruined as the guys only made our messes bigger, and I flailed to find my footing knowing the whole of Fremont sat looking on.

And in that moment I was petrified, because the men I loved most were dueling it out - actually hurting each other - and I had no idea why.

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**JPOV**

_I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is not you, Bella. No fucking way. I WILL KILL HIM._

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**A/N: Okay, so I made it this far and realized I was nowhere near finished – I mean, we're like five minutes into the match. Has it gone the way you thought it would so far? I'd love to hear your thoughts! ~RAE**


	17. It's Raining, It's Pouring: Part Two

**Chapter 16 It's Raining, It's Pouring: Part Two**

**A/N: I do not own Twilight because my name is not Stephenie Meyer. **

**I know, I know - the dreaded cliffhanger. And I couldn't even rush the writing schedule, like I'd hoped, and get it to you guys sooner … well, not without sacrificing quality. So, here it is, right on time – sadly not early but thank goodness not late!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**JPOV**

_You're an asshole. You could have anyone, but you choose the one who will break the most. _I wished I could stop just blatantly glaring at him, but the outrage and fear that were clenched around my heart, lungs and every other major organ had become a permanent fixture over the last eleven hours, nearly undoing my rational to play it cool until the match was won and done with. _And I blame you. _My eyes seethed out all the uncertainties muddling my brain, which continued their damning encroachment.

After the team "Break" sounded and hands went flying I was left rooted in my place, feeling that I needed to make my intention of ending this game Edward was playing known. But my lack of sleep was causing my sorry ass to drag. _Luckily I'm a fucking buoy; otherwise I'd be in for big problems swimming driver on such depleted motor functions._

Saying last night had been rough on me was an understatement. It wasn't just having to watch Bella forced to stand tall in front of the most judgmental elitists' while being completely torn down over a blatant lie but _then_ seeing her run off with _him _– the prime motivation behind Angela's irruption_. _More than anything else, it was every image I'd been left with since that made the horrors of the party almost unbearable. The way he'd _touched_ her on the dance floor – the way she'd _let_ him, encouraging his hands and catering to his bending predilections. He'd stroked her hair and moved her hips, then chose to hoist her up bridal style - _like her fucking savior_ - before shooting from the suite. _Gah._ I shuddered at the implications which so obviously indicated that Bella was trusting Edward; relying on him to care for her, rescue her and then, at the end of the humiliation that _his_ life choices ultimately caused, take her somewhere safe.

I had gathered that Bella found the infamous Edward Cullen interesting the night she inquired about him to Alice. Her curiosity even suggested she was yet another of the many Fremont female pursuers clambering to catch one more glance. Because she was just the sort to find his presence and demeanor magnetic – she was, after all, a girl; and that seemed to be the only qualification necessary to be doubled over in lust for the moody bastard. But even her unexpected interest hadn't bothered me, because I knew Bella was cautious. She wasn't one to get wrapped up in a new palsy friendship let alone a crush. Bella repelled men on purpose, just as she closed her true self off from everyone else.

And this was Edward Cullen for fucks sake. But, even with his knack for charm and allure, if Edward was near Bella, she was allowing it. _Why would she risk her nonexistent trust on him? HIM?_

If I thought he had a chance of making her happy I would feel quite differently. There is truly nothing in this world I've wanted more than to help Bella recover all the optimism and joy she lost after Renee died. Bits of her seemed forever gone, however, and although she'd never been categorized as a 'people person' she'd regarded them with a certain thoughtfulness and naiveté. She let people know her if they cared enough to ask.

Such tragedy struck her trusting nature right from the hand that held it out as an offering. Charlie had already spent Bella's life disappointing her, keeping her second place to his career. So she'd learned not to expect anything from him. Renee had been Bella's foundation, and once she was gone, there were only piles of money left in her stead. _She probably still has no idea how much is there. _Money was fleeting. Bella stopped understanding the difference between fleeting and enduring a long time ago. _Or maybe security just doesn't exist to her._

Except with us.

Relocating to Forks had ripped Bella and me apart. Due to the distance, we weren't able to be face to face enough for me to truly gage how all the changes were affecting her. Before I realized what was happening she'd already begun to withdraw, taking up residence in a constant state of aloof_. _Despite her inward retreat, we continued to spend hours on the phone, though she'd never mention friends or activities outside of life in Charlie's house. I knew I had to get to her somehow otherwise she'd slip farther away. A few weeks during summer vacation wouldn't cut it any longer.

The idea that we were growing apart, and she perhaps didn't need me as much, plagued my mind. But I refused to accept it and decided I couldn't hold off for the convenience of a driver's license, the move would need to happen right away. So, Rosalie and I packed up and headed to Seattle. Mother and Father, hardly around to begin with, were more than relieved to be off the hook from actual day-to-day parenting.

Those two years we spend apart were a nightmare, but there was nothing fleeting about the way I cared for my girl.

And Fremont brought me near enough to Bella to actually see her, at least occasionally. But upon greeting me after my first ferry and bus transit from SeaTac to Port Angeles, my slight pain from her progressively more distant interactions waned as a more serious panic set in. Bella had no happiness touching her features even while displaying a huge smile at my arrival. Her eyes were vacant and her body stood ridged and reserved, shoulders folded in. She'd refused to wait a heartbeat before flinging her arms and legs around me, pouring out her thoughts at once, "I am so glad you're here." She'd begun crying silently then, and I vowed to never let her ruin herself again.

I knew Charlie had been doing everything conceivable to win back the affections of his little girl. But having Bella in the house as a constant reminder of Renee's decisions and death was debilitating for him. Nevertheless, on my visits he'd always be around in abundance and truly had developed a wonderful accord with his estranged daughter. And she let him believe he was in. That he'd imprinted a wedge of himself on her heart. But he hadn't truly made it inside; she refused to give him the power of possessing any piece of her. Bella would not let Charlie hurt her again.

It had been the right time to move to Washington when we did. Rose became a bitch but stopped crying all the time. And Bella would visit me, refusing to step through the Fremont gates, but staying in a hotel instead. I'd, in turn, make trips up to see her. And she ironed out. She found a rhythm. And when Charlie decided to leave – _or was 'sent', fuck if I know_ – she was all right. She's never expected anything less.

But to now watch that depraved, inhuman, son of a bitch weasel his way into Bella's impenetrable attentions – _Jasper stop, you are losing it. They danced, she took shit because of Rose's insecurities and Edward's dickery and then he rushed her away from the mess. That is all you know. _That _was_ all I knew.

And it was eating me alive inside. Not fully trusting Bella to always see what's best for her, knowing I'd never trust him, freaking out that what I saw in her eyes and through her body movements showed she _did_ trust him, but the worst of it was knowing that she was Bella and there was nothing I could say to her that she hadn't already heard from my mouth and from the mouths of others. Edward was a user. He would manipulate her, consume her. And then throw her away, more broken than she'd ever been before.

I shook my head and walked back around to my borrowed locker in search of my gear, scooping everything up and getting swept into the flow of teammates as we left the locker room.

Sure, Emmett had quieted down my attempts at setting the tone with Edward for our _talk _after the match, but I saw in his hesitant green eyes that he'd gotten the message. I found Bella on the bleachers then as I followed the indication of the ref's whistle and slipped into the pool.

All three girls looked phenomenal, just as Alice had vowed they would as we'd said goodnight. "I'm going to make Bella look so effing superior tomorrow that no one will want to sit next to her, let alone roll shitty rumors in front of her face." Her eyes had blazed with determination even though we both knew nothing would keep the piranhas away indefinitely.

As I closed the space between myself and them, lazily floating my way nearer, my mind started to register the rather loud commotion coming from the Fremont crowd, in particularly the only girl, to this day, I was prepared to hit – Angela. _How the hell she grew the balls necessary to show her face anywhere in public again, I'll never know_. _She should be studied for science._ But it wasn't her presence that had my true attention, it was the fact that she was yet again calling Bella a whore, and looking like a cheeky, future Stepford while doing so. _Is she serious?_

I couldn't make out Bella's response over the hum of the crowd, and it seemed, neither could the girl closest to my pool position; a fiery red head I recognized from my fifth period Physics session, Victoria something or other. Luckily the friend beside her seemed to be able to hear just fine, and I was clued in along with Victoria as the friend relayed; "Apparently, Bella left with Edward instead of Angela - just like you heard from Tyler - and Edward must have given her a good ride because she's going on and on about how she doesn't mind being tired because Edward was such a satisfying fuck. Like we ever considered Edward Cullen to be anything less than a sexual god." Victoria piped in, bobbing her head, "Well, I can attest to that knowing first hand the quality pipe Edward fucking Cullen lays down." Both girls threw their heads back and cackled as I instead caught my breath before unintentionally hurling into the pool water around me.

_Fuck?_

_They actually fucked?_

_I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is not you, Bella. No fucking way. I WILL KILL HIM._

And then it all fit together, seeming absolutely plausible. He'd taken it from her. He'd plucked her virginity, along with whatever else he fucking wanted; unaware that included her fragility and brokenness. He'd been careless, of course not knowing the slightest things about her, just doing what he did fucking recklessly. But this time he'd taken what was Bella's.

And now he was over. He was done.

I located him and threw my arm back in seconds. Edward Cullen had been negligent for far too long with feelings and people. Did he even understand that there were more individuals in this world that mattered than just him? The other half of the population wasn't a buffet line, no matter what shit guys threw around in locker rooms; there were girls out there that meant something to someone. Bella was my world. He didn't just get to come in and tear down my world because she happened to be fucking appetizing and at the top of his menu.

And so I crashed my fist into any part of him I could gain leverage too. Punch after punch, but he wouldn't fight back. He was no fucking martyr, so I forced him underwater and hoped he'd respond because I wanted kicking his ass to be a reminder that no matter how hard he came down on me he would never get near Bella again, because I would always win. For her.

I felt small fingers on my shoulder and I knew instantly they were Alice's, but I didn't understand why she was trying to stop me. She had to know what he'd done. She had to understand why I couldn't hold myself back.

And then the air was expelled from my lungs and a huge weight pulled me below the surface, into the depths. I refused to release my hold on Edward, but my legs kicked furiously trying to force my head above the water line. Strong hands shook me violently and my grasp faltered. Edward and I were successfully pried apart then and both launched onto the concrete perimeter of the pool.

Above my loud sputtering coughs I could hear the frenzied crowd and the disputing coaches, I was all too aware of Emmett's bursts of swearing and team directions. Alice was holding my head in her lap then, anger and concern filling her eyes as she discerned my mental and physical state.

"Why are you fighting?" Her fingers grazed my forehead, pushing my sopping hair out of my eyes.

"Why aren't you?" Perplexedly she pursed her lips, obviously not on the same page as I was.

"He fucked _Bella_. He's going to ruin her." Theses words seethed out of me and caused the nausea to return.

"She hasn't said anything like that to me." _Wait, come again?_

"You were there when she was speaking to Angela, you heard her." _Ali girl, think on your feet for me here, try and follow what I'm saying and at least remember the conversations you yourself were privy to._

But instead of validating and understanding me, her words slapped me in the motherfucking mouth.

"You've overreacted, Jasper. Bella was baiting her, lying to the bitch to get her to back down." She released my head and stood, "Good luck cleanly jumping from the fifteen-foot shit hole you've just dug for yourself … and the rest of us. We're all just a huge fucking mess now." And with that, she walked back to rejoin a stoic Rosalie, hand on her perfect hip, anger laced into every sway.

Edward sat about five feet from me, talking quietly with Emmett.

Bella was nowhere to be found.

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**EmPOV**

_Oh my fucking fuck._

_Yes, please look like assholes and get the entire team a warning. Stupid Jasper, douchbag. Come on Edward, all our shitting around has taught you how to defend yourself better than that. Damn pussy._

I hauled my ass over to the bitch fight, put a hand on each of their shoulders and pushed down - hard. We all went under, which was good; I needed Japer a little waterlogged to get him to calm the fuck down. Keeping them secure, I broke the surface and instructed Felix – our other driver and second biggest on the team next to me – to help get these wayward mates up and over the ledge.

I was out and dripping over their sorry asses instantly. I saw Coach's approach and braced myself, putting some distance between the rest of the team and the fun conversation to come.

"Emmett, what is going on? Fighting, really? Can you at least keep your players under control while I go speak with Ladnow?" Coach continued to mutter to himself - no doubt releasing the expletives he'd somehow managed to hold back while barking at me - as he headed over to discuss the future of this match with Puyallup's Coach.

I was furious, but I double-checked the ref was a good distance away before letting it rain down.

"Okay, men, if the damn match is still on, James you're starting driver since Jasper has been officially red carded – yes, red carded from the pool you jackass. Everyone else go wait by the bench, towel off, hopefully we'll start up in a minute. On the ref's whistle I expect everyone to get their fucking heads out of their fucking asses and play hard. Got me?"

_We look like fools, _I thought as I took in the remnants of such idiocy. Both guys were still lying down, back to wet concrete, Alice crouching beside Jasper and Edward looking like he could use some help sitting up.

"Hey bro, breathin' okay?" He accepted my hand as he steadied himself in a comfortable upright position, not quite ready to stand.

He only nodded, brow creasing heavily.

"You gonna be able to swim, or do you need to hit the bench first period?"

"I'll be good." _Thank god._ I'd been looking forward to this match all week.

"It isn't often a brutality is called because of teammate to teammate malicious intent, huh?" _Edward was finally back and Jasper had to go and almost dick it up. Arg._

"I'd think not." This outburst seemed to have shaken Ed pretty good and I really didn't know what else to say, well, not with all of Fremont craning their fucking ears in our direction.

"Edward?" _Saved by the admirer._

A soft, unsure voice came from behind us. We both turned to find Bella, holding a towel and looking concerned but uncomfortable. _And the minx at the crux of this debacle suddenly appears._

Knowing the match was on, as the glint in Coach's eye caught my attention, I turned to find Jasper gone – _hopefully getting his shit together in the locker room_ – and the team ready at the bench.

_Finally. Let's do this._

I left Edward to sort stuff out but wished I would have dragged him along, knowing how messed he was over Bella without adding Jasper's blatant disapproval to the mix. But he was tailing me when I turned to go back and get him. _Hmmm … I wonder if that's a bad sign._

What-the-fuck-ever.

I'd actually honed my focus back in on the match, refusing to let Rosie or anything else in, then the fists went a flyin' and now I was pumped to beat the shit out of fucking Puyallup and get the hell home.

In the pool, lined up on our goal line, we waited for the ref to blow his whistle so we could gain control of the ball. At the trill we lunged, easily acquired the target and proceeded with our offense. As the periods flew by, our team managed to avoid any penalties, our guys fully aware that we'd filled our reprimand quotient for the day. Edward was responding to every play with precision. We'd pass with backhands setting Edward up for bunny after bunny. He really had immense upper body strength, and the opposing goalie couldn't have stopped the continual driving goals if he'd tried any harder.

No matter how many moments of restful floating or eggbeaters we could slip in there obviously needed to be players rotated in as relief. So after each goal we'd shift around; all, of course, except for Jasper. He knew he had to ride the whole thing out hugging bench.

Puyallup's strategy seemed to be straddling our seven-meter line, just hoping to get a goal shot in. However, not only was Eric the best goalie in the league, but today's match had been destined to be a shut down no matter the rocky start.

By the third period we'd been up by three, with a few fouls under our belt by that point in the game, but at the sound of the forth's end we'd won by five. _10 to 5 -_ _Shut down, bitches._

The team was riding the win high, as cheers rang out from our crowd and we filed into the locker room as congratulatory back pats were thrown around. I sped up to stride next to Jasper, our new resident team badass – _someone finally trumped James_ - who seemed even more forlorn and invisible than normal.

"I have to be honest, Jasper, I thought you'd tainted the match mojo with your little freak out. Thank fuck you didn't. Shit, I'm in a good mood. So, I guess this means come Monday you won't be treading with a chair over your head for _that_ much longer than the rest of us." I barked out a laugh at my own joke, cause he sure as hell would be treading water until he couldn't tread no more. And then my thoughts flashed back to how sad Alice had looked as she'd leaned over a dour Jasper by the pool's edge. "But seriously dude, you okay?"

He tightened his lips into a thin line and sighed, thumb and index finger working his temples. "I fucked up."

"You sure as hell did." I gave him a swift punch in the arm before heading to my locker. "I'm sure it'll blow over."

"Good game guys." _Ahhh, Rosalie._ Just hearing her voice made this freezing locker room feel like Hawaii. I turned and was greeted by the sight of both my girls.

"Rose, Ali, please. Did you ever really doubt we'd cream those juveniles?" I was surprised to find them in a men's locker room for about two seconds, before realizing whom I was dealing with. _Nothing would stop these two._

"Well, when there's in-fighting one must be realistic with their expectations." I gave Shorty my most disapproving glare for ever doubting our skills.

"Where's Bella?" Jasper had crept around the corner and apparently wanted to face the firing squad right away.

"Wherever Jasper. Just be happy she isn't in here. I'm sure you can imagine how she feels about you right now." Alice was direct with him, but calm, obviously saving his sentencing for later.

"I enjoyed watching you kick ass, Captain." Rosalie peered up at me from underneath her lashes, looking sexy as hell; her voice sounding so low and inviting. "So strong, so powerful." Rose ran her fingertips up my arm, along my neck and down between my pecks. Finally, letting both hands splay across my abs, she leaned up on her tiptoes and sucked on my bottom lip tenderly.

I captured her around the waste, toying with the strands of hair that ended there, and encouraged the kiss farther, basking in her softness and the uncharacteristic sweetness.

"I want to take you out. Rosalie, will you go to dinner with me? I need to have some time with you just to myself." I mumbled this against her pouty lips not wanting to break contact but needing to secure a time for just her and me.

"Tonight? How about eight o'clock?" _Yes!_

"I'll be over at eight." I buried my ecstatic smile in the crook of her neck. _Hell yes, we won and I got the girl!_

"Girls, you know this locker room is for the team only. Go on, go on. You'll see each other back at the school. Rosalie Hale, go!" The coach was shooing them out, and as Rosalie slowly sauntered backwards in the direction of the exit she didn't break eye contact. Licking her lips, her chosen farewell teased my thoughts and expectations, "I hope you can handle this, Cullen."

I fucking hoped I'd get to handle _all_ of it.

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**EPOV**

_Why did you leave before I woke up? Do you regret letting me hold you last night? The things you said? And if you do, why are you standing in front of me now?_

I'd be a liar to say I wasn't confused by Bella's hot and cold. She would fall asleep in my arms but not awake to my kiss. She dried me off and apologized for her cousin but would not wait to let me say anything in return before turning back for her seat with a quick promise that she'd find me later. And Jasper was a whole other issue.

Obviously I didn't blame Bella for her asswipe of a relative, but honestly who does that? Throwing down mid match, holding my fucking head underwater. Shit.

I have no idea what caused the calm but direct Jasper, who'd already made it clear we were speaking after the game, to launch fists first at me. Something must have set him off, and honestly, I hadn't seen him coming because I too had been distracted. Just after we pushed off the goal line I'd caught my first glimpse of Bella, and every inch of me longed to sprint out of the deep water and kiss her full on the mouth. I'd been missing her scent and her embrace since I'd awoken without her next to me, bed warm but Bella-less.

For the duration of the match, with her perched only a few yards away wearing a pale pink top, contrasting exquisitely against the red of her round lips and her shoulder swept long, dark, wavy hair, I'd felt almost worthless to the team. Sure, I stayed up with the plays and scored my share of goals, but my thoughts were with Bella. Only her. They were nestled in those tendrils and reminiscing over our interlocking, passionate kisses.

But now, here she was, so short compared to me, even in her healed boots that fastened over skintight jeans, standing within my grasp. It really wasn't fair, that she could be wearing so much but seemingly so little as I could see every curve of her through the thin jean material. The dip her silk blouse, which descended upon the creamy breasts I'd yet to see fully, was mesmerizing but I made sure to keep my eyes locked with hers so my deviant mind wouldn't be so transparent. Now if only Bella would stop allowing her eyes to freely roam over my body then perhaps I'd have better accountability; as it was, we were satiating ourselves with one another.

"You played well." No longer able to wait for my unvoiced questions to be answered before touching her, I pressed Bella up against a sidewall, around the corner from the mouth of the locker rooms. No one would find us unless they were purposefully looking around for deserted hallways. _Hopefully this school doesn't have an Edward Cullen lurking around, pulling every other girl into dark corners. _I didn't desire to be interrupted.

"I played like a distracted boy with a new shiny toy." I pressed us nose to nose as my mind registered how my leg was pressed between her legs and the pressure of my chest on hers was heaving her cleavage up and out of my new favorite pink shirt.

"Toy?" _Fuck. Why'd I have to say it like that? _And here I thought I was doing so much better at not being a complete lothario.

"God, that wasn't how I meant it. It's just that you look so beautiful and distracting. I was sad not getting to wake up with you next to me this morning. Why did you go?" _And please forget I'm a dick._

"I just needed to." I couldn't read the clouding in her eyes but I knew there was more to say on this. "I'm here now." Bella's small hands came around to the back of my head as she raked her hands through my almost dry hair, pushing my face even closer to hers.

"That you are." And my lips found hers open and slightly damp, and before I could continue her warm tongue tickled my bottom lip before making its way into my mouth. _Fuck. _She tasted like the strawberry gum she loved to chew and wound that fruity tang all throughout my mouth. Her neck was arched in an effort to close the distance between our heights so I swooped down and wrapped my mouth around the skin there. Tasting and sucking, drawing small circular patterns with my tongue up and down the column, desperately wanting to mark her and name her as mine. I also fought within myself to keep from plunging my nose and mouth straight into her open top, really from ripping every shred of clothing from her delicate body. I was after all in only my Speedo; so little fabric was keeping me from being completely naked.

She eventually pulled back, ragged breathing, swollen lips and a blush that curled down to her collarbones. _Oh god, her collarbones._ I vowed to familiarize myself with them the next time I had her in my bed.

It was a good thing Bella had my towel in one of her hands because when we were through here I'd need it to secure around my waste before walking anywhere. And as if she heard my exact thoughts, "Maybe we shouldn't do this when you have to go out in public, in just that." Bella's attention fell to my only piece of clothing, eyes slowly hooding. "But in private, that might be a different story."

_Fuck me now. If I wasn't hard before … shit._

"You mean, you aren't repulsed by my regulation swimming suit?" I couldn't help the bit of cocky that was infused in the question nor the smug tug that lit half my smile.

She could only shake her head back and forth as her eyes darted between my eyes and down to my suit, fucking going at it with her lip between her teeth.

"I see." My heart was racing as I desperately tried to play it cool, with the hottest fucking girl – the only girl for me – connected to every pain of my body undoubtedly feeling the effect her words and mere presence had over it.

"I have something planned for us tonight, that is, if you'll be my date for the evening?"

"Where will we be?" I wanted to say that we'd be in my sheets all night and all day tomorrow, but I wouldn't; I'd take her out.

"We're going out, somewhere special. Say you'll join me." I pleaded with my eyes, and I suppose my dick, as it was pressed firmly into her stomach.

"I think I'd just like to be wherever you are." _Well, fuck I should have said my sheets._

_No, bastard, you aren't ready._

_The hell I'm not. Have you seen my cock right now?_

But I really wasn't.

"Can I pick you up at eight?" _Will you wear something sexy, let me kiss your mouth and come to my bed after and cuddle up to me?_

_I wonder what she'd do if I told I loved her? Fucker – it's been a week. Calm down._

"Eight sounds good." Bella leaned her head against my chest, just over where my heart was thudding a million miles an hour.

"What - what do you think got into Jasper?" I stammered because I didn't want to ruin the moment. But Jasper was a reality I would soon be facing in the locker room so I needed to know what she did.

"Besides the fact that one week ago you were a wholesome girl's worst nightmare? And maybe you still are." She was dragging her fingers over the length of my torso, ever so softly grazing over my muscles and circling my nipple. _She really has no idea what she's doing to me._

"Are you really that wholesome?" I tugged absentmindedly on a stray piece of her silky hair, thinking about her oblivion towards her own sexuality, and sort of hoped to avoid the walk down Edward-was-a-fuck-up memory lane.

"Fuck no, but Jasper would prefer to think I am. I'm no you, that's for damn sure."

"You're so much better than me." Hugging her tightly I reminded her of our greatest problem, the fact that I was shit and she was scared. _You're scared too. _But I was only scared of losing her not of loving her.

"That's to be decided." She pulled back, giving me a radiant smile and I knew we were done talking about Jasper with her teasing me so. _Sort of teasing's more like it._

"Give me that." I barked playfully as I quickly plucked the towel from her hand, tucked it around my waste and prayed the folded material helped my cause somewhat.

Bella snuggled up to my ear before I pulled her beside me to make our way back towards the crowd. "I can still see you, even through that impenetrable field of invisibility." She let out the most delicious laughter and I swatted at her behind.

"But it said right on the label: Standard Pool Towel – Will hide all evidence of the effects of hot girlfriends guaranteed or your money back." I continued laughing at my unavoidable situation until I realized Bella had stopped moving.

Her eyes were one big question.

"What?" I couldn't stop my smile; I hadn't been this happy and carefree in a long while. But something still felt off about the look she now had touching the features of her face. And as she brought her lips together in a tight smile, bashfully shaking her head downward and said "Nothing." I knew it wasn't nothing.

We were back in the public area now. Most people were heading out, leaving the once full bleachers empty until Puyallup's next ass whooping.

The air had turned colder between Bella and I, but I hadn't a clue why and so naturally, before I could figure out how to ask without upsetting her further Alice and Rosalie came barreling out of the locker room.

"Bella, good, there you are. We're ready to go." Alice was darting her eyes back and forth between Bella and I meaningfully, trying to ask me silent questions with her directed gaze.

I just laughed at her and pulled Bella closer to my side. Tilting her chin up with my crooked finger, my lips wound with hers in a sweet lingering kiss that I swore I could feel all the way down to my feet. _I am a woman. And I don't even give a fuck._

"I'll see you tonight." Trying not to involve too many outsiders, I whispered this in her ear and she shivered in response. I turned to tease my obviously curious best friend.

"Ali, we should hang out." Giving her a knowing smile and laughing to myself over how little information Bella was probably sharing with her and how my Ali girl was most likely going slowly crazy inside that head of hers.

"You bet your fine ass we're going to hang out." With that Bella sent a stern glare right at her.

"Come on, Alice, you knowledge-whore. Let's go. Rose?"

"Yeah, I'm right behind you." Both girls walked off, arm in arm, Alice's speedy zeal causing her to drag Bella along like a child. This jovial observation was, however, cut short by Rosalie's matter of fact tone.

"I hope you know what you're doing." She was pointed in her words and in her eye contact. _So, she does have a caring, protective bone in her body. _No matter the odd way she chose to show it, Bella's female cousin maybe wasn't such a cold-hearted bitch after all. _Everyone can change, _I thought to myself with a hopeful smile.

"I only know what I'm not going to do, Rosalie. Everything else is new to me."

She stared me down for a second longer, blinked and sashayed away.

I had no idea if she believed me, or heard my sincerity through all of her trademark Fremont judgment, but I knew Bella had at least one tiny little pixie person in her life that could play up my limited yet still redeemable qualities.

_Who was I kidding? Redeeming qualities? Not so much._

The truth was simple, really. I would have to lose myself completely to have Bella.

And from where I was standing, that still made me the winner.

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**A/N: I find myself so excited at the end of a chapter over everything that's still to come, but the sheer volume of possibilities also overwhelms me. Gah. That was the first thing I thought as I typed those final two sentences (an idea that I've had written in my G&B notebook but didn't know where to use:)) It is sort of Edward's theme. Anyway, hope you enjoyed the second part, the explanatory part, or the match. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the plot and characters, as well as what your little heart desires to read in the coming chapters. I always revel in inspiration. I want to say thank you to Ima Quidditch Fan for lending her Polo research abilities – That was really thoughtful of you! ~RAE**


	18. I'm a Little Tea Pot

**Chapter 17 I'm a Little Tea Pot**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM.**

**I don't know if it's quite normal to spend over five hours scouring the internet for perfect first date attire, and I'm okay that I went a little crazy, because these girls couldn't look better if I suddenly turned into Patricia Field and waved my fashion wand. Check out the girl's First Date digs on my profile! Hey, I haven't said it in a while … thank you for reading and coming on this journey with me. Now back to our Girls and Boys!**

**----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**BPOV**

My stomach was in my throat, no matter the coaxing swallow I was repeatedly inflicting on it in an effort to dislodge. _Gulp, swallow, clear throat, repeat._

_Girlfriend?_

I wasn't anyone's girlfriend.

No. No. No.

If I was being brutally honest, I _was _a cousin to two people at this school, one of which happened to be my best friend – _until I kill him dead, dead, dead, that is_ - and had one teeny tiny person who insisted on dragging me behind her like a rag doll; but there was certainly no gang of gal pals or boyfriends.

And, fine, if I was going with the honesty thing, I did have something else.

I had a man. And he happened to be attached to my heart like strings to a violin – exposed to every fret and wound up tight, with all purpose seemingly lost without him. _I am a fucked up girl. _I felt the tug – more like the ceaseless desire to open up - but I refused to relent. Hell, I couldn't even handle the _term_ girlfriend.

But, even without an official Ken, this doll had a date. Tonight. And as I climbed into the convertible I had to desperately try and hold myself back from squealing right out loud.

Literally.

With my hand fastened around my mouth and my eyes undoubtedly bugging out of my face, I was feeling bulldozed by a delicious mixture of anxiousness and anxiety.

It was under that emotional scrutiny I realized I was terrified. _I've never been on a date._

Sure, I'd hung out with guys like the fucktard Jake who whined when I wouldn't let him touch over my bra and couldn't even really give my undivided attention to while we kissed. _Gilmore Girls was on._ _Can't be missin' GG even if it is in syndication. _I still can't believe I had to explain my reasoning for that one. _Fuck ... it was GG, dude. Can't a girl have a guilty pleasure that rules her life?_

But, god, kissing _Edward_ - well, fucking shoot me to the moon.

And now _dating_ Edward … the guy who wasn't my boyfriend.

Fuck.

"You can't smile and frown and smile and frown again like that without telling me why. You do realize you are subjecting me to a slow, torturous death by curiosity, right Bella?"

I was beginning to really enjoy being around Alice, but that didn't mean I was ready to sift my way through opaque, undefined details with her riding shotgun.

"Alice. What did I tell you this morning?" My eyes were relaxing into a thoughtful stare that lazily directed itself just past Alice's head.

"That you didn't know the answers to my questions, but _come on_ Bella. Edward just _kissed_ you, right in front of anyone paying attention – which will always be everyone, never forget that – and that did not look like any first kiss either. And the way he held onto you, so possessive. Eeeeck. Are you two _together_, 'cause you looked together?"

_God. _I blinked.

"Who's together?" Rosalie couldn't have chosen a more ideal moment to interrupt, but definitely should have selected a more helpful leading question.

"No one is together." The dragon fire lapping at the end of my words nearly ignited Alice's short, black strands into flames. _They should really just leave me alone and they won't incur injury from any verbal lacerations._ I was leafing through my Edward hazed mind for something to use as a redirection from the incalculable questions … _Well, duh._

"I guess I do know one thing."

"Oh my god, what? What?" Alice was shaking right there in the passengers seat, like she was living the next moment of her life just for my words alone.

"I have a date tonight, and nothing to wear." I kept this small, informational gift no-nonsense but Alice still yelped and bounced up and down as Rose flashed a smile into the rearview mirror.

"Fuck, sister, I need a dress too. Little Rosie has her self a date as well."

"Are you kidding me? You both have dates?" Alice's attention was pulled in an entirely new direction at this news and huffed dramatically towards the window, biting back a mutter that sounded like, "Jasper is such a fuckup today."

"Hear, hear." She looked up at my agreement and grimaced. I doubt she'd really wanted me to overhear her personal chastisement of my friend, but I couldn't be in more likeminded agreement.

"So, Bella, Edward's taking you on a _date_?" _Thank you Rose, make this difficult._

"Well, yeah." _Again with the verbal laceration warning._

"You'll have to get something new. Are you willing to spend any of your money yet? Because if not, I can pick it up."

Well, this felt odd.

A nice Rose.

Fuck, who am I to question it? _Just ride it Bella, she'll be a bitch in two seconds again anyway. _But wait, use my money? _Shit – I should be fine with using my money. I'm on my own now, I have a fucking exhilarating evening ahead of me, I have a credit card; why the hell not?_

"I suppose I could get some new things; what's a credit card for if you never use it?" I still wasn't totally sure how I felt about this. Spending money, the way I was sure we'd end up spending it, would make me a legitimate part of this world. But looking at the girls in front of me helped reduce the hate this new society generally caused to well up inside me.

"Hear that, Ali? We're going shopping."

"We are?" She'd been so sad, gazing out at the passing freeway, but shopping seemed to be just the nugget of joy needed to end her pouting as her chin turned up and her eyes smiled.

"Hell yes. Where to baby-cakes?" Rose was milking this angle as her prime defense against Alice's left out funk.

"Barneys, hello." Sarcasm, thrill and an imploring need only a true addict could produce seeped from Alice's retort.

"Damn, Barneys sounds fuckgood after the shit we've been repeatedly impaled with – well, Bella - but it's all still exhausting and deserving of some Prada or Chloe, or any and all."

So, Rosalie drove us homeward with visions of her possible Pike and Pine purchases dancing through her head, while I replayed how I'd allowed myself to get here. No, not _here_ here as in Rose's car – well, actually yes … How had I come to be riding in this convertible feeling continually more like friend than foe with my enemy cousin, with Alice's continually prying interest verging on a level of investment more than a mere acquaintance would have and on my way downtown to spend my mother's left behind money? And if I was questioning absurdities, how had I allowed myself to teeter on sky high heals and prance around in a fancy dress?

_God, that dress._ I'd felt so far outside myself the night I wore that get up; _hell – that was just last night, not even twenty-four hours ago_. But when Edward unzipped me and slipped the taffeta down around my feet so went my humor, so went my trembling fear, so went my familiar self. My sense. My warnings. And with his arms wrapped around me and through me, I reveled in how light I was, how freeing it was to be with him, so close, everything touching inside and out. And we just were. And in my heart I could still find the fear, I'd even admitted it receiving reciprocated honesty in return; but it didn't pollute the moments or the kissing or the perfection that had been finally sharing some of my past pain; those unavoidable issues that still seemed to be paralyzing me.

But a morning sun will dawn a new, frightening day. So, I had to leave Edward before he read the hesitancy and doubt in my eyes. Because it was to his arms, so snug, and warm breath against my hair that I'd awoken. But it was the lingering smile flirting with his sleeping form that tore at my backpedaling heart. Edward was it; he was everything. And I knew, as I ran back to my suite, that I was more than simply scared.

My head dropped back to the headrest as I envisioned the coming steps with Edward.

It seemed like my only option with him was to jump. He had, and his arm was stretched so far out to catch me, to pull me right up next to where he'd laid down roots. And even though I knew today Edward cared and was dedicated, tomorrow would be a fresh start with unexplored possibilities and a whole new crop of problems to overcome. Tomorrow he might not care anymore. And the unpredictable nature of that reality made me sick.

"Park near Nordstrom, we'll take the sky bridge when we're ready to hit there instead of trekking through the rain. I didn't wear a hood." The day had started out nice but inevitably, the closer we'd come to Seattle the more likely rain seemed. And just in time for us to make our exit from the car, onto the streets of downtown, the sky opened fully. Underground parking it was.

Two escalator rides through Pacific Place, eliciting about a trillion ooh's and aah's as our threesome passed Tiffany's, and soon we were walking through the doors of a store with blue manikins in the window display. _How do clothes look enticing hanging from a blue person? _This was beyond my comprehension.

"So, I agreed to do this. The hell if I'm a professional shopper, though, so you two, make it happen." Cohesive combing through open racks led Rosalie and Alice to countless dresses that they either completely agreed to discard or proceeded to traverse among us in a round-robin type examination. They'd hold every potential ensemble up to each of our bodies and then discuss its merits and shortcomings. At the end of it all, only I had something to try on and, after battling the dressing rooms, quickly vetoed it. I'd just worn black, and for nine hundred fucking dollars I thought I should at least find a color Edward hadn't seen me in yet.

"Alice, I would really like to be as comfortable and as much myself on this date as possible." I mentioned to her, as we continued our crusade with the parade of shoe cubbyholes.

Alice nodded, as she remained disinclined to pick up anything and scowling repeatedly at the unsatisfying selection. Luckily, she had already found a silver clutch to complete an outfit that was safely hanging on Rosalie's dress rack, so this stop wouldn't be a total bust for her.

Rose desperately wanted an entirely new outfit and, with the dresses leaving much to be desired, shoes were next on her Barneys list. Quickly she zeroed in on a pair of dark grey bootie heels that were edgy hot and thrust them towards me.

"Bella, Prada, booties, sale. You are trying these on. Can I please get these in a seven and a seven and a half?" Rose wagged the beautiful shoe at an employee and nudged my shoulder down so I was sitting on a leather ottoman.

The saleswoman attempted to help, bringing out the only remaining size of the two requested and unwrapped the pair from the box and tissue, but Rosalie was all over it.

"Thank you, but I am going to need to be the one to put her first ever pair of Prada booties on her feet." She snatched the shoe right out of the surprised, and rather pinched-faced woman's fingers, and bent over my leg, slipping the unlaced bootie right over my footie nylon.

"Oh my god. Yes." She stood back, hands out at either side, almost like stone as she admired and reveled in this apparently auspicious moment. _I guess my designer footwear virginity goes to Rose. I really am a whore … giving a slice of all my firsts to each person I know. _I guess it isn't anyone's fault but my own that I stopped living life three years ago. _Frack that._

I had both shoes on now, and was attempting to work myself up to the reality of their heel height and my limited ability to actually meander a little around the store. But as I took a couple steps – with a new zeal from all the fracking going on in my head - I realized that I could walk just fine, the height being totally manageable. Taking in my suddenly taller and sexier appearance in a floor to ceiling mirror, I realized how truly "me" the shoes were and how they'd fit with what I already owned, whether my wardrobe primarily consisted of vintage and second hand items or not. "These will look amazing with my leather jacket. You know, the one Jasper bought me for my birthday?"

"You mean the one I bought?" This confession didn't faze Rosalie, as she continued to digest all I had going on from the ankles down and my outfit suggestion.

"Jasper just keeps rackin' up the shit fire points today, doesn't he?" _Is he incapable of doing anything right? Seriously, how hard is it to pick out a gift for your best friend? God._

"They will match. You know what will complete this, Ali? That neutral ruffled Givenchy you sent out to be shortened but ended up coming back not altered enough. That would be divine with this pairing on Bella."

Alice smoothed her fingers over her lips in concentration. "What color is the leather jacket?"

"Gunmetal." Rosalie answered with a knowing smile.

"Fucking hot." Apparently, she was sold on the idea.

Botched plastic surgery clerk woman eyed Alice disdainfully, most likely over her malapropos language. I was ready to go anyway.

"Fucking-a, Edward's gonna need a few minutes alone after you walk out in that." God bless Rose for her abnormally loud voice, and the hilarity that surged through my body, as the already perturbed saleswoman fucking gaped at us colorful ladies and tisked – _tisked _- as I made my way to the register with my purchase.

Part of me couldn't believe that the first foray with my credit card ended up being shoes, instead of books or music or maybe even a plane ticket somewhere sunny, but in essence this purchase was for Edward. I had a feeling he would be the motivation behind a lot of my first forays. _Fuck, I hope his lips never leave me tonight. Or his hands. _The memory of every part of him basically naked and pressed against me resurfaced and I accidentally let a quiet sigh escape. _Fucking chiseled masterpiece. _I shook my head and waited for lustless clarity to intervene. _Right._

And now with an apparently flawless outfit, I was getting antsy and insecure. _I hope I look like myself tonight. I wonder if he'll like that better anyway. And, god, where will he take me? It better not be smug and stuffy. _Part of me hoped he'd fail, and the date would be a disaster, so I could see what he did when things turned messy. But the fanciful girl in me was rooting for the perfect first date.

Nordstrom came next. Immediately Herve Leger – Alice's currently most worshipped designer –provided the piece de la resistance in the form of a rose red, form fitting creation with a deep V neckline, which was funnily enough named the Isabelle Dress. _Nothing like Rose going out on her first Emmett date wearing me all over her. _The name didn't deter Rose, no matter how similar it was to my detested full moniker, and she settled the garment bag next to the Christian Louboutin's she'd snapped up at Barneys, which just happened to flawlessly complement one another.

Although I had been a willing enough participant in the beginning, I now knew shopping was an exhausting affair. This assessment was also gathered after only being required to follow along. _I don't think I'm a particularly enthusiastic consumer._

Rose insisted we stop and get quick manicures at Seven, and, at the direction of our grumbling bellies Red Mango provided us much needed yogurt sustenance. Finally, outfits complete, nails painted and satisfactorily satiated hunger, we were headed back to Fremont.

I let my body lounge in the backseat as my brain whipped about faster than the speed of light, full to the brim of excitement and anticipation. Despite the store-to-store work out, I realized with my neck relaxed and feeling the sliver of brisk wind coming through the cracked window, I hadn't felt so physically liberated since arriving in Seattle.

An afternoon away from the true confines of such pretentious air and society had been priceless and almost like a surge to my dilapidated perseverance: there was life beyond the gates of Fremont.

But if the outside world could feel so damn good, how come everything inside me just wanted to be back behind the fence? And why, despite my current boundlessness, had I felt my true emancipation while being cradled in someone else's arms?

If I was supposed to release myself, then how come it seemed Edward Cullen was what had suddenly set me free?

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**APOV**

As we walked through the suite doors to find everything in its rightful place, I sent a silent thank you into the vast, wide open world of money and cleaning companies. After yesterday night, and the events of today, I was more than grateful we wouldn't have to bother with party clean up. _Or that damned floor._

We'd waded around in enough mess already, what with our personal shit having been dragged out for all of Fremont to snap a picture at. _Stupid Jasper and his need to save and protect and jump to inflamed conclusions._

It seemed like I was the only one still upset over Jasper's sudden snap. Both Rose and Bella were floating on the date cloud and I was left down here on earth, all my eggs having cracked 'cause Jasper was my basket and he'd seemingly imploded.

I felt like at any moment I could launch mouth first into a rant, but in that same second I could find no words as my lips opened for delivery. Everything was a jumble of disappointment, frustration and exasperation. And the relief I'd felt at the sight of a clean suite was quickly replaced by dread and an increase in blood pressure as Jasper stood up from Rosalie's settee. He had to have a back bone if he was seriously standing in front of the three of us, unmanned, unarmed – he must have been unaware of the fury my tiny body was capable of spouting off. That doesn't even take into account the soon to be awoken bears that were Bella and Rosalie. Ignorance was the only plausible explanation.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" _Well, shit Bella; beat me to the punch much._

Jasper bowed his head in visible shame and hurt from words I doubted Bella frequently used _against_ him.

"I love you, Bella. I just misunderstood the situation." His eyes implored her to listen. "Well, sort of."

"You _sort of_ misunderstood what situation, Jasper? The one where you're supposed to go after the fucking ball instead of your fucking teammate when the whistle sounds?" Bella's body remained motionless as she squeezed her arms tight to her sides.

"Bella-" Jasper took a step forward and with the interruption so did Bella.

"Jasper! What did you think he did?" Her head was cocked, truly baffled over his attack's motivation.

"You said he _satisfied_ you." Hand over mouth as if he might get sick, then moving to rub his flexing jaw, Jasper's dedication to my friend - his best friend -washed over me. _I understand._ He loved her like I loved Edward.

And she loved him just as much as Edward loved me, and I knew the strength behind such a fierce platonic love. I knew it and ached for them, because getting a step behind, a page off from your favorite person was a nightmare.

"God. You heard me, and you couldn't tell I was screwing with that twat Angela? You're supposed to be the check to my mate, dude. When the hell did you forget how I handle?" Her arms unlocked and flailed out in disbelief as her face distorted in horrified disillusionment.

"I didn't forget." _He knows you still, he was just afraid for you._ "I was hearing the conversation though a second party, so I never heard the influx in your voice or the attitude or whatever – I only heard the words and … and well, I snapped."

"Because you thought I slept with Edward?" And she was quieting down, because she heard my silent pleas and her own knowledge of Jasper was snapping back to attention.

"Hell fucking yes. Shit, Bella, I thought you gave it up to that rake."

"But, I didn't." She was whispering and looked suddenly so hurt and lost and I longed to go to her and wrap her in my arms, but I knew they needed to do this alone – even with Rosalie and I in the audience.

"Are you two, like, together? Has he got you thinking he's reforming or some shit so he can get in your untainted panties?"

Why he had to be so cold, my mind understood, but just as Bella seemed to see in Edward the changes over the course of one week, today I had been privy to the hint of a miracle in my best friend. I'd thought he couldn't possibly be ready, but when he touched and kissed Bella he meant it more than I've ever seen him mean anything. For anyone. Ever. And then his words sunk in - she was a virgin, too. Rosalie was more surprised than I was.

"Fuck, B, you're a virgin?"

"You're not actually surprised, so shut the hell up." Bella quipped, before turning back to Jas.

"Jasper, this is all so beyond the point. Don't make my life more difficult because you have no self-control. I need you to be fucking consistent, stable. Don't fuck around on me." _Wow._

"I am being consistent. I've always been protective, but this is new terrain for me. You, legitimate guys, sex; not to mention you've chosen the worst sort of dude." _Okay, I'm tired of this 'worst dude' shit._

"I am not going to defend anything." Bella's hands went up as she turned and walked slowly toward the bags that had been discarded in the entryway. "This is mine, I will decide. And now I need to get ready because I have my first date and you are fucking agitating me more than I need right now. Rosalie, let's start on our hair, I guess." Bella flipped the shit out of all of us as she grabbed both the bags and the crook of Rose's arm, causing Rose to blanch like someone was about to light her on fire. But she stabilized herself and actually supported Bella as they headed out of the sitting room.

At Rose's bedroom door Bella turned, locking her tired brown eyes on Jasper's worried baby blues, "Stop letting me down, Jasper. I need you to keep your shit together otherwise we're all fucked."

I walked slowly towards him and held out my hand as a peace offering. Silently, Jasper locked our fingers and inhaled a stuttered breath. He pulled me into his arms and I tickled my fingertips up and down his forearm, trying to ease away his tension. _If Bella gets to horde all the anger, all that leaves me with is guilt._

"I hate to be a bitch right now, but when the hell are you going to ask me on our date?" I felt a little whiny, but I couldn't help how heavy being overlooked weighed on my heart.

"Ali, I hate that you had to spend all day thinking we wouldn't have our date." Jasper brought his hands to either side of my neck as his thumbs directed my chin upwards, so my eye line met his.

"It's okay if tonight isn't the night." _It really is. You've had such an out of control day. _I let my eyes do the pleading, since my mouth wanted to betray my noble efforts and beg for the date.

"Tonight's the night, darlin'. That is if you'll have me after I've acted like such an insufferable jackass." _Yes I'll have you!_

"I have one condition." Jasper may have wavered on his self-control today, but mine was securely in place. I knew what I wanted.

"What's that?" My shy grin was a fake out, I was working an angle, but he didn't know me well enough yet to get a lead on it. This was just too important not to push.

"You'll calm down about Edward and Bella." _Please._

"I'm calm." _Right._

"When you're actually in the same room as them, watching him kiss her. You'll be calm then?" He took a deep breath and buried his nose into my neck.

"If you let me take you out tonight and kiss _you_, I can manage anything."

And it was not lost on me that Jasper failed to look into my eyes as this promise passed his lips.

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**RPOV**

Fuck, I looked good.

_Hale yes, Rosalie you are beauty personified. _My dress couldn't fit any curve tighter if it tried, and believe me, it was huggin' and squeezin' with a vengeance. The color, the cut, the cleavage – _favorite._ _Herve fucking Leger is a genius. Mental note, go to one of his shows._

I tucked my toes into the brand new shoes that would inevitable cause my arches to slowly cave in as the night progressed resulting in foot fatality - _but fuck I'd make death look good_ - and slipped my phone, credit card, lip stick and a condom into my trademark black, rose evening bag.

"A condom? Is that our responsibility now, too?" Alice was rolling her eyes at my packing choices; Bella's proceeded to grow wide as realization dawned.

My three fingers flipped the Boy Scout Sign as I sing-songed, "Always be prepared." Visions of Emmett's finally naked body inching slowly up mine flickered across my vision. At that thought I slipped two more plastic wrappers in and zipped my bag shut. _Once would certainly not suffice._

"And no, Bella. It isn't our responsibility." I smiled slightly, trying to hide my humor from her, as I still reeled over my potty-mouth cousin having a crisp and stamp-free V card, as well as the fact that she'd probably give herself an anxiety rash wondering if she needed to go out a buy some Magnum's with King Edward as her man. _Shit. I didn't even think of that until now. Lucky and unfortunate all at one time._

"Hey, B?" This nickname came from an affectionate place I'd found deep within my well of seriously limited Bella relatability the moment I slipped Prada over her heel. She didn't suck to me so much today.

"Yeah?"

And as she turned towards the direction of the question, swiveling in my vanity chair, I breathed out my pride at the vision she was. _That I fucking built. _She wasn't a Fremont lassie, definitely not a Forks logger and certainly more beautiful than any girl that fuck up Edward Cullen had ever been attentive to.

Her long curls hung loose and free over the sleeveless ruffled dress, that would soon be mostly covered by the jacket I hand picked – as a rare favor to Jasper – so she'd have at least one piece of new clothing in her wardrobe. The only part of the dress remaining visible would be the center ruffle, and about five inches of the balloon bottom – seeing as Alice had the garment shortened and it was now an undeniable mini on Bella's faller frame. The corset style lacing that crept down her bust line would make Edward squirt in his boxer briefs every time she accidentally squeezed her cleavage with a crossed arm. _Shit, I'm good._

And did I think that was a normal Edwardian response? Hell no. But, I'd been watching Edward since sophomore year, fascinated by everything I thought I hated about him, and then seeing him with Bella this afternoon shook things into perspective a little bit. _Apparently everyone hides who they're capable of being. I'm certainly not the most fucked up person at Fremont. _That didn't mean I wasn't screwed up enough, though.

"Have you seen Edward's dick yet?" I could have eased in, but why dilute her inevitable future. If you can't say dick you shouldn't see one.

"No, I haven't seen his dick yet." _Good girl. _She never backed down from a challenge, even a silent one.

Alice's eyes perked up, because she realized what had only jumped back into my mind a minute previous. Her face said _uh oh_ as she climbed onboard my thought train.

Bella noticed Alice's reaction and then blinked back and forth between us.

"Why?" Alice sat up straighter, which I took as my cue to let her lead on.

"Edward has a reputation of being, well … he has a big cock."

"How big?" Bella managed to keep her reaction minor, but I saw her fingers clench around her thighs as she processed the visuals no doubt swarming her mind.

"Bella, why do you think he's such a legend?" I couldn't help myself; although I'd momentarily forgotten, it was still common knowledge. He was the _Edward Cullen_. This had nothing to do with his rakish bronze hair. _Well, not on top anyway._

"I haven't heard any rumors about his size before, though." _Well, duh._

"People don't have to talk about it anymore. Everyone is already aware." I picked up the plum Dior bag Bella would be carrying and emptied her own purse's contents into it.

One glance at Bella's response and I realized she was sifting through instances, before she settled on realization and slight awe.

"He did seem pretty _well endowed_." _You were doing so well, Bella. Come on, just say_ fucking huge_. I know you want to._

"_What? When?_" Alice shot away from the side of the bed she'd been leaning on – instead of sitting and crushing her own sequined, stripped Herve Leger – and her hands smoothed down the descending colors of her gown as she moved; pansy, royal purple, orchid, heliotrope, steel blue, majorelle and silver. _Fuck, I should be a fashion designer with that superior color knowledge._

"Why does it matter, Alice? I just noticed. But, I don't have anything to fucking compare it to, so whatever. Anyway, what is the point of this … warning of sorts?" _She is so private. _If no one else would come right out with it …

"If you're going to let Edward go there for the first time, as your first time, be prepared to work up to it."

Bella licked her lips. _Yep. Dwell on that one._

A knock sounded at the suite door breaking up the fun and sending us each into our own mild tornado.

Jasper had left to get ready a while ago, so the knock indicated that all three of our guys were waiting, together on our stoop of sorts, as it was eight o'clock on the dot. Edward and Jasper in such a confined space had us all hurrying.

Ali, fur cape in hand, sprang to the door as Bella grabbed her purse, jacket already on, and I tugged on my heavy shawl making sure it didn't cover any of my good bits.

One final hair fluff and our men were before us, standing in a line, Emmett of course occupying the middle slot. A weird energy seemed to pass through them, like we'd missed something good and they wanted to keep us oblivious by stunning us with their sex.

The three of us girls were a mirror image to them in placement and the quiet that came over the group as we took in our date was electric and tangible. Instead of a rush of movement and words coming all at once, everyone seemed to think and travel in slow motion. Jasper said nothing, but walked intently towards Alice, as his eyes seemed to drink her in. Edward was frozen in his spot, mouth slightly ajar and Emmett just left all those fools in the dust, as he smiled so charmingly and rushed over to palm my hips and kiss my mouth. _It has diffidently been too many hours without these lips._

Finally everyone seemed to get their shit together; Edward had Bella's fingers intertwined with his, as he slowly kissed her knuckles and wrist. _God. _And Jasper held Alice around the waist as he leaning over her from behind, listening with the rest of us as she relayed the highlights of our shopping excursion.

"… and Rose was adamant, while also being absolutely right, so Bella bought the shoes."

"Wait, you bought - what was it you said - Prada shoes, G? _Heeled_ Prada shoes?"

I was glad to see Jasper got right back to yanking Bella's chain, even if she seemed more interested in letting her remaining anger seep out around the edges. That's exactly what they needed - normal.

"Edward will keep me fucking upright, don't you worry about me." She rolled snarky and endearing into one neat package as she foul mouthed Jas and clutched Edward around the torso.

"Eventually though, you'll hopefully find yourself unable to walk upright, and it'll all be Edward's fault." I had to go there. I just had to. _Don't laugh. _I had to straight face this to maximize Bella's understanding of my innuendo. Alice trilled behind me, but tried to pass it off as a high-pitched bark-cough.

"Rose, I have one word - brothers." One of Bella's eyebrows crept up and I realized I was enjoying the shit out of our newly defined dance.

"Oh B, I'm counting on it!" I subtly wagged my brows back. Dropping my voice an octave, I continued the banter suggestively. "Did you need to borrow something from my purse?"

"God." Her responding eye roll was classic, but the moment I felt Emmett smooth his hands down my hipbones in an effort to egg on our departure I was done with this suite and the company.

"We're out of here. Don't wait up!" I called behind as Em got the hint and whisked me through the doorway.

"So, where are you taking me?" _I want you to hold my hand._

Emmett whipped us around the corner and pinned me against the nearest wall. _This is good too._

"Somewhere people will be sure to see you, in _that, _on this motherfuckers arm. Honestly, Rosalie, you look unbelievable."

I smoothed his azure, button up's collar, running my hands back over his shoulders and down to the pinstriped, charcoal dress pants covering his fine ass.

"I'm on a date with you, I _have _to look good." I let my fingers drift all the way down and give a soft squeeze as I returned his unwavering gaze.

"This ain't about me baby, you're always gorgeous – I just get to be the lucky bastard enjoying you up close." We needed to leave before I pulled him into my room and locked the door, effectively making it a night in.

"Don't you forget it." I took a step forward, encouraging his body to move, which it finally did and he lead us towards the elevator.

"Ahhh, the black rose." Emmett murmured inquisitively, holding up the arm my bag was dangling from, as he recognized Rosalie Hale's infamous calling card. "Am I on a date with Dark Rosalie tonight?"

This tote had left the scene of many man crimes as I'd spent the last year littering the streets with my conquests. Nothing in me wanted to perpetuate my cycle tonight, though, to be that sort of criminal with Emmett.

"You better hope not, that is if you want to see me past tomorrow morning." I held my breath, because many men lavished in the freedom of my dark side, enjoying the stringless exploit just as much as I did. But I didn't want that inconsequentiality with Emmett in anyway. This time I had something to loose.

"Then, how about we put your dark side away, call a spade a spade, and let me show you a night you'll never forget? And, let's also make a promise that you'll return my advances even after tomorrow."

I swallowed a little too obviously, as I nodded, finding my signature smile a second too late, and silently scorned myself for letting the "first date with the guy you secretly love" nerves penetrate my resolve.

Truthfully, I was relying on this token clenched in my hand to help me through this evening. Because, no matter the negative and scandalous Rose connotation, this purse had signified my confidence for so long. And tonight, finally on the arm of the only man I wanted, I'd need that courage more than ever. Courage _without_ collateral damage. The circular purse would now be my reminder that Dark Rosalie was dying.

Tonight this symbol, along with the girl, would be reborn.

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**A/N: I meant for at least one date to make it in this update; now this means the next chapter will be packed to the brim with fabulous firsts! There's a thread for G&B on Twilighted (under AU-Human) now – Thank You Luv – and I'll respond like crazy over there if anyone wants to discuss or question! Please, let me know how you felt about this transition chapter. ~RAE**

**P.S. The outfit links are on my profile … I spent a crazy amount of time searching - and then re-finding when what I picked sold out at the respective site, blah - so see if you can envision what I slaved over and let me know what you think!**


	19. The Lion and the Unicorn

**Chapter 18 The Lion and the Unicorn**

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer and Twilight and I don't own it and gah. **

**Double chapter … thus the delay. Hope you'll forgive me:)**

**All right, so, we all know that every G&B's chapter title is a Nursery Rhyme. Some are intricate reflections of the title itself, others the Rhyme, and the rest only have metaphorical similarities or connotations to the actual story content. This chapter is the first to be based on a specific quality within the Rhyme AND have a greater meaning based on my own imaginative designs – in essence, who the Lion and the Unicorn are to ME; having nothing to do with Through the Looking-Glass (But happens to also be a new take on a main Twilight theme). So, if you are following (and care) the meaning here is two-fold. So pay careful attention as you read, for I will be asking questions at the end. Scroll down if you want to know what to look out for.**

**The original story of The Lion and the Unicorn: **www[dot]sabian[dot]org/Alice/lgchap07[dot]htm

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**JPOV**

_I'm an ass._ An undeniable ass.

But he was a motherfucker, and that was so much worse.

He'd pranced around Fremont mighty and cavalier, pompous and disdainful long before Rosalie and I'd set foot on campus. It was his pulse – his penchant, if you will.

_Cocky Casanova. _He had more than earned the blows from my fists today, whether the details I'd been operating under were accurate or not.

Even after recognizing that I'd overreacted, any thought of him still triggered my now automatic instincts to fuck his face up and laugh about it later. _He'd stay the hell away then, that's for sure._ But I knew better than to go there.

Emmett's reaction was certainly a factor. Although I wasn't afraid of the harm a brother's scorn could instigate, I did consider how Alice - whom I desperately desired to keep allowing me in her life - would respond and the downfall I might personally reap by hurting her. Less physical measures would have to be considered. _You already lost control at the match; maybe words would be more effective._

Whatever the device implemented, I just needed to keep him from derailing Bella's rhythm.

I'd loved Bella for our whole lives, and had felt solely responsible for her protection and happiness the past few years. I knew what a great undertaking she was; to understand, to love correctly, to remain open handed with. Edward Cullen had no respect for women, forfeited no decency to anyone. _How could he be expected to change even a tenth of what it'd require to bring her contentment, to show her consistency and security? _It was logically impossible.

Alice had asked me to "calm down," so my new plan was to speak with Edward. Well, _words first_ was actually the abandoned plan - which had been eclipsed by pummeling him in the pool – but should appease her now nevertheless. _At least this route doesn't include sore knuckles. _That was as calm as I was prepared to remain.

I was thankful Bella hadn't attempted to defend Edward when I reminded her of his insufficiencies, if he was indeed her choice. It was a fucking relief to have Alice not begin repeating the _"If you don't like them, well then, you don't know them" _shit. Bella could have defended and Ali would more than likely spout off about her love for Edward again soon - and why it was rooted so deeply - but honestly, there was nothing anyone could say to make me believe it; absolutely no verbal light could cast a brighter perspective for me.

I respected Alice's bond with Edward, although it baffled me to the extreme, and I would never discount or belittle their connection – that much was, and always had been, apparent – but it didn't make him worthy of her affection or Bella's attention.

And Bella had been charmed. _By what? _I had no idea. But because she had become so openly captivated, I knew it was serious.

Her inabilities with trust left my mind spinning over Bella even _hanging out _with Edward, let alone granting him her first date. That _he_ might receive that first sliver of her heart and be given permission to tuck himself up inside her – to be the only one offered access to the vacant wedge - was insurmountable and surreal. I was being forced to ponder that Bella might relinquish her independent power to _him -_ the most dangerous of us all – essentially giving away the fuel that had propelled her entire year, her first twelve months of true reality and healing. And I could see those things happening simply because anything was possible at this point. _But how is she allowing this path to even be an option?_

_I am going to drive myself mad presupposing. _I tried in vain to bite back the over analyzing.

It made me sick to realize that this was going to inevitably hurt Alice and me, our together, at least initially. I knew I was currently consumed by my concerns for Bella, and that would deprive Ali of my full dedication. But, a person can't turn off their habits, their life-roles at the flip of the love light switch.

Alice would become my everything. She had already occupied her corner within me for so long and now I needed to maximize the ownership she had over that part of me … tonight. Our night. My first date with Alice Brandon. _I'm going to start making my family's future problems up to her now. _I would make tonight memorable.

Shit, I was nervous.

_Watch, check. Wallet, check. Keys, check. Phone … okay, good._

I ran from my room, making my way downstairs, and was out the tower's front door in no time. The night sky was clear and the air cool, just as I'd hoped. Red needed to be washed in a desperate way so I stopped by Brown Bear Car Wash in Queen Anne first, and then I turned the convertible off Aurora and headed towards University Street. Illuminated, white block letters, set against slick black, greeted me. I flipped my phone open and struck the proper keys.

_--What color is Alice wearing tonight?--_

Rosalie owed me. And as all the thoughts of how she'd screwed up lately passed through my memory, the scene I'd caused with Edward came back to me, and I realized she wasn't the only fuck up anymore. I crossed by fingers that she wouldn't be too pissed at me for airing "dirty laundry" – as she called it – in front of the entire school. She hated bad press that could somehow come back and tarnish her.

_--Black and purple. Don't be late.--_

So, either she wasn't mad, or she had a better punishment in mind than simply ignoring my texts. _Plus, she wants Alice to have a good night if nothing else._

_--I won't. Thanks, Sister.--_

_Alright_, I thought as I headed inside, _black and purple._ Purses, sunglasses, luggage and even pens for both men and women were all contained within this designer boutique – but I didn't need any of that today. And as I finally stopped to stand before the vast black counter full of just what I was looking for, I quickly narrowed down my options and settled on one that was classic – _I want her to be able to use this for a long time. _The only question was, what color? _It should obviously match, but how much? And is there such a thing as too bold?_

I picked up both colors she would be wearing this evening and realized that Alice should never be subjected to merely blending in. Even in the black she'd radiate her infinite and unique beauty, but in purple she's be set apart, just as she ought to always be. Just thinking about her sped my pace and I was back on the road in minutes.

I hadn't ever purchased anything for a woman who wasn't a relative and, as I parked in the crowded Fremont crescent drive, I desperately hoped it'd be a success.

It was seven forty-five now, and I was thankful I'd made it in time. Leaving the gift on the passenger's seat I began my walk toward Rose and Bella's suite slowly, breathing in and out, as I attempted to quiet the distracting familial worries in my head and subdue the fluttering Alice-date butterflies in my stomach.

As I entered the Q.A.T. lobby, I remembered that I wouldn't be the only schmuck heading to retrieve his date for the evening. Edward and Emmett's backs loomed before me as they too waited for the descending elevator.

I chose to keep Emmett between Edward and me– _I seem to shift_ _plans without warning lately _– to ensure words would be the extent of my berating. It was now or … now. Bella's first date would begin in less than ten minutes, and it would be better if he backed out before things went further, he could tell her he'd changed his mind and everything wouldn't crash down so much worse after she'd truly fallen for him.

"Guys." I stared straight ahead as I delivered my socially acceptable greeting. _Deep breath._ It was time to explain to Edward just how things would be.

"Hey, Jasper." Emmett ventured; Edward only nodded. _Now._

"Edward-"

"Jasper, don't go there tonight." Emmett's interruption was a stern command.

"Emmett, you're not the captain right now." I let that hang in the air before continuing on, because he needed to remember that we were just guys now, not teammates, not subordinates, not even equals. I _loved_ Bella. If I were a shitty asshole they'd do the same to me, because they loved Alice.

"What is it, Jasper?" Edward's voice was smooth and composed, and I had a string of specific instructions to relay that didn't remain within the confines of his question. _Never touch her, never promise her anything; leave before you do this. _I held back those thoughts, though, and cut straight to the climax.

"You will do more harm than you are capable of doing good with her, and perhaps that doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me. Once Bella is hurt, it can't be undone."

The elevator doors slid open and as we made our way inside. Button pressed, I turned nose to nose with Edward so he'd hear every word I had to say.

"You aren't good enough to be receiving anything from Bella." His eyes narrowed even though the douche had to know I was telling the truth. "Should I implore you? She's never even been on a fucking date before, Cullen. Can't you see that the life you live does not include precious and innocent things like her for a reason? You'll destroy her. If she cares about you it will destroy her. Please, just walk away now before things become irreversible."

I didn't know how my anger had turned to desperation as I looked straight into the eyes of the person with so much control, with parts of Bella wrapped up in him I'd never seen, never been privy too. All the unknowns were causing me to panic and everyone inside the elevator knew it.

"Jasper – Jasper, please," I was visibly shaking as I clung to my fierce resolve; which could not have been the least bit intimidating but I attempted to salvage it nevertheless. Edward continued before I could stabilize myself and cut him off.

"I will never be good enough for Bella. I know that. But I am nothing without her. Not that you'd believe my words, but she is my world now, Jasper. There is no one I want but her, and hell, she's making me prove it to her every step of the way. But I won't stop until she trusts me." Edward spoke softly, in an almost humble reverence. I knew it was so I'd hear him thoroughly, and it was working. Just perhaps not the way he'd intended.

_Until she trusts? But she doesn't know how to do that, Edward. _He had no idea what he was getting himself into.

Our ride ended with a ding as we exited the elevator and stopped just on the other side.

Never knowing who could be listening, I dropped my voice. "You don't know her. The odds always seem to be against Bella, her life is one let down after another, and she's purposefully independent. That is how she knows how to function; it is her survival. This game you're playing, remaking yourself into Prince Charming won't work. She isn't Cinderella, Edward, she's –she's basically turned herself into Rapunzel and wacked off all her hair." _I'm losing it. _But the analogy was sound; Bella had left no way for people to access her.

"This is no game, Jasper. And I cannot stop being near her. It is not an option I have." He refused to break eye contact with me, as if he could will me to lay off.

But his words were too selfish and ignorant to allow me to step back and continue this another time. So I pressed forward.

"Not even if it's what's best for her?" The self-serving insinuation was spat in his face.

"I'll leave her alone when she sends me away. But, I don't think she'll do that." _Of course you don't._

"Of course you don't. You're Edward fucking Cullen, king of all." _God, this guy was unbelievable. And deaf._

"I'm hoping Bella will love me in spite of that." I choked on my tongue.

"What the fuck? You hope she _loves_ you? She's been here a week. _One week, _Edward_._" _No, no, no. What the fucking hell? I cannot believe what I'm hearing. _"This will not happen. I understand you have no idea what I'm talking about, and obviously know nothing of substance about Bella or her past, but being with you is not her future."

"Are you going to be her only friend for her entire life, Jasper?" Emmett had sat idly by while this conversation finally took a turn towards the anger I knew was still there despite my previous panic. And this was his contribution. "Are you all she is supposed to have because it's perfect and predictable and easy?"

I just gawked at him, because this wasn't about _me_. I only wanted to keep Bella's life from spinning out of control again.

"You said it yourself, Bella is independent. We will let her decide." And with that Edward turned to walk in the direction of our mutual destination.

We would _have_ to let her decide. She'd hear of nothing else.

Where Edward's presence fit into her life would be a question only Bella could answer. But I'd need to prepare myself for the rewriting of unspoken rules to begin, because Edward was exactly the catalyst for such recklessness. The Bella I knew was MIA, but this new Bella just might open herself up to ruin once more.

All I could be certain of now was that I'd be there for her when it all fell down.

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**EmPOV**

My heart was beating strong and steady in my ears, causing each breath to accelerate and catch inside my lungs; Rosalie's body was intoxicating. _If my eyes would cut out this hazy shit I could see her more clearly. Fucking nerves and optical to genital overstimulation._

Her dress so tight, so low cut; the smooth skin of her legs that peeked out, knees to feet as her toes disappeared into heels that elongated her taut calve muscles; her lengthy tresses hanging straight and flawless like shiny corn silk with the sorter lengths swept to the side, just above her smiling eyes. _I can't believe we're finally doing this._

And it felt right; to date Rosalie, take her out and legitimize this shit. Not that we were a couple, but I was no longer satiated by courtyard fondling and dance floor orgasms. Likewise, I didn't just want to fuck her; no, that wasn't enough for me. I just didn't know how to determine what more to want. It wasn't like my mind was in the habit of wandering to serious places.

But damn, I was _seriously_ unable to keep my fucking eyes and hands off the undeniable girl beside me. My lust was urging me to hang back, letting her get a few paces in front of me, so I could watch her firm ass in transit, accentuated by each footfall; to get lost in the natural and incomparable way her hips remained in sync with her steps - _and time and space and the rod in my pants_. But acquiring such a great view meant letting go of her, and I wasn't willing to sacrifice the feel of her warm body after spending so long confined to merely looking.

I'd officially put the dicked up drama that was Jasper and Edward out of my mind and was fucking determined to show Rosalie a side of myself I wasn't sure she'd seen before, without distraction. I was hoping my plans for the evening would come across as romantic - and not presumptuous - because that was what had motivated this set up; a fairy tale of sorts.

I had no idea where all this planning and effort came from because, frankly, it wasn't something I'd ever considered before, not a desire I'd had over any other girls at Fremont.

But Rosalie was nothing like anyone I'd ever known or would ever encounter as time passed. _She's fucking mythical. And here, with me, on a legitimate date. Which I never put on the table as an option, and the same precursory event Rosalie frequently uses to seduce and then discard men. Fuck._

The unfamiliarity of my present situation wasn't helping the nerves. I'd managed to create a two-fold opportunity for Rosalie to rebuff me. Not only did I want her to accept my advances tonight, but I also needed her to refrain from putting up her walls. Tonight I was demonstrating that she was unlike anyone in my life previous, and for this to work I would need the same gift from her.

Just as she felt different to me, somewhere inside the part of me that registered her general emotions – excitement, disappointment, apathy - also caught the feeling that being with me felt differently to her as well. Whether those indications were a juggle of wishful thinking and horny desire or of reality I would only know after being with her, without a gaggle of interruptions. No Bella rumors or Jasper pussy fights, void of Edward's fucking depression and Alice aberrations – _just Rosie_.

I was also depending greatly on her ability to decipher my intentions and actions as a replacement for the words I knew my mouth would be fucking incapable of phrasing. I wanted her to just get it. _And want me back just as fucking badly._

"Is this us?" We were nearing the curb of the circular drive where our town car and driver awaited us. I'd assumed whatever Rosalie chose to wear wouldn't be conducive for an elevated three foot entrance point – besides the invaluable 'up the skirt' shot as she climbed in – and true to form she was definitely wrapped in anything but Jeep appropriate attire.

"It is." I'd instructed the driver not to accommodate our doors; I wanted to handle that shit.

I settled her in her side, reveling in the smile that tugged further across her lips, and ran to the other door so we could be on our way. It was reassuring to know I hadn't managed to screw up before departing through the gates.

"Will you tell me where we're going?" She sat comfortably, ankles crossed, as her eyes worked their power over me.

"Do you think I can say no to you?" _Because I fucking think not._ _Have you seen you?_

"I'm actually anticipating you never telling me no." Her voice was low and, mingled with the entrancement of her eyes, sent a rush of heat throughout my body. I didn't even register the movement as her hand snaked out and brushed against my upper thigh.

_Hell yes._

"We have reservations at Six Seven." _Be cool, man, the words are out there. She'll understand the meaning soon enough. _If she handled this with too much easy I _was_ dating her dark, evil doppelganger but if she faltered in anyway I'd need to turn my game up, because that would mean I had a chance.

She scanned the leather seats, blinking slowly as our destination sunk in. _I swear to all that is worth a damn, if I fucking misread the signs …_

"The Edgewater has the most beautiful views, have you ever stayed there before?"

Her head remained ducked and I knew what she was really asking, as her fingers traced the leather seems; how many have there been before her? Was this my line, my own trademark for inducting new fuck buddies, akin to the rosebud purse nestled in her lap? I couldn't keep the shit-eating grin off my face as it proudly declared that I was a sacred motherfucker.

"I've never actually stayed at a hotel in Seattle before." _And that was your falter, baby. _The odds _were_ in my fucking favor.

So I took step two and chanted my mantra for the thousandth time that night praying she'd hear what I just couldn't fucking force out; she was it. I had never done anything this traditional and purposeful for a date before. I took girls to the Refectory and my suite, maybe the downstairs Banner Tower girl's bathroom or the teacher's prep quarters.

"But I am quite excited to see if Six Seven lives up to the hype. Maybe experience some of those famous Puget views first hand." I reached across the console and brushed her side bangs away from her lashes so I could figure out her reaction to all of this; the blue held nothing but rapt attention.

Rosalie was no spring chicken. I'm sure she'd seen her fair share of moves, and from what I'd heard, deflected for absolute control every time. She was a Delilah. All these motherfuckers came around, lost their hair over her and, in the end, she'd always left them blind towards any other woman and alone. The only difference was that they were willing to play her game. Whether they simply got wrapped up in the pure ecstasy of her, or they never realized whom they were dealing with, Rosalie remained unchanged – unfazed. The entire year I'd watched and became familiar with her it had become more apparent that she lived and chose with purpose.

But tonight came with a new prospect for us both.

I would not play her game. Her earlier words rang in my ear when I'd enquired, in all seriousness, if I was on a date with the infamous Dark Rosalie.

"_You better hope not, that is if you want to see me past tomorrow morning."_

Damn. Morning. Not only did she want to extend our interaction past this date, but she'd indicated the length and activity she anticipated. Until that moment I hadn't felt confident with the outcome I'd factored into our night together. My hand and pants were quite familiar with the sweet sex that came from Rosalie, and I thought I might combust if my mouth and eyes couldn't get their fill soon. That simple indication that we'd indeed be spending more than dinner together was the icing on my cake. _Don't cream too soon, fucker - just chill._

Our town car eased to a stop.

"Just a sec." I leapt from my seat and rounded the vehicle.

"Thank you." Rosalie replied in response to my fucking fantastic door-opening skills, as she placed her small hand in mine, which l continued holding even after we were inside the restaurant.

"Reservations for Cullen." The Maitre d' leered at Rosalie like a fucker who wanted to lose his job. _I can arrange that, you asshat. _I silently challenged him to test me and see where his damn employers loyalties would lie; with his sleazy, unprofessional ass or saddled up next to my never-ending money and connections.

"Good evening, sir, mademoiselle. Your table is right this way, if you'll please follow me." I wound my hand around Rose's hip and instantly realized, as my fingers dipped along the inner crease of her upper thigh, I'd rested it lower on her pelvis bone than intended. Obviously in this public, not teenage hormone friendly, setting I wasn't going for such a bold and intimate move, but shit if my hand couldn't feel any panty lines. In the back I'd understand, with this dress as tight as it was any fabric underneath would have been perfectly visible, but in _front_? My lips dropped to her bare skin, her shawl having slipped down to rest in the crooks of each elbow.

_Fucking lust overload. _My mind welcomed the images of Rosalie's pantiless body splayed, legs parting only for me as I dipped my head between the red fabric of her sinfully tight dress.

And as the fantasies reeled, my every instinct was to taste her in any way I could. So as we leisurely walked to our table – obediently following the douche bag that had eye fucked _my _date - I let my tongue swirl against her exposed shoulder and back beneath my lingering, open-mouthed kisses.

Her responding shudder went straight to my dick, and after arriving at our table, the pressure of her hungry lips on mine explained everything I'd been questioning and now knew– she indeed needed me just as I needed her.

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**EPOV**

"You're beautiful."

It had taken about five minutes since arriving to actually formulate any words. I figured it must have been due to the sheer enormity of the night; Bella had agreed to go out with me in _public_. And although everyone at Fremont had their own version of our groups sorted details, being in the real world with Bella meant the reformation of yet another of her walls.

Time and privacy all equated to eventual intimacy. And fuck, I didn't even mean the sex we'd one day have – in fucking abundance if I had my way - but rather actually knowing her inner workings, of fully being able to understand what drew such protection and concern from the only other person in her life.

Jasper's worries and explanations of Bella struck me and held on. He had confirmed for me that I'd been indeed correct last night, while pressing her close to my body, when I'd mulled over her brokenness and abandonment issues. Obviously Jasper hadn't said it in so many words, but as I pieced together all the different conversations I'd had, and overheard, I knew I was right.

Just like everyone else, Jasper believed I'd break her when I left. And I'm sure he was right that such a severe action would leave her a mess, no matter her frayed state; because, if her feelings for me were even a whisper of how I cared for her, any separation would be instant paralysis. But I _wouldn't _leave. So, it was really all quite irrelevant.

And now she was teetering before me, successfully taking every steady breath I could form straight from my lungs and hitching them. It had become an endless battle with myself, these last five minutes, to continue diverting my eyes from the tantalizing skin that was left revealed by her lace-up dress. But fuck, having the pale canal - normally so unexposed, forbidden if you will - that separated the breasts I desperately wanted to touch, completely available for my wandering eye was almost asking too much of my self control.

"I think you are more beautiful than any man I've ever seen." My eyes snapped up to catch the blush that was instantaneous and inviting. And as her eyes darted downward, cast in embarrassment at her significantly uncharacteristic exclamation, my fingers came to either side of her face, instantly being warmed by her red cheeks.

Her words shocked the hell out of me, but I'd also never felt more flattered in my life. I had a suspicion that every moment Bella showed me more of herself, and allowed her guard to slowly fall, would mean endless amounts of ever-increasing gratitude and exhilaration.

"Thank you." I couldn't fight the smile that left every one of my teeth exposed. But her disappointment in herself was made clear as she discarded my appreciation.

"You already knew that." Bella was mad at her carelessly truthful words, assuming that such admittance was an invitation for vulnerability.

I was quickly learning, Bella did not allow such exposure. But it seemed to be unavoidable with me. I'd seen her cry and she'd spoken about her mom and dad with me. Her inability to keep me out was my lifeline; it's what drove me to press on. Her powerlessness to lock me out, as she seemed to do with everyone else, was the paramount encouragement to stick by her. _As if I had another option. _And I found Bella's pretending I was just like the rest to be ridiculous. I wouldn't enable a masquerade.

"Oh, stop."

"Stop what?" She clucked sharply at me. _I fucking revel in feisty Bella._

"Not letting me enjoy your moment of snark-free honesty." Her lips went taunt as her heaving chest continued to labor. I dropped my attentive gaze, to give her a moment of visual privacy but drew her close as I spoke directly into her ear. "And you've never said any such thing to me, so I _didn't_ know that."

She pulled back and the look she directed was the definition of incredulous. _Okay, fine – I know I'm fucking sex on legs. Don't bull shit a bull shitter, I guess._ So, I rephrased. "I didn't know that's how _you_ saw me."

"Damn Edward, of course it is. Why do you think I keep you around?" And her smile was back and I didn't think it was anything we'd just said that drew it out but rather the sincerity of the moment, in combination with the relief of the lighter air. We just worked. _How do I need to prove it to you when we're standing here, doing this and being this, and just clicking? _I wished her eyes would open wide and see the enormity that was us.

Jasper and Alice were in their own world only a few feet from our extremely private exchange, and although I could see Jasper listening to Alice I noticed how his eyes continued to dart in our direction.

_No, fucker, I'm not going to call this off. _Bella would get the very best I had to offer tonight. And I fucking shook at the thought that it might not be enough.

"Ready to go?" _Cut it out with the nerves, dammit._ I willed myself to get it together.

"Yes. And you did catch that your mission, if you should choose to accept it, is to keep me on my feet at all times tonight? No slacking and letting me slip into a storm drain, got it?"

"Just call me fucking Ethan Hunt." _Fuck yeah, Mission Impossible baby!_

"Gah. 90's movies." _Who the hell doesn't like MI?_

"Hey, you quoted first. And please, let's not start fighting over film supremacy. That's a third date activity and much too serious for the rainbows and sunshine first date I've planned."

"God. You better not have, otherwise I just might have to stand you the fuck up." She crinkled her nose as she teased.

"Too late, I've already seen you in _that. _You're going where I'm going." My eyes were uncooperative fuckers again and drank in her cleavage. And of course she followed my eye line and proceed to increase my faltering will power.

"This dress is really that nice?" The fingers that traced over and down the corset strings were flirtatious, although she'd never realize. I loved how unaware she was of her loveliness and the strength it had over me.

"Your mysterious beauty doesn't hurt either."

"Ugh. Come on. Bye Alice and … _you_." _So, they're fighting? _The idea that she'd hold her ground with Jasper over me was like giving more water to a drowning man. _To hell with this suite, lets motor._

"Goodnight guys."

Bella was much better in heels than she gave herself credit for, but I stuck close as per our agreement and truly by sheer unwillingness to distance myself even an inch.

"Are you nervous?" I wanted to laugh a tad manically at her question, but instead kept my response simple.

"Yep." _God - understatement of my life._

"Good." _Huh?_

"Why, are you nervous?" It always felt better to not suffering alone.

"Oh no, dating is old hat for me." I clenched my teeth over my lips to hold back the impending laughter this time. _What a little liar. _And she was lying, because besides believing Jasper's earlier warning, Bella hadn't added the joking banter hitch to each syllable of her deflection. _If I was all out there with the honesty and shit …_

"Jasper mentioned something about this being your first." Her shoulders sagged and I kicked myself wondering why the fuck I couldn't let her save face a little. '_Cause you want everything to be true and upfront between you. _I sighed.

"Damn." Bella finally said, shaking her head, as I led her down Fremont's entrance steps to my glossy black, Indian Chief Deluxe, which I'd had reupholstered before leaving for barmy London and stored indefinitely. This was the Indian's big night out too.

"Oh my god." She seemed to be hesitant about our mode of transportation. "Do I just jog along side you? 'Cause there is no way you thought you'd be getting _me _on _that_." She pointed between herself and the motorcycle shaking her head in disbelief.

"I bought you your own helmet." I held up the shiny black safety precaution I'd spent an hour selecting, plastering on the face of a beggar as I puppy dogged her into straddling my bike.

"No, you didn't. Those come stock with this classic chick magnet." Her eyes met mine as she chuckled in surrender.

"I really did get this for you." _She doesn't have to believe this is a gift, but she's sure as hell going to wear it. _I fastened the helmet strap under her chin and twisted her long curls behind her, coiling them up so they'd stay nestled in her jacket collar.

It was like the dress was only a teaser and now, all of her - in combination with the helmet that held all sorts of risky, speed induced connotations - had become my own continual mindfuck. _And she has no idea. _That, I realized, was why she was Bella and what made her the one in front of me – with her proverbial hand tucked in her little pocket as I held out my motherfucking heart - looking so skeptical. _A man's bike is his baby- this is ultimate sharing, love._

"What about my dress?" Her fingers dropped down to toy with the short ass hem of her dessert-like dress.

Shit. I'd only thought how fucking stunner it would be to chauffeur Bella around on a beautiful fall night, with the wind all around us, her legs gripping me from behind.

"I didn't think about that." And I hadn't, and it sure as hell pissed me the fuck off that I'd screwed this up before we'd even managed to leave. Shouldn't I have been better at this? _Why? When was the last time you took a girl anywhere rather than the base of your dick? _Shit. Shit. Shit. _If you were the last one to realize Edward's never done this before, raise your hand._ I knew I was the only one in the entire motherfucking world raising his hand.

"Fuck it. Just keep me safe, okay." And she saved it. Just because she could give me this and let me off the hook – maybe not even realizing what a brain-dead jackass I was for forgetting her comfort – she was just amazing.

And keep her safe? She had to have been talking to the other fucktards who screwed this shit up for us to begin with. If she stuck with me, Bella would never be in danger again.

"I promise." I vowed, climbing onto the bike and leaning forward so she could slip behind me. "Don't let go, Bella." The reverberated meaning behind that phrase tremored in my stomach.

"I'll do what I can." And there it was. _That's all I can ask._

The night welcomed us as we pierced the crisp air. Bella's arms wound around me and up across my chest - one palm resting underneath my jacket and against my peck, the other grasping my shoulder. She was her own strain, my girl, cause who the fuck doesn't hold on at the waist? She would always keep me guessing.

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**APOV**

"Oh my god, Jasper, you shouldn't have." But really inside I was screaming, "_I LOVE PRESENTS!!!!" _With, "_I HEART LOUIS VUITTON," _as a close second.

"Alice, you deserve a truck load of gifts for putting up with my shit so patiently. And besides that, you'll need this tonight." He initiated the slow retraction of the convertible's hardtop. Confused as to why we'd put the top down when it was so cold out, I chose to stifle my questions by focusing on the ribbon that decoratively encompassing the black, LV monogram gift box in my lap.

Jasper had insisted I take my fur off before we climbed in the car, which seemed even crazier as the night air nipped at my newly exposed neck and arms. I separated the box top from its matching bottom and found, folded between sheets of silver LV tissue, – _I HEART LOUIS VUITTON_ – the classic, Cassis Chale Monogram silk and wool shawl I'd had my eye on for a couple weeks. How he knew didn't matter. That he slowly took the shawl from my hands and draped in around my shoulders, leaving a pocket of bunched material at my neck to cover my wind exposed hair required my full attention. He was magnificent.

"I didn't want to mess up your hair or outfit by having the top down. So, I thought a matching shawl might fix that."

"I love it. I've actually had my eye on this exact one for a while. How did you know to buy purple?" I could feel my eyes brimming with adoration.

"I went on instinct." His smile indicated that he understood my unshed tears were the result of something positive, more specifically though they were a product of an all consuming thankfulness at his attentive thoughtfulness.

"Thank you so much, Jas." I ran my fingers over the stitching and situated the material into a chic cascade; drawing my hood up and insuring my hairstyle would be left unharmed. This evening couldn't have begun better and I was dying for the brilliance to continue. "I'm all yours."

And he accelerated through the campus gates and wound us in the direction of Belltown. Being that it was still early for a Saturday night, the roads weren't abnormally crowded and Jasper easily found metered street parking. After allotting our time at the pay station, he retrieved me from the passenger's side.

_We're finally together. _The culmination of the last year had recently begun to weigh on me. Add to that Bella's arrival and with it the overabundance of student body attention, lies and strung out emotions – I was ready to be here, on the arm of Jasper Hale, the only man of my dreams and designs.

Over the last couple days I often thought of showing him the drawing, but with his divided focus I felt wary about unveiling it. I knew the timing would eventually be right and when that moment came I wouldn't hesitate.

The timing _was_ perfect, however, for a delicious dinner. I had this thing about dates and men. If they could pick out a restaurant that I loved instantly, they'd always have my undying affection. Edward took me to Chez Shea, at the Public Market, and their Arugula and Bosc pear salad was pure divinity. We've been best friends ever since.

But when Jasper opened the door to Barolo and my eyes encountered the white, Victorian chandeliers and floor to ceiling sheer white curtains, set against the black of the chairs and the dark wood of the high backed booths, I felt transported. No longer were we in small potatoes Seattle but rather cosmopolitan New York, and how I'd been missing New York. _Oh the glamour, oh the fancy._

Jasper kept me warm, held me tight and brought me pieces of the world I so greatly missed during my day-to-day student monotony. And he'd found ways to do it all in less than a week.

As we were seated, I sent up silent praise to whatever inspired me to pull out the stops with my outfit for the evening. I'd been saving this dress for just the right occasion; I should have known none could deliver like Jasper. And for my outfit to complement his so well had to have been fashion fate. Of course, it was pretty hard to mismatch when your date sat before you in head to toe black; trousers, trim button up and pencil tie - all ebony. His vintage sophistication rang true with our current location and had me practically drooling on the white tablecloth.

My silence encouraged him to venture for conversation, which was fine by me as I was currently engrossed in the way the black ensemble created the shock value of contrast to his blond hair. _God._

"Have you been here before?" _Tear – eyes – away – from - hair._

"I have not. It is truly unlike anything I've ever encountered in Seattle. It feels much more New York to me, and I must admit, I've been anticipating my next trip quite a lot lately."

"Do you go often?" He sipped slowly on his ice water; his lips lingering so deliciously on the glass' edge, shorting out my gauge at how long was socially appropriate to stare.

"Not often enough." My eyes fled to the nearest successful buffer that would keep me from acting like a love struck fool. _Ah, the menu._

Every course looked intriguing, but Jasper took the liberty of ordering for us thus ending my battle with a decision, and if I wouldn't have been "mmming" after my first bite of Gnocchi my response to such assumption might have been more miffed. As it were, I could only enjoy the food so much as the table seemed to separate us farther and farther the longer I drank the man across from me in. I wanted to be touching in every possible way - stat.

"Are you ready to go?" He knew how much I'd enjoyed the restaurant, the food, his laugh, because I'd taken the opportunity to tell him. Now I was hoping we'd have a few moments where I'd be able to _show_ Jasper just how much I could enjoy _him_.

"Please." I pushed my chair away from the table, and politely returned it to its place. Jasper's hand sought mine as we ambled away from the restaurant's romantic lighting and effortless atmosphere and into the dark Seattle streets. He walked, I clung.

I had no idea where Jasper was leading me, but I eventually registered that we were no longer outside and were suddenly wrapped up in jazz music and being carried away by the timbre of an upright bass line.

"This is my favorite spot in the city." His face dipped closer to my ear as he murmured, my eyes scanning the surroundings and finally coming to rest on an intimate center floor.

"I understand why. Can we dance?" I felt lighter than air as he spun me out onto the hardwood, holding me nearer than he ever had.

"This is why I brought you here. I need you as close to me as possible, Ms. Brandon." Imprinting every curve I had against his strong angles and dips, I felt anything but my age.

"My pleasure, Mr. Hale." Jasper made every pulse point on my body a livewire, as his hands rode low and the lips I longed to feel pressed against my own, brushed along my forehead.

I tipped my head back to find his eyes and beg, if need be, for my kiss, but I found him in deep concentration. So much so that he didn't even seem to realize that I'd repositioned.

"Jasper, where are you?" My palm found his cheek and did its part in coaxing him back to me.

"Alice," His forehead came down and connected with mine, and even in the dim light I could see his pupils dilate, but past that physical reaction I could make out more ardor in his deepening blue than my eyes had ever been met with before.

"I know things have been dramatic lately, but I can't not ask you this question."

"What is it, Jas?" His following breath was bottomless and his eyes closed in preparation. I could feel myself trembling at the sheer anticipation of whatever this serious question would require of me. If only he knew my answer would always be yes.

"Alice, will you please be my girlfriend?" And everything inside me turned topsy-turvey at the unneeded, but so desperately appreciated, request. I reined it in though; knowing the vibrations emanating from me alone would convey my unparalleled enthusiasm.

"Oh, of course I will silly. I actually thought I already was."

His responding smile lit up the entire jazz club. And finally my boyfriend wove his fingers together at the base of my neck, and drew my lips to his. Sweet and slow, infused with as much pent up desire and need as we both could manage, Jasper conveyed every sliver of bliss our developing relationship awoke in him. I couldn't help but reciprocate.

"I've wanted this for so long." His voice was husky and brimming with emotion.

"Not as long as I have, I can promise you that." I returned, interlocking my lips with his once more, my hand drawn Jasper fluttering through my thoughts with a wink.

I'd never stopped believing he was really out there and that one day he would come for me.

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**BPOV**

This was freedom.

The wind, the rush, even the man situated between my thighs; steadying myself, with him as my anchor, was somehow the most liberating of all. _How peculiar._

Letting others provide anything for me was an absolute impossibility. Their giving would eventually end, and although I'd always been one to invite such familiarity I now more than understood how such dependence came back around to bite you in the ass. Over and over. Causing death and scars.

So, why Edward? Why now? Maybe it was because I knew he'd take me anywhere and not require anything in return; instead he'd hope passionately for it and charm me until I relented.

I could choose to give in. And I'd need to figure out how far I'd let this go - soon. But tonight was my first fucking date, on my first ever – and perhaps last – motorcycle ride, with the only man to ever capture me and want more.

_How the hell had I actually come to trust Edward Cullen?_ Who the fuck knew. He was just a sincere bastard, but still on such a short leash. And the draw to him was unavoidable, both in physicality and desire. I couldn't stay away and neither did I want to. Even just this morning, as I fled his bed and my insecurities mounted, I knew I'd return to him. The uncertainty in my eyes would have hurt him simply too much. And he was so observant. Although, I didn't know if he'd realized his girlfriend slip, but he did register that something caused the shift in my demeanor.

He just knew.

So, now the battle was with myself. Every moment together had me gnawing at the sexual tension, seeking some relief. His mouth and fingers, my hands winding through his hair, and even now as I essentially rode his back instead of the bike, we were never entangled enough. Pair that with Rose and Alice's size bomb and I was surprised I wasn't mauling the completely willing, entirely perfect male admirer before me.

And it was only him.

Jake - nothing. Emmett - nothing, Mike - shoot me now.

There were plenty of men around, but none like Edward. And as the images of his head underneath my shirt and the memorable feeling of his fingers hooked inside my underwear resurfaced, I knew he wanted me too. Me. Isabella Swan. Normal fucking brown eyed girl.

And, truthfully, the common knowledge that Edward was king for very specific reasons terrified me. _Work up to it? Pfff - please be a little more cryptic Rosalie._

And then I hit my maximum stupid capacity. _Oh my god._

The implications of her interrupted explanation finally connected. _How the fuck did I become such a clueless ultra-virgin? Dammit._

Obviously we'd have to "work up to it." _Fuck I am brain dead sometimes. _And I wanted to get to _working_. But how do you invite the opening act onstage and hold off the main show? _Lock them in their dressing room?_ Sure. We'll go with that. But, hell if I didn't want to see what all the fuss was about beneath that final tedious layer of clothing. _Gah._

"You're awfully quiet back there." I'd completely forgotten about the headset in my helmet – which I'd been overly thrilled that he's purchased just for me – and when I heard his voice so clearly, surrounded by the loud rumble of street noise, it caught me off guard and my arms hugged him tighter.

"Oh, Bella, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." His voice was all sexy and concern. _Mmmm._

"Th-that's okay. I forgot we had these walky-talky things in our helmets." _Breath, breath._

"Money can get you anything." _Lie. Tell that to my life._

"That isn't true." I knew he'd feel badly about his careless words, that was just his nature.

"You're right. It's not." He paused for what seemed like a passing thought before continuing. "So, I'm taking you to my favorite restaurant. It is amazing, but not so pretentious. Is that okay?"

He fucking knew it was okay, and the smile I could hear laced in his words made me instantly want to punish him for teasing. My palm lifted, as my fingers zeroed in to pinch his nipple though his thin, grey, v-neck sweater playfully.

His gasp encouraged my peels of laughter to ring out, filling up both of our helmets.

"Bel-la. Don't do that unless you want me to pull this bike over on the side of the freeway and ravish you in the median."

_Was that option available? _No, soft and warm was always more ideal.

"How about you just hold that thought for the next time you convince me to share your bed."

He growled into his microphone, obviously feeling simultaneous enjoyment and unfairness at the encounter our conversation was promising. _Does he realize I'm being serious?_

"Okay, okay. Of course I prefer a pretension free dinner. Hold the snobby bitches while you're at it." His jovial laugh said 'I told you so' and I didn't mind; I loved that he knew my disdain for all things reeking of snob and stick filled asses.

"This place has none of that, and like I said, it's my favorite."

He pointed the motorcycle down a couple side streets before pulling into a slanted parking lot, with one long sidewalk and a maroon awning at the end. Forgoing valet – seeing as we were on a bike – he pulled into the last available parking spot, which had only maintained its vacant status because of the "Reserved" sign redirecting the other guests.

"Well, apparently they're expecting us." I observed as I climbed off of the second biggest risk I'd taken thus far in the evening.

Edward only smiled as he unstrapped my chin clasp and grasped both helmets in one hand. Before I could take one step, his free arm captured me around my middle and he crushed his parted lips to mine. Tongues and wet and nibbling and _Gah_. Once again I was thankful he held me up, otherwise the anxiety of falling over would have infiltrated my otherwise engaged senses.

"Your words were evil and terribly tempting. You have no idea what you do to me, Bella." Edward murmured, his lips slipping back and forth over my glossy lips.

"Maybe a little." I smirked as I noticed how his lips matched mine, slightly pink and slick. _So much for ever wearing glossy crap if it's only going to get smeared off. _I thumbed the length of both his lips, feeling totally responsible for the cosmetic mess. Luckily, it wiped clean easily enough.

His amusement over my ministrations was endearing; and then he spoke.

"Only a little then."

I snorted at the inaccurate idea of _little _before I could stop myself. And the previously innocent Edward had unknowingly become my dick fantasy accomplice. I'd never thought of a penis so much in my entire life. It was time for another fucking topic.

"So, The Melting Pot?" And then the idea of calling Edward _innocent_ finally struck me and I began roaring with laughter on the inside. _I've lost it._

"Have you ever had fondue?" _Fondue? Fondue? The dipping things in hot stuff … _My brain was a failure.

"You mean like melted cheese and chocolate?" I felt thankful I was coherent enough, lost in this seedy mind of mine, to form at least one guess.

"Oh, Bella. Those are just the bookends. Come on." _Oh well, good effort Bella. _And then his ass was walking before me, being the gentleman and holding my door open. But all I registered was a fresh wave of images and possibilities for the two of us when I got him alone.

Obviously, I was a sexual deviant now. And the blame was all on Edward's god like body, smell, lips, hair … ass. _Don't forget his dick. _That wouldn't be happening any time soon.

The interior of The Melting Pot was very dark and had expansive décor covering every surface with deep, rich colors. The hostess showed us to a private table for two, which was only accessible by a short hallway. On the other side of our booth was another private area, but we couldn't see anyone besides each other once we were seated.

The table was small and Edward sat incredibly close to me, insisting we share a menu and then ordering us the Big Night Out. His excitement and ease were infectious. I was just as struck by his favorite restaurant as he seemed to be, although I wasn't sure if it was the interesting food or the irresistible company that lulled me, inviting a dreamy atmosphere over our little fondue world for two.

Cheese came first, served with an assortment of bread and vegetables, followed by a light salad – Edward promised the chocolate and caramel concoction would come at the end bringing with it strawberries and pineapple and pound cake. What I'd never heard of before, however, was the bouillon base that we cooked our entrée of chicken, salmon, fillet mignon, lobster, prawns, ravioli and russet potatoes in. The entire dinner felt more like an event, rather than a meal.

"I am so full." Edward sat back and ran his hands down his still completely flat stomach.

"You should be, we've been eating for two hours straight." I felt slightly drunk on his presence as I leaned my head against the leather ledge of our seat.

"Such is the fondue life."

Edward had asked why I left his bed this morning if I was so quick to get right back in. He tried to pass it off as a joke, but I knew my honest answer would give him an additional view into my confused mind, so instead I reminded him that men preferred women who were mysterious and not just in beauty. He didn't press anymore, and for that I was thankful.

Truthfully, I'd never had a night like this - so blissful, so effortless - and it crushed me to think it was ending already.

"Can I show you something?" And even noting the serious nature of his voice my mind launched itself straight into the gutter. _Rosalie better fucking watch her back when I get home. She's perverted me. _I reassessed the blame and decided it all fell on Rose.

"Anything." And before I put two more thoughts together I was strapped in my helmet and we were flying through the night.

The air slapping against my bare legs was even more freezing - as the hour had grown much later - and my teeth chattered noisily.

"Sweetheart, we'll be there soon. I'm so sorry you're so cold."

I just gripped him tighter and hunkered down behind his broad back.

We stopped abruptly about ten minutes later, and Edward pulled me from the bike, leaving our helmets and it behind without another thought.

And he helped me walk quickly, before he suddenly stopped to hoist me up into the ledge of a long bridge; a lagoon of sorts to my back and the freeway system face-front.

Edward's hands never left my sides as he wedged his body between my legs, his gaze falling on the water behind me as silence fell over everything.

Eventually his words were softly formed.

"I thought I fell in love once. I know now it wasn't love, and had suspected as much since, but at the time I'd been sure." He swallowed loudly, and I knew whatever he was sharing with me now he'd never told anyone else before. I don't know how. But I just knew.

"When she – when it didn't work out I jacked Em's Jeep, too young to have my own car – or drivers license for that matter – and took off with Alice in the passenger's seat. I didn't drive far, and Ali was shrieking at me to slow down, so I pulled over right where we just did and walked, stopping right here. I didn't know where I thought I was going but I just needed _her_ off me, to be rid of every part of me _she_ consumed and touched. Alice had been silent at my heels, until we made it to this exact spot and then she started asking all the questions I couldn't handle answering and saying _her _name over and over. I finally told her I felt like I'd lost myself, that I'd lit my true self on fire, that I was burning from the inside out and there was nothing anyone could do. And then Ali got this glint in her eye, like only Alice can, grabbed my hand and simply said, 'Time to save you.' And then we jumped." The idea of actually launching myself off this incredibly high, frighteningly intimidating bridge into the unknown waters below scared the shit out of me. _What pain drives someone to do that? _It seemed like controlled suicide.

"We've jumped a lot since then. Whenever things got rough - friends, parents, our own lame existences - we'd come here. Each time entering the water fucking disgusted and exiting with a fresh start." Edward's eyes found mine then, as I had previously been waiting for his mesmerizing stupor of pains past to lift.

"I haven't jumped since before London, Bella, and that's because I can't. I don't need this ritual for myself anymore, because you've restored my faith in … I just know I can't start over from you, and I never want to wash myself clean from the time we spend together. No matter what. No matter how scared you are or the hoops I have to jump through; I cannot imagine not holding on to every second I've been enraptured by you, forever. You have to know you are it for me. And I will always be here for you. As long as you let me stay."

And everything after that was shock and bursting and need. And it was all for him.

One second passed and my tongue found its way into his mouth and he was carrying me away from the ledge back to our get away bike. What seemed like mere minutes later, Edward was then cradling me up stairs and through multiple doorways and finally he was on top of me, as warm sheets and goose-down comforters engulfed us. And I felt him through his pants and couldn't find it in me to care so much because it was _all _him, big or small, happy or sad, broken or healed, but always trustworthy, and forever mine as long as I desired.

Edward had tamed everything he was for me. It wasn't a fair fight, when a girl like me comes up against a power as strong as him. _But perhaps_, I thought as Edward pulled the leather away from my shoulders and buried his face in the skin beneath the laces of my dress, _he was the only one designed to catch me._

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**A/N: Seriously, 10K? Goodness this was a hard one! But, such is the life of an author I guess. Now it's time to test your observations. **

**Who do I believe to be the Lion and Unicorn in this chapter? (Hint: The answer is not obvious.)**

**And for those of you that enjoy a little research: Who is Bella, in this chapter of G&B, representing from the original chapter of The Lion and the Unicorn from Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass? (Hint: This is sort of a trick question.) **

**Special thanks to Ima Quidditch Fan/LuvTwilight for her superb research skills - Edward would be riding a loser bike without you, babe!!**

**Well, this chapter began one way and then took another avenue. I hope you enjoyed it, and as always I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts! ~RAE **

**P.S. Come play on the Girls and Boys thread.**

**P.P.S. Links for this chapter on the profile; LV shawl and the Indian. Check it, bbs!**


	20. What Are Little Girls Made Of?

**Chapter 19 What Are Little Girls Made Of?**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to the talented Stephenie Meyer.**

**You all did great with the guesses! Here are my answers: The parallelism between the Rhyme/Through the Looking Glass Chapter 7 and G&B Chapter 18 is as follows - Edward is the Lion, and Jasper is the Unicorn, making Bella the CAKE.:) MY over all implied metaphor for the Lion and for the Unicorn stems from Twilight's the Lion and the Lamb concept. In G&B, however, each boy is the Lion and each girl is his mythical Unicorn. My G&B girls are not Lambs. They each have a degree of innocence, but are more unattainable (Alice's application to this is subjective) and awe inspiring than fragile - although, their fragility is a close second. They also have healing principles. If you have any questions or want further explanation, hit me up in a review or on the thread!**

**You know, I never give proper F bomb warnings … so here it is … G&B is friendly with the fracking and such. Especially Rosalie! The M is in full effect wonderful people.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**RPOV**

Truthfully, I had been out to dinner more times than I'd ever be able to fucking number even if I counted for the rest of my life. After this last year of fickle exploration, dates were as repetitive and natural as an unconscious hair primp or acing a calculus midterm; really, my being escorted around town might have become more akin to breathing. Or, at least, it _had_.

"Emmett dating" had turned out to be intimidating and exhilarating. Of course, I didn't let on to his undeniable upper hand; _how do you refuse the man you want more than status, more than self, more than is naturally sane?_

Well, you don't.

I'd reminded my libido of the previously made promise to myself to remain as unattached as was physiologically possible the night of our first date. Unfortunately, such a task was continually challenged as our date progressed. What with the suave door opening, my expectations, Six Sevens' dim lighting, realizing the Maitre d' was attracted to me - _no shit, right?_ - and then having Emmett claim me with his mouth as it teased its way over my exposed skin. The visual of our large bed - with full-scale turndown service already implemented – waiting patiently upstairs became the last straw, as the warmth between my legs churned. One thwarting after another left my frazzled nerves absolutely unable to ignore the rock hard erection pressing into me as I finally covered his lips with mine in surrender. I'd held out far too long to take my time. _Damn dance floor clit tease._

I could still piece together what followed, as the waiter approached to take our drink order but instead was met with Emmett waiving him off in favor of skipping straight to the lavish dinner being served in our room.

My shock at finding out the waterfront restaurant was intended to accommodate only the beverage and appetizer portion of our date sent me into a divided spiral. On one hand there was no way I hadn't anticipated sleeping with Emmett that night and felt exhilarated as his palm found the small of my back and ushered me toward the elevator. But on the other, if he'd really hoped to leave my dark past just that, a past, then why had he made assumptions thus expecting of me what every other man always did?

These questions were now superfluous, however, as it had been almost a month since that magnificent rendezvous. Emmett's continual attentions since only helped me see that he was in the same damn boat as me, attempting to row instead of relying on the familiar motor. Whoever said doing things the easy way was a waste couldn't have been more correct. I may have only known one way of interacting with a man when Emmett first entered my life, but just as _I_ was changing so were my human connections. The slow process of learning, however, did seem to cause the unlimited unknowns to make themselves glaringly obvious.

I continued to leave my eyes closed as my mind progressed with the memories. Teasingly, I dangled the tantalizing nature of our first time across the back of my eyelids, recalling it from every available angle, ultimately glazing both my mind and my nether regions. As I reminisced, I was reminded by the sound of deep, steady breathing bouncing off the bedroom walls that the star of my fantasy laid only a foot away. Tiring of my 2-D recollection, I slowly turned and crept one eye open.

_Mmmm. Em._

He was like Superman reincarnate - all naked and muscles and pouty, sleep lips – only, without the cape. _Hmm, a cape._ My champagne colored sheets were tangled at his feet leaving only strips of material winding haphazardly up through his legs and barely covering his chest. My second eye blinked open, slowly joining the first, as they cascaded along his strong jaw line, over his powerful arms and skilled fingers. Their decent came to a screeching halt to reverently absorb the infamous Cullen inheritance front and center. Thick and gloriously rigid, the messy bedding gods allowed my eyes to appraise him completely unobstructed by material. _Fuck, I love morning wood._

Still sound asleep, I carefully snaked my body further down him, towards the main attraction only I was now allowed to worship – not including, of course, whatever fucking man obsession he had over his little – err big - mister.

We'd not spoken of exclusivity, but it was certainly implied being that we spent every night in the other's bed and every moment in between pivoting from one state of foreplay to another. These last few weeks had awakened something completely new and unresolved in me. To say I was happy was like saying Edward Cullen was admired by women. Understatement of the century. But the other Cullen couldn't have been farther from this girl's mind, as I wet my lips and prepared to greet my man.

I let my flattened tongue seek out his smooth head. Back and forth, I circled him with long, intentioned licks finally swirling up to taste his pre-cum.

Emmett's resting abs were my first indication that he was stirring, because as I looked up beneath my still half asleep eyelids I watched the washboard clench and reveal an additional pack – _cause a six pack is substandard, of course my man would have an eight._

"Baby, oh, Rosie baby."

As his low, gravely uttering of my love making name, Rosie, reached my ears I plunged my lips down, taking every last bit of him into my mouth and throat. I spread my hands up over his stomach and pecks as he wound his down, over my arms and into my hair.

I'd never been this forward with him, surprisingly, as I'd found myself needing to be drawn out more than I ever thought possible in this first month of being together. Never giving a flying fuck about who I was screwing meant having no inhibitions, but caring brought on a whole new side of myself that I wasn't quite okay with.

'Cause hell if I've ever labeled it making love, right? And kissing - never really a huge deal to me. Giving and getting head was enjoyed, as was probing and grabbing and penetration. And as much as I wanted to bring my cocky cavalier side to the table, show him how I did, the ride from the dining room level up to the Beatles suite floor on that very first date left me with so many answerless questions regarding the intentions and sheer power of the man I loved; I'd practically shut down.

Old Rosalie was gone, gone, gone. Timid, hesitant Rose had been instantly in effect from that moment until now, apparently. Although, this urge to wake him with my mouth didn't seem to mean I'd regained what I'd lost of my former self as much as I just knew him now; I was more than familiar with just how Emmett filled me up – everywhere.

I dragged my ministrations up slowly, working my lips tightly around his shaft. My tongue had a mind of its own, as it applied steady pressure along the thick underside and swiveling the tip every third bob or so. His hands seemed to be fighting their own battle in my hair; to push down or not to, that was the erotic dilemma. Emmett was always gentle, ever the patient lover; nothing how I'd thought he'd be as I fantasized about our sex this entire last year. But, honestly, the pace we set, the time we'd taken, ended up being better. It'd been a journey. _Ours. Emmett's and Rosalie's._

Emmett moaned as I picked up my pace, the head of his cock repeatedly connecting with the back of my throat. I was surprised that my gag reflex wasn't affected. Giving this to him was sometimes better than receiving. _Gah, love. It makes crazy out of sane._

My nails lightly scraped down over his nipples and trailed to his smooth, swimmers legs – not even a hit of lingering surprise, as I'd finally gotten used to a man's body being nearly as hairless as mine – and pulling his balls gently into my hand.

"Fuck, baby." Emmett continued to curse and sputter incoherencies until I began sucking harder letting my teeth entered the mix by carefully raking him. Urgently he put a hand under each of my armpits and pulled me up towards his chest.

No words were spoken as he momentarily engaged his tongue with mine - tasting and thanking my willing mouth - and then proceeded to lift me over him, like I weighed nothing, positioning his head between my legs. Gripping the smooth, wooden headboard I supported my weight on my knees, straddling his face as his head reclined on a pillow. And in one second his tongue was deep inside me, his large hands kneading my ass. He hummed underneath me and I couldn't keep from crying out as I rocked hard on his face, absorbing every lick and vibration. Two fingers entered me and, instead of pumping in and out, worked together as they beckoned my sensitive bundle of nerves to climax. Emmett sucked attentively on my clit and I shuddered as my orgasm came closer. _Just one little bite; bite down for me honey, please bite down for Rosie._

"I won't bite down now, baby. Not when I can't see your come face." _God, I only meant to think that. _Obviously I was beyond verbal control.

"Please, Em. I'm so close." I begged outright, in a strangled whisper. But his mouth had stopped so he could bring my tingling body down to press flush with his own overheated skin.

"You're my dream come true, Rosalie Hale." As Emmett flipped us over, settling his body between my legs. The meaning of this sentence sent my mind spinning from an immediate combustion of lust and love and delight – the sort of release I desperately needed elsewhere at the moment.

"You wake me up at five in the morning every day like that, okay?" He mumbled "everyday" once more before sucking and nibbling at the column of my neck, his hips grinding against mine. The heat of our skin-to-skin friction, without him actually dipping inside, was the most bittersweet torture. _Fuck, it's just not enough._

Of their own volition and impatience, my legs wrapped around his waist. Instinctively, my pelvis tipped up and was met by his fingers dipping between us, separating me as he glided his length into all my ready wetness. So slick, so open; I enveloped every last inch.

Emmett released a guttural moan into the pillow underneath my head the moment he was completely sheathed and began building towards a frenzied pace more intense than either of us had ever set together.

What had begun as morning play, turned naturally into sweet sex and finally, after a month of skirting around, we were launching ourselves into heady, passionate coition.

"Can I go hard, baby? I want to show you hard." The swift motion of his hips still held a gentleness that was mine to maintain or renounce. Digging my heals in, I began meeting him thrust for thrust, matching his need with my own.

"Yes … please … god, yes." Each word was punctuated with his acceptance of my permission.

Emmett's warm mouth captured my taunt nipple and pulled back aggressively as he bowed his back. Using his arms to hold up his weight, his eyes drifted down to where we were connected.

He growled at the erotic sight of driving so powerfully into me, causing my fucking legs to tremble. I took in his huge shoulders above me and the smooth pains of each straining stomach muscle before my eyes feasted on the sight of us as well. I could feel every delicious inch as he drove it home, wanting him to just tear me apart. I realized at that moment that my patience and caution had simply been the sexual calm before the carnal storm. I gasped and whimpered as my mind and heart flooded with love and unbearable need for release.

His head snapped up in response to my noises, irises burning into the thrill mine must have been conveying. I'd always been a fan of rough, but this new sensation of being variably _taken_ by Emmett elicited insatiable sensations. Unfamiliar, comfortable vulnerability. _I'm safe._

And with that, my wall was down.

"Harder," – _pant -_ "faster," – _pant - _"fuck …. me … more."

"God." And his chest came down - squishing my full breasts against his smooth, tight skin – as his starving lips crashed over mine. A hand at my neck, and one holding my ass, steadied me as I was suddenly airborne. My nipples crashed against cold wood, and the emptiness I felt inside as Em pressed himself firm against my ass made me gasp.

_No, No …_

"Emme-"

But before my complaints could surface, my hips were pulled back and I came barreling down onto my boyfriend's cock. _FFFFuuuccckkk YES._

I felt like I was flying over his length, in speed and precision – every bit of friction that remained because of his enormity and my clenching walls made this my new best day ever.

Em's finger wound inside my mouth and caressed the front of my neck. After trailing down to heave my breasts up with a firm squeeze, his palm came to rest on my abdomen, applying the most tantalizing pressure.

My stretched out arm clenched the headboard ledge before one of my hands reached between my sopping legs and cupped his balls.

I pulled down; he stimulated my clit and worked my stomach muscles all the while splitting me in two from behind.

My eyesight was blurring as I began shouting out his name, his coaxing cries being muted by the kisses he showered on my long hair and back.

It was all so much and still fucking not enough until … _fuck._

And I was falling and cursing and letting my head roll every which way without the active use of any bodily muscle as all of my blood rushed down. Down.

So hard, so fast, so huge, so deep. _So mine._

And the surge of warmth I felt him shoot into me marked me as his.

"Rosie baby. Oh, baby, baby, baby." We were both a shaking, aftershock mess. And instead of pulling out, Emmett simply drew be down onto his lap encasing me in his tender muscles.

As our ragged breathing evened, I leaned my head back on his shoulder so I could have access to his quivering lips.

"So, good." I breathed in reverence.

"Fuck baby, say it again." Emmett kissed and licked tenderly on my ear lobe.

It was my pleasure to stroke this incredible man's ego, so I repeated with vigor, "So fucking good."

"Mmmm. Fuckgood."

And I laughed. Because the moment was perfect and I'll be damned if I'd ever experienced a truly insecurity free, blissed out of my mind, happier moment in all of my fucked up years.

I knew we could stay this way all day long as his hands trailed over my arms and thighs and his flaccid penis began stiffening inside me, but there were laps to swim and classes to attend. Lifting off I prodded at his responsibilities.

"Pool time?" I moved slowly down the bed as his arms tried grabbing me back to him, a hazy lust clouding his eyes and crinkly smile.

"Rose time?" He caught my foot and pulled my freshly pedicured, ruby red polished pinky toe into his mouth. I squealed and tried to jerk away. My feet were so ticklish and he knew exactly what he was doing when he sucked like that.

"Come on, Em. I'll shower really quick and walk you." Almost kicking him in the eye as we played, he finally released me and rolled off the elevated, tornado struck bed.

His groan built up in his throat, no doubt reacting to the cold floor and the limb stiffness brought on by our romp.

Emmett raised his arms high above his head, stretching after such a work out in preparation for his next, and inhaled a deep breath.

"It smells like sex in here."

"I wonder why." I grinned goofily at him, raising my eyebrow and wagging it.

"Oh, babe. I have to run by my suite before hitting the pool. Do you mind meeting me there? Maybe with a couple coffees, and some donuts - or a bagel? Oh, oh and how about an egg and cheese English muffin sandwich? They make those on Tuesday's right?"

I chortled at his unwavering appetite. _Would you expect anything less from your sexual aerobics instructor?_ Ha, nope.

"I'll bring you the entire coffee cart; how's that?"

Pulling on his scattered clothing from last night, I felt a tiny twinge of sadness when the zipper closed on the Diesel jeans I'd just bought him. _You're sending him away in favor of polo captain duties? Damn girl, it isn't like he won't be back in your clutches tonight._ I was fucking dick whipped. _No, Emmett whipped. Hmm … whipping._

"What are you smiling about?"

"Oh, just thinking of all the things I'm going to do to you later." _Don't leave and bring me a leather strap, bitch._

Rough sex was fucking golden.

"Why can't later be now?" He was impossibly more adorable when he whined. How I could scold and send him on his way was beyond me. But, I found my strength from somewhere – obviously not the swollen folds between my legs or the fantasies of capes and pain inflicting toys – and gave him a parting spank.

"Go. I'll see you soon."

He nipped at my bottom lip through our chaste kiss and swiveled his perfect ass, winking back at me as he let himself out.

That man would be my continual undoing. _Rosalie Who? Oh yeah, that girl obsessed with Emmett Cullen. _I was so okay with the new developments in my identity.

*-*-*-*

Showered, blow-dried and just all around visually ravishing, I locked the suite door behind me and scurried to the Commons to grab some to-go breakfast.

Being that it was still an ungodly hour – much too early for the average Fremont student to be milling about – I was the first in line and bustling towards the P.E.T. in no time.

Carefully balancing the coffees, while holding onto my purse, magazine and a paper bag full of Emmett's order, I freed a hand to fumble with the door. I walked briskly towards the pool area and absentmindedly began reading a vertical sign about pool cleaning, or other such nonsense, when I almost lost my grip on the scalding beverages. It wasn't until I walked into plain sight of the pool, unlit and empty, that I realized it was a maintenance morning. Emmett would be positively ecstatic to have a few more hours in bed. Hell if I was going to miss one second.

I was nearly out the door when I heard a stifled pant and the distinct sound of sloshing water. Intrigued, I crept around the bleachers and was able to barely make out a shadow at the far side of the pool. Squinting like an eighty-year-old cougar in a strip club, all I could see were two figures floating in the corner.

"God." _A him … but 'him' who?_

"Edward."

Fuck me. _Bella?_

I was honestly surprised - with a fucking capital R.I.S.E.

But never one to peep or Tom, I left them to it, reevaluating my stance on regarding those two as being "sex waiting to happen." Perhaps they were getting some and taking kinky underwater seconds.

As I hurried back to a hopefully naked Emmett, I felt like such a proud Mama. _My little Bella's all grown up._

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**BPOV**

"Alice, slow down." I reached out a reassuring hand to my trilling pixie girl.

She eagerly held it as I let her following deep breath have its full calming effect before continuing.

"Okay, so, he only_ talks_?"

"I guess maybe that was a slight over reaction. We've danced, we've kissed, he's cuddly and gives amazing back massages but I think my erogenous zones are disintegrating from anticipation … from needing him to truly _touch _me."

"Touch you." My repetition did not quell the vague nature of her statement.

"_Everywhere._"

_God._

My unwillingly active imagination flashed to an image of Jasper's hands and _touching_, leaving me feeling slightly disturbed - if not minutely violated. Vomit. An irrational desire to go all hyena over the stale Jasper/Bella rumor wracked my body. If only everyone had seen me shudder a month ago at the mere thought of his hands. Thank god for the continual Pit of Sin drama turn over. _I hate Fremont._

"Touching," – _bleh_ – "everywhere. I'm with ya. Have you two talked yet about … progressing physically?"

"No. I've been trying to hint, like show him through my enthusiasm, but he seems oblivious. Not even nervous, which I'd understand I guess, but totally void of any urgent responses. I know it's not me, I'm hot, so what's his deal?"

_Oh, Alice._ I couldn't hold back my laughter in the face of such refreshing confidence.

"Have you two ever discussed your pasts? You've told him you're a virgin, right?"

"Yes. The first night I brought him back to my room."

I knew my face could be easily read as my thoughts asked, "Seriously?"

"Don't look at me like that."

My mind swirled back to the night of the party, how I'd let Edward press into me - my body, my broken family history. _I guess you can't help baring your secrets sometimes. _I didn't level with Alice, instead resorting to playful sarcasm.

"You were trying to reel him in with the magnitude of your virginity, your uncharted waters and all that shit. I see how you operate. Clever, Alice."

"Oh my god, Bella." She was just too easy to goad.

"It's the oldest trick in the book. Lure with the tight twat. I get it."

She scoffed at me. "Is that how you mindfucked Edward?"

"Hell yes. Use all the weapons in the arsenal, baby." I quickly sidestepped my own insecurities on this topic and forged ahead. _Alice and Jasper, Alice and Jasper. Edward losing interest once the fruit's been tainted. Fuck. Alice and Jasper._

"Alice, has Jas told you about his experience?"

"No." Her little lips pursed as she gazed past my head in thought. "I've wondered about it though."

"Yeah, not everyone gets a catalogue of fucks past from their Mack Daddy's calling card right up front." I hated the acidic wrench to my retort. Fuck if I could turn that shit off though.

Alice was more than familiar with my Edwardian conquest qualms, mostly because I only spouted off this way to her. She also knew it wasn't him but my own shit that drove such comments. It ached to think about how hurt Edward would be if he knew I was so flippant and bitter. And not even because he regretted his life choices so entirely, but because it was a tall tale sign of my deep-rooted injuries. How he'd become too good for me, I was still trying to figure out.

"Sorry. Okay – you need to talk to Jasper about his past base count. Better yet, just flat out ask him. It will at least open up communication. If you haven't noticed, Jasper sits back a lot and gets all caught up in his analytical head."

"You two are alike that way." Ali was toying with a piece of her raven hair as she absorbed my advice and proved, yet again, how great she was at seeing through me. _How have I only been here five weeks, sharing more of myself in that time span than in the last three years? _Alice was a force. That's how.

"Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don't already fucking know." This conversation was supposed to be about Alice and Jasper's sexual advancement not a fixation on my detrimental brain. But the string of hampered questions struggled to the forefront of my knotted mind anyway.

_How thoroughly could a girl hold herself back before the man of her dreams walked away?_

My mind screamed at me, that if the guy was all dreamy and destiny then he would most certainly not walk away. _Should I test that theory?_

I'd stopped registering my space cadet moments as awkward lulls while with Alice, because, despite her tendency to shout or shriek answers and excitement, she was refreshing and oddly comforting through my silences. A couple minutes passed and she gently summoned me back to earth, all sing and song and patience.

"Bella. Where did you go?"

She tried to lure me back, but I didn't turn. My wet eyes never left the direction of my ceiling.

"What if I can't ever have sex?" _What the hell? Where did that come from?_

I began blinking erratically, hurting from the true anxiety behind the question and the basic concern of letting it slip out to begin with.

"Oh, sweetie, no. You know Edward's not in a rush. Don't put so much pressure on yourself."

_Time to back peddle._ Wordlessly I cursed my disobedient mouth.

"Yeah, I know. You're right." _Ah, deflection. Brilliant coping mechanism if I do say so myself._

She looked hard at me for a moment, finally deciding to go with my false positivity. _Damn. If she weren't spewing undiluted cheer from every orifice on her body perhaps she'd be naïve enough to believe my half cocked relent._ Right.

Ali let her elbow off the hook of supporting her body weight as she slumped back into my warm bed. I turned on my side, ready for girls night to be over so I could sleep away my ever-frantic worry.

Strong, tiny hands found my spine and neck, working the tension away in a nurturing way; a coax, or perhaps an Alice sized muscle bribe, was all it took for me to melt into unconsciousness.

*-*-*-*

"_I'll wait for you forever." Edward promised as he held my face between his hands, tracing his fingers over my eyebrows, cheekbones and lips._

_It was a vow made before he understood my limitations._

"_But I can't ever give you sex." I could hear the desperate waver in my low, muted voice. It felt like I was afraid someone would over hear - that he would finally understand and end us._

_His hands held firm._

"_It does not matter." _Like hell it doesn't matter.

"_Yes it does. I want to have sex." I knew even in my inability that there was nothing I wanted more than him._

"_I just want to love you."_

"_But, without sex?" _You should run away from me before I ruin your life.

"_If that's what you need." _I love you.

"_Are you honestly alright with that?" _I love you, Edward.

_His gaze shone brightly as he captured my soul through my eyes._

"_Yes."_

_And, as if his answer had been 'no', I turned and walked away._

_There was something I needed more than Edward and the force of it was strongest._

Pitch-black darkness engulfed me as I sat straight up; my sweaty, heaving chest nearly exploding from the force of the palpitating heart behind it.

Just a dream - a dream in which I loved Edward.

I'd loved him and walked away.

Now that my eyes were adjusting, I realized it wasn't really so dark in my room with the moon shinning in around my drawn curtains.

No love, no sex, no light.

Nothing was how it seemed.

Nothing, no one. None.

My time at Fremont had flung that reality wide open. And those who continually touched my life provided a different supporting perspective.

Rose and Emmett had cultivated love. Both so jaded and self-degrading before; to watch them now – or listen to their intense physical connection through a paper thin wall – was to truly witness two people coming home.

How could such a change be so instantaneous? Were the embers of such fierce love always there inside them, just biding time, hiding even? But how could you have something so transcendent within you and not release it, dare to ignore it in favor of a half-life – i.e. Rosalie spending the last however many years being a primo bitch and manipulative succubus?

Nothing was how it seemed.

Nothing, no one. None.

Rose had accepted her bitchiness and hierarchy mentality through and through. Whenever Alice insisted otherwise even my Queen Bee cousin would snort in defiance.

And we were enemies. Rose and I cursed plagues upon one another's houses - for years. I mean, come on.

But she came to me the night after her first date with Em and, brandishing a paddle brush, she asked me to smooth out her hair. So I did. And she spilled every juicy detail to me.

We'd always had a fucking dance to live up to - until we just didn't anymore.

Alice was all fashion and party planning and riches. But her love for people, generosity and honesty were never measurable in this high society dump. The best of Alice was complication and vision. She could awaken and inspire a nation with her paintings. I knew if she was forced to choose she'd fill her life with oil paints and chalk over Chanel or Christian Louboutin. _Hell, even Herve Leger. _She lived her art, but people only saw tiny stature, designer brands and inky hair.

Jasper had always represented my rock, however recently he'd sunk us into deep, quick sand. Over the years he'd reveled in being calculated and cunning. _My oblivious and confused little Jas._ _So lost. So not the man he claims to be._ Not only was he floundering, but so was the common ground of our friendship and the progression with Ali.

Edward certainly became what he'd never seemed. He was everything I'd longed for. It was pretty fucking miraculous.

And then there was me.

_My issues, every hang up and foible - could they be something I was unable to see or comprehend as well? Perhaps masquerading entirely different tendencies? And what would that mean for my overall assessment of who I was, of my progress in healing through independence and planning?_

_Am I growing? Am I dying?_

I at least wasn't alone any more.

Emmett and Rosalie's union encouraged me. Rose's essential person was also changing and opening wide for me. With Alice I was learning and sharing. Jasper had me sinking and realizing the difference between strength and survival. Edward made me breath, leap, trust. He brought me freedom. But, me - what was I doing for myself?

Fuck if I knew.

I'd resolve to keep walking until brilliance could be cultivated.

For now, I only refused to stand still.

My cell said it was five in the morning, which was way too early, but I was finished with sleep anyway. _Damn thin walls. _It was like, at the mere thought of the new couple next door they were encouraged to start up again. And with noises of pleasure surrounding me, my thoughts went to him.

_He's got laps this morning._

I only knew I needed fresh breath, clean clothes and to get my ass to Edward. To hell with his workout and teammates, he was what I was moving towards this morning.

But the pool was empty and the lights hadn't been turned on. Green emergency signs kept the area from being dangerous in the grand room void of any natural or artificial billiard lighting. _It's generally not a great idea to prance around a massive amount of water, surrounded by wet pavement in the dark._

I did anyway.

Taking off my converse, I rolled my pants and dangled my bare feet and calves into the pool.

I waited for a while, wondering where everyone was.

Well, Edward and Jasper anyway. They were almost religious when it came to their AM lap drills. _And Emmett too, when he's not otherwise engaged._

I was much too antsy after my morning mind explosion provoked by a nonsensical dream, and just needed Edward to walk his fine ass in here, preferably donning the Speedo that would rule my thoughts for the rest of the morning. It would be embarrassing to curl up under his arm, walking from class to class, with a bright red face and the inability to close my eyes and block out everyone's stares. Because, I knew from experience that we didn't have to be separated for my thoughts to revolve around him. Such daydreams would undoubtedly elicit moans from me the moments my eyelids met. He could – and would – be standing right beside me.

And I couldn't keep brushing off his interest in the reaction. His cocky, crooked smile told me he knew more than he let on. _If only he really did though. God._

I pondered how the automatic visual of Edward swarming my mind - even with just a blink - might possibly be getting worse. I _had _felt more of his body, had more realities to fixate on since that first week of sparked obsession. _Oh, the innumerable fantasies._

"Good morning." His voice rang out from across the pool just before a splash echoed in the rafters.

Long and smooth, I watched Edward slipping through the depths of the lane I was dipping in. As he neared the pools edge, I realized just how quickly he was moving and how his approach didn't seem to decelerate at the rate it ought to. He was swimming straight for me.

Bursting through the surface in one swift motion, and nesting himself between my legs, Edward secured his arms around my reclining body and pulled me flush with his own over the ledge and into the dark pool water.

I yelped as I was submerged, shoulder deep; my clothing soaked straight through.

"I am not a fan of _girls night_." Edward's voice was beset and breathy; only the hint of a grin that toyed with his lips dispelled my fear that he was upset for some reason. Instead, this smile simply indicated his disappointment in having to spend the night apart. _Edward Cullen, the committer. _I'd tamed the beast.

A combination of my silly thoughts and Edward's childish pout had peels of laughter ringing from me, bouncing off the water and empty room. Instead of joining in on my jovial fun a sad lip jutted from his upturned smirk, successfully cutting me off.

I looked him hard in the eye, truly bewildered by how he could possibly miss me as much as I did him no matter the length of time apart. And our eyes shifted; no longer was I questioning and his sadness seemed to dissipate.

A heavy current charged between us. And all too quickly I felt Edward's slick skin beneath my fingers and his state of undress registered in my stimulated mind. His breathing found a deeper rhythm as his hands snaked under my ass, parting my legs to wrap around his waste. I eventually found my voice.

"I don't enjoy sopping wet clothes." Liar. _I couldn't give a shit about wet clothes._

Little drops of water fell from his nose and eyelashes, traveling down his neck to the juncture of our connected chests.

"I like you all wet."

_Gah. _I was struck dumb by red, dripping wet lips.

"It is utterly unfair how frequently you get to see me jumping around in nothing but a plum smuggler and you are always so covered." Edward snapped the fabric of my yoga pants, and slid his free hand underneath my shirt.

"You're right, life is so unfair." I shifted my hips down, responding to the motion of his hands at the crease of my ass and underneath my bra clasp, fondling nowhere nearly hard enough, close enough, inside enough.

The fabric of my pants only thinly covered my throbbing center, so I could feel _everything_ as I shifted over the lycra of his suit_._ I could probably feel the ridge at the head of his penis if I shifted down far enough.

"And cruel." He panted into my shoulder, pushing my ass hard into his unreal erection. _How that suit is staying put is beyond me. _I doubted the stock sizes were made to contain Edward's abnormal degree of expansion.

"Poor baby." I panted, clinging and rubbing purposefully.

Floating us into the corner, Edward backed me up against the wall setting a rhythm with our hips that ground on, deliberately in sync with his first hungry brush of my lips.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, pulling back slightly from our passion. Willing myself to shut the fuck up but feeling like such an unbelievably horny tease. I was more than torn.

"No sorrys." He tried to keep kissing me, already knowing why I'd apologized. I'd been doing it a lot.

"I hate to keep holding out." Edward's fingers massaged my scalp as mine wound around his neck.

"Bella, don't worry. This is wonderful, better than sex with a hundred other girls." _He could be with anyone, but instead he's stuck with dysfunction little me._

"You know I want to, though, right?" _So much._

"I know." _Even more now. _He was too good.

I sighed as he sucked intently the skin behind my ear.

"You're frustrated over my pleasure. And I'm only concerned with yours. How about we stop worrying about sex and you just let me alleviate your dissatisfaction in other ways. A win, win."

"Alleviate? Win, win?" This came out as an embracing squeak.

"Tonight."

_Tonight._

"Water is hot as fuck, but a soft bed will be better."

_A soft bed. Mmm. _I loved Edward's bed.

I'd spent plenty of time tangled with him in it. It struck me inconceivable every time that I was actually there, wrapped in his sheets and arms; astounded by my title: Edward Cullen's girlfriend.

After our first date my theories and hesitancy regarding the most important man to wedge himself into my life fled.

I'd said he'd not been good enough before, that he'd never be ready. I'd thought to protect myself from him. But being his girlfriend had been more right than wrong.

I didn't think I'd open myself up to fall for him, but I did.

I didn't think I could trust him to stay. But he'd promised to never leave. And I believed.

Now with my mounting insecurities and paramount fear, who would save me from myself? Who was the one truly ill-prepared now?

I was never how I actually seemed.

No; never. None.

But maybe I would be able to handle sex. EdwardandBella sex.

Maybe. Eventually.

Why not practice, alleviate? A warm bed sounded nice.

"Okay, tonight."

And his full, sinful lips suctioned over mine as he dragged me down deep with him, away from air and worry and the sound of my thoughts.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: My first lemon. Gah. And of course it would have to be Rosalie, and of course her character would have to go and throw a loop in everything, deciding she felt timid with Emmett, thus having to work up to abandon. Man, I never saw it coming – maybe cause I don't ever read about her being that way. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed my first time-jump and can feel where we're headed; we're only 2/3 of the way done (as far as I know right now) so we have many things to come!**

**PLEASE READ!!!**

**My updates have been singular these last two week and I absolutely HATE it. This recently slowed schedule helped me admit I need a breather. I'm going to take a break from updates and get ahead in the writing. Following Valentine's Day I will be implementing a by-weekly update schedule until completion. So that means, only one week without an update. Believe me, I just want to bring my best! Thank you so much for your patience – love you, bbs! ~RAE**

**P.S. The strip club I was thinking of at the end of Rose's POV was Fire from The Red Line by WinndSinger. **

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

OUTTAKE from G&B Chapter 19 What Are Little Girls Made Of?

**What Are Little Boys Made Of?**

**A/N: Any and all BxE physicality has been written to Colorblind by Counting Crows. For this outtake alone I believe I hit the refresh button about twenty times before figuring out how to set it to permanent repeat.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Tuesday Morning

**EPOV**

I was never more thankful for my quick thinking abilities than the moment I saw Bella waiting for me at the opposite end of the pool. Without so much as three seconds passing, I'd sprung into action, doing what I could to minimize the possibility of being interrupted. She hadn't noticed when I'd strutted from the mouth of the locker room over to the janitorial closet to take a cleaning sign out into the hall. It had been exhilarating watching her, without her realizing my presence, as I made my way back over to the water and dove in head first with little more than a "good morning."

Bella was now serving as a sexy life preserver while she clung to my waste, chest and shoulders – gripped tight and keeping me erect. Her soft, but expectant, lips and the direct motion of her hips consumed me.

"I'm sorry."

Conflicting worry, excessive analysis and lust buzzed behind the deep brown of my girl's eyes. The energy that resulted was positively rousing and left my voice husky.

"No sorrys."

I wanted to plunge as far as possible into this woman, and every abstinent day was just adding another inch to my cavernous need. It didn't help that, while Bella's desire increased so did her uncertainty and guilt over "holding out" as she was currently regarding it. But fuck if it didn't make my blood course and pump with an unfamiliar vengeance.

I knew without a doubt how much she reciprocated my longing to be together in every physical way. Bella was like an open book made purposefully for me to peruse – every page, paragraph, and syllable - even the leather binding had a pleasure point. This never ending treasure hunt would rank fucking first in Edward Cullen's bounty of wonders.

_Sweetheart, you're all I'll ever need._

More of her anxiety dissipated as I licked and suckled at the skin beneath her ear. Slowly but surly I was learning Bella's secret spots, more than I ever would have located and experimented with if we'd rushed into sex. At this rate, I knew I'd be able to blow away every expectation she ever had for her first time. Her body had become my new favorite instrument.

I dipped my head between us and ran my nose, followed by worshipful lips, over the alluring protrude of her collarbone. Through all of these weeks, this motion had become my saving grace as I'd begun to use it at any moment I needed to maintain control. Remembering what was most important could get fucking uncomfortable as my jean or slacks or whatever the hell I was wearing tightened and strained, so I loved her collarbones over and over. This morning was quite different, however, because my instincts had grabbed her out of the air and into the unpredictable water. I had double vision and all I allowed in was the delicate circular 'v' at the base of her neck. It was like my life force.

In these moments, I was reminded, just touching and listening to Bella was a triumph. She had to know this, feel this - believe it wholeheartedly. Sex was secondary, because if she weren't ready I'd lose her. Sure I wanted to play - more than _wanted_, fucking craved was more like it – but only if it was Bella, completely prepared, that I was holding and enamored by, ready to take her farther than she even knew her body and soul were capable of. See, Bella already carried the essence of this man around in her pocket. She'd already penetrated me.

"You're frustrated over my pleasure. And I'm only concerned with yours. How about we stop worrying about sex and you just let me alleviate your dissatisfaction in other ways. A win, win." If I allowed it, my mind would overload at the mere idea of having her in my bed in some state of undress, panting and whispering and tangling her hands in my hair.

"Alleviate? Win, win?" Her voice was soft and high, momentarily abandoning her trademark alto.

And the thought of sending her voice spiraling down into the depths of her range and hearing _her _reverberate her needs and wishes to _me_ in that sexy, low voice she owned monopoly on - _God._

"Tonight … Water is hot as fuck, but a soft bed will be better." _You'll be more comfortable. It'll be real and soothing and indescribable and overwhelming - and not kinky fucking water._

Lost in her thoughts, the shifting started up again, slowly and teasingly. Although I knew she wasn't _trying_ to tempt my fingers into her tight yoga pants, their direction was marked nonetheless. Beneath the wet layers of pants and panties, I traced the descending part of her ass, trailing up and over to tease the exposed juncture at her inner thigh and mound.

There was nothing I wanted more than to finally be able to sink knuckle deep into all her hot, tight wetness. _Fuck. _I had to bury my uncontrollable moaning into the crook of her neck as the motion of her hips disoriented my ministrations and my thumb grazed her slit. I just wanted her so fucking much.

"Okay, tonight."

Before I could finger or even palm her completely accessible center, I gathered a deep breath that we could pass back and forth once we were underwater. Hoping she wouldn't breath through her nose, I pulled us down. Getting lost in the sweet of her mouth and the pressure of the surrounding water, I knew there were very few moments in life that could be so riddled with concern but have so very little reason behind such fear.

Bella was scared. I was scared. We'd get through it together.

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Tuesday Night

**BPOV**

Piano keys clanked and garbled beneath my shifting body, and the random steadying hands that connected with the white and black rang out in sporadic dissonance.

I loved my creative writing class, but it was no Edward. So instead of working studiously on my prompt for the evening, I'd scampered from the classroom and hurried myself into the concert hall with every intention of getting to the alleviation and winning I'd been promised.

Knowing I didn't have to worry about taking things as far as sex really seemed to calm my need to control and prevent, and thus chastise myself for holding back, the progression that would be finally feeling Edward move inside me. _Cause, who the fuck doesn't want that? _I felt progressively more and more insane as each day passed and I remained the virgin girlfriend of The Sex God himself.

But, as crazy as it sounded even to this lunatic's mind, it felt as though Edward was holding back in his own right as well. Perhaps it was for me - I knew he wanted me to be nothing short of absolutely ready. He understood my damn fragility. But Edward's hesitancy haunted me, and seemed to revolve, if not somewhat, around him.

This only made me long for him that much more. He was human and flawed and scared and everything I wanted and – _gulp _– mine.

"Bella. God … I have fantasized about doing just this since I overheard you that day – that day you yelled at yourself about me."

My bra-clad torso was pressed completely against defined pecks and the rippled skin that covered his faultless abs. I couldn't keep my fingers from tracing the muscular lines of his broad shoulders and back or from weaving into the mess of bronze hair that had its own chapter in The Bella Swan Obsession Chronicles: Edward Cullen.

It was exhilarating to hear how he imagined me, us, what we'd do. This piano had been a staring location in many of my own imaginative wanderings, though we were always much more naked in my version. I was such a fraud.

Remembering my out-of-mind, out-of-body experience with Edward that second day of school reminded me how different imagining nudity and being ready to experience everything that came with it truly was.

"About you, huh?" _What hasn't been about you in the last few weeks? _My entire existence at Fremont had been eclipsed by this man's relativity.

"You never would have let me in." Those defining words echoed through my conscious mind, _"You're not ready for me." _I hadn't been able to believe he was.

"I know."

"I couldn't live without you." His infamous response filled me to the brim; _"I am."_

And what was I? He'd been ready for so long. I hadn't found that certainty yet. _What am I?_

"I'm just Bella." The realization slipped through my thoughts and into the verbal world.

His growl tore through the silent hall that had only been filled with a spattering of notes and heavy breathing all night.

"Stop. Just stop." And I did. All thought, all breath; mid chest kiss with lips puckered and tongue waiting to dart out. _He has such power over me. Edward, I need you. _I pushed away the fresh wave of panic that surged through me over the thought of need and him in the same sentence.

"It hurts me when you regard yourself that way. Bella, you are not _just_ anything."

I thought to apologize, but his not fully requited affection for me deserved action. I was tired of talking.

"Please, just take me to your bed."

And my shirt was up and over my arms and being buttoned up the middle before I'd finished uttering 'bed.'

"I've always thought of teaching you how to tie this just so I could do this." His strong hands each held an end of my regulation tie, as he slowly swayed each piece across my chest, just barely brushing my breasts. It was so slight, but even that motion sent a powerful shiver from top to base along my spine.

I buttoned his dress shirt, while his hands held fast at my hips and his lips worked my ear lobe and neck like it was his last chance.

I realized then that his actions and emotional undercurrent were normal: urgency.

His fears resided in me leaving. Walking away. The eventual _no_ or _goodbye_.

_So, I'll lead._

Connected at the waists, I brought one foot down in front of the other in the direction of Edward's suite; a heavy Edward buried in my hair but happily walking.

We'd grown immune to the stares and whispers, and thankfully not too many people were loitering this late at night as we crossed campus and wound our way through Pike.

Emmett's door was wide open which meant we'd divided up nicely tonight, both suites seeing one couple at a time.

"I have things to show you." I knew then that I was finished with my measly leading as Edward's lips joined with mine, warm on warm, and his fingers relaxed at the base of my neck to absorb the impact of his body pressing closer and his tongue filling my mouth. Two hands lifted me around the middle and onto his cozy bed. Edward's body hovered over me as he pulled us up together until my head connected with pillow and his full weight sunk into me.

He was taking so much time that everything physical we'd previously dabbled with now felt new and purposeful and breathtaking. And then there was his face looking down, green eyes dancing as bronze locks threatened to block my view. I reached my hand out to swipe the interference to the side. His lips chose that moment to return to mine. So I fisted that unruly hair instead, tugging and clenching as I felt heat sear the thigh his erection was pressed against. Knowing that was his indication of passion and lust and need - and it was all for me - caused a moan to escape into his mouth. My declaring noise made him groan in response, as he shifted farther into me, spreading my legs and aligning our cores.

"Oh my god." I needed him to do something, anything, everything - No, just _something_. _Please._

"I know." My skirt was pushed farther up with each of his thrusts, leaving only panties to act as my own barrier and in that moment I fucking hated them. Obviously sharing in my frustrations, Edward unbuckled his pants and discarded them into the void that was anything beyond this bed.

Underwear to underwear, soaking heat to raging hard on, Edward rubbed his full length all along me, grinding harder as he went. Head bent above me, his eyes never leaving mine.

He was glorious.

And I had never felt this way before. I knew now that 'Hot and Bothered' on your own was nothing more than tepid and naïve.

I realized I had to have been embarrassing myself with my gasping breaths and impatient hips, but then so was he, if the same rules applied. Flushed and hungry, you'd think we were both virgins and that we were actually progressing towards sex. _You are. Just not tonight. _That thought was oddly comforting.

"I'm making this harder for myself." His voice was horse and better than I'd ever heard it.

"You have things to show me?" His arms went taut on either side of my shoulders as he bucked against me.

"Do you not feel that, what you're doing to me?"

I wanted to explode with laughter at the idea of being able to remain oblivious in the presence of _that_, but chose to keep things moving.

"You said show, as in _see_."

"Damn." I actually felt him get harder and twitch at my words. "First things first."

Our shirts quickly met the same fate as his long forgotten pants.

"May I?" And with a nod, my bra was unclasped and slid away.

"Bella." His reverent whispers sent a chill through me that quaked further as his thumbs grazed both of my nipples. _More._ I pulled his face towards me, pressing him to my breasts and prayed he'd keep going.

Open mouth. Tongue. Sucking. Teasingly blowing cool air before diving back in.

Heaven.

So, I did the only thing I could think of that I wanted besides the obvious.

Bypassing the flap, my little hand slipped easily into his boxer briefs. He'd been lying to the side of me throughout his nipple ministration, but upon my contact he'd sprung up on all fours.

"Fuck." I clutched all of him tightly and felt empowered, not like myself at all. Better. _More._

"Tonight isn't for me."

I felt the bit of wetness that had seeped out at the tip and smoothed it around with my thumb.

"Tonight isn't for me, Bella." I didn't care, so I pumped carefully not wanting to chafe the tight, smooth skin.

"Fuck." His head collapsed backwards, but his resolve didn't falter. "You won't win."

"Win, win … remember. That's two possible wins." I loved how he felt in my hand and I was dying to taste him, to feel his softness with my tongue.

"You first." And my panties were forgotten as a single finger peeked inside me.

Edward's following groan almost matched mine as he slipped and slid all around before finally pushing in. One finger, two.

"Fuck." It was my turn to state the obvious.

"But … I wanted … to … you … fuck, Edward."

His lips landed everywhere except where I wanted, and was scared to have them, most as he leaned over me. He found my nipples and rib cage and shoulders and the damn collarbones he loved. Finally, my lips were his as those magic fingers found a rhythm that made me pull his hair and claw the sheets. _Masturbation is pathetic. No girl should miss this._

My mind bounced around the fact that we were only just beginning. It was all so much already.

"Bella. Just relax, love."

I tried. But I needed more. I couldn't just receive; we'd be lop-sided.

Though hardly coherent, I managed to pull his underwear down from his towering body. Using the only lubricant that seemed available, I dipped my hand down to myself and grasped his obviously painful cock in the product of my own arousal.

"Holy fucking shit, Bella."

I was momentarily mortified by what I'd done but his fingers accelerated, his thumb followed suit and darted out to flick my clit as I matched his pace stroke for stroke.

Edward's head rested on my thigh, as mine did on his, as he stuttered and mumbled wonderful things, intimate words about how I felt and smelled and surprised him. How I was everything to him. And just as he spoke of taste his face lifted between my parted legs and he rolled my clit between his lips and teeth letting out a moan that vibrated between us.

I felt the pulsing of his blood and knew he was coming just as I knew I was as well.

I arched my back, grinding into his hands and face wanting all of it, every last bit of pressure. The waves didn't seem to stop for a long while. But they did stop, eventually.

I missed them. I missed his fingers.

Edward had made a mess on my chest - I wanted to lick it. But he grabbed something and the mess was gone, only sticky residue remained.

"I couldn't kiss you the way I wanted to; I wouldn't have been able to stop."

"I know." I tugged on his arms wishing I were strong enough to drag him up to me, in desperate need of his face beside mine. "Can you hold me now?"

"Of course."

Finally face-to-face again, I felt so very right in the moment. So at peace. But the dull pulse inside me betrayed. That unnerving voice and need and dedicated part of my heart almost screamed it. _More._

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: This went farther than I meant for it to, but I guess that can be expected when we're dealing with Bella and Edward. I'd love to hear your thoughts even if it was meant to be just an outtake. Thank you for hanging in here with me, RAE**


	21. Rain, Rain Go Away

**Chapter 20 Rain, Rain Go Away**

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer's my home girl and an angel for bestowing the gift that is Twilight.**

**Awww. You all were so encouraging in response to my very first lemon. Love & TY.**

**And before we get back to it, I want to send out a HUGE thank you to my girl phnxprncss. Her support of G&B and me is endless. She listens to my character blather, update anxiety, reviews -at like three hundred words- each and every update (always has, even before becoming my girl) and loves this Jasper and Edward hard – in some ways harder than I do! Always dedicated to making me cackle over crazy wedding vows, sputter at pics of Jackson and fall in lust with dog tags. T, you're wonderful!**

**Chapter song - Bitter Song, Butterfly Boucher**

**(Pay close attention to the time indications … they'll help with confusion.)**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

-Saturday-

**JPOV**

-Twilight-

Drizzle in Seattle was commonplace. Despite assumptions, a mix of hazy drips and drops were more frequent than sky splitting downpour.

Living in Phoenix, I'd assumed moving to Washington State would mean the constant parade of umbrellas, raincoats, galoshes and one blah day after the other.

Nothing but the raincoats had been an accurate forecast however, and even that description turned out to be too narrow. Since umbrellas were used only on a limited basis, outerwear's main requirement was ample head coverage. Waterproof material was just as common as twill or wool, but without a double lining and a deep hood you'd quickly find yourself a damp, windblown mess.

Dragging pants were always soaked five inches up the leg - though, many natives worse shorts deep into winter. The women never shied away from heals, while the men would wear socks paired with sandals even after a snowfall.

My foulest prediction, however, was regarding the weather itself. Labeling the King County conditions blah was fucking profane. Honestly, I'd never experienced a more serene or beautiful sunlight than Seattle received. It was as if the sun had its own place in the sky here. And on the days it shined, the yellow rays had a weightless feel to them, as they mixed with the constantly crisp air. Here the sun was an energy, not just a fixture.

So, how do you suppose that I'd found myself pacing outside, in a sudden downpour, sans heavy wool coat and deep hood, while dragging my ten-pound pants through a pavement pond?

I blamed the exasperating girl before me.

Her hair sent cascading streams over her face, neck and shoulders - eyes squinted to blink away the spattering. We both undoubtedly resembled drowning cats and were just begging for hypothermia or pneumonia. Being a resident of Seattle had taught me to layer and avoid situations just like this. She refused to let it go, though. Or relocate, or stop for three seconds.

But she'd been hollow for a while now and so the raking, heartbroken whispers rooted me in place - trembling from cold and sorrow - as I watched the woman I should have known better than this remind me how wrong I'd had it all along.

*-*-*-*

-Late Afternoon-

"You're astoundingly idiotic for someone so "_together._"" The air quotes were condescending and a blatant attempt to further encourage the shifting stones beneath my foundation.

"Bella," - I let out a heavy sigh - "what is it this time? And who the hell are you to talk?"

I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples, trying desperately to alleviate the constant pressure that exhausted my eyes and left them bloodshot.

"When was the last time I said I had my shit together? I'll be the first to admit to my mental atrophy. How about you? Shall I admit yours for you while I'm at it?"

"I am not a proud prick, if that's what you're implying. I know I'm teetering precariously here."

Bella had her legs flung over the back of the settee, head swaying over the edge. Any normal conversation with this amount of bile and fume attached would have been considered a fight, but for us it was just stress relief. _Since you're a fucking pussy and can't mitigate this anxiety the way you should; the way any other dick wielder with a gorgeous girlfriend would._

"Well, what are you gonna do about it?" _Do? _I hadn't been very 'do' oriented as of late.

More like don't.

My inability to fix and further anything for the better in my life was weighing heavily.

"Could you narrow it down, please?" My fingers kept working my temples and the combination of deep breaths and just having some time with Bella was ironically calming despite the tense atmosphere.

"God, you really have a million balls in the air." _You're one of them, G. _Her choices and scattered disposition had become my most distracting and debilitating burden.

And then there was Alice.

_Best friend, girlfriend._

Oh, brother.

"Balls? More like women. You girls are too fucking much."

And it wasn't like I could unload any of my responsibility or even gain feedback from anyone for peace of mind. Bonding with Emmett was difficult, being that he was always with Rose and his interaction with everyone else was on a more detached playing field. I'd have to explain too much to ultimately end up with a "That's rough man, I wish I could tell you what to do. You'll figure it out." How unappealing.

Edward was nothing to me. He basically didn't exist. Not that he'd done or said anything specifically to warrant this reality. But that was what it was … a reality.

And my girls were the storm I couldn't outrun. Hell, I wouldn't even take one legitimate step away. I was merely avoiding, but we all knew it was just a matter of time.

When didn't shit start taking every opportunity to hit the fan?

"Fucking much? No Jasper, you are certainly not getting a riot fuck from any of us. And really the only one that's an issue for is Alice, since Rose and I are so past incestuous experimentation."

_Good to know that debacle became a joke after all._

Despite the jolly walk down memory lane, I didn't want to do this. Have this. Say this.

I huffed in exasperation as my shoulders slumped. Bella kicked her legs off the sofa back to sit next to me - her fingers immediately intertwining with mine, warm and gentle and just like my G.

"Jas." Bella hadn't spoken so softly to me since the polo team party. _Really, it was more like before her first day at Fremont._ I missed her tenderness. But just like the Jas-reader she was, as her kind touch mingled with her words, I realized I hadn't actually needed such softheartedness until now.

"We were waiting until we fell in love. You're in love now, my friend. It's okay."

Not ready to admit my problems out loud, I permitted my irrational fears – the ones that had nothing to do with my virginity or worrying over pleasing my girlfriend – to shift my focus.

Bella's words reminded me of our reciprocated promise and how I wasn't the only one who'd agreed to attach sex to something bigger than lust.

"And what about you, Isabella? We _did_ say we'd wait until we fell in love." My voice wavered from a mix of alarm and accusation, cutting into the thick air of unspoken frustration almost as deeply as Bella's own defensive response did.

"Edward and I aren't having sex." Her cheeks flamed and so did my rage. The idea of Bella finally going there, and with Edward, brought back all my anxiety over her situation. _There goes that sweet moment._

But, I grasped to regain the quickly fleeting calm because I'd already known this. Their sexual timetable wasn't my question.

I was specifically digging to determine if their waiting to have sex meant that she didn't love him in return or if it just hadn't happened yet.

_Love? Patience? Neither?_

Neither.

Edward was just an intrusion. _Bella doesn't think so, dipshit, and we all know her crazy head is calling the shots. _I was coming up short on actual answers despite my plethora if notions and opinions.

That only left _asking_ in order to get the bottom of this.

"What does that mean?"

"Edward and I aren't having sex." She repeated, with the exact same inflection as before.

Okay.

"Then what's your deal, G? Who are you anymore?" My words were hushed to dampen their implications. I wanted them to remind her how, over the last thirty days or so, she'd begun to pull away.

_YOU fucking drove a Cullen sized wedge between your friendship and you fucking know it. This was all on you, buddy. How is she supposed to know how to deal with all this new shit at once? It isn't like you're her substitute mom or Charlie; it isn't like she has many people to go to. You've been zero help. _I was so damn guilty on all charges.

And I suddenly wished I'd held my tongue.

"What the fuck, Jasper? Who am I? Seriously? How have you missed the part where I'm actually happy?"

But we both knew she'd been avoiding my eyes for weeks. If I was missing her happiness it was because she didn't want me to see any of her; pleasure, distress, fear. Now, however, her eyes were no longer the only physical indication of the mental and emotional deterioration.

I'd began trying harder a week or so ago to watch and process, to man up and be the best friend she deserved – less speculating verbiage more care. And even in that short amount of time she'd shifted her brown irises around faster and faster, each blink more staccato than the last and incessantly worrying her bottom lip. And just as they were before me now, her previously tamed cheeks were now constantly stained an incriminating pink.

"If everything is so ideal then why are your eyes continually darting around like a mad scientist desperately trying to crack the formula to his latest concoction? What has you so desperate all the time?"

Desperation was an incredible fear of Bella's. Too uncontrolled. Always producing an unpredictable outcome due to rocky hormonal influence, impatience and frenzy.

She drove it out of her spirit at the first indication. Always.

_Perhaps, this time, she's simply refusing to let it go._ I pondered silently what would be serious enough for Bella to allow such vulnerability? _Earth to Jasper. What's fucking you over even as you talk to yourself inside your head right now?_

_Alice. _She was always there, somewhere - forefront, periphery, off in left field. I was quickly learning it was impossible to shake love loose.

And then I stopped being stupid as the tiles clicked together.

The fucking million-dollar answer would of course be L.O.V.E.

_You love him, Bella. Don't you? _And my speculation flew right out of my loose mouth.

"You love him, Bella. Don't you?"

She scoffed directly in my face.

"I've hardly adjusted to being a girlfriend." Her cheeks flamed.

"And you say you're happy yet you seem to be driving yourself mad. Makes total sense."

"Why won't you have sex with Alice, Jasper?" That we were shoving our fingers into the knife wounds of each other's problems was just wrong.

"Everything has been going soooo well lately, maybe I'm biding my time and waiting for the other shoe to drop." I tried her sarcasm on for size, but not only could I not follow through, I ended up piercing myself with its indignant sting. _Life has turned me into a worried, scared ignoramus who runs his mouth and brings up the exact shit he doesn't even want to discuss. _I gave her the answer she'd been searching for when I'd only meant to match her snotty attitude bitch for bitch.

"In other words, you're chicken shit." _Nail on the head, Bella dear. _But it wasn't just me we were talking about.

"Pot." I jabbed my finger in her direction, reminding her - along with myself as I proceeded to point at my own chest - that I was not fucking alone in this. "Kettle."

This could drag on all night - the complications only growing as the canyon between solution and demise was becoming vaster. In the expanse of our situations, I realized just how many people these issues touched.

_When did our lives suddenly include so many outsiders? _And, as Bella's next words went back to Alice, I felt like a dickweed for lumping her in the "outsiders" category.

"You should at least be honest with her. Tell her you're fucked out of your mind scared."

_What a fun conversation._

"Yea, I'll do that when you do. Then we'll see how easy that advice is to follow."

I didn't want to talk about this anymore, because through all of my own relationship hang-ups all I could see was Bella facing the same questions and concerns and being even less certain and prepared than I was. And the more we talked about love and sex and the reality of this situation staring us the fuck down, the higher G's tightrope seemed to be from the steady ground.

"You'll need to hit rewind then. If we're running this sick race neck and neck you go ahead and tell her how screwed you are four weeks ago."

The idea that Bella had been open and honest with Edward about her own specific brand of crazy surprised the shit out of me. Like triple take worthy. That just wasn't her normal way.

_Avoiding like a timid bastard isn't your normal way either. _Had we switched places?

"It's really not that bad. I'm just nervous." I was caught up in my thoughts, completely finished with the conversation, and decided deflection was a tactic she'd easily recognize. _Go with me here, Bella._

"Then you shouldn't have a problem sharing then. She deserves it Jasper. You've been a pretty divided and distracted boyfriend."

_Or don't go with me. _I loved guilt trips. They were my fav. _Ah, finally the sarcasm drips successfully._

"I'm an ass. I'm already perfectly aware of that." My fingers were working my temples again with the headache roaring back to life and tweaking the shit out of my eyes._ Fucking Visine - never around when it's actually needed._

"Just talk to her." Bella went soft again and I tried to exhale my tension.

"Like you did with Edward?" I said this more for my own affirmation. _She may be fucked right now but at least _she_ is still able to be straight with him._

"He _is_ my boyfriend. They both deserve to get at least as much as you and I give each other. It isn't just us anymore, Jas."

"Believe me, I know." My returning smile was humorless.

"Sometimes it make me sad too."

Alice's bright eyes and iridescent smile filled my vision.

"But we wouldn't give them up."

"No, we wouldn't do that."

We both floated far away - me with Alice, her with asshat – to the future, the present, how they made sense of previously worthless or painful parts of our past.

Bella broke through the reverie. "Hey."

"Yeah?"

"I think we just had a glimpse of the old Bella and Jasper." I knew she meant our "fight."

I, however, couldn't shake the authenticity of this new dimension we'd entered - these last few weeks - which we were now, somehow, drowning in.

"Really? I sort of feel like they are pretty far away right now." _We're not in Kansas anymore._

Even Bella's haggard sign resonated a wearing wisdom.

"No, Jas. They're just figuring out the 'adult' way to do the damn thing."

A glint filled her eyes as a wicked smile crept up.

"Wanna fill up water balloons and go out on the roof?" Her eyebrows waggled, trying to persuade my inner nine year old and Fremont-hating rebel.

"Water balloons?" I was incredulous and simultaneously thankful for such playfulness even if it did nothing to dissuade my responsibilities.

"You said you missed the kiddie times. We could fill them with red dye and tequila. I have horrible aim but I bet one glimpse of that fucking bitch Angela would turn me into a perfect marksman."

Even though the thought of dying that whores clothes and skin while drenching her body with the extremely pungent liquor sounded superb, my new inner adult was knocking on my scull.

"Rain check?"

She smiled further and tilted her head in question, like she fucking knew what I was going to say.

"I think I'm going to head over to Alice's."

From wicked to shit-eating in two seconds, her responding grin broke free as she bobbed her head in affirmation.

"That sounds better than water balloons."

And, actually, it really did. Even though I would be going over there to spill my pride and guts all over her artistic, awe-inspiring world, being near Alice sounded complete.

Childhood was fucking over and the real world wanted to take me by the balls - well really, it wanted _all_ of us to surrender, to grow up. Life and character and actuality were purging us of everything we thought we knew, all the while laughing straight in our faces.

There were all these varying degrees of issue and extreme surrounding me, but even with the current panic I felt I knew things could be much worse.

Yes I was nervous to tell Ali that she'd be my first - and hoped to all hell that being with me wouldn't turn out be a disappointment - but a simple case of nerves didn't cover the innate instinct I had when it came to Bella's limitations. I could handle Alice and me a million times over, but knew I was truly at my breaking point with Bella's journey.

_Journey? _Hell yes, growing up had only just begun.

No parting words necessary, I made my way through the building to greet a forlorn twilight.

*-*-*-*

-After Dark-

"Jasper? Jasper? God, what's the matter?"

I heard her words and wished I could respond; tell her it was okay, that I was just going down for the third and final count and had no one else. I wanted to apologize for showing up soaked to the bone, dripping all over her floor and bedding and paint. Mostly I needed life to man up and give me a fucking inch. _I_ also wanted to man up.

But I had nothing. No words, no tears, no strength.

"Come here, mister."

And her swift, perfect, warm fingers stripped off my t-shirt, shoes and jeans. Already near the corner of her bed, she encouraged me to perch on the edge as she wrangled off my socks one at a time.

Even my underwear was soaked through, so she pushed something heavy and soft into my hands and asked me to wrap myself up and hand her my boxer briefs.

She buzzed all around, though I didn't know why or how much time was passing.

I was just so very tired.

And then I was under more covers and lying horizontally with Alice beside me.

_Thank god I have Alice beside me._

Perhaps my eyes closing had slipped me into a tortured dream, or maybe I was simply reliving the last hour of life. Either way I couldn't stop the motion.

*-*-*-*

-Twilight-

"What are you doing out here?"

Being that it was Saturday and the sky above was an ominous shade of charcoal, campus was deserted. The superfluity of Rosalie-specific personality traits and lifestyle preferences provided ample reason not to find her sitting on muddy grass during a random torrential downpour.

But that was exactly where I'd spotted her, before even making it half way to Pike. After leaving Bella's suite I'd hoped to freshen up for Alice. But seeing Rose completely out of her element and starring off into space concerned me, so I'd immediately sprinted over to the large tree she was rooted under.

Since she was completely zoning out, I rephrased my question.

"Sister, what's up? Why are you outside in the damn rain?"

No answer, just a few flutters of her eyelashes.

Well, shit.

"Do you want me to leave?" Truthfully, I didn't think I could leave her out here like this even if she answered _yes_. The inconsistency of what I was witnessing spoke volumes to even my distracted mind.

This past month, more happiness had radiated from Rosalie than I'd ever observed. Never did she smile so unabashedly. Or laugh. Not ever. Not even with Renee, though I hadn't really given it much painstaking attention.

Her devotion to Emmett and their immediate ease at being together had been almost literally unbelievable, as if they were trying to see how many people they could fuck with.

I'd known Emmett long enough and hell if Rose wasn't my own fucking twin, so yeah I knew her too. Neither of them were the least bit this way before deciding to be together, not even slightly. And then it was like the fucking gun signaled their race heat and they were off; holding hands, public, chaste kisses, private … time - inseparable shit. Not to mention, I hadn't heard Emmett utter one lewd, random girl comment in weeks. That in and of itself was basically a sign of the apocalypse.

And then there was Rosalie's new disposition towards Bella. I could see her warming to her even during G's first week in town, but now they seemed to be actual friends - rounding out the bond that had developed between Alice and Rose quite well.

But this development was still disconcerting. Suddenly Bella was for everyone and yet no one could see what she was going through, what she was doing to herself. No one else knew how bad things could get.

But obviously the blond force of nature sitting in front of me was in the middle of something as well - good, bad or otherwise. But probably not good, since her nose was running and she wasn't even back handing that shit. So that left bad or otherwise. _But if good is off the table doesn't that leave the options at bad and bad?_

I suddenly felt tired.

_Sure Rose, jump on the Jasper train of endlessly stressful women. _Not that her personality shifts weren't already warranting their own poundage in the stress load I was shouldering.

By now I had gathered a serious pool of water around my shoes, the pavement refusing to absorb the puddle since it had been so long since the last bout of heavy rain. Now everything was just slick and messy. Including Rose, who was basically caked with dirt from the waist down.

Her pants used to be white – _only Rose wears white in late October _– but were so stained now that anyone unaware of her fashion plating would have sworn they were originally a dark color.

_Why has she been out here for so long?_

"It is raining pretty hard out here, Rose. Can I help you inside?" I reached out my hand only to be met with jelly limbs. Dead weighting Rose wouldn't work; I'd slip and hurt her.

"Where's Emmett, Rosalie? Did he leave you out here?"

Finally her mirror image eyes reflected in mine.

Blink, blink.

"Rosalie, why are you doing this? You're starting to freak me out. This isn't like you at all."

"How the fuck do YOU know what I'M like?" So much hatred, seething from every word, spewed from her.

I blanched. I'd obviously gotten involved here when I shouldn't have.

"Sorry to jump in here when you _obviously_ have everything under control. Didn't mean to butt in on whatever your issue is."

"YOU are my issue." This wasn't a scream or yell; it was a heart wrenching, cracked whisper.

"Excuse me?" I was so bewildered and my normally steady heart was now successfully slamming out of my chest.

"No, you're not excused you selfish motherfucker." My mouth dropped open. _What?_

"What the hell have I done now?"

My distraught sister started to shake, most likely from the cold if not from her obvious irrational break down.

"You're just who you are, everyone else be damned." Sorrow slipped through her clenched teeth, as she resisted the threatening tears.

"You've never wanted anything from me, Rose." My hands flew up to emphasis what I thought was a truthful, valid point. Not to mention, if she needed something wasn't it her responsibility to ask?

"I fucking hate you."

This came as a punch in the gut.

My sister had just actually said she hated me. And it wasn't in the "I'm mad at you, go screw yourself" way. No, she meant this through and through.

"You hate me?" I felt numb everywhere except for the part of my heart that was specifically reserved for family, but only held Rosalie because our family pretty much sucked. _Fuck. What a mess. _Hearing those words dug deeply, cutting me open. It felt like I was bleeding.

"Yes." _What the hell am I supposed to do with that? _I loved Rosalie; she was the only immediate family I had. She came with me to Seattle so I wouldn't start over alone. She took me shopping even though she hated the stores I bought clothes from. She zipped two copies of every CD I bought so she could have one and I'd always have a back up, and she even kept them organized. We'd shared space since we were created.

"I don't hate _you_."

My heart lifted as this declaration caused her facial features to soften, only to come crashing down again as she snarled, "I didn't abandon _you_. I only figured out how to do life on my own, established my own rules. But I didn't cast you off, cut you out or replace you."

If I'd thought Rose and Emmett going traditional on me had been unbelievable, this was simply completely impossible. And thoroughly unjustified. We'd never been close. Loose, fun, whatever. She had her life, I had mine. That was just how things were. Since when did she want it to be any different?

"Where is this coming from?"

"Where is th- this is the product of you never needing me to be your sister, because you'd found one who suited you better. This comes from me realizing that being loved by Emmett will be the first true male love I've ever received. My dad isn't dead, neither is my brother … but I have always been dead to the both of you. And now, instead of pretending I'm okay with it, and that I'm alright within myself, I choose to hate you."

All traces of her previous whisper had fled.

"I do love you, Rose – I've always loved you."

"No, Jasper, love is being there, love is solidarity and trust, love is fucking support. Everyday I've spent with Emmett these last few weeks brought me closer to understanding everything I've lacked."

"You aren't so easy to show love to, you know?" At my response she stood up and walked to stand in front of me, arms crossing protectively across her chest.

"No, I don't know that. Emmett thinks I'm pretty okay – but then again, _he_ actually knows me. And it isn't like I've always been this way, either. Before Bella left for Forks I wasn't proud or popular or pristine, I was boring to you. And when Renee died I _needed_ you. I asked you to be there but you had other concerns. I get that she was Bella's mom, but she was ALL I had. You were otherwise engaged." I knew she was right, but my anger at the timing of her realization and how fucked up every aspect of my life was seemed to retaliate.

"Go to hell, Rosalie. You cannot possibly put all of this on me. Emmett knows you? Shit, did you even know yourself five weeks ago? How can I know you if you don't know yourself? Not to mention you've been an unrelenting bitch for years now Rose. How can you have forgotten already even what you did to Bella when she first came, how you lashed out at me like that? If you're going to blame, go ahead and stick a big portion of that horse shit on your own plate."

"I've already been to hell, Jasper." Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks, but they didn't keep her eyes from continuing to pierce mine. "Did you ever ask yourself why I became a bitch in the first place?"

"No."

But the concept seemed simple enough. Hurt people hurt people._ Broken Rosalie burned the world around her._

Silence followed, as the sky turned darker and the rain increased. Bits of my heart were breaking as I realized how much I'd truly let my sister down. If I was being honest with myself, I could say I knew she'd always wished to be in on the Bella and me gig. She'd just never seemed to fit. And that hurt me worse, because maybe she would have fit if there had been a place made for her.

She was my only family. It had always been that way. Our parents were absent and I'd let her get caught up in the pain of losing her best friend because I was most concerned with my own – even when we were separated by eleven hundred miles and Rose was just down the hall.

"I don't need you as I once did, Jasper, and we can never go back. I'll never be a girl whose brother looked out for her growing up and helped her to ultimately find the good in herself. I will forever be someone who found themselves through the love of others, and those people will always be remembered as friends, not as the family that should have been responsible for that progression. I guess we make our own families sometimes."

_Is it possible to stop being an oblivious prick and realize the shit you're ruining and loosing before it's gone?_ Apparently not for me, because now she was giving up. After all of this time of hanging on, she was finally declaring herself orphaned, siblingless.

"What do you want me to say, Rose?"

"Nothing Jasper. It may not seem like it by what I've said, but I am becoming more and more aware of my contribution to all of this shit and for that I am sorry. I just needed to say all of this to move on; I think now I'm done."

Her words didn't resonate in the present but rather rang with absolute finality.

"You've seemed so happy lately, Rose. I don't understand why this is the time you choose to heave all this up."

Her hands went to her face to wipe away the water and tears and makeup - though her tears hadn't ceased.

"Sometimes you can't embrace joy without unearthing sorrow."

I wanted to reach out and hug her, knock her in the head, never let go. I knew she'd never let me close enough to try. Not now.

"Rosalie, I am so sorry … for everything."

"I figured you would be. But, I don't forgive you."

I swallowed loudly as my filthy, severe, beautiful, evolving twin released the deathtrap door beneath my feet and walked away.

I'd been to her what everyone else had always been to Bella. I'd spent my life thus far making up for others' shortcomings in Bella's life only to condemn my own twin sister to the same fate.

Bella's pain had felt more real to me than anything I had ever experienced and to realize I'd been an accomplice in subjecting Rose to that emotional and psychological torture was my own hell realized.

With Bella's downward spiral, Rosalie's hatred and my own fears boiling just underneath my skin I lost it.

Falling to my knees, into the puddle at my feet, I threw up everything that had brewed beneath my surface for weeks.

There was nothing I wanted more than to protect those I loved - to care and give and be what they needed. If I'd stopped to look and realize Rose also needed me, just as badly as Bella had, we wouldn't have had these last three years spin us so far from ourselves. So much would have turned out differently.

But, despite all of the "what if-ing," I knew nothing needed to be different except myself from this day forward.

I would never let my family or myself down again.

My soul felt blacker than the night and more wretched than the weeping sky as I struggled to stand on knocking knees and tried to escape the rain.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: Oh Jasper, he is so conflicted. I am guessing this chapter will cause me to lose some Rosalie support and strengthen the resolve for those of you who already hate her. So, do you think she's justified in this outburst? I'd love to read your thoughts!**

**Review, Review, Review. Love, RAE**


	22. Weddings and Funerals

**Chapter 21 Weddings and Funerals**

**A/N: Twilight is the property of Stephenie Meyer.**

**I seriously had so much fun sending everyone that outtake, and rejoiced in how well it was received. If you didn't receive it for some reason I apologize a million times over. I want to specifically say sorry to Sunfeathers; I was unable to contact you to explain that your email didn't show up when you PM'd me for your copy. If anyone missed out on the BxE goodness that was 'What Are Little Boys Made Of?' it's been added to the chapter notes of 'What Are Little Girls Made Of?.' Thank you endlessly to those who raved and loved, your words are my fuel!**

**Girls and Boys playlist is linked on the profile! Ring tones and the song for this chapter, Angel by Sarah McLachlan, can be found there.**

**This is an M story. Please do not say I didn't warn.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Weddings and Funerals**

_A wedding song we played for you,_

_The dance you did but scorn._

_A woeful dirge we chanted, too,_

_But then you would not mourn_.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

-Saturday, After Dark-

**EmPOV**

The timid knock startled me, even though I'd been waiting for its arrival for hours. Where she could have been, or what may have kept her, I had no clue. That was where my concern found its footing.

It had been just the two of us for weeks now, so there were very few circumstances I knew of that would keep her from her word, that would make her not want to hurry back to me. But she hadn't come home when she said she would, and so I'd sat, waiting for hours, unsure of what to do.

Rosalie had promised to meet me at my suite at four. In was now six-thirty.

I knew Jasper and Bella were hanging out at the girls' suite after today's home match and, instead of being segregated to her bedroom while they bonded, Rose decided to run a couple errands. So she'd headed off campus while I tried to take a stab at some much overdue course work.

By the time four rolled around I was bored, horny as hell and missing my girl in a painful way. When she didn't show up I became worried, consumed by thoughts of how something could have happened while she was out. _Was she stranded in Red somewhere? A flat? An accident? Did someone grab her? _Seattle was a good sized city; loud, crowded, full of skeazy scum bags who'd think nothing of grabbing a gorgeous girl like Rosie.

With a few deep breaths, I'd stopped freaking out long enough to train my thoughts in a more rational direction. It was obviously more likely that she had lost track of time. _But then why didn't she call? _When I'd eventually decided I couldn't wait any longer, I hit her speed dial code. As the phone rang, I followed the sound of my favorite band Plain White T's song '1, 2, 3, 4' as it played on from my bedroom. I found her phone on her nightstand, displaying my name and ringing the repeated three words – I love you.

We hadn't said that yet. I hadn't even asked her to be my girlfriend. Not that I didn't want to claim her as my fucking own, no damn way. I had just been so scared of pushing her, of putting any pressure on Rosalie to change. Although, it had seemed we'd both turned a rather prominent corner in simply becoming so inseparable. She was just all I wanted anymore. I was completely ruined for any other girl.

But there I'd been, with Rosalie's phone in hand and … I love you?

Not knowing what else to do, I hit send after dialing Shorty's speed number and waited for her to pick up. Her soprano voice answered after two rings.

"Hel-" I hadn't even waited for her to finish.

"Hey, can you call Rose's cell right now?"

"I'm on the phone with you, so, can I hang up first?" Ever patient and kind, Alice was a gem and jumped right on board.

"Yeah, just call Rose right after we get off."

"'Kay, bye."

Back in the pacing-conducive sitting room, I'd impatiently drummed my fingers on the bar counter, unsure if I hoped to hear Plain White T's sound off again or not. Thankfully, I hadn't had to wait long. Before I'd gotten too far into weighing the meaning of this song being my personal ring tone as opposed to a general one, Britney's voice trilled.

_Baby, you're so unusual._

_Didn't anyone tell you_

_You're supposed to_

_Break my heart;_

- Not the T's. _So, Rose does have a different one for each of us, I guess. -_

_I expect you to._

_So why haven't you?_

_Maybe you're not even human 'cause_

_Only an angel could be so-"_

A part of me was unhappy to hear the pop drivel end, but I answered anyway.

"Hey, Shorty. Thanks for calling back."

"Where's Rose, Emmett? Why did you have me call her phone? Is everything okay?" Not necessarily worry, but something more than interest had pushed Alice's high-pitched words out in a rush.

"I'm actually not sure where the hell Rose is and I'm a little worried, honestly. And … I had you call because I wanted to hear your ring tone."

At the verbalization of my concern my intuition flickered and I just couldn't believe something bad had happened to Rose. _Maybe she just needed some time to herself._

"Oh, what is it?" I'd drifted so far away in my fucking Rose radar that my phone call with Alice had been momentarily forgotten, despite the heated, plastic technology pressed against my ear.

"Um, Britney. Some shit about being unusual and angels."

"My ring tone is 'Unusual You'? Wow. What's yours? I'm guessing that's why you needed to compare to mine." _She's way too fucking perceptive for anyone's own good._

"'1, 2, 3, 4' – Plain White T's."

"Oh," Recognition dawned and Ali had begun to sing the chorus. "_There's only one thing to do, three words for you, I love you._ _There's only one way to say those three words and that's what I'll do - I love you, I love you. Give me more loving from the very start, piece me back together when I fall apart_-"

"Yes, Alice – yes. That's the song." This 'I love you' shit had spun my head into a tornado.

I'd realized, though, if anyone were going to find the hidden meaning – _if there even is any, douche_ – it would be the shrewd lady at the other end of the line.

"Do you think the ring tone selections could mean something?" I'd felt ridiculous for asking, but it seemed easier to find out Alice's assessment than to dig for info from Rose.

"Of course. There's always a motivation behind choices like that. Hmm, well, she chose my song cause she knows I'll never screw her over, and, really Em, you already know why she picked _that_ song – by your favorite band no less – for you. Do you want me to spell it out?"

"She loves me." I'd only been able to whisper. So much hung on each of those words for me.

She_ – my girl. _Loves_ – gah, do I know what that is? _Me_ – motherfucking Emmett Cullen._

"For a surprisingly long time." A long time. In love with me.

If I'd been able to pin point love it would absolutely have to be something close to the way she'd overtaken my life. Ruled me, remade me.

_Emmett and Rosalie Cullen._

I'd snatched that all too perfect reflexive idea back before it could fester. Obviously my fucking head had spiraled out of control and landed in Crazy Town.

"How fucking absurd was it for me to drag you into this, Ali – sorry. I should have put two and two together on my own, not call and bug you."

"Yeah, especially when you can just look at people's selected ring tone in the contacts menu." She laughed quietly at my rash actions. Well, we both laughed at me and it felt good to share the joy I was overwhelmed with at that moment without having to explain where it was actually coming from. "You didn't bother me. Night, Emmett."

"Night, Shorty."

That phone call had ended over an hour ago, but the understanding I'd gained since Alice and I hung up didn't waver as my hand turned the cool metal doorknob.

Rosalie was what I walked towards now.

_Emmett and Rosalie Cullen? _I wished I knew where that thought had come from.

**RPOV**

I was so cold. So cold and so, very late.

_Please don't be mad at me, honey. Please see my pain and just be here for me, _I plead silently with the suite door as I waited for Emmett to answer, in what I assumed would be a concerned and frustrated state.

I was supposed to have arrived over two hours ago. _Two and a half hours ago. _Yeah, but then Jasper happened. _Him, _my mind growled out.

I'd left Em to his studies with every intention of running a couple errands when the gray sky opened up to pour every last drop of nature's equivalent to sorrow over my awaiting head. And my mind immediately began to grind away at the longstanding emotional wall.

It wasn't supposed to rain today. So much wasn't supposed to happen that inevitably did. We had no control; a life could become a freak storm and there was no accessible 'off' lever, just like during today's downpour.

So I'd stopped, absorbed. Fermented in the water as the erosion it caused on my resolve turned disastrous. And the floodgates just crashed open.

I had no idea how long I'd been perched – drowning on the outside as well as the in - underneath that oak, but when _he_ randomly walked up I knew I couldn't push aside the interior churning any longer. The irony of him actually materializing while I arrived at the culmination of my breaking point was unavoidable.

And the truth had flowed forth.

"Rosie, baby. I've been worried." The door was open and Emmett towered over my slumping body. Both of his large arms encased me, pulling us both into the entryway.

He'd never addressed me that way outside of sex, outside of our lovemaking. _Rosie. _Unknowingly, Emmett had just given me exactly what I needed in that moment more than heat, the one thing more critical to my sustained life than even air.

I knew he didn't know so yet, but his love was what made me capable of confronting Jasper. Emmett's devotion and affection were my stronghold.

His warm skin connecting with mine helped reality dawn. I was freezing.

A trail of mud mapped our route from the entryway to the bathroom. Embarrassment for the dirty, and emotional, mess racked my already exhausted shell.

"I'm so sorry." Shaking and shivering, I made it quite difficult for Em to maneuver me between the pristine counter tops and toilette.

"Why are you so muddy and wet, baby? What the hell happened to you?"

"I was just sitting outside." My teeth were chattering and I chided myself for being so careless with my own physical well being. _Why care about physicality when you've accosted yourself emotionally for years? _I told myself to shut the fuck up. I mean, really, I had made amazing strides with Jasper tonight.

"For how long? Since you left? Where you by yourself? Fuck Rosalie, this could make you really sick." Concern strained his voice and pulled my heartstrings tight.

"I'm sorry." I was. But only for worrying him. I'd take the risk of frostbitten fingers or hypothermia to relieve myself from bondage any day. The time for healing had long since past. But I said it again because my healing shouldn't cause him pain in the process.

"Shush, baby. It'll be okay." My lover's strong arm held me around the middle as he leaned over the tub to test the water temperature. I watched the bubbles begin to gather as my pants were peeled off and set in the sink. The rest of my clothing quickly followed and before I knew differently, I was propped against Emmett's broad chest, shoulder deep in a hot bath.

We just soaked for a long while, breathing deeply as he massaged feeling back into all of my extremities.

"I told Jasper everything that I feel about him. About how he's mistreated and misunderstood me all of these years. I needed him so much, Em." I let out a dry sob, as all the wet ones had been used up for about the next two months.

"Bella's mom had been my only friend growing up. When she died I lost my big sister, mother, best friend and soul mate in one cancerous swoop. Back then I wasn't the Rosalie you've known at Fremont."

"You're not really that girl anymore, Rose." His words reminded me of our progress, of my new leaf.

"I know, and I wasn't back then either. I was just a streamline girl. Bookish, too tall and thin, but adored and accepted by Renee. She'd made it bearable to have Jasper choose Bella, to have him love and connect with our cousin more than me. He's never been a brother, and well, I've told you about our parents." It felt freeing to share this, to speak the words and know without a shadow of doubt it was by borrowed strength that I was managing. "I really think I hate him, Em. I honestly can't explain the blackness that invades me when I think of how I waited for him to walk down the hallway and knock – just make some fucking attempt to console me about Aunt Ren. He just never came."

"He screwed up big time." I leaned forward as Emmett used a large cup to wet my hair before lathering shampoo onto my stiff scalp. "Is there a future for your relationship? He is your twin, baby."

"I'm just concentrating now on letting go of the past."

"I think that's a good first step." He didn't even know how encouraging and motivating his sentiments were. Just in that simple phrase I knew he expected me to be the bigger person and eventually forgive Jasper's continual dickery. But he wouldn't push, just support.

And this was it. He had to feel it too.

So with my hair soap free and the warmth having spread to every corner of my body I turned and faced my man.

"Emmett," I breathed into his mouth as I searched his eyes.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"Me first."

There were no words, so I just jittered my head up and down in agreement. _He felt it too._

"I love you, Rosie." He was so sure. If I hadn't known what it meant not to have real, honest love his words would have meant less. As it was, they were everything I'd never known until now.

"Emmett." The last remaining wet sob broke free, knowing only this moment could be deserving of any more tears. This was what my life had been building up to for years.

"I love you."

And he kissed me like it was our first, his arms seeming to wrap around me multiple times - though I still needed him closer.

"More, Em."

And without another word, Emmett lifted me up only to pull me down again filling me in one motion to utter completion.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

-Sunday, After Dark-

**JPOV**

I felt warm all over.

Without putting out the effort to lift my heavy eyelids, I slowly acclimated to whatever was surrounding me purely based on my other reliable senses: hearing, touching and smelling.

A window was open, if not just a crack, and a mix of distant laughter and the pitter-patter of steady raindrops wafted in with the cool, fresh air. Something was tangled around my body, much too tight for comfort, though it was soft. _The blanket._

And I wasn't alone.

Arms. There were defiantly arms holding me, fingers grazing my skin and hot breaths rhythmically bathing my bare chest. The person attached to the cradling limbs inhaled rapidly, so I knew they weren't asleep.

My head was buried deep in a plush pillow and nuzzled against silky hair that tickled my face. The scents of honey and baby power wafted up my nose, lingering and dispelling my tight muscles and dull headache.

Even without recognizing the simple feminine sigh, it had been obvious that the sweet, relaxed body pressing into every inch of my own was Alice. I'd known basically from the moment I felt her little fingers dance along my arm.

She was too good to me.

"Good morning." I kept still while allowing my eyes to find her, to drink my beautiful girl in. But the light in Ali's dorm room was minimal; nothing but the breeze and noise cascaded in through the open window.

"Good evening's more like it." The evening hour helped explain the lack of daylight to my befuddled mind. _But, shit, that would mean I'd slept for close to twenty-four hours._

"What time is it?" My arms felt like tree trunks as I stretched them out one at a time, not wanting to let go of Alice's tiny, comforting frame. Swallowing, I realized there was a good chance my tongue had turned into a cotton ball. _Or maybe sandpaper?_

"Six … on Sunday." Desperately trying to flood my mouth with saliva, it occurred to me that this whole day had been wasted. I could have been spending this precious weekend time with the angel engulfed in my hug. Instead, I chose to break down and mourn and go all fucking comatose. _Poor girl must have been bored._

"You've laid here this entire time?"

"I did get up to shower and find us some food. You slept straight through my trips in and out and the squeaky bed springs. You must have been exhausted."

Worry crinkled at her brow, marring Alice's otherwise flawless features. My thumb made contact with the weary, crumpled skin in an effort to erase the unease I was causing her. _I deserve no one's concern._

"Please, Alice. Everything will be okay."

"What is _everything_?" Her question rattled my brain, echoing all of the issues at hand between my ears.

I just couldn't explain _everything_; like, I literally found it verbally impossible to conjure up all of the necessary words it would take to explain what a massive douche bag I was – _and have apparently always been._

I was also about to wet myself - and unfortunately Alice by proximity - from the twenty-four hour, uninterrupted sleep binge if I didn't find a toilette stat.

"Is there a men's bathroom on this floor?"

"Oh, well no. Not on this floor. But everyone should be heading to dinner soon, maybe I can sneak you into the girls'." She didn't seem upset whatsoever by my efforts, and physical need, to redirect the conversation.

I quickly gathered the blanket around my body, trying not to give Alice a show, as she grabbed my dry clothing and led us into the hall all tiptoe-like and stealth mode.

With a borrowed towel, toothbrush, cinnamon Colgate, shampoo and soap ready to be put to full use, I left Alice standing watch outside and headed into the deserted restroom to pee and clean up – in that order.

My skin felt grimy from the dried rainwater, my face still streaked from the tears. I lost all thought as the searing water beat down on my back and shoulders and I began lathering my hair and body. In a rush I'd jumped into the nearest shower - the only tiled four-by-four, in a line of many, that didn't have a privacy curtain. With Ali redirecting any unwanted guests, it didn't occur to me to care about the seven minutes of exposure. That was until I opened my relaxed and distracted eyes to find Alice within full view of my soapy, nakedness – staring. Fucking, open-mouth gaping.

Somehow I was more amused than self-conscious, while I registered the glass in her eyes a look of unadulterated lust and the tongue licking her lips an indication of appreciation. Maybe desire. Maybe I fucking didn't care what her tongue wetting her lips fucking meant as long as it was good. _When I'm hard and ready to go I apparently say 'fuck' a lot._

The circumstance seemed to click inside her brain as she began to stutter and back away, though I did notice her eye line remained trained on my abs or ass or dick – I couldn't be sure which for certain. What I was positive of, however, was that I loved how it felt to know she couldn't stop looking. _Fuck. _Every following coherent idea had me stepping out, pulling her under the piping hot water naked and holding her up against any of the three shower walls and just – dammit - fucking her thoroughly. Knowing I could and she'd probably let me, and how the cries it'd illicit would become my new sustenance caused my confidence to soar.

"I'm _so_ sorry. I thought I heard you calling me and I _never _thought you'd be um … in here … without, um … a curtain. Shit. I, god - Jasper. Wow."

And her backing away turned into walking through the exit door, leaving me hard and alone in Queen Anne's third floor communal girl's bathroom.

**APOV**

_Whythehellareyouleavingthisbathroom?_

I had no control left to even allow pause between my words and thoughts. Otherwise, I'd be sure to stop my well-intentioned retreat and go back into the steamy, empty restroom effectively skipping all the talking I had planned for the two of us. _There would be so little talking if I went right back in there._ _Unless he's particularly vocal? Mmm … dirty taking Jasper – STOP._

I fixed myself at the door, still on lookout duty, as my chest maintained a constant heave and my mind reeled.

I could _never_ have imagined Jasper would look, could be, that he might possibly put every man in the universe to shame … literally.

And I'd seen him in nothing but a Speedo on more occasions than I'd be able to possibly count. But knowing I was the only one there with him, as he privately washed himself, and then the nakedness. Sudzy ass and hipbones and …

_Oh my god._ _Oh my god._ _Oh my god._ I absentmindedly pressed on the seam of my jeans to create a little friction, clenching my kegel muscles as I did, basically willing myself to get a grip. And not on the exceptionally well-pronounced erection I'd just walked out on. But on my shaky resolve. _Control._

We had things to share, discuss. Jasper had shown up at my door an absolute mess last night, needing me but not opening up one iota. He had a heavy heart and I didn't want to be an escape; rather, I hoped to become the destination.

But while I floated away on the thought tangent of 'wants' the bathroom door swung open and a damp, intrigued Jasper stepped out.

The towel he'd used was acting as a pouch for all of the borrowed toiletries and his dried, but musty, clothing hung from his built frame awkwardly. Striding silently beside him, I inhaled what seemed to be a mixture of my products and his natural musk. There would never be a better scent than that.

"So, now you've seen me naked." He meant it as a joke. I knew he did. But the effects of his proximity and previously exposed body, and every ounce of control Jasper had over me, were completely serious.

"Yes, yes I have." My breathing hitched.

"I think that is completely unfair." I loved playful Jasper, and if his words wouldn't have been laced with a genuine dissatisfaction I might have been able to play along.

This experience, along with the innuendo of his words, answered some of my most insecurity-riddled questions.

He'd _enjoyed_ my walking in on him. He _wanted_ to see me naked. He _did_ want me in that way.

I locked my door behind us as I directed him back towards the bed.

All trace of light had faded from the sky, which would have been just visible beyond my sheer white curtains, so I flicked on a low wattage lamp. Earlier I'd hunted down some dinner food; preparing for his sleeping jag to continue as it had through breakfast and lunch, successfully keeping us both from dinning in the Refectory all day.

Spreading out a thin blanket, I began to pop the tops off of different containers and dish their contents onto two plates. I heated everything up and turned to find him pouring us both something to drink and making himself comfortable for our floor picnic.

If his need to use the bathroom was any indication of his need for food there was a good chance I'd be handing over my plate once his was licked clean. The bathroom walls were paper thin – Jasper must have peed for four minutes straight.

"You must be famished."

"I am." But instead of digging in, he leaned over our dinner and captured my lips with his.

This past month we'd had extensive kissing practice, but it never seemed to matter if it was the first or thirtieth of the day, as each new kiss began I always responded with a shiver. It was continually more surreal processing that I was actually _with_ Jasper, the man in my childhood drawing, and how we fit together more perfectly than I could have ever dreamed.

Never assuming the only human rendering I'd drawn was a sign of any kind of hidden meaning made seeing him that first day of sophomore year, and his unquestionable likeness to my art, more akin to the storyline of a fairytale.

But this girl didn't need a fucking Prince Charming. Jasper could whip Charming's ass.

His tongue was warm and minty as it molded with mine, exploring my mouth fully but occasionally retreating to linger across my bottom lip or trace the edge of my teeth. Passion was building behind every one of Jasper's movements and all too quickly he'd sat us back down in front of our cooling food, indicating that we should eat.

"Thank you for bringing back dinner for us." My eyes trailed from his flushed cheeks to his hands, as I discreetly watched the fingers of the left one tug at his pant leg. _Hold that thought, Jasper darling. _I'd somehow regained my own composure and knew the talking bit needed to come next. I didn't figure he'd begin, so I led.

"Thank you for choosing me to come to when life is kicking your ass."

Jasper took a few bites, looking off into the corner of my dimly lit room. He didn't say anything for quite a few minutes and I was nervous he'd chosen to ignore my subtle non-question.

"I've really ruined things with Rosalie." He stated quietly, just before I finally resolved myself to his silence.

"Yesterday? Did you two fight?" I tread carefully.

"We did fight, and no, not yesterday. Okay, well actually yes, I was an ass yesterday but also every other day, it seems." Jasper's head hung low enough for his chin to almost make contact with his clavicle. Shoulders slumped, I'd never seen him look so defeated.

Rosalie and Jasper's maladjusted relationship had always been blatant and heartbreaking. I'd originally thought neither of them cared and that was what allowed such apathy to perpetuate. But the more I loved them both, it became increasingly apparent the impact it had on Rose. Jasper's inability to see his downfall, his mistreatment of her, and her inability to voice the pain it caused created this never ending cycle that they both had resolved to live with; neither ever grasping the destruction such dysfunction caused. Theirs was an unnatural way.

I knew going into my friendship with Rose that she would have to learn and grow on her own terms. I had only the experience of a sister, whom I'd lost years ago, so the idea of a brother and twin was completely foreign to me. She had been handling and allowing it for so long I didn't know if things would ever change.

I guess love alters every corner of your heart, if you let it.

"She's needed you for a long time."

"I realize that now." I tucked my hand under his ear, slowly coaxing his face up so I could look into his eyes.

"You'll make things better from here on out, Jasper. You can't rectify the past but you can make your relationship strong for the future."

"She's just harboring so much hate and bitterness." His voiced cracked as it moved over the word hate. The strength of her feelings was the salt in my troubled boyfriend's wounds.

"Only she can choose to change that, Jas. Your job is to be a different kind of brother, a true twin to her. Just care. It'll take time, but I know you can grow to be what she needs."

I wouldn't let him think it was his job to fix her. _We can only choose to improve ourselves._

A deep breath of air was inhaled and released in a gust just as quickly.

"And then there's Bella."

_Ah. Bella. _Their bond was so easy for me to understand; yet Jasper's incessant need to coddle and protect her was baffling. He hadn't yet accepted that she was her own person – basically an adult. He wouldn't be able to shelter her this way forever.

"Bella, or Bella and Edward?"

In my opinion, Edward's reformation was a phenomenon. A fucking brilliant miracle. It made me proud beyond words. His about-face and uncanny ability to cherish and be patient for Bella to return all he was giving, astonishing. I hadn't thought he'd be capable of it so soon; one day, but certainly not while we were at Fremont Park Preparatory.

"Bella, as well as what being 'Bella and Edward' might be doing to her."

I didn't want to fight him on this point. Jasper had explained multiple times that the rest of us just couldn't discern Bella's patterns. We weren't familiar with her limitations, nor were we well versed in the inevitable fall out of said boundaries once disrupted. The four of us didn't know her as he did; who was I to argue?

A tense quiet settled over us, dinner by this point had been completely abandoned. I cleared everything away slowly as he sifted through the mental layers. His following words stopped all movement.

"I can't ever let my family down again, Alice."

The cool steal of his resolve was staggering. _Those are words I'd bet my life on._

Jasper had _never_ spoken with such conviction. It made me want to be his family. _Someday._

"You are human, Jasper. Just do the best you can; love with as much as you have to love with, 'kay?" _Me too, love me too._

I was instantly warm all over as Jas sought out my hand and sandwiched it between both of his much larger palms.

"I know everything has been so out of control lately; I can't help but wonder if things had remained as they were if I'd still be sitting here with you right now."

"I think maybe we might have still ended up here." My year of pining away for this boy as he yearned equally made me certain we would have found our way to one another, eventually.

"That's what I'd hope, but why do you sound more sure than your words let on?" There was more of course. Yes, we'd carried significant torches for the other but I also had my drawing. That weighed in heavily on the scale of my Jasper certainty.

From my dedication to proceed, I felt instantly nervous. _Shut it, girl, you've been waiting for this very moment._

I felt a little twirly – head bobbing and hands clenching and releasing with rapid succession in my lap. I prayed my eyes weren't bugging out of my face, but instead of risking such exposure I moved towards the storage bin beneath my bed.

"Well, I've been meaning to share this with you – actually, since the first time I brought you back to my dorm. Remember that night? Anyway, please don't freak out – just tell me what you see."

Slowly I handed Jasper the long since framed drawing of the man that was indeed him.

"Well, this is me in my school uniform. You are so adorable, and obviously have a phenomenal memory. I've never sat for you before. In fact, I didn't even know you drew portraits."

I realized, after seeing little stars pop up against my vision, that I'd been holding my breath. Steadying myself with much needed air I answered.

"I don't. I mean, that's the only one I've ever sketched."

"Well, that's an honor, Beautiful. How long have you had this?" _So sweet, so touched, so unaware._

_Gulp._

"Over five years." The whispered response sounded like shouting to my hyper conscious ears. I think I even winced slightly.

"Over five years … what?" His voice was shock straight through. _Maybe I was wincing in anticipation of that._

Honesty was a bitch. Especially when the bitch made you look crazy.

"Jasper, I drew this man when I was in fifth grade. I'd never sketched a person before, haven't drawn anyone since. I never knew what it meant or who he was but I spent hours just staring, memorizing every line of his face – every detail became burned into my memory. So, when I saw you that first day of sophomore year, I knew without a doubt that you were the man in my drawing." He didn't look scared, he even moved closer to me on the blanket, touching more of my body as he drew nearer. So I continued.

"I felt insane; I sort of still do. But since that day, matching a name to the face I'd found impossible not to record and study for years, I've felt as though there was never a time I didn't know you. Actually being your girlfriend now feels impossibly like actualized destiny, or something. I just so desperately want to be with you, for you to confide in me - to be together in every way. You know I've never – I haven't been with anyone before. I do want you to be my first. And my last. I'm sorry, is this freak-"

"Alice. You saw me, in fifth grade, as I would look the first time we'd meet? And here I was thinking I could never bring you all you deserve and expect – I couldn't have been more right."

"No, Jasper. No."

I grabbed both sides of his pained face in my hands and lowered myself into his lap, my legs circling his waist so we'd have no option but remaining face to face.

"Just as you are, exactly what you have to offer. That is all I need. We'll learn together."

He was embarrassed that he was a virgin, but how absurd was it to derail over something we both were? How could this get better than giving simultaneously something that would only be gifted once?

"We'll learn together?" He was asking my permission, something he'd already been granted a lifetime over.

**JPOV**

_Alice._

She was it.

All of it.

Joy, kindness, passion, beauty - a future I could rest in. She had every piece.

Suddenly my lap didn't seem close enough, I thoroughly wanted inside her. Beneath her skin, caught in her inspired mind, anywhere and everywhere she'd allow me to intrude.

Of their own accord, my fingers crept to the soft skin of her back, the blouse she worse suddenly a barrier I chose to dismiss.

"I don't know how it's possible, but if anyone could predict their future it would sure as hell be you, Alice Brandon." I chuckled quietly attempting to dispel the intensity of the moment. It was time to calm down because this _was _my moment. And I wanted to grab a hold of it with both hands, steady and lovingly.

"You are my future." _Music to my ears._

"I'd like to be." _So much. Everyday, Alice. Help me show you._

"I'm glad." And almost as if she'd heard my request, her head bent lower in correspondence with her words, capturing my neck in between her full, parted lips. Ali's warm tongue swirled along my skin as her kisses trailed down my shirt.

The concept of learning together was terrifying but had been just what I needed to hear. I could show her how much I adored her, but only because it was Alice and she'd never judge me unfairly. Just as I would never do so to her.

Up and over, I pulled my shirt off because there was nothing I wanted more than to fucking feel every one of this angelic girl's kisses.

"Jasper, you have no idea how often I think about you like this." This declaration came between the kissing and sucking she'd begun to administer between my pecks.

"Shirtless?" My question sounded more like a croak than an actual word.

"Shirtless, pantless, clothingless and with only me. I have wanted you this way for longer than I can remember."

_Holy fucking fuck._

"Alice, god. Me too, I've just been nervous." It was becoming increasingly easier to just allow whatever I was thinking to tumble out - uncensored confessions.

"So have I. We'll go slow." Her mouth returned to mine as she demonstrated the slow speed she spoke of purposefully with her open mouth and deep seeking tongue.

I was encased painfully in my pants and wanted nothing more than to toss her tiny, flexible body every which way in search of the most erotic way to see every inch of her.

"I don't know if I can go slow once things get started." But things had already begun, first with my shirt and now with hers as she tossed the thin material behind both our heads.

"Then we will go fast." Standing, her fingers found the button on her jeans and both legs were out in a flash, leaving her in only a minuscule yellow thong.

Fast meant that thong would be flying off in two point eight seconds. It also meant less of everything for her. I fucking didn't want it to be like that.

"Fast isn't supposed to be that great … for you."

"Being with you is what I want. And don't think I won't have you inside me every chance I get from here on out. We have time to practice." Both of her hands bent behind her back to unclasp her simple white bra.

The most beautiful breasts I'd ever seen, personally or in any form of media, slowly filled my vision. Alice was a petite girl, a petite girl whose breasts were completely disproportionate to her body. Maybe it was just because they were perfectly round that they were deceptively small beneath clothes. _Magnificent._

"Fuck." I muttered, completely transfixed.

If I thought seeing her in this degree of naked, only an arms length away from me, would illicit such a reaction, her fingers working my pants zipper made every future 'fuck' an unsatisfying absolution.

"Ali." I felt stuck between overactive mind and underactive motion. I willed my body to take over, to give, but I was wondrously petrified.

Over my ass both my pants and underwear went. I had nothing left to remove, whereas Alice's yellow panties seemed to be winking at me. Taunting. I knew I'd end this before anything spectacular happened if I concentrated too hard on what was hidden beneath that teeny triangle.

As close to an out-of-body experience as I'd ever encountered, I pulled her towards me and us together onto the bed. I didn't want to hide any part of her from my sight, but I also didn't want her to get cold so I pulled the covers back and let them partially cover us as my chest finally connected with hers.

Taut, warm nipples hit first as my weight slowly created the most tantalizingly meshed cleavage imaginable. Suddenly, my plan to enjoy and experience every sensation seemed like a sure fire overload situation and the concept of 'fast' seemed my only option.

I went to help Ali relax on her back but she had other ideas. Shifting onto her heels, both of her hands pushed my shoulders down, flush with the sheets. I could see every deep, hurried breath she took and how they shook her chest, and then I went blind.

My cock was now most certainly in her little hand, so soft, so hard. I didn't trust myself to look.

I felt her lick the tip and my gasp only seemed to intensify her moan. The entire head was engulfed in warm now and all I could see - the only image left in my mind - was me buried between legs, balls deep in my amazing girlfriend.

I heard the wrapper and knew I was about to pass through the pearly gates. My angel, so confident, so mine, rolled the condom down and I had to look into her eyes as my hand snapped apart the elastic on the beastly yellow barrier.

"Come here."

I wound my hands into her hair and hugged her tightly to the length of my body before turning to press her deep into the mattress. With as much desire I could communicate in a kiss, I dove into her teeth colliding, tongues winding into one, breath raging out of control.

My fingers slipped between her thighs for the first time and found her bare and wet and fuckgood. I almost wanted to cry knowing how I'd only feel pleasure and she would undoubtedly encounter pain.

"You're so gentle." She was reminding me she _was_ ready, even for the pain.

So I pulled my fingers away, and pressed inside slowly, waiting for the barrier. But it never came.

"Alice?"

"I was an equestrian as a kid. I guess Tawny got there before you." I tried to laugh, but I guess knowing the discomfort would be minimal sent Alice thrusting up, completely sheathing herself around me. Somehow stars were the only thing shooting out of me, for the moment at least.

"Just a sec." God, I would fucking loose it if I couldn't catch my breath.

She was hot and tight and squeezing the shit out of me. Pulsing. Throbbing. Her, me, together. _Finally._

"I love how you feel, Jas. Please move."

So I did. And the plan was followed because slow was completely impossible.

I could feel myself slapping against her skin, with every backwards motion I was allowed to relive entering her over and over and over again. I'd already outlived my expectations for myself and I'd just never felt so fucking right in my whole life.

Kissing and praising and grabbing every inch of skin I could find kept me loving and not fucking my angel. And my eyes, they never left hers.

So when I noticed her hand move between us, and a couple of her fingers grazed my shaft as I moved in and out, I knew what she was doing and I was done for.

"I'm going to come, Angel."

"I will too." And I tried to wait, to prolong it, but the moment her walls even hinted at clenching I was coming hard and thrusting harder.

I heard her scream out, or perhaps it had been me. Either, both; it didn't matter.

I didn't stop once I'd finished because she hadn't, her orgasm went on considerably longer than mine. I knew the guy was responsible for getting his girl off first, but with my distraction out of the way I was able to watch. And Alice Brandon coming had immediately become the number one wonder of my world.

Thoroughly spent, I rested my cheek on Ali's stomach as I gingerly pulled out, her entire body quaking against mine as it experienced subtle aftershocks.

Instead of sitting up, because that option hadn't returned to my unstable limbs, I inclined my chin so I could find out what she was thinking.

Looking into her eyes now made me realize my message had been successfully conveyed. We were in complete love with each other; our bodies had just consummated it, our actions promised it, each pair of eyes conveyed it – swam in it; any words would simply trivialize it.

This love, ours, was transcendent.

And that was more than enough, because, in our unique case, those three little words had been rendered a hopeless understatement.

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**A/N: Please leave me your thoughts! ~RAE**

**P.S. If you've been patiently anticipating some BxE, the next chapter is your fracking dessert, mmmkay? Oh, and everyone will want to read the outtake – posted with Chapter 19 - before consuming the next update … Loves!**


	23. Roses Are Red

**Chapter 22 Roses Are Red**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer but these character's attributes are straight from my heart and mind.**

**I hope everyone caught the Oscars; they haven't been so **_**watchable**_** in years! And then there was Rob. So much more than watchable. Gah. Oh, and his hair looked like it is growing back nicely, don't you think? If you didn't notice (and haven't been keeping up on your TwiNews), he was sitting directly behind Mickey Rourke and boy, oh boy, has our guy been staying out of the sun. Good little Vampire. (Pre-post after thought: This bit of my A/N should tell you how long ago I began this insufferable chapter.)**

**The Chapter Song - Save Me From Myself, Christina Aguilera – and additional music can be found on my profile under G&B Music Playlist. I encourage you to listen to the party songs as they are mentioned, this will set the ideal tone, as well as the Chapter Song during Bella's second POV. Outfits on the profile as well.**

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**BPOV**

Personally, I felt a little ridiculous. But socially, I knew Rose, Alice and I owned this party.

I could just make out Ali's vibrating form half way across the room; in the florescent darkness her Angel costume stuck out like a beacon. The white and silver mini dress, large feathered wings, sheer white hosiery and mirrored pumps were in direct conflict with the lust infused underbelly of the surrounding theme. Classic and demure, the thin halo adorning her raven array of spikes helped sell the idea of innocence and virtue. _If only her hidden naughty-girl garter belt was on display. Twenty bucks says Jasper finds the rhinestones before the night slows down._

That I was even here at all was a testament to my unrelenting friends. If I'd been left the fuck out of it as preferred, Edward and I would be spending a quiet night of further physical exploration alone with candles and soft sheets, and I would certainly not be wearing this minuscule outfit.

But, thanks to the last Polo shindig, I'd been adequately versed in the Fremont way and really shouldn't have been surprised that there was actually an event called Kaleidoscope - _Seriously, Kaleidoscope - the unending rotation of splendor and spectacular beauty? How entitled can one group of people be? -_ or that Alice was the brainchild behind said annual reincarnation of such profusion.

_God, shoot me now. _It was like fate was forcing me to make up for lost time.

Before being sentenced to preparatory hell, many meaningless happenings in life would pass me by; each one completely inconsequential, thus easily disregarded. I didn't mourn those holidays or events, milestones or rights of passage. Honestly, I couldn't be bothered.

Even before my days were filled with the drear and dull of Forks, Jasper and I had been permanently hunkered down in our own world, highly skeptical of entertaining "normal" notions or date specific fanfare, birthdays being one of the only exceptions.

There was just _always_ something more worthwhile to fill our damn time with.

We'd both managed to skip sixth grade graduation in lieu of downloading and completing admissions applications for transatlantic colleges. Moving on to seventh grade meant more of the same only in a slightly larger, much shittier building - which certainly wasn't deserving of a fucking celebration - and Jasper had been convinced that there _had _to be people out there like us, a culture and rhythm we'd fit better with. Europe had seemed like a good place to start.

It was like our instincts played backwards, or simply refused the already beaten path, in comparison to the rest of the world; looking forward when we should have been remembering the past, watching horror movies on Valentine's Day, going to Mexico on the Fourth of July, even completely forgetting to celebrate Kwanza. Embracing my first date the way I did should have been a tip off that I was in for some serious boundary line shifting. My first undeniable sign.

So when last Wednesday arrived - making its damned weekly appearance - the realization that October was winding down hadn't even registered with my haphazard internal calendar, let alone that Halloween was a mere four days away. Until, of course, I began scrutinizing the ostentatious, silver and black invitation that had suddenly appeared in my grasp with _"Bella Swan's Presence is Requested"_ scrawled across the envelope in intricate French script.

Not a complete dumbass, I was more then quick to their game. That didn't mean I was happy about it, however. _Fuck the party that's specifically designed is to ring in the insignificant._ _Does no one listen to me?_

"What the hell is this?" Guilty by decoration, my eyes had narrowed automatically on the sliver of midnight hair that was peeking out from under Jasper's arm. I may have been ignorant to who'd placed said dynamite into my hands but the design, color and embellishments all blatantly charged Alice as the guilty artisan.

"You know what it is." Rosalie yawed - while simultaneously recoiling from my far flung hand of chipped teal fingernail polish right near her face - bored already with this exhausted soapbox.

The fantastic five had been bombarded for weeks by my continual request for quiet. For avoidance. For the fulfillment of my innate desire to light this decrepit school on fire. _Or maybe just its inbred inhabitants._ I _thought_ they had gotten the message loud and clear. This fucking Fremont fledgling was done getting her feet wet, let alone being thrown in the damn moat every turn around. When it came down to it, laying low or all out revenge, it was neither here nor there – any poison would do as long as it could be administered at an arms length.

Oh, I could handle getting rumored, publically tipsy and verbally bitch slapped by token trash as well as labeled the new whore on King Cullen's arm. I'd accepted that I'd forever avoid the female populous - out of fear of being shanked crossing the courtyard - for castrating the casual sex out of my boyfriend. His dick was supposed to be public domain eternally, don't you know? And I was perfectly capable of dealing with all of that. But that didn't mean I was going to sip drinks and sashay up next to that demented world.

Hell no.

So, when I said 'No Parties' I meant exactly that – plus a few choice expletives, in true Bella form of course.

The heavy, mirror encrusted invitation - feeling like pure lead in my left hand - reminded me though that I'd never really had a choice in the matter. Not because those who cared about me didn't hear or even sympathize with my plight, rather, they'd allowed me to naively blather on instead of shoving the reality down my throat at every outburst.

The rules of this world were still an unwavering golden statue.

Society wasn't an option. It was god.

And this deity driven kingdom required order, with Bella Swan as the fresh meat in its servitude. The load of a socialite, no matter if involuntarily elected, was a weighted, shiny burden to bear. _Damn jewels and expensive paper._

The faces surrounding me had all resigned themselves to this fate long ago. I knew Alice hated these people as much as I did, maybe more being that she'd had to endure it her entire life. But instead of groveling and bitching, she planned and executed elaborate nights of imagination and frivolity. We each had to do what we must to just fucking make it through.

The air was thick with my final acknowledgement, flipping the envelope open and confirming the details aloud; adding as much acid to my voice as possible.

"A Halloween party." In the moments of quiet that followed I'd been able to find and adopt their years-learned resignation. My shoulders turned down as my first indication of defeat.

"Friday." A round of nods and empathetic eyes confirmed. Well shit, they'd barely given me any time to prepare. I figured this last minute notification ensured less time they'd have to listen to my verbal tirades, raging against the establishment.

I pulled at my hair from the root, continuing to absorb the thick black script regarding location, time and dress.

_How will I be able to slip away if the party is in my suite? Will I be able to hide the lighter I plan to use on Angela Twat's hair somewhere in my costume? Wait … what will I wear? _I assumed going as a private school girl was probably out.

"I don't have a costume." Alice face contorted, absolutely appalled by my lack of faith. Rose glanced back and forth between us, her eyes eventually resting on me to effortlessly convey the careless stupidity of my previous comment.

"Alright, I _do_ have a costume." I was tiring quickly of this round robin.

Wisely, the guys had remained silent through the exchange; not wanting to encourage bite marks if and when they contributed in an inevitably inane and unhelpful way.

Even as a passing thought, _bite mark_ encouraged my attention to stray towards Edward's shoulder. Our encounter from last Tuesday had been only fully reprised once, just the night before, and the culmination of being so close while simultaneously so far away from having every last bit of him had left me feeling horribly pent up. His shoulder had therefore been branded with the intensity of my impossible situation.

I wanted to get to the sex, but still found myself desperately and unnaturally worried that it wouldn't only be my body receiving the impact. _Fucking crippled emotions._ Party or not and mental instability aside, my thoughts had strayed completely to the man beside me.

"Do we get to match?" I purred in Edward's ear while both my hands trailed underneath his blazer, the right gently tracing the crescent indentation complements of an orgasming me.

He gnawed his bottom lip, indicating the mark was still tender, while his knee-weakening green eyes dilated with fresh desire. Both of his lithe hands came up to claim my rib cage, his thumbs sweeping back and forth under the swell of my lace-encased breasts.

"Hell no, we aren't matching _them._ That is so cliché, Bella." The tinkle of Alice's voice seemed far away.

Not matching had been fine with me. Honestly, who had time to think about coordinating holiday garb when Edward Cullen was fondling me up high and becoming increasingly hard down low and … _damnitalltohell. _My want for this man was epic.

Despite our distracted coupling, and the loud ramblings of students milling about all around us, Ali went on to explain the origin of the fabulous evening that would be Kaleidoscope.

Alice detailed how at the beginning of her freshman year she'd befriended the then senior "it" girl Heidi Morgan: stunning, infectious, undeniable – she could convince a starving man to abandon food outright with one simple red lipped promise of something better.

Heidi's tremendous power had been focused in two directions – pooty and parties. Yes, the male assurance of 'something better' had generally been girl-on-girl related. And her parties - just like her personal life - had been divine, erotic and unforgettable.

Alice's memories had dripped with awe and faithful adoration. Which led me to believe she hadn't only received lessons of the bash preparation persuasion from this labia lotharia.

"Alice, how good of friends were you and this sexy Heidi?" Innuendo heavy, smirk thick on my lips.

A ripple of interest circled the group. Only Edward had remained indifferent; his focus trained on tracing the detail of my bra through the regulation shirt and occasionally sucking my skin from ear lobe to collarbone. He seemed to hear nothing surrounding him; such was the intensity of his devotion to every wet, open-mouthed kiss. I knew if he kept going we'd make it to a total of zero classes.

"She definitely helped me to realize I'm one hundred percent straight laced." No embarrassment, just stating the facts.

Alice had definitely gone somewhere with Heidi. I was more than a little surprised.

"Damn, Alice," Rose exclaimed. If her and Jasper had been on speaking terms it would have been the type of moment they could find common ground in. Even with their estrangement I could see how Rose wanted to congratulate her brother's choice of adventurer, if not tease him for missing out on such an educational part of his now-girlfriend's sexcapades.

Jasper's poor slack jaw looked about ready to disconnect from his face. Swallowing the drool that had been, no doubt, pooling in his mouth, Jas contributed to the conversation in jest.

"I'm going to need to see a picture of this Heidi, for the purpose of mental image preservation of course." We all joined his chortling, though Edward's contribution had seemed forced and detached, his gaze not meeting mine but rather dancing all around the faces of our group and common room.

"Oh my god, Jas. It never got _that _good."

I would have bet Edward's left avoiding eye that there'd been some whispered follow up question exchanged between Ali and Jas about 'Tawny really being his only predecessor' – _what the fuck?_ But the full length of the sentence had been cut off by the staccato of Alice's amusement. _Weird._

Weirder yet was Edward's sudden rigid hold on my waist and continued inability to lock eye-to-eye. Alice's further hilarity pulled me out of my momentary quandary.

"Anyway, Bella. I apprenticed under Heidi-" I couldn't help but snort a little with my following inspired laughter which brought everyone raucously crashing down again. "You guys - Stop!" But Alice had eventually joined in, rounding out the five of us as the most spirited in our complete group of six chorusing hyenas.

Kaleidoscope ended up being everything Alice eventually described, and so much more – thanks to the countless, last minute upgrades and decorative additions.

Apparently, last year Alice had to host the Halloween extravaganza in the guy's suite - to her utter chagrin. Well, more accurately, being that it was a progressive party which included all five of the penthouse suits - each set dressed with a slight variance on the overall theme and maintaining a copacetic assortments of food and music - Edward and Emmett's pad had only been one of the five locations. Suffice it to say, she was ecstatic when Rosalie agreed to host this year, and wrangle the other penthouse princesses into opening their doors.

There hadn't been much arm twisting – like Rosalie Hale needed to ask anyone twice for anything; no one wanted to deny themselves a night of masquerading or the loss of day in, day out humdrum at the hand of liquor and luxury.

Gazing from corner to corner of our packed suite, I couldn't restrain the awe; it was all actually pretty fucking brilliant. _Remember to never bet against Alice._

Platforms, wrought iron Victorian cages and moveable, mirrored walls adorned our ruby and black color-coordinated suite; still following this year's Moulin Rouge Cabaret theme but with a significant, grandeur superiority to the other locations. We were essentially the main stage of this Parisian Spectacular.

More S&M than frilly femme, I felt like I had been transported to a half crazed, pulsating fun house. _Forget Fremont._ And with that thought I understood why Alice enjoyed this so much; she _was _forgetting where we were forced to learn and live and survive by creating her own wild play world.

Somehow the endless possibilities infused me.

My new plan would be to submerge myself in the freedom of this tantalizing universe. I couldn't outrun myself for long, but I could drown in the foreign things I harbored secret earnest for, but never dared to indulge in - if only for this evening. A little rum, maybe a dance or two and a small taste of the culture I'd dreamed of enveloping me for so long.

"Darling sister, don't fidget. The guys will be back stat with drinks." I tried to hold still but ultimately continued to sway in my stacked platform slingbacks.

"Oui, oui cher de soeur. But don't forget that what you may view as fidgeting the coordination impaired call 'trying to stand upright.'"

"You are Snow White tonight, not Bella." Rosalie scoffed, but graciously reached out for my elbow to help steady me.

"And that alters my inner clumsy how? Just because you aren't purely Rose tonight, but instead your 'clever' alter ego Rose Red, should I expect you to forgo your sexual powers of control and seduction? No. You can't turn it off anymore than I could pretend not to be feet-over-ass prone. Why don't you run along and try to find a bear or a dwarf or something?"

I'd laughed right out loud when Rose had suggested _we_ pair up as the sisterly duo in the ancient fairy tale Snow White and Rose Red. But Rosalie decided this year she was going for nonthreatening and, I secretly believed, was drawn to the happy ending of said fantasy story. And who was I to argue? My features fit Snow White's perfectly – since both my friends were kind and purchased the popular costume version rather than whatever plain dress the Grimm character wore.

Well, _purchased_ was bit of an understatement. Alice had found a website that made fantastic pin up girl outfits and costumes years ago and had ever since worked with a designer friend on the recreation, alteration and tailoring process. What we wore tonight were custom expressions of those online dresses - meaning they were fitted with raised hemlines and cut from imported fabrics with vivid coloring.

"Our costumes may be based off a silly little Grimm tale but you know it was just my excuse to slut up the Strawberry Shortcake costume and -"

"And be something bitch-free for once?" I cut her off and tugged absentmindedly at my red fishnet thigh highs.

"Sure, that too."

After calming the demon factor in her real life, Rose had decided snarkenfreude succubus could no longer be her angle on any night – even the one annual occasion where all pretending was excusable and allowed.

So Rose had worked with the designer personally to alter what was supposed to be a completely different character's costume, easily transforming it into her personal vision of Rose Red: The Innocent Sex Kitten. Or Naughty Pilgrim. Or Happily Ever After Sweetheart.

This Rose Red character was, in essence, as close to herself Rosalie could manage and have it still qualify as a "costume" – in her mind, Rosalie was just playing the red-hot version of her new self.

Whatever statement the short red dress, with an apron and puff sleeves paired with black fishnets and patent leather Mary Jane heels, made was completely subjective however; the determining factor probably being whether the observer had a dick or not. Either way, this was Rose's idea of a tame and tender Halloween get-up. Never mind the smoky eyes framed in thick false eyelashes and mile long sex hair that screamed upper crust courtesan.

"You're allowed to be whatever you want on Halloween, Rose. Even the ghost of your former self past." Her glossy red nails met their fiftieth appraisal of the night as she registered my encouragement. My words were to serve as reminder that Rome wasn't built in a day. But who the hell was I fooling? Rose had been gravitating this way for much longer than twenty-four hours or days, perhaps even more than six months worth of weeks.

"I know." Her eyes spoke deafeningly of how aware she was of her options.

And I did understand. She didn't _want_ to be the same. Softening anywhere she could manage had become a great progression for her. Away with the entire case of pretense and posturing, Rosalie was a vulnerable, passionately in love girl. No more conniving minx. At least, not as of late and certainly not tonight.

"I guess that says a hell of a lot about your resolve. She's gone isn't she?" I greatly wanted to believe this growth in my cousin was permanent. It had become actually possible to be around each other this way. No dance, no eye clawing, no pervy rumors.

"Pretty much." Rose's blue eyes darted around the party as she gently pulled her fingers through her rear-length, curly blond extensions and swayed back and forth to Lily Allen's The Fear.

_I don't know what's right and what's real anymore _

_I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore _

_When we think it will all become clear _

'_Cuz I'm being taken over by The Fear_

These lyrics were a striking contradiction to the girl who stood beside me. But fuck the mirrored wall just to her right, because the reflection in it stared back at me and the brown eyes I found there seemed completely lost in The Fear. _Why can't I manage to get over my shit? _Hell if I ever thought my screwed up, piss on the world cousin Rose would become yet another example of how fracked _I _truly was. _Topic change? _Fuck yes; this was a night to forget to think. _Just live, B._

"Are you talking to Jasper, yet?" I didn't want to sour shit up, but it was quite literally the first thought that popped into my clouded mind.

"I guess we are on the mend. If you can repair something overwhelmed with hate." At the moment, I was the only person she was speaking to, her partner in costume-crime, so she didn't need to sass it up for appearances sake, but her lately kind voice was calloused and I knew it was because the pain inflicted by Jasper was also connected to her repairing feelings towards me.

I knew Jas was attempting to reconcile with his twin. The level of revulsion he felt for his actions and choices towards his relationship with Rosalie, stretching far back into our childhoods, was immeasurable. He was determined to fight for her, to show her his love. He made me proud and pissed all at once, since he certainly hadn't given up trying to position himself between Edward and I, even if only subtly. _If only he knew about the bite mark, _I smirked to myself. _Damn his perfect pale skin for healing so quickly._

"Rose, you know you only sort of hate him." _It's okay if you still kind of hate me too. _I knew we'd get there all the way eventually. I mean, fuck, she asked to match for Halloween.

My mind strayed to the idea of semi-hatred. If someone could sort of hate, did that mean they could short of love? That didn't seem possible. Or perhaps, there was only one portion of you that did either so, no matter what, it was always a case of 'sort of' because there were the other bits not full of love or hate. _Wouldn't that feel empty?_

And what about my exceptionally filling feelings for Edward? There wasn't any halfway point or portion control to those. They were all encompassing. But what_ they_ were was mystifying. Warm hands tugging at my hair-twirling fingers and halted my absentminded train of thought.

"That's true. God, Bella, stop messing with your hair. Just let it fall down your back; don't twist it in your fingers and get it tangled. Damn, did I just snag my fishnets?" She reacted like her overly appraised fingernail had grazed the triangles of her black stockings.

Stepping back to help call foul, I absorbed Rosalie fully for the first time; she truly was a sight to behold. Though last year's mermaid get up had been more skin, less chaste vixen –or so was the story the pictures told - anything on Rose incurred a certain amount of attention and assumption. Mermaids were mythical but Rose Red was a fantasy. No wonder Emmett had embers blazing behind his eyes as our men approached, drinks in hand, damn swaggers on.

_His_ green eyes were drifting from my toes, up my barely covered legs and all across the yellow, blue and red Snow White ensemble I was festooned in. He'd already complemented everything clothing, teased hair and soft makeup related. Edward had yet to find words, however, to convey his admiration for Alice and Rose's drastic reduction of the bust line on my dress. But the way he had to continually check himself from starring at my straining cleavage was acknowledgment enough.

Moments of such respect and control always seemed to remind me how shiny and new he'd made himself for me. '_Unavoidable,' _he'd said_. 'You're what makes me my best self,' _he'd promised, but I knew better. Choices. Life was just one pivotal decision after another.

Just as he'd become, he'd made me his. Edward's girl. Only. '_For as long as you let me stay.'_

Freedom. Beautiful, unforeseen sovereignty. Being with him was so very right. Not at all like an addition, but rather a missing piece I'd never been aware was gone until I let it claim its residence.

Since the moment I saw him – welcome home party, Alice's confusing hug, horrible new student status and all – he'd awakened a realization deep inside me. It scared me to think that what he'd caused me to face was life. '_Remind me I'm alive' _swirled around us as Edward encased me in his strong grip.

Well, if I had to have a wake up call, thank god it had come from the currently chest bared, toga-clad Edward Cullen.

All of these further epiphanies threatened my "no thought, just live" policy for the night. I tried to train my mind back across the sea to an alluring culture perfectly mimicked on every wall, drapery hanging and the glowing iconic Pigalle windmill near our slowly swaying forms.

I was deep in the heart of our own recreated Paris red-light district, intrigue and mystique absorbing into every cell, but the more I focused on the idea of escaping to France, the less revolutionary it began to feel. Even shallow.

No - _places_ didn't seem to be the answer.

_People._

_Lovers._

… _Edward._

Under the pulse of electric guitar and words promising sure-fire dreams, sex and candy, that – _his name _- sounded like answer enough to me.

If my calculations were correct then Edward Cullen equaled life. And I wasn't going to let thought get in the way anymore.

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**EPOV**

A length of dark brown, satin hair slightly curled at the end and so girlishly bouncy, trailed behind the cascade of heavy, endless tresses. The stray tendril slipped over my bare chest, caressing my nipple, as its passionate owner traveled purposefully down my body. _Positively sinful creature._

In more than the obvious ways, Bella held full ownership of me; the reoccurring fantasy I was currently lost in was proof of that.

Pure and simple. _And snarky and sexy and insatiable and _– fuck, I couldn't even state an observation without turning it around into a description of my enigmatic dream girl.

But it was undeniable. Bella possessed, consumed and was even beginning to define the new me – Edward Cullen, reformed bad boy and virgin reincarnate. I barked right out loud at the choice verbiage – _virgin_.

The idea of me as a prudish first-timer was more than laughable. I could hardly recall the act of discarding that particular title so long ago, let alone deny the years of lascivious rabblerousing that followed. But it somehow seemed the only fitting title now.

I was a completely new man with her.

And because of such an extreme identity alteration, how serious every single day had suddenly become. It was disarming to find you've been given another chance at life; more like intimidating and stress inducing actually, when the consequences of failure were as unfathomable as literally losing your fucking heart and soul.

Honestly, I've never been great with the realities of failure, or the weight of responsibility for that matter. But as these last few weeks passed us by - spurring such comfort and intimacy between Bella and me - it was obvious this new Edward's personal success was peripheral. Keeping and treasuring Bella now remained the only victory paramount to my ultimate win.

Alice said she'd known I'd evolve this way, eventually, but she'd never expected a change, tantamount to rebirth, to rear its ambiguous little head while we still sulked through the courtyard of Fremont. However, no matter Alice's conviction, I truly believed if Bella hadn't come along I wouldn't have ever changed.

_Bella._

I could concern myself with my shortcomings and obsess over the inevitable way I'd someday strike one of her emotional landmines, possibly loosing her forever.

I could.

But what a fucking crazy waste of time that would be, because no matter how I worried such problems - unavoidable and otherwise - it would always be Bella's hang ups that held us back from being together one hundred percent.

I never thought _I'd_ be the healthy one in any relationship. _You, in a relationship? That was never an option; of course you never fucking thought on it. _But with Bella I had been able to strip away my past - thanks to the internal evolution she inspired - while she clung to hers like a faulty heart remains reliant on a pacemaker. My girl's ghosts never ceased to haunt.

No amount of analyzing helped me make sense of her motives and limitations, but I just couldn't seem to stop the peace shattering questions from hurling themselves in every far-reaching corner of my mind.

_Does she allow herself to revel in the familiarity of constant stress instead of challenging herself to grow and move on?_

_Is that what keeps her helming the vehicle of her ever-vacant passenger-seat life - why she can't pass on the responsibility for a while? Was her constant frenzy and uncertainty just a symptom of control fatigue?_

_Did she actually want me to screw us up so she could go on being the same person, ignited and affirmed by her principles, never having to change herself?_

_Could my brilliant, unique, amazing girl truly choose to stay plagued by the ease of a predictable, practiced life - collateral damage be damned?_

_Would her fears eventually ruin us?_

I knew that I loved her, but had no idea if she was even capable of loving me in return. But if nothing else, I did believe she'd learned to trust me.

My thoughts picked up where they'd left off in the replay of last Tuesday night.

_... caressing my nipple, as its passionate owner traveled purposefully down my body. Her hot panties shifted down my leg, grinding her dampness there, creating friction for herself as her panting breath touched my thigh…_

_Holy fuck, Tuesday. My new favorite fucking day of the week._

This last foray had been physically similar to the week prior - only ever more akin to torturous, control maintaining hell than fucking first time brain overload.

_Panting, moaning, so wet, tight grip, sweet lips – every set. FUCK. _Her bites, breasts and hot breath left me beguiled. How her mouth would drop and eyes roll back when I'd make her cum. How every time she got me off I could only think of sinking deep inside her, filling her up, and leaving my mark as her first_ – her only._

If I wasn't careful I'd break out in a sweat just thinking about it. And since I was seriously under clothed, with my entire chest and back exposed nay a thin Roman shoulder sash, getting worked up would just be disgusting.

_Finally some good shit_, I thought as Muse's Hysteria flooded the system, twisting and turning around the body of dancer's - lost in sweat and friction, drinks and joints teetering in hand.

Bella was breathing heavily and sliding her drink free hand farther into my gold toga as we ground closer and harder, punching the beat with our motion. If she wasn't careful, though, she'd quickly find out I was all commando, all the time under there. Me naked in anyway - outside of bed play - somehow always seemed to spark trouble with Bella claiming intolerance over my "tempting her."

All I have to say to that is … tempting _her? HOLY FUCKING SHIT!! _I would surly die soon. _And_ I wasn't going to wear fucking underwear if I didn't want to - which was often.

"OH." Her little hand was gently running back and forth across my bare ass, slowly stopping to trace the part. I'd anticipated what her hunting hands would encounter, but underestimated the effect her smooth nails would instantly have over me. _It has been too fucking long – I'm up for any damn thing these days. _I wanted her to scratch me, right then, even draw blood. I just needed to feel _something. I miss my bite mark._

"Yep." I said as sweetly as I could while groaning internally at the impending impossible situation involving a massive erection and minimal fabric.

"Me too." _What? Her too what?_

"You too?" Three seconds later, an understanding explosion erupted between my ears. "Dammit Bella, you're in a dress. God." My heart raced as bare-visual after sex-on-the- dance-floor fantasy assaulted every brain wave.

I dropped my hand lower and brought it between us in the darkness, slowly inching my way under her hemline.

"Sssshhhiitt." My head fell to her shoulder as she drew closer and giggled softly into my neck.

Not a stitch of material covered her from, well, any exposure. _She's been this way all night …_

_God, I love this girl._

And I did. So much.

Every bit. Every moment. Every piece. Even when I was in trouble or she scrambled my mind. Just pure love. Her individuality, how ignorant she was to everything she possessed and how great a gift she was. Just pure fucking love, baby.

_And after tonight I'll never trivialize her capabilities in the art of surprise._ My entire body shuddered as I moved my fingers once, twice, three times over Bella's slit - her moans coming low and fervently.

I didn't want any other motherfucker seeing, though, cause then Bella images would fill up their empty brains even more than they already did. _No fucking way. Not here. FUCK!_

I fell out of my mind, out of control, absolutely over powered by the atmosphere and the total exposure of my girl. Coupled with love, I was an absolute mess.

"I think I need to walk away and go calm down or something?" I pinched the bridge of my nose quickly, but refused to be "that guy" - the prick - so I looked back at her, which was my second huge mistake. (The first of course had been reaching up that damn Disney dress.) Without restraint, I found myself swimming in the curve of her soft, straining cleavage.

_Look away._

_NO!_

And suddenly the dress was gone and my beautiful girl was in only thigh-highs, heels and skin. I sunk down to my knees completely enthralled by her beauty, stretching my hands up to palm both pert, pink nipples as my tongue slipped deep inside her, tasting beyond the borders for the first time.

"Why would you want to calm down?" I shook my head, attempting to knock loose the hazy sex my mind was caught up in. _What was her question?_

The Bella in front of me kept flickering back and forth between Halloween party Snow White and naked, wanting, coming girlfriend. _Is the room spinning? Wait, didn't she ask something? What the fuck was her question?_

"I …. um …. well-" The surrounding song was pulsing through my thoughts disrupting my ability to recall my beautiful Bella's question – it was saying everything my mind was screaming.

_And I want you now_

_I want you now_

_I feel my heart implode_

_And I'm breaking out_

_Escaping now_

_Feeling my faith erode_

The lion was getting free. _Fuck. _The last thing I wanted to do was pressure her. _God, I am such a monster._ Here my poor girlfriend was afraid, not ready, trying to endure and be patient and I couldn't even saddle up next to her. But obviously, support was just not something I could handle in this moment - _unless she needs me to brace her body weight as I drive into her against that back wall._

"Edward, come here."

I could not go to her. I'd lose it.

"Edward …" A look of concern crossed her features, but a playful smirk tugged lightly on her lips. _Pouty, full, red lips. _She had caught the bottom one between her teeth but released it just before her mouth assaulted mine, reigning my head to the side, her fingers fisting my hair, and me flush against her once more as her tongue met mine deep and fast. _Bel-la, god. _I knew I'd never wanted anyone the way I wanted her in this moment. _Or loved. _All new. Everything. The magnitude blew my mind.

The heat of the kiss simmered as she pulled her slightly wet lips back and forth other mine, trailing down to my jaw line. I had her in full embrace now, unable to let go even though I knew I should. My hands were at her hips and thighs and briefly slipping under her skirt to encounter each warm, bare cheek before finally coming up behind her neck and at her waist respectively.

Putting as much meaning behind my words and gaze as possible I willed her to understand my weakness and not hate me for it, "I don't want to let you down." _I cannot push you. I will not._

"Like how I've been letting you down?" I'd never wanted her to feel like taking our time was difficult for me because I knew she'd only berate herself that much more. It looked like this asshat was out of bounds on every play. _Damn. It. All._

"Bella, please stop. You haven't. I know we'll have our time. It's okay." I wished I were a stronger man, a man who meant these words. No, I wasn't blaming her but I wasn't okay. I was a raging, lovesick nymphomaniac, apparently.

"My crazy mind has fucked this all up. But, Edward, I'm not confused anymore." Her eyes were so pretty when she went all fiery and pissed. "And I think it _will_ be okay … as soon as you get me back to your room." And I loved how she never stopped touching my- _wait. Hold the shit … back to my room?_

"What do you want to do there?" I had to ask. It would be unfair of me to hope for anything she hadn't explicitly spelled out. _Unkind really, to both of us. _Yeah, shit was that confusing.

She blushed deeply and it was phenomenal, touching every expanse of skin I could see. _Shall I peek under your skirt and see just how powerful this blush really is, Sweet Cheeks? Fuck man, she's only pantiless – calm it down. _The apples of her cheekbones were like bright rose petals – _only softer. _My hand moved of its own volition to caress the side of her face and neck. _Hell yes … softest._

"It's okay, love. Whatever you want." Somehow my pulse _was_ evening out, but my dick had missed the plea for calm and was becoming more and more uncomfortable. _Down! You love her …_

Bella leaned in closer and I thought she wanted to resume our dance. Instead, her breathy words tickled my ear and lapped at the precum at my head.

"I want to know what you taste like and how it feels to have every last inch of you inside of me. You're fuck large … so be gentle with me, Edward."

Brain damage.

Silence. _All but the cock cheering._

Joke? Imagination? Another explicitly vivid fantasy?

Her big brown eyes said no.

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**BPOV**

I was ready. Well, I'd always been fucking _ready_ but by side stepping the pesky fear and warning laced thoughts I found myself resolved and elated to actually _fuck_. _And in major need of the tension relief._

I could feel all of him pressing against my stomach and actually making quite the public appearance without folds of fabric to hide behind or any room left to engorge in his sex-on-a-stick toga. _He's mine ladies. Yeah, yeah you can murder me later … let me get thoroughly fucked first is all I ask._

But only by him. _Edward Anthony Cullen._

"Isabella Marie Swan, I pray you're being serious." He could only whisper. So I followed suit.

"As serious as you are reformed." His eyes lit up at my choice comparison.

"That's fucking resolute, love."

"Mmm … fucking …" The words came slowly and as if only a breath. My heart had taken flight moments before reaching such elevation I suspected it would never operate at normal function again.

"Shit." His hands went over his face and through his tousled hair. Heaving a shaky breath, he extended an arm to me and smiled his slanted, cocky grin, "Shall we?"

"Please."

And through the door we went; this exit being nothing like the last forced party departure. Everyone and no one could have been watching and judging but in our minds eye, we were alone.

There weren't many words left to exchange as we crossed campus, closer and closer to the end of the first phase of my life and on to the next. _Usher it in, baby._

My thoughts skirted around the reminder that is was never the forfeiting of my virginity that had my mind and heart in knots, but just as sure as my heels were clacking against the pavement it took only two quick clicks to tune myself out. _Live. Live. Live._

Light rain blanketed us, but I was just thankful it had stopped inflicting bucketfuls for the first time in a week.

Five minutes later we were at the suite door. I was trembling.

Cold, nervous, exhilarated. _Well, mostly nervous._

"Bella." Edward's voice was strangled and husky and sent my heart soaring to new, uncharted heights. No one would ever want me like this again, it had to be a one-time deal – take it or leave it. Someone couldn't have such fortune and blessing twice in one lifetime. _As if there's anyone like him out there anyway._

As Edward fumbled with the key I found myself pressed up against hard wood, every curve of mine meeting an angle of his. I breathed him in deeply as he licked and pulled at my swollen bottom lip. Edward's free hand pinned my arms high above my head and I groaned in surrender; at that moment it was my mouth he begged entrance to and I happily succumbed. His warm tongue traced my teeth before passing through and winding with mine; I didn't fight for control – this was all him. I was ready to follow.

Swinging open behind me, the door no longer held me up. So, as Edward anchored us, each of his hands took turns freeing themselves long enough to lift my legs effortlessly, ensnaring his waist in my grip. Not one beat of our passionate kisses were disturbed, but my mind was going hay wire as my bare center came in direct contact with his flimsily covered hardness.

It was all him beneath me and the idea of All Of That was truly delicious.

Inside the suite we were met with silence. Absent was the driving musical stimuli of the party, gone was the active night with its adequately provided background noise, but with everyone from Pike at Kaleidoscope the guy's suite was pin-drop quiet. I could feel the energy we were submerged in slowly changing, evolving, expanding.

Now all that was left was Edward and me.

_Us._

_Our_ noises were the dial controlling the electricity around us now. No more were we speaking of taste and size and fucking. Now, together this way, I missed such playfulness and hated its previous presence at the same time. _Walls._

Always fucking walls.

Instead of words and games and gimmicks, however, we were now filling the surrounding space with sighs and soft moans. Occasionally Edward would growl into my skin and I lived for the moments my name tumbled from his lips.

Both his hands rocked my hips helping me shift down his full length and damn if it didn't redefine what fuckgood was in my humble experience. Resigned that this would be the first of many new sensations, Edward's words reminded me how in tune we were, "That is nothing. Just wait, love. Let me show you."

His words were tender and truth and want and reverence … a promise of more than pleasure. As I acknowledged the deeper meaning, a hushed sob broke free and a new fervor surged through me.

We'd already locked ourselves away in his room, so I guided him towards the bed and stepped back, holding my hand out so he knew to give me distance. Without leaving the wonder of his green eyes I tugged the side zipper of my dress down and with it the dress itself. He'd known I had nothing on the bottom, but with the confines of my dress I hadn't needed a bra either. My hands reached to roll my fishnets down, but the widening of his eyes stopped me and before a moment passed Edward was kneeling before me, hands at my breasts and mouth hovering below.

But he didn't kiss. He didn't lick. He just rested his head against my stomach.

"No. Not like this." I wasn't sure what his muted words meant. All too quickly, though, he was showing me as I was suddenly in his arms and being carefully carried across the room, his kisses landing on every bit of me he could reach.

Slowly Edward set me on the edge of the tall bed and crouched once again. But instead of bee-lining for the motherland, his hands grasped each of my thighs and smoothed the stockings down, taking my heels with them. Standing up he placed my hands on the strap of his toga and together we undressed him. Sandals unbuckled and forgotten on the floor, he pulled us both to the center of my favorite place in the entire world.

It felt nice being quiet, just laying back and reveling in the heady atmosphere, but Edward didn't remain next to me for long. Lifting up, Edward with all his naked, lean musculature hovering over me, slowly rested his aligned body on mine.

It was so intimate, having his skin flush with mine pressing into me in all the best places. I wished he'd let go and rest fully on me; the idea of his weight pressing me into the mattress, anchoring me down was incredible. _Edward._

He rested between my slightly parted legs and I knew I had to be seeping all over him as the desire to move him inside me dripped down my thigh. I spread my legs, shifting my pelvis, and wound my feet over his calves. This brought us so close: mouth to tongue, breasts to chest, fire to velvet.

His lips traveled Edward down my body and finally – _god finally_ – his tongue was inside me - deep, seeking, direct. I was floating away in an out of body experience as one of his fingers came up to tease my entrance.

"Please, Edward. Please."

"I love it when you say my name." Two fingers chose to reward me instead of the mocking, measly one. _Hell if anything will prepare me for all of you, mister._

His rhythm and pressure were divine. Edward sucked each of my lips individually, nibbling lightly and driving me wild - my head thrashed and nails clawed at the pillow top. Those expert fingers coiled and pumped, increasing in speed just as his tongue dove at my clit.

"God. Oh, shit-fuck Edward." His green eyes bore into mine as they glistened between my legs, mixing with my already favorite image of his face nestled and his hair in heavenly disarray. _Just how I imagined you since the beginning._

I was one subtle pressure change away from plummeting when Edward slowed everything he was doing and shot up to my mouth, covering my lips with his, the wet and taste of myself everywhere his tongue explored.

Before frustration could hit, he was rolling me onto him sliding my knees forward and lifting my shoulders. The look in his eyes as he took in every inch of me, straddling him fully - hair a mess, cheeks no doubt flaming – was of undiluted and incomparable adoration.

"When your cheeks blush red it's my favorite." He moved to draw me to him again but I was out of his grasp, slinking down and pulling the tip of his very hard cock into my mouth before he maneuvered me away.

"Oh, Bella." His surprise was my delight. Edward's smooth, taunt skin, the pulse beneath and the ridge of his head … I loved doing this. I couldn't quite pull all of him into my mouth and as it was he was gliding down my throat, hitting the back every once in a while.

"Love … shit … that feels incredible. No one's ever taken me so deeply." I pulled up and met his eyes. I didn't feel coy, and I didn't want to have his dick away from my mouth for long, but - I don't know – it needed to be said. This was a huge fucking deal. I didn't want to pretend it wasn't and forget any moment of this.

"No one's ever _taken me_ period."

"Fuck." And we were a whirlwind. On my back again I felt his tongue lapping and hands heaving the weight of my breasts, quickly pinching my nipples in a shocking mix of pleasure and pain. And then he was above me, nuzzling my neck with his nose, kissing me fully on the lips and pressing his condom clad head into my entrance.

Slowly he found my barrier and as he held me in preparation, forming his sweet lips to mine, it was all so different than I thought it would be. I somehow assumed that in the heat of the moment _the_ Edward Cullen would surface - how my thoughts had led me so far astray, when every other encounter between us had never resembling his former ways, I didn't understand – but now, at this precise juncture I saw everything he'd put up with in me. Everything he'd become for me; Edward's patience and the difficult paces I'd required hadn't scared him away but only made him care and reach out more.

With one breath and a whisper of my name – _my Isabella_ – from his lips he pushed through.

It did hurt. But not badly, so I took a second, found his eyes and slowly pulled him deeper until I was full and then I pulled farther still, because my man was huge.

And it was just us. Fully caught up. His eyes were hooded but moist and his ragged breathing paused for a subtle gulp, the muscles in his neck straining, as he moved for the first time. He knew I was okay because my face and body told him so.

Edward picked up speed and I joined his rhythm, slow and purposefully, wrought with meaning.

"This isn't fucking, Edward." I whispered into his lips, his head bowed to remain forehead to forehead.

"I know it isn't, I know." His arms were shaking and I thought it was because he was trying not to squish me, but his legs were trembling a bit as well and he wasn't alone. We were subtly quaking together.

"I don't know … I'm … I don't know. I think I'm scared." It was so much. My mind flooded with our actions and who he was and who being with him had made me. My finger was dying to point out just what those Edward feeling were … the all encompassing ones.

"I've never made love to anyone before either, I'm scared too." _Made love. _I met his motion quickly wanting to feel the brush of our pelvises at that moment, for that was the closest we could physically be. I needed him next to me as I was transported into my wildest dreams, knowing I could never get close enough but aware that I'd likely die trying.

"Edward, it's not the same thing," I mewled, but my words were superfluous. I knew he understood. Somehow this _was_ his first – I was his first. And the light broke and my finger zeroed in. _I do … it's there … I do._

"For me it is, Bella. The person I am now is new and only for you." And this truth, expressed in passionate grunts and breathlessness, was our oxygen. Our rhythm was increasing and so powerful that my toes curled and I held onto him for dear life as the tears streamed down my cheeks. _Life._

"I love you, Bella." _He does … it's everywhere … he loves me._

"I love you, too. I do." _I do, it's there … right there. _My heart had found perfect clarity.

"I do," I whispered again.

Over and over he thrust and I followed, coming together. Literally, figuratively. _Together._

"Edward."

"Bella."

We were loud in our avowal of the other, because we were all the other was consumed with. We breathed as one, settling down, as he slowly wound us up in the sheets. We stared eye to eye until Edward's lashes ghosted towards his still damp cheeks, finally closing.

"I do," I mouthed into the warm room, careful not to make any noise that would disrupt the man coiled in my arms and our perfect comfort.

I'd said it before, for him, for me. This repeat was for my thoughts. They'd held tight on the back burner while I showed Edward my love, fully, but I knew they'd return with a vengeance and sooner than I'd like.

_Please, not tonight, _I prayed silently, for this night was full enough.

And I was brimming, being _in_ love and having _made_ love to Edward. It felt like I'd been given the only fitting life vest after assuming I'd certainly sink to my death.

Edward was that life vest.

_My love. My life. My savior._

Yet, as I drifted off it was unmistakable - the water, the pressure, the certain death were all rushing once more in my direction. I could feel it around me as my mind opened me up to my dreams and my subconscious couldn't turn the forbidden thoughts away.

_Love means need. Need means forfeiting control and weakness. Weakness means pain and abandonment._

… _Everyone is a passing ship._

My dreams were a haunting whisper, but I clung to their principalities anyway.

Even asleep I felt my whole self fortifying once more. _Self-preservation at all costs. Walls. Protection._

In the corner of my mind, obviously reserved for the fabled "sort of love", I wondered what these walls would cost me, as if by some stroke of luck I had another choice. But the wondering was useless and answer quite simple and familiar – the cost would be _everything_. And I would pay it.

I would pay it.

I would.

_But, I do, _my heart screamed.

_Yes, well, that would be the cost,_ my mind countered.

This battle of wills played on through the night, as steadfast arms held me, until the morning crashed in and pulled the life vest away.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: I would truly, honestly, absolutely appreciate hearing your thoughts on this update and the over all progression of Girls and Boys. Which character's do you connect with, who do you still need more information on to understand? Is there and Outtake you're dying for? Sometimes these question, as well as countless others, take over my thoughts and make me wonder endlessly what you all think. I have so many readers (cause you guys are amazing) who have G&B on alert but I don't receive feedback from more than 1-10% of you - lots to wonder about indeed. I want to be that writer who doesn't write for reviews, but I guess after a particularly hard chapter all an author really wants to know is how it came off and how to go farther, write better – for you. :)**

**I don't know if I'd be motivated to push through if I didn't have those of you who are so dedicated and encouraging every single update! When I write, I think of what you request and enjoy and try to fit it all in. I really do appreciate every single one of you to an insurmountable degree! Special acknowledgment must be paid to Hollibell who single handedly pulled me out of my writers funk by beginning G&B this last week and leaving me her thoughts as she read. Seriously, thank you!**

**Until next chapter and with love, RAE**

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OUTTAKE from G&B Chapter 22 Roses Are Red

**Lavender's Blue**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM. **

**The chapter song, Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, can be found on the profile. **

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Roses are red

Lavender's blue

If you will have me

I will have you

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**EPOV**

Without question, I was now a man who understood what it meant to be undone.

All traces of my trademark pride and self-conscious concern only survived in the realization that the priceless gift outstretched beneath me - absorbing my weight, accepting my intrusion - was finally _all_ for me. I would give for her, touch, breath, live every second of this time fulfilling my promise to show Bella just how incomparably I could please her, how uniquely I would treasure her.

With that in mind - and knowing Bella's first truly vulnerable moment of tonight would be best experienced laying back in warm blankets – I'd abandoned my generic and seedy dance floor fantasy. _Stockings, shoes, over-fucking-rated. _But I had needed her naked - completely - to feel her skin all over mine. Such a task proved itself to be too easy.

Now, as my erection settled between her slightly parted legs and magnetized itself to her wet heat, my tongue began inside her mouth what it was about to venture downward and unleash for the first time. _Bella's first time. My first as well … mmm. _And the fully formed thought of tasting her had me sliding down her body while my mental focus raced off in a million separate directions.

The contrast between our bodies was maddening. Everything I came in contact with that belonged to this petite woman shorted out my calm and lit a fury of need in the pit of my stomach. I could feel the weight of her heavy lids - stormy brown eyes searing into mine from underneath a flutter of eyelashes - emanating urgency. The lower I traveled the better I was assaulted by the scent of her bouquet. The satin of her alabaster skin was so tender beneath the calluses of my relentless, ivory striking fingers and slippery against my own hairless flat chest and stomach. How vastly, remarkably, intoxicatingly different we were. _Rough, smooth. Big, small. Worst, best._

I cupped a palm around each inner thigh and spread Bella open before me, my eyes rolling slightly back as her undiluted fragrance crashed over me and so much pink and wet and just _Bella _invited me in.

My tongue was primal in its attempt to taste and delight and revel. I couldn't even fully grasp what was happening before my name was tumbling from Bella's other lips and my voice found its own way to express how fucking amazing it was to be the one here with her, owner to the name she cried out in ecstasy, plunging my fingers into her entrance and burring my nose in warm paradise. My mind wasn't inspiring these actions; no, consuming Bella for all she was worth – well, not actually a fraction of her worth, but doing it well and good – was instinctual, practiced, old hat per se. But I loved her and the caressing ministrations and raw hunger urging me to burrow deeper, drawing from the erotic reality it wasn't anyone else and it was her first time, was insurmountable.

Peering up at her, all my thoughts zeroed in on the message transcribed on my girl's face. She was enjoying me so much – perhaps not quite as much as I was currently enjoying her, but the pleasure apparent in her eyes and the way she'd begun grinding her sex into my fingers and face sent a cocky grin straight to my lips and a rush of blood to my straining cock. _I still have so much left to show you, love. _

So, I rethought my objective and kissed her. I'd missed her mouth, crazy as it sounds. Plus, I'd seen her cum on my fingers before, and though that sight would never get old I had a more serious dilemma raging below. I _needed _to be inside her.

I pulled her above me, knowing full well the sight of Bella sliding down my shaft for the first time ever, before flipping her over and making love to her, would be the supreme moment of my life - second only to hearing her genuine utterance of 'I love you' one day.

Bella straddled me tightly around the waist as she sought out the friction she so needed. Her breasts were heaving slightly, strands of her hair curling around the perfect peeks accentuating her pebbled nipples. Somehow her blush had crept down between the valley there and my eyes followed the path it made over her collarbones, up her long neck and bursting across her cheeks.

"When your cheeks blush red it's my favorite." And there wasn't a truer statement, though I'd never seen her so effected before. I can't say it insulted me.

I was about to pull Bella up, effectively positioning her for landing when she escaped my grasp and sucked the head of my dick right between her pouty lips. I had no desire, or ability, to rip my gaze from the disappearing act unfolding before my disbelieving eyes as more and more of my hardness was engulfed by her hot little mouth. But I couldn't actually say little, could I, being that she had the majority of my good fella all the way in, fucking hitting the back of her throat without so much as a sharp intake of breath, gag or even the customarily brief panicked expression. Bella was superb and blowing my motherfucking mind and cock simultaneously.

My thoughts continued to shout out the incoherencies I refused to let pass my lips, knowing they were in no way void of the vulgarity I'd often associated with forgotten fucks. _Past, present._ I'd go to heaven before I refused to refrain from all forms of dirty talk with the pretty good girl hollowing her cheeks for my pleasure. But that verbose display would come when I could take her hard, when our lovemaking could stretch the boundaries of gentle and sweet. _Fast, slow._ Tonight, I didn't want there to be any doubt as to my feelings, my intentions. I loved my Bella. And, god, she was so damn good at this.

"Love … shit … that feels incredible. No one's ever taken me so deeply." _This mouth is mine_, my inner monologue growled.

Our eyes locked as she quickly pulled back successfully unleashing the animal within me at her words. "No one's ever _taken me_ period."

_Last, first._

_All. _

Everything.

_Fuck. _

"Fuck." Without delay, I had her on her back, my tongue lapping into action between her legs - as images of my virgin Bella taking me to the hilt scrambled my mind - and my fingers outfitted a condom one handedly while the other reached out to connect with every part of her it could find.

Our bodies aligned in every way as I guided myself into her, dying for this painful part to be through and the pleasure to carry my girl away, with only me beside her. _Inside her._

Below me, around me, Bella was beauty reincarnate, her eyes alight and lip clenched tight between her teeth, as I pushed with just enough force to make it beyond her barrier. _So beautiful. _I kissed her lips and cradled her neck, hating myself for the pain but growing in devotion towards her as my first steps in marking her as mine were underway.

_Undone for you. New for you. All for you, my Isabella. _

I was straining to patiently refrain from motion when I felt her hips rise up, adjusting carefully, and gradually her pelvis brushed against mine.

And then I was. Inside.

There could be no diminishing the sheer magnitude of this act, not for a lifetime, and I was doing my best to invite her to revel in the enormity with me. But my fucking world spun on its axis, submerged in the moment of absolute contact and I could feel the tears prick.

A smooth motherfucker plays tears off as an allergic reaction or the occasional wind induced hazard of a stray something or other blowing into their eye – given that he is somewhere wind would make for a viable excuse.

But "smooth" was escaping me as my eyes began to fill up and I just couldn't manage to give a damn.

So _this _was undone.

Me together with Bella …. completely complete.

This was Edward Cullen losing himself forever and finding his self evermore in _her_.

_God. _My love seemed to pour out as I moved over her, kissing her forehead and tangling my free hand in the hair at the base of her neck, thanking all the fucking stars that no one would ever know what a whipped effer I'd become and failed to worry over.

"This isn't fucking, Edward." _No, Bella, this is love. _I was a trembling, crying fool, but in that I wasn't alone.

"I know it isn't, I know." She felt so amazing, so tight, untainted, made to be stretched and worshiped and taught by me. If I had to drag around my former life's shit forever just to be able to be what she needed in this moment, lead her in this way, fuck it – I could do that. Just as long as she would always be this near.

"I don't know … I'm … I don't know. I think I'm scared." _God, baby, me too._ I wanted her to accept my understanding, no matter how minute.

"I've never made love to anyone before either; I'm scared too." Her wide eyes didn't relax; instead they darted to mine and prodded, seeking specific answers. I only had one. _I love you. _

"Edward, it's not the same thing."

Perhaps it was the tender shifting I was inflicting on both of us, as I pulled out and pushed back almost languidly, while I attempted to quell the urge to explode. I could have cum many different times already if I'd only stopped to think of our explicit actions, of my finally filling Bella. But my love was what consumed me now, seeping out quickly, dying to be unfurled; my voice would no doubt escape soon. _She needs to know. _

_Compulsory, voluntary._

"For me it is, Bella. The person I am now is new and only for you." Her gaze was sparkling and her long, smooth legs tightening around me more with each syllable. My pace quickened as her tears ran into her hair. _I love you …_"I love you, Bella."

And I didn't regret my words, no matter if we were having sex. She _needed_ to feel this in all its brilliant honesty.

"I love you, too. I do." But it had been there in her responding smile where she'd told me first.

I had been wrong; _this_ was being inside. _This_ was being undone. _This_ felt like arriving, as if I'd finally found the right answer.

"I do," she whispered once more into my shoulder, where my own tears had cascaded, as I wrapped an arm fully around her and leveraged myself with the other using the headboard, finally bringing us home.

"Edward." I knew she could feel the depth I was exploring within her and the friction of my pubic bone grazing her clit at the convergence of this angle.

"Bella." Pulsing around me, beating our very own melody, Bella rocked my resolve as her walls pulled me farther in, just begging me to join her.

So I did.

_Lost, found._

I remained inside her as I transitioned us under the covers, finally discarding the mess before pulling her into me.

Her embrace overtook my consciousness. Her love engulfed my doubt.

My whole heart now belonged to this girl - as far as verbal declarations solidified it for her, because I'd known this to be true for a long time already. What more she'd accept was to be seen.

But, whatever the future held, Isabella Marie Swan loved me today. Everything told me so, including her words.

_End, beginning. _

I couldn't help but marvel over how much more there was for us. _Endlessly us._ Complete in our polar differences.

And I vowed, as my thoughts turned over into dreams, that as long as she would have me I would be having all of her.

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**A/N: Edward is such a sap. So in love. I just hope that on top of his ability to love fiercely he is also able to remain strong. Thank you for reading!~RAE**


	24. For Want of a Nail

**Chapter 23 For Want of A Nail**

**A/N: I do not own Twilight.**

**Thank you to everyone who went out of their way to leave feedback on Roses Are Red; I adore you!**

**I just might die over how long I've kept you waiting for this update.**

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**Before G&B Continues …**

(_Skip this if you completely understand Bella's character and motivation._)

I just need to say that I think we've all been a bit desensitized by pain and suffering due to the onslaught of mature, topically heinous and graphic stories in our ficdom. Quite a few of my fabulous readers do not understand what Bella's deal is, why she is so broken. And although she is purposefully written to express her confusion, thus being a confusing character to follow, I am a bit at a loss as how to better explain it. That she never had a present father, a mother who died suddenly and without warning and was then shipped to live with said father is not something a sixteen year old can handle well, if at all. Especially not one that has a personality like Bella's. Not to mention, besides with Jasper, Bella has always felt alien to this world – never quite finding a place to fit. I feel like I have sort of exhausted these details, so, I now find myself overwhelmed with how to better stress that Bella has severe abandonment issues and thus chosen to deal with them inside of herself in an unhealthy fashion that a delicious treat – even one as perfect as Edward – cannot magically eradicate. I will continue to explain and expound as best I can as the story continues, but I implore you to relate – I personally cannot fathom losing my parents and although the pain is of a completely different nature than suicidal depression, mental conditions, rape or any similar life horror, it still holds validity as a shattering loss and, for Bella, has stunted her ability to trust, relinquish control and form dependencies. Her issues, as you probably gather, are not would up in the act of sex but from what it will mean after such vulnerability had been relinquished.

I truly despise having to explain myself outside of the story this way, but I desperately want everyone to understand. Please PM me with ANY questions so you can fully enjoy the rest of G&B without feeling like you haven't been shown the still incomplete but progressing full picture.

You know I love you like a fat kid loves cake, right?

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**The chapter song is The Crisis by Ennio Morricone.**

**The song inspiration for JPOV is One Headlight by The Wallflowers. These lyrics are Jasper's mantra.**

**Like always, music is on the profile. I recommend you play them while reading the chapter; I select these songs and write to them for a reason!**

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**RPOV**

I never found sleep last night. It didn't even bother looking for me.

All traces of the deafening party music had long dispersed and the concerto of the "Emmett and Rosalie roll-playing frenzy" that followed calmed sometime after.

Though Em's stalwart chest had since been holding up the weight of my head, my restless mind relentlessly heaved down memory lane.

Eyes glazed over - hidden behind the curtain of my ass-length, pinch-the-fuck-out-of-my-scalp, nine hundred dollar extensions - I refused to leave his safe embrace as taunting image and regretful recollection, one after the other and so on, flickered across my retrospection.

_====*====_

Seven Years Ago - 2001

"_Hey," my brother said, as he poked his ratty blond head into my bedroom just as I was buckling the belt on a brand new jumper outfit. "I'm going over to Bella's. Wanna come?"_

_I ran a brush through my doll's long blond hair silently wishing my own was as shiny and beautiful. _Yeah right, Rosalie._ I knew I wasn't as pretty as the girls at school. I wasn't even prettier than Bella. _Or as fun._ No, hanging out with Bella always seemed to make me sad._

"_No, Jazzy. I'm playing Barbies; Bella will just end up cutting all her hair off again." My memory flickered to the bits of sun colored synthetic hair that had littered my bathroom floor, the statuesque doll left deserted in the middle of the mess alone and ruined._

"_Yeah she will. Barbies are dumb, Rosie." His snorting and poking fun only reminding me how stupid boys didn't like dressing and brushing and playing_ silly_ doll games, but girls were supposed to. That Bella didn't seemed crazy to me._

"_They are not dumb." _They're perfect and popular – _in her hometown of Willow, Wisconsin Barbie was queen_._ If anyone was dumb it was _him_._

"_Whatever, be stupid. But don't say I never asked." _Grrr. _Boys were so mean; brothers were meaner._

_Even with Barbie here I still didn't really feel like staying in my room all day … again. I wanted to go to Bella's too, but I just didn't like their games. _More like you don't know how to play them, _I thought to myself_.

_As I propped Barbie up against her fire red convertible I decided to at least try. Alone didn't sound so great, especially with my pretty toy reminding me how ordinary I was._

_It was already hot and sticky out, even with the morning hour, as I walked the short distance to Bella's and joined them on the back, rearranged porch. Sheets were strung up on sticks and much needed "supplies" were stacked in heaps and piles as my cousin's creativity ran free._

_Bella made a good sea captain, barking out orders and pointing the ship in the right direction, obviously having made Jasper first mate before I arrived. I hoped to maybe be the cook, but Bella quickly claimed the title of chef as well. Besides being what Jasper called a "wench" I had no job; there was no room for me on the vast deck. So, instead, I headed inside to hole myself up at the kitchen table with homework while Auntie Renee tried to wind beads and thread into matching anklets._

_A bit later, my eyes darted over my math worksheet in the direction of Bella's boisterous exclamation, "Land ho. Red ensign off the port bow."_

_Both seamen quickly stormed through the french doors and pillaged the refrigerator, downing one Capri Sun after another with a single clench of their fists, crumpling the metallic plastic empty._

"_How is Europe?" Auntie Renee inquired, assuming their presence meant they'd claimed the kitchen as their port._

"_It looks a lot like home," Bella replied morosely, losing much of her imaginative steam as she slumped over the kitchen air conditioning register._

"_Don't worry, Bella. It won't be anything like home." Jasper's grin tugged her joy free again as he loaded up her arms with more juice and they toppled over one another with fresh enthusiasm toward a mutual goal._

_====*====_

They'd made escape plans that day which I'd heard them whisper about frequently in the years since. _I could have been there; I could have chosen to play_, I reminded myself as I softly traced Em's stomach muscles beneath my cheek. But instead, I'd fled to my comfort zone of school work and quiet and predictable.

What a lesson I learned from one simple choice.

The repercussions of letting go of a decision, going against what you know you want in favor of playing it safe could hinder, _would_ limit your life. And you can only realize the ramifications from such an insignificant choice as you look back over the unwanted path it sent you wandering down.

Hindsight, the allusive bitch.

They jettisoned themselves a continent away that day, neither ever fully returning. And I wasn't invited to Bella's by Jasper again.

_====*====_

Four Years Ago - 2004

_Absentmindedly, I gripped the ankle I'd hoisted up in an effort to hug my knees to my chest, pressing the beaded band wound there painfully into my palm._

"_Aunt Ren?"_

"_Yeah baby?" Her neck was bent at an odd angle as it sought rest from the strain to remain upright._

"_You look tired."_

"_That's what treatment does, tiger," she murmured, trying to catch my eyes as her lashes blinking against purple bags._

"_No more of that tiger crap, Renee." I scoffed at her words and our reality._

"_You'll be fierce." _So? You'll be gone_, my defeated mind reminded her._

_I didn't want to be things without her here._

"_No."_

"_You'll be hella strong, baby." _It won't matter_, my severed heart countered._

_I couldn't imagine attempting to move on …_

"_No."_

"_Promise me." _I'm too young for this._ Blink. Blink._

_I met my aunt's waiting eyes, finally._

_Patient, unrelentingly honest, fiercely dedicated, love unending._

_She was too young for this._

_But she needed me to be okay to be all right herself._

_I flattened my lips into a hard line which I'd begun doing a lot of lately. After all, I was holding quite a bit inside._

"_Okay," was all I could force through my clenched teeth._

"_Rosie?" my mouth curled up at the abandoned nickname, my head resting lazily on my knees._

"_Mmmhmm?"_

_She looked torn as she slowly rearranged my bangs and swept a few short pieces behind my ear before continuing._

"_You should grow your hair out." I knew this wasn't what she was going to say. This had become _her_ habit, not wanting to fill every moment together with her _prognosis_ but not being able to escape the truth._

"_Sick. No thank you." Renee's face paled at my response, so unlike her normally insistent reaction to any hesitancy towards her self-proclaimed wisdom._

"_It's time."_

"_Time?"_

"_For something new." New? I wasn't interested in change._

_Both of her hands touched me now – hair, shoulders, cheeks – as her gaze traveled far away._

"_Grow it long. I bet you'll be surprised at how it makes you feel." Her eyes slid closed, leaving her whispers to communicate alone. Deep breaths were drawn between every sentence break as she continued her freely ascribed purposes for me. Aunt Ren had made plans. "Never forget how smart you are and do something meaningful with it. Stand out; you were always meant to. You are unlike anyone I've ever known, Rose. So, don't pretend you aren't extraordinary. Ever. Always keep moving forward. And … baby, be forgiving. People will never stop letting you down, I can promise you that. The only power you will ever have in this world is the offering of a second chance."_

"_Aunt Ren?" She looked back at me expectantly from her twin dinning room chair as I continued to exhaust her name._

"_Please keep yours on." My fingers ran soothingly over the skin at my ankle where I'd ground the plastic and twine. The pain I used as a reminder dulled only infinitesimally._

"_You too?" Her eyes didn't join in the question with her voice; she already knew the answer._

"_Okay." Renee pulled out her little notebook and jotted something down before stuffing it back into her jeans pocket._

_====*====_

My best friend died three days later. I was the only one who knew we were supposed to have three months more.

Everyone swarmed at the suddenness, angered by her secrecy. I, on the other hand, had been cheated and became enraged at time itself.

But those words changed my life. _Her words._

So, I told Time we could try again.

_====*====_

_May 16, 2004_

"_Jasper."_

_I'd made the journey, but was met with silence._

"_Jasper," I reached out just a bit louder._

_Nothing. My heart continued to beat in my swollen fingers as I swayed from the unsteady of my knees._

"_Jas, please."_

_Bed sheets rustled. I watched his boyish frame rise up and hover as a shadow._

"_Jas-" but my sob was cut short._

"_Shhh, Rose. You'll wake Bella."_

_Bella._

_I murmured that I didn't know she was here just as my eyes adjusted enough to make out her fetal presence in the far corner of Jasper's bed._

"_What is it Rose?" Sleep and petulance would rush this exchange._

"_Nothing. I was just- I thought maybe you'd … I hoped you might come be with me in my room or I could stay here with you."_

"_I can't leave her here alone. What if she wakes up?" Her. She. Okay._

"_Yeah," I involuntarily agreed._

"_We have to get up early, Rose. Bella and I are heading to the cemetery first thing."_

_His hushed explanation felt like shouting as it reached out and strangled my hope. Everything it took to walk down the hall and ask for company, for presence, help, love, seemed to bury me alive as I stood fruitless in this barricaded doorway._

_Jasper slumped back into the awaiting blankets as I remained rooted on his 'unwelcome' mat._

_Eventually I deflated against the wall there, never falling asleep, unable to tune out the quiet reassurances my brother offered my heartbroken cousin that peppered the black night. I couldn't seem to walk away._

_====*====_

My dry eyes blinked me back into the present; my mind tangled with the then and now.

I hadn't received much from Jasper in all our years, but until the night last weekend in the rain - the moment I verbally acknowledged the mountain of hate separating us - I'd never been able to walk away.

Even Seattle, a relocation purely based on Bella's needs, had my devotion. I couldn't join in on the motivation, but I wouldn't be left behind. So I moved here, grew farther away from Jasper but yet somehow remained by his side just in case.

No matter the pain of rejection, following Jas had been the best decision on my life. My continual attempts to forgive, or excuse, and remain close to him at least physically had made my life what it was today.

For that reason, leaving him behind in the pouring rain had felt wrong and yet unavoidable. But I'd had no choice, and as I opened my history and heart up to Emmett right after, it occurred to me that the pain I was harboring towards Jasper didn't truly reflect _today_ so much as the residual effect of his letting me go in the first place. Here at Fremont, I'd moved my life along and given him very little love, warmth or encouragement. We were even in that. But in rehashing the past soaked to the bone and then again submerged in a bathtub, I'd discovered my true heartache was from Jasper's and my initial disconnect.

I also realized I could forgive more easily for that. Neither of us were the same people now that we were when we were nine.

Pushing past the bottomless effects of such loss - confidant, twin, home, time - my attention surged on what I'd found since.

_Love. _I had my arms securely around that, and was finally being held back. Emmett was my favorite gift to recognize and remind myself of.

_Friendship. _The hum of Ali's vibrations could penetrate the floors, walls and congested atmosphere that separated us. She would be with me forever.

_Family …_

Bella, Jasper. Jasper, Bella. They were my family. The good, the bad and the down right ugly.

After everything, I'd also finally found _accomplishment_.

Not only did I actually have worthy people in my life, but also things were transpiring within who I was, because of my own personal success, that I just couldn't keep to myself.

I had a secret. And not one regarding fucking blackmail, or anything to do with putting some bitch in her place.

I was truly alive enough to have this something that was just mine and Jasper just happened to be the one person left who could realize its full importance, even if he didn't understand the damn reasoning. But really I was making excuses to myself, because I now had something substantial to entrust to someone. And it had been Jasper I wanted to give it to most.

I told Bella in the corner of a surreal Kaleidoscope that Jasper and I were "on the mend." That cavalier comment had actually been code for "I'm a fucking idiot who touched the same fire twice." I didn't want her to know I'd caved to my desire to let Jasper near now that he realized what we'd lacked and wanted it too.

Just as I couldn't help hating my brother for the past, I knew someday I would want to look and find Jasper's love waiting, my trust willing and open enough to accept it. I wasn't ignorant enough to believe that would come without my offering some vulnerability. I'd already spent years giving, whether it seemed like it or not. Finally I had my hands on something in return, and some of that was because of Jasper and Bella just as much as it came from the revelation that was Emmett and Alice.

I needed to share this milestone with my brother because he had seen me before, when I was growing up, when I was loved and encouraged by Renee. And this news was the final remnant of the girl I was with Ren before I became all shiny and queen and new.

It was the one peace offering I had to bring to the mending table.

My secret.

So I presented it.

And he'd responded with such _pride_.

But, who the fuck wouldn't?

I, Rosalie Lillian Hale, was graduating. This year. An entire year early.

Me.

Done.

_Who the hell pulls shit like this off beside me?_

No one. That's the fuck who.

_She _knew I would, though. Damn foreshadowing, brilliant bff.

"_Never forget how smart you are and do something meaningful with it."_

My thoughts drifted away from childhood memories and the excitement of Jasper's pride in my most recent achievement and relaxed into the serenity only a measure of hindsight could bring.

I had spent my life on a journey. Whether it took me away from possible friendships and into the arms and life story of my Aunt Ren, had me hurling myself every which way trying to mourn and live the purpose she laid out for me to follow after she was gone or let me find love and the truth about forgiveness in six short weeks, I knew I'd do it all again.

_Patient, unrelentingly honest, fiercely dedicated, love unending._

Aunt Ren's character, words and this bleak path had also led me to something else. It was a product of my own patience, fierce dedication and continued resilience. Or perhaps from simply having no other choice.

Somehow I had stumbled upon a sense of self.

I was finally a fucking person. Not a shell or a trophy or a wanderer.

And with Emmett, Alice, Bella and Jasper by my side perhaps I could work on the unrelenting honesty and unending, unwavering love. God knows I love a saucy rumor and the crushing blow of a sick scandal.

Now that I had experienced a measure of love for myself, though, I could actually recognize what was worth pursuing. Love would always win out over hate.

Emmett's giant hands encircled my waist as he buried his nose into the crown of my hair. Lost in the purity of our moment and the unusual peace of my mind, I gently fingered the beads and twine sewn into an extension directly behind my left ear.

Renee had been buried in her half of our promise; the least I could do was to always have my anklet on me and to never forget.

Aunt Ren helped make me who I am, like I could forget her even for a whisper or a blink or a hiccup.

"Rosie, baby," my lips turned up at the sound of my live-strong nickname. "Make me get up, 'cause I don't want to leave this bed and nothing short of you is gonna make me. You know Coach will have my nuts in a sling if I'm late."

"Emmett Cullen, get your ass outta bed this instant or no more grab ass, nudey time or breakfast sandwiches."

"Gah, woman, not the breakfast sandwiches!"

====*====

_Another match, another day of stripping away the essence of queen that permeates my very skin._

Today was going to be a long one.

_Yeah, a long day of watching your man jump around wet and strong and captain-like. _Damn I was one lucky bitch.

I heard the suite door unlock, swing open and finally the muffled connection as it returned to the jam. _Someone's moving slower than stiff shit this morning. _Peeking my head out from the bathroom, my eyes narrowed immediately on the disarmingly vacant Bella that seemed to creep her way across the sitting room.

"Hey?"

"Hey," she whispered hoarsely.

Her bedroom, obviously the intended destination, was steps from where I'd been struck frightened, unsure of what I was witnessing. Instinctively, I reached out and found purchase in her arm, halting Bella's progression, and turned her deflated body for a better assessment.

Silence held on while I took stock of her lifeless hands, tired shoulders, ransacked hair, colorless pallor and flat brown eyes. The only tension my cousin held anywhere in her form was concentrated on her bottom lip that she'd clearly bit through, as there was both dried and fresh blood at the juncture of flesh and teeth.

My hand made quick work of bundling her hair into a bun at the top of her head and taking a washcloth to the stale mascara and foundation before applying pressure to the cut on her lip.

The bathtub was filled, hot and bubbly, her clothing stripped for her. It took all of me to leverage her safely into the deep claw footed porcelain, but from the will to bring her relief I managed.

All throughout my ministrations I waited for Bella's darting eyes to regain some amount of emotion - snark, fear, pain, anger, her own brand of fierce determination. But nothing came. She seemed to be sifting through a mind overflowing with card catalogues, however without any urgency or faith at finding the needed index card amongst millions alike. You could say she looked lost.

Three trills thundered out in the echoing silence of our dually occupied Room of Requirement – or what I hoped would be exactly what Bella needed in these undetermined moments.

I hurried out into the sitting room, wondering briefly if Bella was okay to be left alone in a tub full of water, ready to push away anyone who'd be stupid enough to request any of my attention at this indispensable time.

"Rose, god, why aren't you dressed? I-" _Alice, it's only Alice, _I sighed in relief."What the fuck is wrong?"

The instant panic that resonated from Alice had me imagining what I must have looked like to her, but such thoughts were cut short at the distinct sound of splashing.

I left Alice's uncharacteristically vulgar questioning in the entry way as I tore towards my destructively brimming friend left behind in anything but an empty bathtub.

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**BPOV**

I was completely still in the eye of a storm.

Hail, rain, wind - disaster swarmed around me, yet I remained stationary.

_If I am dreaming, how can the raging typhoon echo so directly in my ear?_

My sight told me I was swaying, turning, being heaved about by the surrounding water and unstable ship deck but my consciousness knew better. If the storm wasn't real, then the boat off in the distance wasn't actually being decimated; it wasn't being ripped in two as it tried to pass by. No, it wasn't really there.

In turn, that meant everything else my eyes were processing was wrong. Yet again, I needed to rely on my mind and sense to escape an impossible situation.

Using this whimsy monologue to separate myself from my imagination and heady sleep, one heavy eye was able to inch open.

Sight, touch, sound, smell – I knew I was now fully functioning and no longer dreaming, though I might as well have been.

Stubbly jaw, warm skin, tender lips, feathered eyelashes and a loud ass rainstorm raging just beyond the window to my back occupied my first few seconds of day.

As I stretched my limbs minutely, I filled my lungs with a deep breath and froze.

The air held musk and sweat and burned my throat.

What that meant along with everything else seemed to register at once.

Edward was impossibly close, his morning erection straining against my thigh, which could easily feel the satin of the sheets that ensconced us to each other. Yep, we were both naked. I was also quite sore, my lady bits feeling a tad swollen and uncontained. And … I could smell our sex thick in his apparently vacuum-sealed bedroom.

Our night flooded back to me in Technicolor, acid trip style.

"_Please, Edward. Please."… "I love it when you say my name."_

"_Love … shit … that feels incredible. No one's ever taken me so deeply."… "No one's ever_ taken me_ period."_

"_Fuck."_

"_This isn't fucking, Edward."… "I've never made love to anyone before either, I'm scared too."_

"_I love you, Bella." … "I love you, too. I do." … "I do."_

Now, instead of tumultuous weather resounding in my ears two simple words collided over and over; "I do."

Edward had …

… and I … had in return.

_When the fuck did this become true?_

_More importantly, how the hell did I let this happen?_

I searched my mind for the moment and came up dry.

_Damn._

Every movement I made, out of stunned disbelief and groggy confusion, caused the beautiful man wrapped around me to cinch up this love cuddle.

Love.

_Edward loves me._

The idea of that was thrilling. The reality was laced with expectations.

_But you've already said you loved him back. You punctuated it._

That "I do" was still gonging around in my cerebrum.

The obvious question of "Do I?" was irrelevant. So I quickly swept the very real answer of "Yes" under the two thousand threat count sheets.

The dilemma with the most weight, that could never be contained inside Safeco Field let alone under a king sized bed sheet, pressed against the backs of my eyes forcing them closed. This was just as well, because I couldn't watch my boyfriend, my lover, my first everything sleep serenely as my damaged psyche gained control of my weaker, base emotions.

_So what, Bella? This may be love. And?_

… _and nothing._

I had to pull away, because it was quickly becoming a real possibility that I might fucking throw up the heart that had begun to palpitate in my chest, expressing its own form of rebellion against my warring thoughts.

"Bella?" My mind and heart joined forces if for but a moment.

_He can't see you freaking out like this. He'll know. You'll ruin him, this, everything._

My face went stony - ashen and fixed – as I tried to infuse my voice with the care I knew resided beneath my mounting hysteria.

"Good morning." My voice sounded normal enough, if only exhausted and strained.

"Mmmm, good morning, love."

My breaths were coming faster from the nearness of Edward's heat and the infusion of his dedication to me in this greeting.

His shifting body sent his cock a-wandering between my legs and, coupled with his heavy lids and pleasured countenance, I was instantly wet everywhere.

My arousal was strong as were the tears that threatened to pool in my downcast eyes, and a freezing sweat broke across my brow and in all my hollows – neck, back, elbows, knees.

"Fuck," he whispered into my hair as he shifted higher, bringing his lengthening tool home.

I didn't know what to do or what to want or say. So I hugged him tighter and willed my undefined tears away.

I thought of having him inside me at this confusing moment and that only left me more deranged.

There was no doubt in wanting him; _god _I wanted him. Every inch of my over stimulated body remembered how complete it felt to be filled and stretched by Edward, but in the aftermath of declaring ourselves when I never planned to even date this man I also wanted to be far away.

"If I keep going I'll be late, which I shouldn't think twice about because – fuck." Edward's hands wound around me and he pulled me into the crook of his neck, resting us both on our sides.

"Bella," Edward's eyes were on mine now to which he paused and searched my face. I prayed he wouldn't find the truth of my thoughts touching any of my features. I needed to get away and fix myself so I wouldn't- "I have to go, before I'm late. We slept the fucking morning away. I will see you at the match, yes?"

_The match? The match, the match, the match- oh._

"Yes," I promised, finally regaining the definition of "match" from my stunned mental dictionary.

His responding smile reached far beyond his eyes. "You were incredible last night, by the way. Now I'm wondering, how do you feel about morning breath?"

"Does Edward Cullen get morning breath?" Damn it felt nice to feign incredulous.

"Do you give a fuck?"

I had to try, to pretend, to trick him into leaving without worry, without infecting this significant morning-after with my debilitating doubt.

"Hell n-" His lips caught mine mid "no," mouth fully puckered.

Cullen was delicious any time of day. That would never change.

_At this point,_ I confessed inwardly, _that might be the only thing left unaffected after today._

====*====

I walked. I remembered. I chastised. I smiled over love.

But, still, I couldn't find it.

The answer.

I knew the question like a fucking soul mate.

_What do I do now?_

The air around me was cold and wet, and I gripped the brand new umbrella I'd found stashed in Edward's front room closet tighter.

I was tired of the rain, the flooding of the sidewalks, streets and every body of water that now flowed significantly higher through and around the greater Seattle area. And I hadn't felt like getting any heavier, or drowning further, as I walked home.

Soon Rosalie was touching my hair and I felt warmth surround my limbs and muscles, relaxing my spine and spreading heat everywhere.

When I realized I was lying in a tub of water I no longer felt soothed.

My legs were the first to thrash as my entire body eventually jumped into action to get me the fuck out.

_Get me out. Get me the fuck out. No water. No more._

I was screaming inside. Outside.

Rose.

Alice.

Soft. Dry. Brush through my hair. Sheets.

This outside world was numb to me, thankfully leaving more energy to sift through my interior. Because, shit I'd let it get a mess.

But I could only shift. No deducing, no deciding, no determined course of action.

I stumbled over the days that led to my arriving at Fremont, falling away from the principles that governed my life, landing in Edward's arms, bed, heart.

I found perfect clarity there, what didn't make sense was _me_. My logic was fighting this new person I'd gradually become. And Edward.

Shit.

Edward … the match.

"No, Bella. You don't have to go … don't worry, we'll stay with you."

Whoever spoke misunderstood my reaction to not going as being afraid to be alone, when in fact it was that I'd told Edward I'd be there. It was like I could do nothing right by him _except_ watch him play, be there for his victory; support Edward from afar - not get close enough to ruin it for him.

"Help me get dressed." I knew I didn't have the ability to put together a matching top and bottom, let alone remember both simultaneously, so it was left to my girls. And as they put my exterior back together, better than an average girl on her very best day, I began to feel my eyes opening wider and the things happening all around my exhausted body actually beginning to register.

The P.E.T. was bright and way too full to differentiate words from noise much beyond a three-foot radius.

In my detached state I was able to ignore it all as we claimed our front row seats.

_How fucking amazing is he?_

My eyes remained locked on Edward, my Edward, as we sat, after the whistle blew, from play to play. With every lithe jump and flawless pass I saw Edward's abilities represented in this one area of skill he had. He was too perfect, too able, too reformed … too sure.

As my mental shifting waned fruitless my previous thoughts resounded; _I'm a mess. My shit is going to destroy him too._

Being with Edward felt exactly right to every part of me except my memories, the area of my mind that held people at arms length until the day they inevitably moved on. But beyond that, I wasn't whole. If anything, the past served to remind me that with each life disappointment, every loss, a part of me was taken away as well – without my permission. And if I were to give my permission this time? If I were to offer myself completely would that mean I'd lose myself completely?

Yes.

To Edward.

He deserved nothing less and had given me even more of himself than that.

But he was fixed; he'd found a way to better himself. I wasn't anywhere near that.

First love was just that, unequal, marred with the unfinished story of the individual expressing such a powerful emotion for the first time while waging wars with the past.

But, I wasn't Edward's first, was I?

"_I thought I fell in love once. I know now it wasn't love, and had suspected as much since, but at the time I'd been sure."_

His words from the bridge floated back and brought on another round of answerless questions.

_So, does that make me his first love or just his first positive experience with said emotion? If it's impossible to be sure while in the depths of it will I look back one day and realize this time with Edward based on love wasn't actually "love" but a great copycat? If he was sure then, how does he know he really loves _me_ now?_

"Bella? Bella?" I was pulled from my wonderings long enough to realize the match had ended and I was staring face to face with an intoxicatingly beautiful woman. Alice kept on with her initial intention; "Bella, this is Heidi Morgan - the mastermind behind Kaleidoscope et all. Heidi, this is Bella Swan my fabulous friend and Edward's girlfriend." Ali was giddy and enthralled throughout the introductions and it took every available thread of thought to remember ever hearing of this woman. Once I'd pieced together that past party-centered conversation with this energetic greeting I smiled at the thought of Alice's sexual forays and shook Heidi's hand with a smile stretching across my teeth.

"Good to meet you. We've heard all about you."

"All? Well, there _is_ so much to tell." Heidi winked at Alice, who burned scarlet without a trace of bashfulness. Actual pride adorned her features, if I was reading the arched eyebrows and fiery glint in her eye correctly. "It's wonderful to hear Eddie's found himself a willing partner."

"Eddie?" The nickname sounded oddly familiar coming from this stranger's perfect pink lips. I looked from Heidi to Alice, seeing slight confusion flicker in Alice as well.

"Oh, just a little something I used to call him. It has been too long Alice; how the hell is your sweet ass?"

"Very satisfied, actually. See the blond, built, sex on legs by the bench over there? Yep, he's mine."

"But your ass, Alice? Did I teach you nothing?" Her throaty laugh felt like another puzzle piece snapping into place.

"God, Heidi. So literal. You haven't changed at all."

"… _stunning, infectious, undeniable – she could convince a starving man to abandon food outright with one simple red lipped promise of something better."_

The memory of Alice's descriptive words about Heidi tumbled back and I couldn't help remembering Edward's eventual unease with the topic of this woman and how odd I'd found it even then.

"Shit, but someone else has," Heidi quipped, pulling me from my recollections.

Our eye lines joined Heidi's as she basically eye fucked the man I was quickly convincing myself deserved to have my poisonous problems far away.

_Isn't she supposed to be gay?_

"Did he use to look much different?" I couldn't help but wonder aloud; I'd known him for such a short amount of time, after all.

"Heidi graduated when we were freshman. Edward's changed quite significantly since then." Alice's confusion seemed to be growing as she observed Heidi's reaction to Edward.

"Yes, he certainly has. The way that boy mooned I thought he'd never get over the time we spent together."

"Time you spent together?" Alice said the words, while I simultaneously thought them, with a slight indignation.

"Did he never tell you? Eddie must not have changed that much after all, ever the mysterious charmer."

"I never realized you called him Eddie. Or that … oh my god … Heidi … fucking – you. It was _you_?"

Coupled with Alice's astonished face and the reverb of Edward's month old confession recoiling with understanding in my head I felt my feet taking me away as I remembered.

"_I didn't know where I thought I was going but I just needed her off me, to be rid of every part of me she consumed and touched. Alice had been silent at my heels, until we made it to this exact spot and then she started asking all the questions I couldn't handle answering and saying her name over and over."_

I'd just used this memory as a way to discern _our _love. Now the object of his first, even if misguided, actual encounter with love stood where I left her with Alice - tall, gorgeous, intoxicating – a true force of ruin. Her presence in his life had decimated Edward for everyone he touched after that, and for years, years he battled with the pain her own issues and insecurities carved into him. She wasn't attracted to men, yet used them to fill her many, expansive voids left behind in the wake of too much beauty and charisma and not enough substantial companionship. She was a mess. Or at least used to be. And her little charade of throwing her past fucking annihilation of Edward in our faces as a form of power was sickening and made me believe she'd never changed her ways.

Heidi was a permanent disaster.

_Eddie. Eddie. _It sounded so familiar and seemed the only fragment I hadn't super glued together. I reached through drawer after drawer looking for the memory that held the meaning of this nickname.

"_So, how do you think Edward Cullen came to love the nick name Eddie? I find that insider info tantalizing. Anything that gives me the upper hand is dreadfully intoxicating. I would think you feel the same way, Bella. It's a woman's prerogative to feast on power."_

Rosalie in full bitch swing had brought the nickname "Eddie" into my repertoire thanks to an incomplete conversation with Alice.

"_God, if he only heard you call him that he'd think I put you up to it. I'd tell you more, but I can't. Let's just say, he really enjoys that name … just not in public."_

"_Maybe we'll hear Angela screaming it from Bella's bedroom later tonight."_

Alice had affirmed that Edward indeed enjoys this name. Enjoys – present tense.

How could he still be aroused by the misguided attempts at affection this wench Heidi bestowed upon him in the very hour of his downfall?

_We are all fucking nuts, that's how._

And it was "we" now because I'd accepted Fremont without even realizing it. Sure, the girls and I stood our ground so it wouldn't crash over us, but over the last few weeks I'd stopped rebelling against the nature here quite as seriously. I still hated parties and the people were for shit, but I was well on my way to compliance just like my five cohorts.

The disease was inside now, fully permeated. Here I couldn't escape my growing love for a more whole man than I. Edward obviously still had his degenerate layovers, but his indisputable restoration didn't need my baggage, the explored and still unaddressed alike.

So, I kept walking, knowing there was nowhere to go but finding a demented comfort in how truly normal that was for Bella Swan.

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**JPOV**

Something was horrendously wrong.

It wasn't in her coloring or stance … it was her eyes. It was as if one brown disk conveyed an emotion that the other had no ability whatsoever to express, so instead it communicated a completely different feeling all together. And they weren't even trying to meet, to compromise somewhere in the middle. That was the severity of their disconnect.

As I moved back and forth with the motion of the match - hardly paying attention to the action or my teammates or anything really that wasn't Bella's polar focus - I became almost irrationally consumed with the regulation clock displaying the remaining time before I could get to her side and find out what the hell had happened.

In addition to her eyes, everything about Bella struck me as different. These refinements weren't negative, just unfamiliar. _Like I need more foreign shit from her._

I assumed as Bella worked out whatever had her mind running circles that the furrow of her brow would soften and the inevitable calm only rational can bring would settle in. If anything, Bella's skin began to gray and each confused iris seemed more resolute in its division as the milliseconds ticked by.

The explanation?

Bella had been torn. Right the fuck in two.

Whether she'd done so herself by simply wanting Cullen when she was in no way fit state to, or whether he'd somehow hurt her with the normal fuckery, it didn't matter - not truly. We were here now. There was no turning back.

I warned that fucking douche bag what exactly all of this fairy tale bullshit was capable of corrupting. He thought what he had to offer could open a box welded tightly shut, but all he'd really attained were message from inside – no one ever gets to see what actually resides away from prying eyes. She'd always made sure of that.

_Damn it all, Bella._

The whistle sounded, but I still had obligations. Keeping all mental faculties strained in Bella's direction, yet my face composed and engaged enough to pass as attentive, I listened first to Coach wax on about our win and then Emmett's added profane congratulations.

My body was pulling away, daring to alert the direction of my focus and the actions it had planned to launch the moment we were released. I didn't want Edward to beat me to her. She'd never talk then.

My eyes locked on Bella, across the pool, as she spoke with Alice and someone else. So much defeat was stored up there, wild fear and perhaps even guilt or … pity? Bella didn't register our momentary communication. She was too far gone.

_Gone._

Or, at least her thought were directing her somewhere.

I was studiously refraining from delving too deeply into the fucking finite reasons Bella was spiraling so close to a pain I'd only seen provoked by death when my brain processed her retreating steps.

Emmett wouldn't shut the fuck up and Edward's attention was being pulled towards his _girlfriend_ just as mine had been.

Around the corner, and no doubt through the door and down the steps, my graceful girl was leaving. Not without purpose, but it wasn't an all out disastrous run either.

But it was a deliberate escape.

From me? _Had she realized my intent? _Him? _Don't even go there. Remember the mess your assumptions caused last time?_

Damn my head hurt. But I couldn't panic. No, I had to remain in control.

"Where'd she go?" Edward had been to my left since this torturous team bonding began and basically had the same vantage point on our retreating girl as I did. It took him too long to notice she was gone.

"That depends, Cullen. What happened?" His expression held no guilt, or the sudden appearance of an illuminated light bulb, as he carefully searched his memory bank.

Empty.

"I'm not sure what you mean," was apparently Edward's best effort. _Fuck - this kid is clueless._

I felt Alice before she spoke, and not just in the soft, deliberate grasp of my forearm; her energy was crackling in the atmosphere. _She's concerned too._

"Jasper, Bella just _left_. I tried to follow – I can't believe I wasn't fast enough – but once I got down the steps I couldn't see which way she went." I opened my mouth to say … something, who knows what, when I finally took stalk of the other person involved in the girls' pre-Bella escape conversation.

This woman was the veritable incarnation of sin in heels.

"Hello, Eddie." _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you Edward, and all of the past pussy life regurgitates all over Bella. _It was obvious who this _friend_ was and the no doubt _pleasant _conversation Bella had excused herself from.

A new rabbit hole emerged as I considered a third party element to Bella's downward spiral.

"Heidi." Edward greeted with a stern nod.

I tried to absorb the cold interaction going on before me and also calm Alice's frantic concern, but the never ending internal questions were slowly suffocating me. _Did something happen with this woman? Is Edward to blame in more than the fucking obvious ways? Did Bella simply hit the boiling point you've been dreading all along?_

Answers. Please.

"Angel, did Bella say anything to you, give you any indication if something … happened?" I could have said "was wrong" but I knew the answer to that – no more time could be wasted on inanity.

Her eyes spoke the confusion that similarly constricted my airways. We both looked at Edward whose consciousness was a million miles away.

"How have you been, Eddie? It's been-" Every man's definition of a masturbatory idol spoke in syrup tones, obviously hoping to ensnare Cullen's attention.

To my somewhat decreased surprise he wasn't having any of her shit.

"I have to go."

No, he needed to alleviate the fucking panic with some ANSWERS. My patience for talking was disintegrating as more minutes were racking up since Bella's departure.

Without warning my hand flashed out and clenched his shoulder, thumb pressing into his blade emphatically.

"Edward, man, what happened?"

His returned expression was unreadable to me.

Edward and Alice exchanged what seemed to be a silent conversation before he gave me a hard look and headed for the locker rooms.

"Oh my god." All attention flew to Ali's stifled shriek of instant understanding.

"What? Alice … what?" Her body was calming down as the information she'd gathered was absorbed by all her senses.

"Heidi, it was _nice_ running into you. Take care." With a hand stretched out, Ali beckoned me to her and I followed without a farewell to the woman I'd not been introduced to.

I held my infuriatingly quiet angel's hand and stepped foot over the other to match her pace, waiting for her to begin, knowing all hell would be paid for pushing her before she was ready. _Oh, the double standards. _In the mean time, my thoughts replayed all that had taken place in the last five minutes.

_How the fuck do you make sense out of nothing?_

I knew Bella was escaping inside herself and I _had _to find her before she got too far. Bringing her to Fremont had been a mistake of epic proportions. Yes, she made friends but at what cost? Sanity? Stability? Sustainable life?

All the years of healing she'd forged through were slowly dying away, like the flesh of a leaper. It was so gradual, so interior, that it wasn't truly apparent until it was too late – bits of Bella were falling away.

_You knew she was headed here. Why didn't you stop it? Force the path? _I was a fucking idiot to think I could have changed anything, Bella was her own person. But hell if I'd stand back now. She needed a way out of this circus.

We stopped abruptly.

"They had sex," Alice calmly voiced.

_Uh ----_

"Jasper - last night Bella and Edward had sex. I think she must be overwhelmed."

_Overwhelmed?_ I scoffed in anger. _No, emotional catastrophe. Vulnerable ruin._

_Don't be angry with her for knowing nothing of consequence about Bella._

"Alice, I have to go."

My tone was clipped from the torrents of rage I was battling and the bile I was holding at bay. Alice felt the gravity of it.

"'Kay …"

She didn't know exactly what I meant but soon she would.

"I love you, Angel." I couldn't meet her gaze. Because I was already making plans. With the part of my brain that hadn't been unhinged and only saw black I knew there was only one way.

It was time to send Fremont to the past tense of our lives.

Dreams were made here, the heat from my love's body told me that. But fuck if they didn't die here too.

I pulled my fingers from hers, breathed ragged heartache into her little ear and ghosted my lips against the hairline there.

Now _I_ was torn in two, but I'd made a promise to myself after bearing the impact of Rosalie's hatred and my failure. Family - my girls – had to be my first choice. I'd made that mistake too frequently in this lifetime already.

More than that, I wanted to be the one to save Bella from her self, from this place I let distort her.

"Jasper, what the hell?" Her words weren't angry as a river of tears pulled down both cheeks. She was catching up.

"Say you love me, Alice, please."

Her eyes were wide and heartbeat pounded at the taunt skin of her neck. She wasn't a stupid girl.

I turned away towards the opposite path we were traveling, head bowed because she hadn't said the words I'd never deserve from her lips again.

"Alice …" _No more, Jasper. Don't ruin this further with words._

As I fled, I prayed she wouldn't follow me or run to Rosalie, as that would eventually be my destination.

Running the trip in need of distraction not speed, while I pushed away the crippling reality of what I'd just done, I rounded on Pike – she wasn't at my room. No familiar classroom, bench or favorite expanse of grass held her. The world within these elite city walls lent few hiding places, the bare exposure of this life inescapable.

Bella would need clothes and toiletries, just a few things like I'd grabbed for myself.

My carefully calculated life was now on auto pilot, survival mode. But not my own – it was now about Bella's survival.

"When hasn't it been about Bella's survival?"

Rosalie. I'd ended up at the suite more quickly than I thought I would.

"I didn't know I was speaking out loud. Please Rose, don't be difficult now."

I burst into Bella's empty room and pulled what I needed together.

"Do you have your bag?" Inexplicable relief and horror passed through my twin before a very bewildered Bella interrupted both of our trains of thought.

Her eyes questioned the bag in my hand and the stifling emotional bulldozer she'd no doubt crashed into walking across her own threshold.

"Rosalie, get your bag."

"Emmett," she said, quietly chastising me.

"And?" I knew she wouldn't come.

"It's okay, Jas. I'm okay. Here." I wanted her with us.

"But, Rose -"

"Jasper?" Bella's voice was hoarse and countenance nearly unsalvageable, as she visibly shook in place.

I was doing right by her; I knew that in this moment. She told me so, impossibly, with her dead eyes. But I had to hurry up.

"I'm taking you home." Finally cohesive emotions flickered. Inability, longing, fear, torn – Bella was broken apart.

"Home?" She was crying and laughing, sputtering and hushed, eyes alight with frenzy.

"Arizona first and then we'll find it – where we need to be," I assured my crazy girl.

_I'm getting you out of here._

Bella tugged Rose's hand asking for something - for her to come, permission to leave, a sound reason to stay.

My mind tried to shove what we had here to the forefront of this unsteady plan, making me see the worth, but all I could acknowledge was helping Bella find a place to escape to.

Alice's lips and heart and laugh flickered around my resolute decision, searching for a crack. But, I was needed more by someone else.

I'd always be failing someone.

I clenched Red's keys in my palm and shouldered our baggage.

"Bella?"

She released Rose, remembering we'd be okay just the two of us, and pecked her lips.

And without another thought, Bella saw the end of her line and walked out the suite ahead of me showing the world once again she was in control of her own destiny and that Fremont was always meant to be a speck in the time line of our lives.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: I know. I really do. Please hang in here with me!**

**If you are looking here for the EPOV Lavender's Blue outtake [Finished outtake thanks to Kassiah's sweet encouragement!] you can find it following Chapter 22 Roses Are Red's A/N. ~RAE**

**P.S. If you're looking for fic recs check out my new C2, RAE's Epic List of WIN, located on my profile.**


	25. Humpty Dumpty

**Chapter 24 Humpty Dumpty**

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer's characters pulled from my bag of tricks.**

**A little shorter than normal - but this is all I could handle writing in this chapter!**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

Special thank you to my fabulous mother-in-law for suggesting the song

**All I Need by Matt Kearney** as Humpty Dumpty's chapter song!

Playlist on the profile.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**EmPOV**

She didn't move, wouldn't speak; the makeup-slicked lids of her prominent eyes remained closed out of ambivalent petulance.

Or undiluted pain.

Whatever emotion it was, it felt almost contagious. She'd been left so potently dejected that the hopelessness emanated off her miniature form burrowing deep beneath my skin. Creeping, infiltrating, infecting.

Turning my head in both directions, I searched for the retreating form of Jasper or Bella - or some random brain dead assface - along the manicured path. Someone was at fault here; though I spotted no one, the fact remained.

Edward, I knew, was still behind in the locker rooms, so whatever had caused the emotional annihilation before me couldn't have come from him. Another person I could automatically eliminate from my mental "Who the fuck?" list was Rosalie. She would just never be capable of walking away from her friend in this broken state.

Since finding her just standing here, Alice had only uttered one sentence - offered but two words for me to begin tearing apart in search of the cause. Because even though Ali's worst nightmare had come to life across her stricken brow line and boulder-bearing shoulders I still hadn't been able to grasp the definitive 'what.'

"He's left," she'd half gargled through tears and phlegm, half in-tuned to my brain, as if that portion of her had burned away before a verbal acknowledgement could be formed. Before I'd even arrived. Before anything could be done to preempt such obliteration.

Whatever it was, whoever 'he' was - this news had gone apocalyptic instantly.

"Shorty, please." It had been many moments since she'd spoken and retreated behind the lidded veil, closing herself off to even me. I couldn't find any more stores of patience – she was fucking ruined and I was more than ready to fix it. "Who left?"

My mind catalogued all of the important people, none of whom would leave. She had to be the one to orchestrate sense here because nothing was fitting together as I tried my jock brand of rationalization. Puzzles weren't my forte.

I needed more to go on.

So, I not so patiently held her hand and watched her eyelashes intently for a sign.

_Flutter._

"Jasper-" She gasped for air, like something clenched at her windpipe, and curled both arms around her waist. "Jasper's left me."

Her radiating torture crept deeper and infected my calm.

_Jasper's left … Jasper …_

_Jasper has left._

The screeching strings and chortling wind instruments swirling through my ears did not bring reason or sense or plausible answers to my growing list of questions. _Fucking senseless orchestra. _I know she was speaking the words, but what Alice spouted was illogical.

_Jasper loves Alice. Jasper could never leave. And, Rosalie …_

No, no, there was no way he had _actually_ left because if he did somehow manage to full out abandon - _shit_ - I'd have to kill that motherfucker for … _FUCK_ … _my girls_. _The bastard is going to decimate them both; Alice's first, Rosalie's millionth._

I couldn't ask Ali, couldn't bring myself to make her voice anything remotely damaging at the moment, so I sent the barrage of needed explanations hurtling towards my own stunned brain.

I felt physically weak as I tore through the crisis Alice's words put in my hands. Yes, there was a possibility Jasper hadn't actually left. Maybe there had been a fight. Maybe he simply walked away. _But if it were just a fight, Alice would go after him. _And the truth was, Alice was tenacious and she more than understood her own powers of persuasion. If there's a problem, and she had a chance of fixing it, she would. _And get her way in the end, too._

This was anything but 'her way.' So, he would in fact _have_ to be gone-gone to leave Shorty caught in this state of limbo.

And Rosie. She was finally healing. Together and through her own strength the fractures that riddled her past were mending. What would this do to her?

Standing under the weight of pelting rain and the bleak visual of tear streaked faces topped by familiar black and blond hair I felt bound. Jasper really fucked everyone.

_Dammit, my girls._

And then, with an almost audible 'click' I made it past the wall and began connecting some dots.

_Girls ... Rosalie … Alice …_

Bella.

_Holy fucking shit. _I may have two girls, but Jasper-fuck had three.

Something must have gone wrong with Bella. That would be the only thing to make him bolt without explanation, without notice.

My thoughts immediately went to Edward and what foul shit he'd done now, but that didn't exactly fit as black and white in my assumptions as it would have a few months ago. He wasn't the same old fucker anymore, but that didn't mean he hadn't screwed Miss B royally. It also didn't change the fact that Jasper was now apparently gone.

"Where did he go?" I asked, reaching out towards her elbow. She stepped away from my touch, blearily meeting my question with a refusal of comfort and the full force of her gaze.

"I need to find Edward."

"W-wait, Ali-" I stuttered, unable to imagine her pain and equally confused by her disregard for it. But as the direction of her thoughts sunk in, the idea of Edward finding out Jasper was MIA obscurely - and all of the connotations that held - made my blood run cold.

With her stance obviously geared towards searching the campus I decided to offer what help I could, at a distance she seemed to need. "Okay, I'll check the suite. Call if you find him."

With a curt nod she departed down the empty walkway, much too slowly to be any form of the Alice I knew and loved.

Before ten feet separated us the reason for splitting up dissipated.

What we sought was striding towards us.

Oblivious.

"Alice, what the fuck is wrong?" His literal words were angry, but the timbre resonated with panicked concern as Edward fully absorbed the mess before him. It seemed he already gathered someone had done this, that she could never find this wasteland unaided.

The reaction I'd expected to receive was quickly thrust upon Edward as Ali's small frame crashed into his body, rocking him back onto his heels. Her sobs were dry as she gasped her way through not only her own desperation but, most likely, what her reality meant for Edward's.

_If Jasper left, Bella left too, _I rationalized as two more dots formed a line.

"Edward," her voice shook out through the muffling her mouth against his downy, black sweatshirt caused. "Jasper …. Jasper … they've left – They've left us behind."

She continued to tremble, hair to toes, as her fingers dug into Edward's back, and for the first time the true surprise of her complete unhinging registered with me. Alice was more than losing her shit – if she kept on I knew she'd full out lose every ounce of food and acid her stomach contained before threatening lung upheaval.

Over the huddled form clenching his midsection, Edward's eyes met mine as he slowly began to nod his head.

"Ed, man, we were just coming to look for you." He only continued to nod, eyes unfocused and sliding him far away.

"Hey, we could go back to the girls' suite, I really need to check on Rose – they are all probably there, hashing out whatever the fuck's going on anyway-"

"No." Was his reply, in what I can only imagine his voice would sound like seventy years from now. "Which way did Jasper go, Alice?"

"That way." Her head remained fused to Edward's chest, but she managed to make the words discernible in combination with a waving motion.

"He's looking for her," my unbelievably calm brother mumbled mostly to himself. "I need to find her before he does."

He planned to stop them. But it wasn't realistic with Jasper's head start.

"It's been like twenty minutes, man."

His only response was to pull Alice into his arms and rush away in the opposite direction she'd signaled Jasper had gone.

I considered following – it would no doubt be easy to keep up with Alice's weight slowing him down – but I knew I needed to go find Rose.

As my feet shuffled me towards her, fear of what would be left to find after I explained, or found her already reeling from her twin brother's most affecting desertion crept over me.

I could have been right, the three of them might be there duking it out unaware of the hell they'd have to pay that stretched beyond their precious biological family.

But I doubted it.

Jasper knew we'd all be arriving soon - congealing as lone teammates, plotting the reprieve. My interference would be for the sake of Rose, Edward's appeal would fall only on Bella's ears – no doubt successfully swaying her – and Alice would pluck at his heart strings.

Plain and simple, Jasper was a bastard. He just also happened to be a bastard who loved my Ali-girl. The same fucking asshole I plummeted to my death with her for; only better now because he had his counterpart. If he couldn't get away before encountering Alice again, he would never be strong enough to go. And in his mind Bella had to be put first , no matter how things had changed. At least, that was the wisdom Rosie had instilled in me.

And fuck, it wasn't our fault that ever since Bella arrived they'd both impacted our Fremont corner of the world, leaving it irrevocably altered. And now they were just gone?

Fucking Jasper.

He had to know there was no going back.

He had to anticipate the now unavoidable destruction.

He would have to stop running eventually. And when he did, would he finally realize we were all no longer who we once fucking were?

It had taken me less time than I'd predicted to cross Rosalie's doorway, but there she sat legs tucked up and serene.

"How are you?" I asked, leaning uncertainly against the door jam attempting to keep the anger that had peaked during my campus trek out of my voice.

"He asked me to come with." The smile was slight and certainly marred by the ache crinkling her eyes, but it was there never the less.

So, she knew they were gone.

"She kissed me goodbye." The complete change of my girl still surprised me; the genuine love she had for her nemesis cousin taking the cake – even over the mounting Jasper reconciliation.

"I don't want to be without him, Em, I don't." The love that charged between all of us broke me farther, as flashes of what the rest of the year without him would do to her, to Alice; how losing Bella would again alter my brother.

My strong Rosie's voice broke me from my forethought. "Have you seen Edward? Alice?"

I nodded, unthinkingly mimicking how lost Edward's own motion had seemed not long ago.

"I just came from them. They went searching."

I cringed internally at the people surrounding me that would all need support, that I would be there for. The amount we'd all been changed in such a short time when we hadn't even asked for it, when we'd hardly had our eyes open enough to recognize the possibilities, gave me hope.

In many ways these new loves had fallen into our lives.

And it was true – sometimes man _can_ meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.

As she quietly imagined the search spanning all of Fremont that our remaining family was indulging in, something settled within her. Body relaxing further and eyes shining with fresh tears, she bravely voiced her truth.

"There's nothing to find."

My hope would need to carry us both now because there was still road to travel, even if it currently stretched out into a steep hill.

"Maybe not a Bella or a Jasper, baby, but there is always something left to find."

I sunk into the settee and pulled Rosie into my arms, showing her wordlessly that I'd never leave, that the road that remained before us would always be traveled together. Because until the pavement, rocks or dirt ended, halting at a canyon that only leaves backpedaling or the doom of crashing headfirst into the white rapids below as our options, there would always be life to find.

====*====

_Baby, you're so unusual._

_Didn't anyone tell you_

_You're supposed to_

_Break my heart-_

I cut off the intrusion as quickly and as stealthily as possible, careful not to wake the blond beauty nuzzled into my side.

If Alice's ring tone was only slightly annoying before, it was full on fucking abhorrent to me now.

"Yeah?" I answered in a stage whisper, creating a convex pocket around the mouthpiece with my free hand.

"Fuck." The simple word response was quiet and distorted, and it was alone.

"Hello?" I managed a little bit louder, thinking possibly we were both speaking too quietly for either of us to fucking get on with it.

Silence.

"Emmett- fuck! Are you there?" The voice sounded so far away.

_Crackle._

"… Edward?" I was pretty sure it was him. Looking down at the display I verified it was in fact Ali's phone calling, so it made sense he'd be on the other line – somewhat.

"EMMETT, CAN YOU HEAR ME?"

And I could hear him, but just barely as the noise around him finally broke through the earpiece and shrill sirens screaming in his background drowned out most of his words.

_Wait, sirens? _I concentrated on the piercing pitch.

Yes, those were sirens and close ones at that. Very close.

I continued to try and talk back but the noise was too loud for him to differentiate my words.

He sounded surrounded.

Almost like the panicked alert was traveling with him.

Almost as if he were traveling with it.

Within it.

I knocked Rose away as pieces of my mind severed from the blunt realization.

Edward was calling from Alice's phone.

So, where the fuck was Alice?

Why the hell couldn't she use her phone to call?

Rosalie jerked up looking flippantly in my direction, eyes still adjusting to the darkness of her bedroom.

"Emmett, dammit, what's wrong?" Everything outside my brain seemed to be traveling in slow motion as my mind continued to split off in every possible direction – fueled by undiluted panic.

"Rosie, I think something happened …" _I sound drunk._

"Give me the phone-" _It won't help._

"No, you can't hear anything but sirens." She grabbed the phone away in earnest.

Peering down at the blaring black box of poison, she registering who had called. "It's Alice. Alice! Alic-" _No, baby, it's not Alice._

I stood pulling on my pants and deliriously reached around the floor for the rest of our discarded clothing, interrupting her as I went.

"Edward's the one who called, baby. Here, put these on."

"Why is Edward calling … from somewhere with nothing but sirens in the background… on Alice's phone …" Her disjointed words finally fused together. "Oh my fucking - ALICE! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god …"

And without disconnecting our one link to information, we both crashed out the door half dressed, half insane and more than half sure there was an ambulance racing our family through the wet streets of Seattle away from, or because of, a tragedy.

It seemed the nightmare of our day had barely begun.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**APOV**

I felt like lead.

Not that he wasn't strong enough, no Edward moved us both along like I was merely a weighted bag strapped to his chest. Though much more precious.

I knew he'd protect me from myself. As best he could.

But in the mean time, he needed to find _her_.

And I more than understood.

I longed to find _him_.

That we wouldn't didn't matter. The reality couldn't keep us from looking. Everywhere.

So, when the air turned musky and tepid I registered that our searching had led us indoors – though which building we'd entered I was unaware. I didn't trust myself to look, either.

I was relying on Edward's shoulder to keep my eyes pressed shut; otherwise I'd become fruitlessly hopeful just as he had. My heart could need to find Jasper and I might even support my mind foolishly tricking me into contorting the odds, but I refused to condemn my sight. Not seeing him before me, wanting, begging me to forgive and understand and hold him would be it.

The end.

The sound of Jasper's whispered plea for my love left unanswered twisted into the echo of the hardwood floor under Edward's feet, both softening as doors squeaked opened straining on their hinges. The surrounding energy became vast and cavernous.

Before I knew how to stop him, Edward's arms lowered me into a firm, upholstered seat. I felt him walk away and his steps clattered over hardwood again.

Appalled by the thought that he was going back as we came, my head whipped around, hands clenching down on thin arm rests.

Motion and sight and recognition swirled together, revealing a determined Edward still as night on the CAT performance stage, lock jawed and staring at a piano. He was transfixed so completely, as if Bella herself was sitting on the empty, black bench.

I thought maybe he'd explain our destination, his fixation and then I realized just how long it had been since we'd hung out. Jasper would explain. Edward wasn't one to do any such thing.

I'd known these Edward 'laws' to a fault, until my brain bled Jasper's qualities into everyone else's. How quickly we cross our love wires, no matter the sort of love they carry.

The thoughts of lovers and friends, near brothers and the qualifications for family led me to the mental box designated for strange and ardent love that had been opened earlier in the day, before hell found earth.

"It was Heidi. All along, your 'first love girl' I made the save for, it was _her_? How could you not say anything? I can't believe you let me go on about her thoughts and opinions on relationships in the immediate wake- … I am so sorry, Edward."

My head was in my hands, finding more relief from the sightless burrow than properly reveling in my past stupidity and insensitive actions.

But he _had_ loved her. If anything, it was the strength of Heidi's rejection that first taught Edward how to change for a woman. It had been a destructive change, but then again, it obviously had been a destructive love. Heidi was _gay. _And Edward, the youth fool enough to want her for himself anyway.

"How could you know? I didn't tell you. There is nothing to forgive."

Forgiveness felt like such an easy task at the moment if only I could have the chance. If only he'd return. But the sex would keep Jasper running; Bella's growth would continue to perplex him. I doubted he'd stop moving until they had turned back enough time to regain the control they'd known over their former, lesser selves.

"You had sex with Bella." It was a statement; his eyes had spoken this truth already.

"You had sex with Jasper, that's a much larger fucking deal when you compare the two of us." He was trying to down play. _Maybe he can't bear for it to be the reason._

"And when you compare Jasper and Bella, which seems more the monumental giver to you?" _Touché friend._

"Okay, yes Alice, Bella and I were finally together." The trance over stages, pianos and a semi-empty bench had been broken. He couldn't have turned his back faster on the whole scene - tantamount to life or death just moments previous - if he'd tried, and now he strode back to my front row perch.

"And?" I craned the dead weight of my head up, seeking out his eyes, praying I'd find the all too familiar need bubbling up inside him as it was me.

"Being with her has changed me." And I knew he didn't mean taking her virginity. He just meant her presence, the knowing, the together, now even the apart– simply her.

Where first love had brought an arsenic destruction, a polar true love had been his overdue restoration.

But him loving what took my own literal heart far away was beginning to crawl under my skin. And as Jasper took over the forefront of my thoughts again the crawl turned into deep lacerations.

I would never rid myself of this pain. The thin, open sores striped up my insides and cut me to the core.

Every additional question or memory – silent 'I love you's', my skin touching his, ridiculous rumors and ancient drawings – I felt more of myself slipping.

Injured, confused, lost, heavy – I needed to feel fresh. A cleansing action.

"You know what I need."

Edward's green eyes were black in the shadowy room, nothing discernible moving behind them. "You don't want to check at the suite?"

"I don't want to see anyone else." My legs felt stronger with the promise of what we were moving towards serving as an instant shot of adrenalin. And just in case they hadn't left I needed to know. "I have an idea."

I led us away, from what I still wasn't sure but this place held meaning, memories. It probably saw more truth in the beginnings of Edward and Bella than anyone else. More than the doubting best friend and the cynical cousin. Certainly more than a campus full of decrepit students bound to live a half-life so void of anything real that recognizing it would have been impossible.

And was that our future now as well? If Jasper was anything it was calculated, dedicated. I knew he was using this to try and make up for his past mistakes, and so Bella and Jasper wouldn't return. Without him was there any hope?

I hadn't realized how long we spent in the theater but the waning daylight indicated the lies we were attempting to believe. _We can find them before they go. We'll look. We'll scour. We'll convince. _So many lies.

There was no convertible to find in the outdoor parking lot or the garage. _Gone._

Wearing B's helmet, I held onto Edward for dear life as we raced to the bridge, praying I'd find a way to claim what was left of mine in full. I began forcing myself to repeat that losing everything wouldn't seem so desperate once I figured out what else there was to encounter.

I forgot to breath as we rode and gasped into my helmet as belated tears fell for the 'could have beens.' Moving on was impossible, but living on seemed nonnegotiable.

And what would come next was the only way I knew how to make it to tomorrow.

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**EPOV**

The water below was rough. The storm raging just under my own surface was worse.

"_I don't need this ritual for myself anymore."_

_Had I meant it_, I wondered, questioning the last time I'd stood in this exact spot; the only visit I'd ever made with someone other than Alice. And as the words I'd spoken, promised, fucking vowed - to the girl who didn't stop owning me no matter how many miles she put between us - repeated I knew the answer doubtlessly.

"_I just know I can't start over from you."_

But what would I do now? What was my purpose in this new life I'd forged if she wasn't there to prove my worth to, if even the catalyst for so much change hadn't found it to be enough.

So, here I stood with my one constant girl. My platonic pal, the sister I'd always have. And she needed this.

"_I never want to wash myself clean from the time we spend together. No matter what."_

No. Matter. What.

My ears throbbed as my straining voice ricocheted there. Because now everything was ephemeral; Bella, my once resilient defenses, the worst day of my life – all short lived. All over before they really began, but capable of influencing every moment from here on out.

"_I cannot imagine not holding on to every second I've been enraptured by you, forever."_

Without Bella I'd still have to move, make, do. But without the memory of her? I couldn't continue as myself without that.

And the water below ensured she would be gone. That may not have been Alice's intention, but it was my own reality.

"_I will always be here for you."_

Even in the darkness she was all I could see. The vision of her ever-before me brought my voice back, strong and guilty, broken and blessed. I got her for so little damn time – I would never give that time back.

"I can't – I can't, Ali. She is everything. And yes, I do mean 'is.' I cannot go back now. I promised I never would." We couldn't begin regretting the amazing things – people – that made us who we'd become. No matter the pain. Then we'd just end up running too.

"Your promises walked away when she did."

I knew Alice needed me, found strength in the equal save, but her words only reminded me how much we still had yet to learn about Bella, and Jasper by extension.

"I can't start new from her." I was nodding again, because I'd known she was broken and pushed my way inside. And she'd accepted me, fully within her, in so many ways. I was so fucking lucky. I was also a dumbass for not being more careful.

My mistakes would stop now.

"And I can? What the fuck is 'new' anyway, oh great King? We need this jump. I _need _this jump." Ali's eyes were swelling shut.

"I'm not that person, that foolish man any more; you know that." I couldn't meet the slits still visible beneath the puffy evidence of her inner need to embrace this last resort. She had no more tears to give. "I'm sorry, Ali. I just can't."

"Well, I have no other choice," she croaked, voicing what I already knew.

Her jump came swiftly, without the count – the count we'd added four and five to simply because neither of us had been ready by three. Ironically, she didn't even require the mention of 'one,' her need to walk out of water unburdened too irrefutable.

Though I'd never remained on the bridge before, her splash came faster than I anticipated so I hurriedly leaned out over the ledge to watch her break the surface.

But she didn't spring up quickly at all. The tossing water seemed thick as tar limiting my vision and barely allowing me to make out her floating body, slowly rising to the surface.

I attempted to suck a breath in, but was met with the resistance of my heaving chest.

I had no air or thought and patches of blindness swam in front of my eyes as Ali stayed face down, only shifting with the rhythm of the tumultuous water.

A rock. Or the water's floor. Alice's fall had been obstructed.

Inside I was screaming for help, any fucking aid or direction as I didn't know whether to jump in and possibly strike whatever she had and have no chance of pulling her out, but I couldn't think any more because she had no air and her neck and I had to get to her so I threw myself over the edge, angled just far enough away that we wouldn't collide on impact.

Freezing water locked my muscles up tight, but I towed her weight as carefully as possible to the flooded bank because I didn't know how to tell if her back had been injured. The water levels were so high and I couldn't command my mind to start compressions but my hands moved instinctively and mouth cupped my little, tiny best friend's purple lips. I heard a voice calling out from somewhere and between the two and fifteen action managed to yell for them to call 9-1-1.

And I didn't stop.

I would never stop.

All she'd wanted was for me to save her, and I wouldn't fucking let her down ever again.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: Will you trust me?**

The EPOV Lavender's Blue outtake can be found after Chapter 22 Roses Are Red's A/N.

Appreciation and love go to my girls **stolenxsanity** and **ViOlentSerenity **– T, E ~ Your support – and prodding - is what gets these updates written!

**So much love, RAE**


	26. This is the House That Jack Built

**Chapter 25 This is the House That Jack Built**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: All these characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, and right now Jasper does especially.**

**---Jams---**

**BPOV – Franklin by Paramore**

**JPOV – Pitter-Pat by Erin McCarley**

**Music on the profile.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_Previously in For Want of a Nail …_

"_Jasper?" Bella's voice was hoarse and countenance nearly unsalvageable, as she visibly shook in place._

_I was doing right by her; I knew that in this moment. She told me so, impossibly, with her dead eyes. But I had to hurry up._

"_I'm taking you home." Finally cohesive emotions flickered. Inability, longing, fear, torn – Bella was broken apart._

"_Home?" She was crying and laughing, sputtering and hushed, eyes alight with frenzy._

"_Arizona first and then we'll find it – where we need to be," I assured my crazy girl._

I'm getting you out of here.

_Bella tugged Rose's hand asking for something - for her to come, permission to leave, a sound reason to stay._

_My mind tried to shove what we had here to the forefront of this unsteady plan, making me see the worth, but all I could acknowledge was helping Bella find a place to escape to._

_Alice's lips and heart and laugh flickered around my resolute decision, searching for a crack. But, I was needed more by someone else._

_I'd always be failing someone._

_I clenched Red's keys in my palm and shouldered our baggage._

"_Bella?"_

_She released Rose, remembering we'd be okay just the two of us, and pecked her lips._

_And without another thought, Bella saw the end of her line and walked out the suite ahead of me showing the world once again she was in control of her own destiny and that Fremont was always meant to be a speck in the time line of our lives._

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**BPOV**

It wasn't too late.

As my bare toes smudged the foggy windshield, right where the muted sun was just beginning to crease into the horizon, I though of the last distance I'd driven in Red at about this time of day. And I didn't mean our jaunt from lovely fucking Puyallup. With my seat reclined to capacity and my eyes angled out the back passenger side window, I drifted away in the mingling of colors and light as trees and cars whizzed by. It was a tranquil time to be on the road, no matter where you were leaving from. No matter the unknowns ahead.

Once we'd hopped onto I-5 south my mind began betraying me, unsteady in its recollection of my thought process during that last drive. We were on the same freeway, flying along in the same literal direction but figuratively speaking I could find no similarities.

I'd looked at Charlie's house in Forks with recognition for the first time as we backed out of the drive. Home. It had been a goodbye hello. Now, though, I didn't know what I'd _actually_ seen as we departed my three year haven nestled in the expected suffocation of trees. It seemed impossible that those feeling had been true when my heart now clearly mourned a place vastly more damaging, infinitely more familial.

Leaving Arizona all those years ago - basically a lifetime - meant moving on from my mom while the pain of leaving Forks had resembled a home because it brought stability and security back into my ravaged life. Fremont, in all its horrible reality, had given me what Forks lacked – people. My heart had begun to beat again in Forks, but it had finally stabilized its rhythm at Fremont; its purpose had been found.

And that was the difference. Truthfully, in my minds eye, we would never stop driving – Arizona or not – because there was nowhere left to land. We had found our place. We'd found it and left it behind in pursuit of what? The senseless dreams of a pre-Reneeless existence? The fantastical ideals of two truant sixth grade graduates more interested in running than experiencing, of focusing on the 'then' instead of the 'now'?

The continual promise of adventure and aspirations for a "future" were finally lost on me. And Jasper. We obviously had no idea we'd arrived even when it had been staring us in the face, kissing our mouths or moving as intimately as two lovers could.

And the bonds that had been cultivated: An estranged sister and cousin becoming our heartstrings and the love she found in a big muscled, swimmer man being the glue that held us all together. A tiny girl, of unparalleled energetic proportions, forcing her way into our time and rendering all established misconceptions of companionship incapable of remaining ignorant. A man, my very own man, built of what forever must be made of; an irrefutable other half.

Family, friends, futures.

All behind us.

And I couldn't for the life of me remember why the fuck we were driving anymore.

"Where the hell are we going, Jasper?" _Why are we leaving?_

The silence had been congested since we'd passed through the elaborate metal gates of our now former school, both of us most interested in our own thoughts. Now my voice rang out like no talking existed in the world whatsoever. Even Jasper's facial expression was one of a foreigner attempting to make sense of a language they weren't fluent in, a truly abstract dialect - _perhaps like one of those African tongues with the clacking and rhythmic noises_.

"I thought Phoenix briefly, then … anywhere." 'Anywhere' sounded pointless.

"Why there?" If he was truly helping us escape it made no sense to drag our damaged asses back _there_.

"We can regroup at the house." Standing on the Hale's back porch, it would only take a subtle northwestern glance and I'd be able to see my mom's master suit balcony.

"Why don't we go pitch a tent by Renee's grave, Jasper? Anything short of that isn't really a reunion, is it?" Sarcasm felt wonderful. Sex vulnerabilities, love questions, Heidi whoring, even Edward worries were easily pushed back when snark and snap entered the picture.

"Dammit – that isn't want I meant and you know it."

I did know it. That didn't keep our speed from agitating my queasy stomach or our direction from becoming equally sickening and … unwelcome. So baiting derision it was.

"Then what do you damn well mean_, Jay_? Because all I see this rescue mission doing is getting us lost further."

"Bella," he exhaled in a gust of certainty. "Don't worry, I'm not lost. I'll get us where we need to be."

His hijacking my allegory struck a cord that ran from brain to heart. _He's not lost. He isn't the one who's lost, says he. _And fuck that. I couldn't – wouldn't - accept the burden and accusation of being the only lost one here any longer.

_But, wait, why am I lost, again?_ The reasoning filtered in from the recesses of my tired mind.

Loss. Abandonment. Change.

The past.

Renee, Charlie - the tortures of a teenage girl. It all seemed so small to me now.

This "lost" notion was all wrapped up in my broken record of debilitating limitations and Jasper's stagnant expectations - his inability to challenge me to change.

To grow the fuck up.

And I knew immediately _this_ had been our undoing. I could see that now, even as blind as I remained.

Jasper had held me back, kept me from finding my own overcoming strength because of these past tragedies. His continual desire to fix it, protect, while also requiring me to protect myself no matter what I might loose along the way had perpetuated the pain.

Things never needed to be this hard. Home, friendship, love.

We did this to ourselves.

He did this to us.

And I let him.

I also allowed myself to accept this way of life.

Where this freeing clarity was coming from, I wasn't exactly sure, but suddenly it wasn't the car's velocity or direction to or from that was moldering my insides. Instead, it was as if something gelatinous had just severed inside me – perhaps from the pressure of realizing what we'd done and left and that we were now traveling towards oblivion – and was seeping over everything that filled me up. Every organ, vein, muscle and function that made me who I was felt open, exposed, in need of a purge.

What Jasper and I had caused together, that brought us to this desolate place, was a-glow. The roll he played, though, shone brightest and centrally.

I couldn't even attempt to hold back what was spilling forth in me, and didn't want to. It was time to face just what this shit was all about.

"Alright, maybe lost was the wrong adjective for your particular brand of crazy. So, how about … you're running the fuck away, Jasper, calling it penance, when it's really your wayward way of holding me back?" All Jasper's 'safe' and 'sound' goals for me were racking up, stacks and piles beginning to topple over. If I wasn't quick in sorting things out it would all crash down. We'd surely drown.

Through organized memories, Jasper's own issues were forcing their way to the forefront, and - just as it took Edward to help me face myself - Alice would be his tell-all. Jas knew now how badly he'd screwed shit up with Rosalie and probably subconsciously knew his roll in enabling my faults. There was no way, with his track record of ruined women, that Jasper could believe he was good for the female persuasion.

So he ran from Alice to keep from fucking it up, invited Rosalie along to tie up lose, though well-meaning, ends and was attempting to pull a maverick 'hail Mary' in the minefield of my emotions. He put me before others because my mistakes and floundering had somehow become his; he was going to fix us up simultaneously.

As the seams of my mind wound together I became explosively furious.

The love I had for the guy sitting to my left was chucked high up on a shelf; I needed to tear through everything that had locked us in our own destructive world without it slowing me down.

"You never believed in me, Jasper." Spit, venom and truth spewed, covering him in whatever was spilling fast inside me. "You saw Edward want me, and yes he was a fool for a lot of the time you knew him, but you had to have seen the change in him. It probably scared you more. When he came around though, you knew my limitations and it never crossed your mind that I could grow beyond them, that I would need to in order to grow the fuck up. Is mourning like some sort of chronic illness to you? Did you really expect me to stay thirteen forever? Need only you forever? Live without anyone to love? How dare you!

You abandoned me_,_ or rather what I could become, somewhere along this fucking road, Jasper, choosing for _me_ security over success. I'm looking at you and I'm wondering how your need to protect actually made it _okay_ in your mind that I'd have some mediocre, half-ass life. Alone.

Sanity and self-reliance are traps. Life is _supposed_ to be fucked up sometimes. That's what makes actually finding love so damned worth it."

The cold substance bathing my insides as well as Red's, it was realization - hopefully, acceptance as well. I was someone new; I had changed. And it was a good, messy business.

I'd dropped my feet and sat bolt upright as understanding had shot from me. I'd found what 'alive' felt like in the arms of Edward, but truthfully that invigorating culmination was very unlike this personal one.

"Bella, I was- I thought I was helping you hold onto what you needed."

Who he'd been and what I'd needed now seemed like polar opposites. But how could either of us have known? If I hadn't, how could he? But he was all I'd had. I felt failed.

"Why should a person be aloud to live alone? I think there's something inside you that needs me to be an isolated mess just so that it can be you who is there for me. Like your solo effort in keeping me calm and on top of my "needs" would keep us linked. "

By eyes bore down on his profile. No matter the pain, I wished we could have had this conversation eye to eye. It was, after all, the end of something.

"I've never felt farther from than you than in this moment." My voice was steady. The words were all I had left, and they hurt, but they were fact.

After uttering this last sentence I realized I could finally, actually, stand alone.

_Ring. Ring._

_Ring. Ring …_

_Like he'll answer_, I thought as Jasper's cell phone trilled on and I continued to sit awash in the freedom I'd pondered in this very car's back seat not long ago.

_Ring. Ring._

I watched him check the display. I had to admit, as distracted by my revelations as I was, I wanted to know who the first to call would be as well. But remembering _them_ overwhelmed my already exhausted thought process. I hadn't even managed to wrap my mind around all this newfound understanding let alone whether we go back now. Back to _them._

_Ring. Rin- "_Hey." My shock over Jasper's choice to answer couldn't drown out the apprehension-laced one word greeting.

I had no idea who would garner such a tentative response, let alone receive the time of day, as we skipping town in a bastardizing sort of way. Anyone I could think of that would call, neither of us would currently have the guts to face, via phone or not. As endless possibilities of exactly what those numerous conversations could entail, I suddenly felt bizarrely nostalgic for fighting properly, piss-to-piss.

"Please say that one more time, slowly." Only dogs could make out the shrill request made by quaking Jasper, who couldn't seem to keep up straight shootin' on the freeway.

"Slow down, Jasper. You're going to send us into a fucking guard rail," I halfway chastised.

Beyond the anger I couldn't help but echo, I was worried and thoroughly confused. He was just listening, but the silence felt full. His speed increased again, bringing my focus to zero in on his features.

Knuckles white, face ashen, eyes clenched shut- _what? He's definitely supposed to at least _watch_ the road while experiencing a total breakdown behind the wheel._ "Shit, Jasper! Open your eyes!"

**JPOV**

My lids lifted open. I was still here.

I'd tried and tried and still ended up coming out the other end as the catalyst of yet another shit storm.

"She was hopeless, man. That's all I know. She and Edward went looking for Bella, trying to get to her before you did – to stop the fucking mad dash – but you were long gone. They did what they do, dude. He took her to the bridge - I think she asked him to. This is just what saving's for anyway - though you've certainly occupied more than your fair share of jump time." His pause crackled with the hostility I knew I'd be feeling physically if Emmett and I were speaking face to face. "Anyway, the water levels had risen so much and rocks and shit had shifted-"

I knew Emmett was attempting his version of a quick account, but every word hurt my eyes and ears and heart. Not to mention, the loosely connected run down was nonsensical.

"I don't even know what you're saying, Emmett. It makes no fucking sense. What bridge? What the shit is 'saving'? This can't be happening …" The road before me was blurring again, and I longed to shut my sight away once more, but the controlled voice urged me with another incentive.

"I'll explain more when you get here, Jasper. Just fucking get here."

_She and Edward went looking for Bella … he took her to the bridge - I think she asked him to. This is just what saving's for anyway…_

"Wait, wasn't Edward there? Why isn't he-" I was trying to make myself understand just what exactly Edward was doing with Alice and a bridge, and how she ended up apparently striking something in the water below, but there were barely any pieces available to create even half of a complete picture. All I truly knew was Edward had been there when this – whatever that was – occurred.

"Stop worrying about _him_. Are you coming now?" I thought I could make out Rosalie's hiccuping sniffles in the background, as I sought out Alice's greeting or exclamation of 'gotcha' to make this nightmare a farce.

But none of us would turn something this cataclysmic into a joke.

Alice was our fountain of joy. Beautiful, breakable, overflowing.

"Of course we are. Where is she?"

"The Children's Hospital. Take Sandy Point to Penny; park in lot four."

My thumb slammed the 'end' button and with the disconnection went my ability to speak, think, process.

"Oh my god. I can't – I can't…" The shaking was uncontrollable.

And that great varying void – first Rosalie and now Bella – was still there, just below the panic and adrenaline, drawing me towards my touchstone lying in an emergency ward that, by name, declared her - the woman I had left behind this same day - just a child. Fragile. Young. In need of fixing. But that fucking void reverberated whom - no matter how serious her injuries would be - really needed the damn overhaul. In lieu of repairing myself I'd done all of this, broken all that I'd ever touched.

My mind had honestly vacated whatever void Bella's mutual self-realizations had descended me into, because Alice – my Ali Angel – was … well, they didn't know. No information. No specifics. I cared what was going on, but mostly I just wanted to be there.

Back.

Seattle.

Home.

Right fucking now.

And because she would always be my Bella, the angry, justified, ever-friend to my right took the reigns.

"Jasper, just pull over. Right up there."

As soon as were stopped on the shoulder, I jumped out of the driver's seat and walked to a wooden sign-support post. Head bent, my fist began to connect, each punch harder than the last.

I couldn't be stopped. Not by my suddenly evolved cousin_, _not from the searing pain of mangled flesh connecting with raw wood. I would hit until I felt nothing.

As she continued to intuit my needs, Bella didn't follow. Instead, I felt her move to take my place behind the wheel and wait.

But nothingness wouldn't come and I was wasting time. Bloody hands and forearms hanging limply at each side, I sunk into my seat, gingerly pulling the door with me.

"Take us to the Children's Hospital. Alice has had an accident." The word 'accident' stuck on my tongue and teeth on the way out. It was a guess, a fucking painful descriptiveless explanation. I didn't know what the hell had truly happened or how she was fairing because of it.

_Why were they jumping from a bridge? Why didn't Edward protect her, save her from this?_

"And Edward…?"

"He's fine." Bitter couldn't cover what I was feeling towards her question, let alone the fucking fuck answer.

It should have been him. _Edward. _The very name boiled my insides. _And to think, ten minutes ago I was actually feeling sub-par to his ability to reach the Bella I always hoped would come back. What use is he to her? He can't even care for his own._

For my own.

_No, Jasper, not yours – you abandoned Alice. You drove her to do this. You._

And I _had_ caused whatever had happened. _Everything that happened, apparently_, I thought as I caught Bella's frowning profile in my peripherals.

"Did I hear you say something about a bridge … and 'saving'?" Bella asked, quietly, so unlike the timbre she'd used for our previous conversation. Hardly any time had passed but the resilient, confident women I'd watched unfold in the very seat I now occupied had fallen hushed, sedated, bleak. _Alice is her friend; her first friend and she's concerned. _But I knew it was more than that.

So I pondered the question asked: _Did I hear you say something about a bridge … and 'saving'?_

"Do you know what bridge Emmett was talking about?" The details would uncover her issue. Picking at these details would also distract my damn mind.

The absence of a worded answer was enough of an affirmative.

"What is 'saving'?" I ventured again, hoping Bella had an idea of what went down mere moments after we crossed the Fremont threshold.

Clearing her throat, Bella clipped out, "Edward explained it once."

I assumed this was in reference to 'saving.' My mind found a precious image of Alice's face, eyes twinkling as she went on and on about one artist or another, the morning after our first time together, as I waited for Bella to continue.

"They use it to – the act of surfacing from the water symbolizes a … a fresh start."

A fresh start. It hadn't even been hours. I hadn't even begun processing the act of leaving, and she was starting over? The eyes and warmth I'd just been clinging to was snuffed out at this definition.

"And he promised me …" Heavy all over, Bella's sentence fell along with her countenance.

"Oh yes, what did _he _promise you? It sounds like our desire to have Fremont come and go without consequence truly won't just be a desire. At least from their end."

As long as Alice was alright - because how bad could it really be? – I could continue on in life, whether she meant to be rid of me permanently or not. Her well being was all that mattered, no matter the piercing her immediate disavowing inflicted on my soul.

"We left them, Jasper. I know that, but the first thing done in our absence was an act designed to erase. What could we have possibly meant to them?"

She was correct; we'd been washed away. But somehow I didn't care. Not knowing Alice's condition kept me from caring about anything else.

Fucking love.

It didn't take Bella long to navigate us through off and on ramps to get us pointed North. Nighttime was falling, and common Seattle traffic greeted us just as downtown came into view. I watched the hub exits creep by – Seneca, Union, Olive, and Mercer – my full body quake confined itself to my legs as they aggressively jittered from the constant delays. I felt the urge many times to begin shouting profanities while pummeling the horn in front of Bella. Finally 45th was upon us and we left the god forsaken freeway, only to brave the stoplights.

I was about to begin boycotting the color red as an impromptu religion, when 'Emergency' signs had me instead calling out driving and parking directions to an equally frantic Bella.

Though she was at my heals, my thoughts were far from my cousin, and I honestly hoped never to see Red again – as it was now the location of my worst realizations about myself and the things I thought I knew ending up being one horrendous lie.

I saw Rosalie first, pacing, after entering the hospital and rounded on the third miss-labeled corridor. Miss-labeled purely based on the fact that I was having a difficult time concentrating on anything long enough to actually read – couldn't they just say 'Alice, this way! Run like fucking hell!'?

"Rose." Bella apparently still had her voice, while it seemed mine had escaped me again. Being this close was messing me up.

"Bella, Jasper – oh, Jasper." My sister's fingers went to my cheeks, brushing along the bone, carrying with the motion the only thing I apparently could contribute – fucking tears. _Blubbering fool._

She tentatively turned my hands over in her own, evaluating the damage I'd done but completely forgotten about. At the sight of my own blood my mind sprung to Ali, envisioning her tiny body smattered by injuries with bandages and casts in a large, angled hospital bed with IVs and monitors littering every vein and surface. The possibilities were endless and all I wanted, all I could fucking manage to propel myself any farther for, was to hold her hand and apologize and hear her sweet trilling laughter. To know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she would be just fine … possibly that she regretted trying to wash our love from her history.

Damn it all - I just needed to find her room.

My wild eyes must have signified the questions running amok with my sanity as Emmett dutifully spoke up from the far corner waiting room chair; "She's still being worked on."

"The nurses promised a doctor would be out as soon as they know anything," Rose's unsuccessfully reassurance was met quickly by Bella's countering pragmatism.

"But you've been here for a while, right? What could be taking so long?"

"We have no idea. We just have to fucking wait." These words brought on the first recognition I paid to the crumpled figure hunched a row away from Emmett. Wet and ashamed, Edward looked too fucking healthy for my taste.

"What the fuck happened, Edward? What the hell were you doing at the bridge? You're such a liar." Bella beat my surfacing verbal abilities to the punch igniting group involvement.

Emmett stood quickly to take the arm of a jumpy Edward, while Rosalie wound nearer to me still as I moved in, inching closer to the bastard I was still determining what exactly I could do to with fists already beat to shit.

"You both left. No pause, no thought – you just ran. We went looking for you-" Bella's interjection and Edward's own wrenching sob stopped him short.

"But Jasper and I were already gone so you thought 'what the hell, I'll just go back to being a douchey asshat who's only in it for the pooty – forget the girl I made love me.'" She was screaming - shrill and unfurled from heartbreak - in the deserted waiting room, consoled only by Emmett. Rose wouldn't let me go to her.

"Bella, I didn't jump-"

Snippets of some alternate reality scenario surfaced in my bleary mind, revealing Alice falling over the edge of a cliff shrieking at me to save her while Edward stood idly by and Bella's mangled body lay broken at my feet. But instead of going to anyone's aid I was backing away slowly, afraid of falling, stricken by fear of my own broken body crumpling to the ground.

"Stop it, everyone." Rosalie's voice pulled me back to Edward's confession of not jumping, as if allowing Alice to jump by herself was somehow a positive decision, and I couldn't refrain one second longer.

"Don't speak to her; don't you dare try to excuse this. Why are you even here? You let Alice jump off a bridge alone, Edward? What the fucking hell could you of been thinking?"

"Rosie-" Emmett called out as if my waif sister could put a stop to my shouting. The volume we'd escalated to caused Bella to throw both hands over her ears, head shaking and face contorting in pain. Somehow, through all the noise around me as well as inside my mind, I could still make out the foreign voice among the group.

"Excuse me." My eyes fell on the white-coated witness to our public group annihilation.

"Please, Bella." My eyes darted back to Edward while his never left Bella's face.

"Don't listen to him, Bella." I would not let him ruin her too. If I'd been wrong about everything else, I was at least right when it came to Edward Cullen. He belonged far away from Bella. He would never harm Alice again.

But at that plea for her to see this reminder for what it was, just as she'd cut me to my own core during the escape, her hands flew away from her head, finger outstretched and jabbing quickly between Edward and myself. As her eyes blazed back and forth, mirroring her accusatory hand motion, a deep ragged voice choked out of her concave frame.

"NO! No! You did this. You … you _both_ did this. I can't look at either of you."

"Excuse me!" A stern bellow broke our stunned five-way staring war, and we all turned at once to acknowledge that same white-coated intruder.

But as I gauged his file-weighted hand, stethoscope and controlled, anesthetic expression realization dawned. He was whom we'd been waiting on in the first place.

"Are you all here for Alice Brandon?" A nod rippled around the circle, but I could only focus on his bobbing Adam's apple and shifting eyes. The doctor's muted distress caused my stomach to fall as his following words obliterated my world, stealing every shred of reason and hope eternally.

"I'm so sorry …"

The blackness that immediately engulfed me was welcomed fully. After all, within my most beautiful memories was the only place I'd ever see Alice's spark again.

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**A/N: Sincerest thanks to every last one of you who's alerted and favorited G&B! The numbers keep climbing and I can't help but love knowing so many of you read each and every update! There has also been an onslaught of new readers and that just thrills me. Thank you for letting me know you are out there and enjoying!**

**My frustrating update delay was due in great part to a TwiCon fanfic contest I chose to pursue. I've posted the completed entry, A Hither Affaire, on Fanfiction and Twilighted (though the submission process there does take time) and would LOVE to hear your thoughts!**

**Finally, Girls and Boys Come Out to Play has been nominated in the Best Drama category of the Razzle Dazzle Awards. Voting begins June 30th – the link is on my profile. Speaking of awards The Indies are new on the scene and the Bellies have come back around! Dig deep in your recognitions and have fun with them!!**

**Lots of love for my lovelies, RAE**

**P.S. (Longest AN ever – sorry) Be sure to put me on Author Alert if you're interested in being updated when I begin posting my next story, Where Happiness is Found, which should begin just as G&B is wrapping up!**


	27. Five Little Speckled Frogs

**Chapter 26 Five Little Speckled Frogs**

**A/N: Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, but the characters wound together here, in precisely this way, are mine.**

**My mother-in-law's continual creativity sparked the format for this chapter – many thanks to her for the constant support and an endlessly attentive ear.**

**Girls and Boys Come Out to Play has been nominated in four Indie Award Categories: Best Alternate Universe Human WIP, Best Characterizations (Non ExB) WIP, Best Secondary Story Line WIP, Most Romantic Moment WIP. I hope you'll cast your votes beginning July 9th (linked on the profile)!!**

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_We won't say our goodbyes_

_You know it's better that way_

_We won't break, we won't die_

_It's just a moment of change_

_-All We Are by One Republic_

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**APOV**

I was cognizant enough to feel the pressure of the flickering darkness that encapsulated whatever was left of me.

And that was all.

Where I was, what remained, how I wound up so incomplete was a mystery - one my curdled mind refused to sort out as it mucked along the dank reaches of empty space.

Through the infinity that stretched in every direction, beyond where I was certain I existed in some form, I could suddenly just make out what looked like my own hand extended much too far away to actually be connected to me. I couldn't even register if my eyes were open yet somehow I was seeing this pseudo-Alice hand moving briskly between visibility and mirage. However, from what was present I was certain. _It's definitely mine._ Back and forth, assured, determined, those childlike fingers were doing … something.

_If I can see that hand_, my mind sloshed along, _perhaps my other senses are also functioning at some capacity. _Without any tangible body's limbs and ligaments to flex, touch seemed unlikely. Though exhausted and sluggish, I drew on everything I felt I did have access to with the soul purpose of initiating a basic sniff. Even as I simply _thought_ about smelling, however, rich blackberries and sterile hostility flooded my illegitimate existence. Wafting in with the somehow familiar scents came a murmur. _Oh to hear right now would sooo be progress._

I had obtained a sight, inhaled a scent and interpreted the atmosphere of a world far outside my comprehension. If it were only possible to extend what little strength I possessed, training my absent ears towards this muted sound might prove positive.

So I trained. I trained with all my tiny might, one single wave at a time.

The frequency was high then low, often times overlapping. The more and more I pushed to understand, thankfully, the cleaner the noise became. As the murmur clarified into what I was certain had to be words - a strained human conversation - I was deliriously aware of the suspiciously careening hand swiping away in midair and the lovely berry smell, complemented by a floral vanilla, traveling nearer.

Outside my dark abyss someone was hovering over me, and even as my external view betrayed me I knew without a doubt that person was Rose. She was everywhere and nowhere. The height, fragrance, and intonation – she was unmistakable.

"It's … two days … -ward. As I've said … stop … things worse. No … go find … -la." Yes – _sigh_ - Rosalie. I felt slightly less alone, but all the more bewildered by the indefinable circumstances that had landed me in such a disconnected state.

"She won't let …" What I believed to be Edward's voice was low and broken, easily tangling with the hum of machines and the subsequent white noise impeding a world I wasn't actually apart of.

Though it seemed like I should feel her hands moving over me, as Rosalie's breathing strained and she continued on in a reprimanding tone, I couldn't. "Make her. She'll be here … minutes."

Their tired, sluggish exchange made it easier to process the syllables, but the variable meanings of the partially discernible conversation left me reeling. _Two days since what? Until what? Which things were worse? Who needed to be found and was that someone arriving soon?_

Most importantly, though, was the naggingly obvious: _Where the hell am I and why doesn't my voice or body work? _I wasn't even sure this wasn't some sick manifestation of my own subconscious_. Maybe I'm dead._

"I just … her to wake … She's so small and helpl- … -uck Rosalie … made such a mess."

"… blah mess blah … just … go." A slam followed Edward's swishing departure and Rose's final comment was spoken in my direction. "Whiney bastard."

The accuracy of my understanding indicated the increased sensitivity I was finally experiencing. Each sense I still had control over was heightened – offset by the functions I lacked - and helped overcome the fog of my thoughts. Though my mind still felt stuck in slow motion it pressed forward, attempting desperately to process each noise it encountered. My surroundings were beginning to take form.

Spatially I knew we were enclosed, my best friend and I. When Edward had opened the door - accessing his retreat - congested clatter, voices and the natural sounds of the living and active had flooded in. Out _there _was much fuller and busy than in _here._

"He's such an ass, Ali. I don't know how the fuck you put up with his prima donna eccentricities; I really, honestly don't." She chuckled over something deeply deprecating, but not towards Edward. "Damn. I wonder what people must say about us." I knew right away the "us" she was referring to was our friendship, hers and mine. The unlikelihood of it. The perplexity our duo must cause from the outside; the bits of nothingness that mattered little compared to the fact that she was the female friend I'd been waiting a lifetime to find.

"Have you ever had long hair? I don't think you should grow it out or anything, you'd get tons of paint in it, it's just … you're going to hate trying to cover all this up with nothing but pixie length hair - Oh, well shit, I know. We'll do a Neiman raid - you can get your much overdue NYC fix – and buy out all their scarves and attractive hats. And I do mean _attractive_ here, not _creative_! You'll look fuckhot in a simple beret. Maybe grey; match your eyes."

I wished with everything I had within me that I could feel whether or not Rosalie was twirling my hair as she prattled on about our usual business. She was emanating nervous tension and I longed to calm her, explain what was happening in my head – that I actually was here with her - but for now I'd have to be thankful she was finally discernible in word and thought.

"Speaking of, Emmett had on the most mouthwatering charcoal sweater today. You know, one of those 'I'm a tight ass bit of strategically stretched fabric masquerading as winter apparel' kind of panty clenching situations. I almost ripped it to shreds and mounted him mid-walk to English. But I came here instead. I'm guessing that makes me your most sacrificial friend of Life." Her pause was obviously for her; I wasn't going anywhere. "I really love him Alice, and I know this could be construed as shitty by anyone listening in who has any idea of what – well, if they knew what Jasper did to you, but you're all bandaged and freaky looking and I'm scared and I just need you, Ali.

I love him. It's so obvious to me. We're supposed to be together. And dammit, not just today or tomorrow, but for a hell of a long time. How could I possibly know this though? So intrinsically? I'm seventeen today, which mean only sixteen yesterday. That's hella young. It's not even halfway through junior year - subsequently my last year - of high school. I have daddy issues. And brother issues. Well … men issues. And I'm completely in love for the first time and think it's my future. How fucking ridiculous do I seriously sound? I can't believe it. I'm _that_ girl."

I felt my body shift impossibly, bending my invisible spine and sinking what would be my lower half deeper into something soft. I could imagine my feet suspended in front of me, supported by the same cushiony landing my entire body was propped on. But most striking were the dull rivets of warm I felt to my right. If I were to guess - _and hope_ - I'd say Rose was now supporting her weight beside me as she touching up and down my arm, soothing me to, in turn, sooth herself.

"Don't let me be like that. Tell me we're different; that, _because_ of my shitty past, I don't apply to the same laws of teenage girl 'nether lovin' equals forever' mentality." And then there was a heavier pressure on that same hopeful arm.

"Please wake up," she continued in a muffled plea ending with a tense laugh. "I bet when you do the only thing you're going to remember is missing an opportunity to throw our birthday party."

Rosalie was unsure, hurting, overwhelmed and I was stuck. The fury I felt at not being able to reassure her and tell her she wasn't an idiot savant when it came to men just because her father and brother had been douches, that just sexin' wouldn't send her a-love spiraling, was indescribable. Emmett was the _real deal_. Hell, if they weren't meant to be together long term no one was.

As I attempted to push away the rage my incapacity was causing, I focused instead on the only thing assuredly seen – that random hand swiping away before me. Its' movements hadn't ceased. I wondered about the purpose behind this floating instrument – _it obviously means something _– but what it was actually _doing_ as it blearily moved back and forth before me was also still mystifying. There was just no way to know what crazy concoction my mind was capable of creating at a time like this.

The door to the observation deck of my own personal cave opened slowly, and mingling with the onrush of sounds came a hallow voice; "Hey."

"Hi. Did you manage to dodge Edward?" Rosalie's muffled voice and touching ceased as she relaxed away from our one-sided embrace to engage in actual interaction. _It's been ten minutes and I'm already bitter. Great._

"I didn't see him in the hallway." Bella sounded exhausted.

"Did you climb the stairs again, B? It's like seven stories. Is avoidance really worth fourteen fights of stairs? And all your hair sticking to your forehead and neck sweat - eck."

"What ever do you mean? I'm only thinking of my health. Exercise and all that." A chair scraped shrilly against the hard floor and Bella's flippancy blew out of her in a strained huff as her weight registered in the seat's joints. "I'm just not ready to talk. Apologies, back tracking, emotional instability issues coming to the surface - all that just isn't equivalent to a party."

"Ha," Rose countered distractedly as she fiddled with what sounded like colliding glass.

"Well, maybe for me it is pretty equivalent, actually. I'll find him when it's time." I strained to remember seeing Bella at a party, not enjoying herself fully. The idea was preposterous to me, but despite my dedicated searching I couldn't recall any parties. I knew they were something _I_ enjoyed - Rosalie's motivation behind her previous comment affirmed that - but I had no memory of circumstances. As I raked my mind for specific memories, all I found fully were the cemented truths of what and whom I loved. The people whose voices I'd heard, and those yet to appear, I remembered them, their beings. No actions seemed to influence these emotions. My love for the precious people in my life was based solely on who they were. And who we were together. A unit. Family. Couples. Individuals.

Us.

Therefore, Rosalie's treatment and aggravation towards Edward was something I couldn't fully understand, as was Bella's attempts to avoid him. I had no 'why' context here in this blasted hole.

While the girls' voices continued to bounce around me, trekking back and forth over lighthearted topics, I was left with no way to contribute. Not being heard or able to communicate in anyway was truly maddening.

The glass Rose had been handling ended up being toenail polish bottles, and together the two of them were proceeding to beautify me, confirming that I indeed had a body. I _was _physically present and not just cosmically overhearing Rosalie's personal confessions dictated to a dead friend. _Thank god._

"I like the teal," Bella sedately chorused from her new position at my feet.

"Do a top coat over these rhinestones," Rosalie coached.

I may have been hearing their voices, but instead of comprehending the words I chose to focus on their direction of origin. Directly in front of me - right where the girls were perched in my foot-space - was that mid-air hand. With this renewal of my attention, I was now sure it was drawing. The blurry, soft leaded pencil it held crafted delicate strokes; a mysterious image long and almost translucent was the product. Seemingly, just like my current situation, the obscure sketch held no context for me.

"You know she's going to kill you for blinging out her toes."

"No, Ms. I Hate New Things, you forget – that's you." _Ha_, that reaction certainly would be Bella's. Quaint, simple, vintage Bella.

"Oh, right, right. How could I forget?" Bella's rhetorical question was lost on me as my clouded mind spun me in yet another direction and I was suddenly awash in my own resurfacing tangent. _I wonder why she's avoiding him? She loves Edward – they love each other. What would make her run from that?_

"And I wish she _would_ wake up to kill me. For the toes, for letting you and Jasper leave, whatever. She'd at least be awake." Rosalie spoke softly, a cohesion of hostile and worry steaming behind each word. I was lost again though, this time _because_ of their words. _Where did Jasper and Bella go? If Bella's here is Jas back yet?_

"Please stop blaming yourself, Rosalie. We both know why Jasper left." Contrastingly, Bella's comments rang out, cutting through the tension Rose had radiated since the moment I first registered my existence.

"Yes, we do. Poor Bella was in trouble." _There's my snark and sass._ Rose seemed to shake loose from her momentary downward spiral at the wide-open opportunity to chaff with Bella. I also had another clue for the puzzle that was their apparent disappearance – Bella had needed Jasper's help.

"God." _Or maybe she hadn't?_ Her response certainly didn't seem affirming._ Gah_, not being able to see their facial expressions left too many possible interpretations.

"The real question is: Why did _you _leave?" _Yes, yes, why did you leave, Bella? Why did you take Jasper away? _My instincts told me everything correlated - their leaving, all the discord, my condition – it all had the same root cause. Unless they detailed it out for me, though, I'd never know. _If I could only fucking ask!!_

"Because I'm an idiot. A scared, spineless, untrusting, inexperienced girl." It hurt me deeply to hear Bella describe herself this way, because though I didn't know the things we did together or the details of the day-to-day life we lived I knew those adjectives easily described all six of us to a degree. She had basically just described humanity as a whole but singled herself out as the only perpetrator.

"Hmmm. So …" Rose's pause gave me just enough time to be conflicted over her pushing for answers and respecting Bella's privacy. Without a voice I couldn't form the needed questions, but with only my mind left for the thoughts to ricochet around in until I could snap out of this, I'd be stuck with the details and no way to help. "Come on, that's not fucking it, Bella, and you know it. What's the bottom line?" _Pushing it is. _I'd been leaning that way anyway … _Hello, I'm still Alice!_

"The bottom line is Edward and I had sex." _Oh my god. _This was the second time my brain had absorbed that information - somehow I was sure of this fact - yet it didn't make the impact any less intense. _Bella broke her rules. _Somewhere in my memories I could hear a warning Jasper had once given about Bella and the sanctity of her rules.

"I told you this would happen. I'm actually surprised he held out for so long." _Don't be mean, Rose, not now. Do that sweet thing we've been practicing; she needs you._

"Me too, actually. Well, no … not surprised so much as I was thankful. He didn't push." _He loves you. _No one knew like I did how monumental Bella was in Edward's life. She _made _him. He _was_ because of her.

"So, you experienced the ride on a Cullen's throne – nice, huh?" _Gah._ The outrage at having no eyes to convey understanding or arms to console with was horrendous. Rose had no tact; Bella was miserable. _Fuck. _Struggling this way - against nothing and everything together - was like being bound by a straight jacket. No worse, drugs. Yes, I felt immobilized by toxins. Something strong. _That would explain the haziness._

"He told me he loved me." I wanted to gasp, because he'd actually found a way to tell her.

"When?" I longed to nod along in anticipation.

"During." _…_

"Fuck." If I didn't assume my jaw would be scraping the floor at this moment, I'd have reacted the same way.

"I said it back, " Bella finally whispered after Rosalie's reaction had resonated enough for us all. _Wow._

"And you meant it, so you freaked out. 'Cause he's …. Edward Cullen." They said his name together, knowingly, and I stopped being upset for myself and absorbed the heavy hurt every shitty decision Edward had ever made that put him in this position. Edward may have come to love Bella, but he'd been someone else much longer. Untrustworthiness was Bella's own personal kryptonite. She couldn't trust him, not completely, and she'd never trusted herself either.

"I wish she'd wake up." The strength of my own desire for this was still present, of course, but as Rose voiced this I knew I was still too socked over Bella and Edward to invest fully.

"The doctor said if she would have just been hypoxic she'd have woken up by now, but with the brain swelling, well we just have to be patient." _Wait …_

"I don't _do_ patient." _… something happened to my head?_

"I've noticed." I thought back to any indication made to how long I'd been this way but all I could come up with was Rose's reference to "two days." If that were the case, it didn't sound so bad. _But still … brain swelling?_

"Did you get all of the left side? Damn, that looks good. Fuck culinary school, B. You should totally paint nails for a living." Their rapid change of topics, coupled with my own split focus, left me reeling. Instead of keeping up I tried to organize internally as they squabbled out there.

"I wouldn't want to jack your dreams, Rose."

"Oooohhh, touché."

"Yep, don't forget how I play."

_Have I really been like this for two days? If so, has Emmett been to see me? Jasper? Two freaking days … where the hell is Jasper?_

"Hello. Visiting hours are almost over, and Ms. Brandon needs her rest," a new person and voice bellowed, bursting through my thoughts.

One of the girls snorted before Rosalie retorted, "She's in a coma; I'm guessing she's pretty well rested." _Coma? Oh my god._

"You'd be surprised how much awareness comatose patience can have. And by rest, I mean silence and calm." I felt giddy to have an explanation and dizzy with concern.

"Okay, well, since we can't throw that wicked ragger in here like we planned, can you please make a note on Alice's chart, or something, that her toenails will be wet for about thirty more minutes and she'll need her tucked back in so her feet don't freeze off? But not before! We won't hesitate to rat you out if she wakes up and rampages over a smudged and goopy below the ankle mess … Nurse Colleen. Thanks."

"Bye, Alice." Bella's voice sounded forced and overly joyful before a pressure on my forehead indicated she'd sealed her farewell with a goodbye kiss.

"Night, Ali. Love you. Wake up soon or _I'll _kill _you_." Rosalie's lips smacked against her teeth right beside my ear as she whispered, and I imagined the smile that accompanied such a baseless threat. She was so worried, and now that I knew I was in a coma everything fell into place. My location, the reason for everyone's nerves being on edge, and I felt my worry rise. _What if I'm stuck like this, aware but detached, forever? _But mostly, I was now afraid of how any of this had even happened.

The girls' presence floated away, allowing me to barely catch their departing conversation.

"You're such a snob."

"Don't you love it?"

As the last vestiges of their energy drained from my single patient hospital room, I felt the emptiness abundantly. Despite the bustling nurse fluffing my pillow and scurrying about, I was very alone.

"Lovely friends you have Ms. Brandon." She continued adjusting me, where and for what I couldn't be sure. "There you go." The pressure of her hands and movements stopped and she quietly left me.

The haziness I'd fought my way through was seeping in again, the reigning victor over me - the somehow comatose girl. I continued to try and question this outcome. _Was there an accident? If so, am I the only one hurt?_ It seemed unlikely Jasper and Emmett wouldn't come by like the others had. Were they injured as well? I felt sick as I struggled against what felt like sedation, but I had no answers and without them it would be better to not be able to hear myself think anyway. So, unfairly but mercifully, I sunk away from my metal turmoil and found the familiar blackness of the last two days I never knew I'd seen.

---------------------------------------------------

My awareness had returned, but it wasn't like last time. Instead of forced clarity, I was unable to wrap my mind around anything more than the general. Still I pushed.

I saw the drawing continuing to unfold before me, off in the ever-near distance. It was still indiscernible; only a filmy, long, elegant design with the slightest hint of something peeking out from behind it could be made out.

The air was different, too. It was so cold.

And him. His presence was new. He smelled like warm and familiar boy.

And me. My body had shifted; the entire left side tingled as I assumed it was pressed flush against something … his.

My visitor's breathing was slow and the rhythm of his heart beat steadily. Feeling it calmed the immediate panic that swam over my senses, attempting to pick up where it had left off. So I listened to his breaths and beating heart.

Nothing else mattered. Nothing else could be done.

---------------------------------------------------

"That's _crazy_, Emmett. You've lost your fucking mind."

Their conversation had been seeping in for a while, but now – finally - each word was actually attaching to the next, making whatever they were fighting about intelligible.

"I knew that would be your response. But just think for one second, man. If either of us had said you'd fall ass backwards in love with _one_ girl, wait for-fucking-ever to bone her, all the while becoming some unrecognizable _boyfriend_ who does shit like 'make love' and wait around in hospitals-"

Neither Emmett nor Edward was sitting very close to my bed, as far as I could tell from the projection of their voices. Each seemed relaxed enough, though, as they _rowed_ – what England Edward would have called their arguing. _Where did that come from?_

"Right, but see how well everything turned out for me? Not to mention, these situations are incomparable." Edward's trademark exhale and hair rake was certainly in action as shock continued to emanate from him. "It's fucking ironic that you'd be the moron who officially blew my mind."

"Well, bro, we're even 'cause you scrambled my brains weeks ago."

"So, when?"

"I guess we'll see." I had no idea what they were talking about, and being _so close_ to knowing was aggravating. I mean, they were in _my_ damn hospital room; the least they could do was expound. _Provide a coma girl with a little information if not entertainment._

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"She said she'd find me. She needs her space, Em." _Okay, so we're on to Bella._

"But does she know you didn't jump, that Alice went first and you dove in after her. That shit's gotta mean something from what you've told me." _He didn't jump with me. _This all sounded so familiar, but pinning it all together into collective thought felt impossible. There was like a disconnect between my heart and mind's base functions and all the details that went into making sense of choices, purposes, of fully understanding were now superfluous.

"I think she knows, otherwise I doubt she would've communicated at all."

"True, true."

"And Jasper?"

"I hate him."

I did know hearing such strong words used against Jasper hurt me, especially coming from Edward, my forever guy. So maybe the disconnect I'd been experiencing really just weeded out the judgments, the irrelevant details which only dilute love and forgiveness.

"Dude-"

"No, _dude_, I get to hate that motherfucker. He left her. He started all of this. You saw Alice after he walked … don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. She jumped because of him. "

All this talk about Jasper made me miss him. Like so many of these in between times, I wondered where he was.

"He's lower than fuck, Edward. We love Alice, I get that, but not the way he does. Imagine if this was Bella like I keep imagining if it had been Rosie's perfect head that struck a rock – don't say that doesn't break your fucking world apart. You don't have to cut him any slack, but really your hate only screws _you_ – he's damning himself a thousand times over what your misdirected anger ever could. You're really pissed at yourself. Man the fuck up."

"I blame myself plenty, thanks. And what about Bella? His whole mess here fucked her up, too."

_So, Jasper had left and I'd jumped alone; Edward chose to hang back because of Bella. In the course of the fall I struck my head, which is what obviously landed me in this coma. Everyone is basically blaming themselves, and I am stuck in limbo. _I couldn't figure out if the ache in my head was literal or implied from the ridiculous mess we'd all found ourselves in. Physically, emotionally, mentally – we were in shambles.

"Stay out of that. You don't see me butting myself into the brother/sister/twin thing. We're new, Edward, don't you get it? This isn't a choice between each other. I'm pretty sure we do this thing together or we walk away alone." The honesty in Emmett's deduction struck me. The idea of any of us three girls not having our corresponding man left me without.

"Fuck, like that's even a choice, man," Edward forced out through a clenched jaw.

"I know, Ed. I know."

---------------------------------------------------

I'd spent the time since Edward and Emmett left waiting for the darkness to return. After a doctor stopped by long enough to examine me - probably deducing my progress - and scribble some notes on my chart, I began to wonder if I was waiting on myself or the treatment to eventually release me from this backwards sleep. I was undoubtedly medicated, but I had no idea if that was what was inducing this coma or if my body had initiated this resting state to heal properly.

What I did know was the deafening black closed in after every nurse visit, and sometimes in between if I wasn't mindful enough to begin with. This uneducated deduction was tested further when my most recent nurse visits left my awareness in tact. In fact, I hadn't slipped away since before awakening to the boys at my bedside.

The warm bodied boy was beside me again, and I was most thankful my thoughts were present when he'd arrived. As I'd always known, it was Jasper's company that had calmed my fears endlessly as my mind flitted between knowing and absent.

He'd been here often, in between the others. But always alone. He never sat in a chair either. If he wasn't lying next to me, he was gone. And I loved him impossibly more for it. Even after finding out many of the reasons that landed me here were because of my reaction to him leaving, my love still grew. He may have chosen to leave, but I obviously chose to react. I jumped. I couldn't remember doing so, but I believed Edward. Though angry and vindictive, my bestie's words had been quite clear; _"She jumped because of him."_

If I'd learned anything during this dark existence – besides that the hovering-hand drawing had developed into a person, a woman peering out from behind a curtain of sorts – it was that we'd all collected our fair share of baggage. I'd listened, confined to silence - over what had to be days - to my five little darlings, all so positively fucked up in their own right. Speckled and marred, perfectly themselves, and mine. They were my collective - my hurting, broken brood.

As Jasper's grasp on me tightened I realized how defined the pressure had become. Instead of warmth and tingling, the sensation of his fingers softly clenching my forearm was quite distinct and the faint smattering of chest hair that peeked out of his v-necked white undershirt became hazily visible right before my very own eye slits. I was seeing him. _I'm actually seeing Jasper._

Immediately I registered that my head felt ten million pounds heavier than the earth and my throat was raw making swallowing excruciatingly uncomfortable. From my noises or movement, Jasper realized I'd awoken.

"Ali? Angel … look at me." I felt my world rush forward, bringing with it everything the surreal place I'd left had kept from me. Hurt, confusion, judgment, bitterness … sorrow. And finally, desperation.

But he was here now; Jasper wasn't driving away from me.

He had, though. He'd run. He'd left. He was the leaving kind.

I didn't know what I knew any more. If I'd dreamed every word of the last few days to simply help my crushed brain fit the pieces of my accident back together, or if everyone truly had been so candid, I didn't truly care. Because reentry into this jaded world left me bare and emotional. And it didn't matter that it hurt, because it was my pain to own and in some twisted way _this_ Alice believed I deserved to feel and revel in this despair.

As the cancer of being human spread, I couldn't call back the forgiveness and understanding I'd found resolution in whilst lounging in wonderland. I felt simply too weak, void of any tolerance or fight; so I succumbed.

"You left me," my thrashed throat croaked out.

Jasper's brow crumpled and words flew out in a sob; "Alice, I-"

"Son, you need to get off the bed. Son! Ms. Brandon needs an MRI immediately, please!" Suddenly, amidst machines beeping like crazy, my cramped bedside was swarming with scrubs and lab coats, many of which stretching out arms to remove Jasper from his unwavering embrace.

"Alice, I'll wait and be right here when you get done," he promised as his feet touched the ground.

I processed these words - his pledge to wait, to be here - and spoke before I could accept anything but the result of his breaking my heart.

"Don't."

I was in a hospital, waking from a coma because I fell in love with a boy who leaves. I didn't want to hear anymore of his words.

My bed was rushed away, out the door and down the hall before I knew what happened. And in some sick way I couldn't escape the feeling that I'd just done to him what he'd done to me – put someone else first.

_Apparently, when it's my turn, I choose myself._

Alive and very much Alice, I calmly reveled in the fact that at least this time I was being chosen at all.

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**A/N: A couple days ago I was complaining to my husband about my total update fail these last five chapters - I've seriously turned into the slowest writer of all time. (Maybe it's my perfectionist tendencies, maybe I'm intimidated by my own flipping scope, maybe, maybe, maybe.) Anyway, I was complaining and his response to my fail was "That's okay, you're busy living your real life." **_**Gasp.**_** Truthfully, his "misinformed husband to an obsessed Twilighter" response left me slightly insulted, because it isn't **_**okay. **_**And because I realize just how un-okay leaving you hanging for weeks on end is, you, the reader, deserve my apology. For taking a million years to wrap my head around each and every update, each and every character, I am so very sorry, but above all I'm sorry that I don't think it'll get much better for G&B. It is just too important to breeze through at this point; I care about what happens too extraordinarily. For not being the author I promised myself I'd be – the consistent kind – I'm sorry!**

**Thank you so much to everyone dedicated to seeing G&B through. Your patience seems endless to me and I promise not to take advantage of that as best I can! ~RAE**


	28. Itsy Bitsy Spider

**Chapter 27 Itsy Bitsy Spider**

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight.**

**Alright, so I had a bit of fail; thank goodness that's behind me. I know where I'm going now, what these kooky characters are doing, the 'why's and many of the 'how's. So cheers, to being able to keep writing this dude even though my story outline scarcely detailed after Chapter Twenty Six until quite recently. We're also hugging the two-fifty mark on 'favorites;' it warms my heart knowing Girls and Boys Come Out to Play can be found on that many people's profiles. **_**Crazy**_**! Oh, and you should also know, I love you;) And now, on with this serious, painstaking business...**

* * *

**This Ruined Puzzle** by Dashboard Confessional inspired the first Jasper POV.

Please, set **All I Wanted** by Paramore on **repeat** as you read from Edward's POV to the end.

**Music can be found on my profile.**

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**JPOV**

Ruined.

Broken.

Sabotaged?

Only Alice's face filled my thoughts, every creeping hour long. Sweat dripped. Possibility slipped away. _Actually, it drove away, masterfuck. _I'd always been a damn good driver.

_Will she ever be mine again?_

Realizing my mistake, I released my caught breath in a gust; _how dare I suggest she'd ever belonged to me in the first place. _My heavy steps scraped back and forth across the lined linoleum, the cold that permeated the surface numbing my toes despite shoes and socks and heat stroke.

Over the last week, I'd learned quickly the impossibility of reclaiming something, fully intact, once it had been thrown away; that by willingly discarding preciousness you're testing the basis of basic belonging and fallout becomes unavoidable.

And Alice had been the fucking fallout of it concoction of vulgarity could accurately describe how low I'd allowed myself to sink.

Nowhere in my mind did I believe I should be let off the hook, forgiven. I deserved _nothing_, but the chance to explain and grovel had turned into some sort of festering obsession within the deep reaches of my mind.

After being alone for so long, I'd left Fremont thinking life would go on; that I'd still be myself. Instead, that guy – the ass I'd somehow lost for everything that's better - was hangin' with Bella's rusted truck back in Forks, or maybe lingering in the now evaporated air outside Rosalie's doorway, reeking of lies and dissension; change and absolution. Along the way, it never occurred to me that the familiar Jasper had become obsolete - naturally progressing and becoming increasingly unrecognizable - leaving the future of what I'd be in its now hollow place.

Bringing Bella to school had shifted everything for me; Alice's love, striving toward redemption with Rose, all had left me irrevocably altered. I'd subconsciously given up my old self in favor of something foreign, dangerous, resplendent - just as my aggravation had accused Bella of doing. _Honestly though, which of us hasn't changed in paramount ways?_ I rationalized selfishly, now apparently allowing myself to make jackass excuses.

Only, unlike Bella, I refused to forfeit the past and instead clung to it; protecting my cousin – even when she didn't need it – and high tailing it when shit got messy and hard to push though. No longer did I feel required to stake my entire worth on being a best friend, a family to the family-less. Yet, I insisted on acting like a little bitch when I was called out as the negligible brother I'd always been to Rosalie. I couldn't even do the deed with my girlfriend without analysis. I had stared the fucking possibility of getting to love someone of my actual own in the face - while Bella and Rose grew up too, right beside me - and walked away. Instead, I chose to force an outdated solution that ended up being our ultimate ruin.

Protector, perpetuator, decimator.

I'd held Bella and myself back when both of us just really needed to let go. Make mistakes. Lose our virginities and minds. It had been the two of us for so long. That had been my function. Then suddenly I was going to get to be a brother, to my actual sister; I was going to get to love an angel.

Did I panic? Was I freaked at attempting to love someone besides Bella? Was it really G's zombie disconnect that had me racing through the gates or was it the realization that I didn't know how to fix all the new shit coming at us, and the only sure fire way for our duo to make it through was to turn back the clocks? I'd gotten her through before. We'd done just fine. But now we actually had something worth going crazy for, lose a little hair over, and I still hauled us out of town in search of a time that had passed. No matter which angle I stripped bare, there was no possibility I'd be able to pin point every way I'd disabled us.

The basics were obvious enough, though; I'd been blinded and crippled by clouded perspective. Insignificant fact, insecurity, fear, desperation – whatever the contagions were they'd been thick and potent. But the lost twenty-twenty vision, that I'd needed to find a clear path through my mistakes, had been miraculously restored. It had taken one simple phone call.

"_She was hopeless, man. That's all I know … I'll explain more when you get here, Jasper. Just fucking get here."_

So I got _here _as only the new Jasper could, awake and willing, only to find Alice was neither. And I waited like the rest of them, broken and needy. I held her at night - _clung to her, really _– wordless, tireless, hopeful and aware. Now, that same rematerialized sight made it quite plain that no matter how purposefully I'd molded my body to hers during the in-between times my welcome had eroded. As obvious as being kept an entire room away was, nothing could have more plainly stated how she felt about me coming near her than the word she'd uttered just before they'd whisked her away, mere moments after waking up in my arms; _"Don't."_

She didn't want me waiting; Alice didn't want me inside.

Looking on briefly, each time my pacing brought me close enough to see through the slats in her hospital room blinds, I strained for any glimpse I could manage. However, each pass was the same; she was asleep, safe from endless tests and comas and freezing water. She wasn't hurling over ledges or being dragged to shore. Her _saving_ cohort, however, was present. _Active, fucking, bedside companion._

Seeing him, as I passed, reminded me easily of where I was _supposed _to be directing my focus. Edward was sitting in my chair and I threw my efforts into becoming increasingly irrational on this side of the door. While _he _was offered the perch nearest her swollen eyelids and bandaged head, I was bound here by my own will. _And, he's not in your spot, idiot. You belong in the bed, holding her. _My renegade thoughts were counter productive.

_Focus Jasper - him, _Him_. _I tried to redirect all my anger and thought and reasons for stumbling around these deserted, darkened hallways back to _Edward_. Frustratingly, I knew that I didn't give a damn about Cullen. Not really. He was just a convenient scapegoat, which helped me keep from dwelling on my true consumption. It was easier to tell myself I was pissed at the fucker who taught my best friend to fall in love and then jacked her virginity, who let my Ali jump her sorrows away. But no dude, no matter how vile I found him, could be the source of my current all-encompassing thought. I could _not_ go there in my mind, though, because then I'd forget her request and walk into the forbidden hospital room.

The walls and excuses my mind had constructed were frail and faulty, hinging on my _desire _for ignorance. If it _wasn't_ him keeping me pacing around this sterile cave_, _it was automatically _her_, everything and anything Alice_. _And then I'd have to be beside her.

And _that_ was precisely what Alice didn't want, awake or not, and she_ was_ after all where my care and concern remained. Alice wanting space wasn't enough to keep me out – I was too consumed by my fucking pal _penance_ - but obsessively hating Edward was just the thing my brain could use to inspire distance. I'd made enough of a mess already without getting into a fight over Alice's recovery bed.

So I'd pretend a while longer, at least, and attempt to obey her wishes.

Pushing her beautiful eyes away from my mental purview, as I desperately longed to catch their literal – and impossible – attention, I turned on my heel. Leaving Alice to dream, as I walked another nightmarish loop in my sloppy hospital circuit, my mind foolishly returned to everything I'd just fought to rid it of.

***********

**EPOV**

One moment Alice had been pretty boisterous for a recovering coma patient, and the next was filled with her interspersed snores. Truthfully, the entire night probably only registered at a three on the Ali-Energizer meter. Shrugging back into the plastic chair I'd occupied long enough to leave my ass uncomfortably asleep, I tugged at the ends of my hair in a needed reprieve. _I can't spend any more of today concerned about all the surrounding shit_, I reminded my over active sympathies, as I pulled what her lack luster responses and shadowed eyes indicated away from my brain.

Needing a distraction, I combed the room for something to occupy the time I'd wait to make sure our mournful patient was indeed out for the night. I didn't want to end up like Rosalie had after learning this morning that she'd left too soon the night before. Alice had apparently been freaked, having awoken to a lonely darkness and unable to fall back asleep, and when Rose found out her whole body deflated, expressing its true desire to crawl in a hole and die. I didn't need to encounter additional desolation if at all possible, thank you fucking much.

Instinctively, I began shifting through Emmett's trademark mess and the layers of magazines that cluttered Ali's bedside table. Completely out of place, I spotted Flaubert's _Sentimental Education _hiding beneath _Interview_ and some DragonfisH takeout boxes. I found the weighty volume's presence curious, given Alice had never been into reading as a past time. That fact, coupled with this copy's well-worn binding, immediately relinquished any claim on my confined best friend. She didn't have the patience needed to create such obvious wear tracks. Handling the frequently poured over story now made me wish my own history had included familiarizing myself with it. I felt the pull to personally see how the plot turned out in the end; if what predicated the last sentence would convince me, the reader, of this journey's worth.

Undoubtedly, Bella was the owner of this knowledge, this novel, because out of all of us only she was passionate enough to render a classic so used. I leafed through the pages she must have turned a hundred times, hoping to perhaps deduce where she felt most at home in the story. Since I couldn't ask. _Yet._

Adding another inconsequential question to the proverbial pile, I stopped up short; not brushing through to the end cavalierly, while pondering more Bella mysteries, as I'd intended. No, this discovery wasn't as simple as a mere book the girl that I loved had in turn loved; it was anything but _inconsequential_. She'd written here, in the margins. Everywhere on this page, and, sadly, less on others, Bella's own thoughts and misgivings, questions and points for later consideration were littered throughout the available edges of blankness.

Flipping frantically, I drank down the scrawl - often wishing her penmanship was easier to decipher - as I grew increasingly anxious that someone would walk in. Probably no one would even realize what I was up to, pilfering her private thoughts from this personal possession, but I still felt naughty. A boy with his hand in the candy jar. These recorded attentions, though, were far more valuable than treats, even compared to a five-year-old rascal's love for sweets. This book _was _Bella. It was passionate and present Bella - Bella when no was looking or invited.

_Fucking gold._

Once the nerves became too agitating, and the words began to blur in a precocious haze, I stroked the binding closed. It wasn't even a question; I'd take this book with me. I'd read it all. I'd read all of Bella.

Since I hadn't really _talked _to her in days, seeing those words belonging solely _to_ _her_ translated oddly like a shared communication between the girl who had clarity enough to form opinions and jot them down and myself – the man who missed her terribly. My Bella was still out there, somewhere. This lost, confused, spiraling woman was temporary. Bella had to return to herself, didn't she? She had to return to me?

But now I was just twisting through the same ditches I'd dug my thoughts into; a week's worth of rut, a lifetime's worth of material to reconsider and rework. I'd always look back finding ways I could have done all this shit better.

_You can't change her, Cullen. You can't fix her up._

I knew this. I'd fucking reminded myself of this fact - which I'd decided would carry me through - since we found out the jump had left Alice in a coma. Though my heart was torn up, there was more going on around me than Bella. So, I'd attempted to _calm_ down and take on one crisis at a time, but now her silence was _breaking_ me down. Yes, Bella had let me know she needed time in the form of actual words; _"I need time. I'll find you …"_ The six shittiest words _ever_. I didn't count them for anything more than what they were – avoidance. Garbage. I'd become the fucking _King _of patience over the last however many weeks, but now I was riled.

Mimicking the pace of my thoughts, my propped foot jittered almost enough to knock it from its perch atop my opposite knee - back and forth, round and round, up and down, repeat. I had no idea how to keep waiting when that was impossible, and my only solution would be to seek her out; also impossible.

Convinced of Alice's steady slumber and my immediate need to escape the confining room, I buttoned up, book secure and mind a-racing. Dimming Alice's overhead lights even more – _nurses be damned_ – I opened and closed the door behind me noiselessly.

If I would have been watching where I was going, instead of getting one last assurance of Alice's restful state through the window, I might not have bumped into Jasper. If the stupid ass would just go home for five minutes, instead of loitering for days on end, maybe we could have avoided this fun moment. None of that had been my luck.

I folded a fist into my exhausted eye socket, giving it a comforting rub as I allowed a certain measure of humanity to escape; "What's the watch word?"

His lips pressed into a taunt line; my guess, this was what smiling had been reduced to. "Is she asleep?"

"I wouldn't leave if she weren't." He underestimated me; I hated him. This late, it seemed like a fair trade.

"Yeah," he mumbled, attention far away. Looking like shit wasn't the worst thing about the mess standing before me, I decided as I really _saw_ the detestable fuck Emmett insisted my own anger wouldn't affect; Jasper was mid-apocalypse. The wildness of his gaze, the invariable pain that reddened the whites of his eyes, honestly appeared to be just the beginning of everything that had him spiraling down. Sleep would probably not even take the edge off. Still, it seemed like he should try.

"What are you still doing here, Jasper?"

Blink. Blink. "I'm still on the approved list, right?" _Yeah, but only because I'm too lazy to change it. _He could be here at night; I didn't care. It would take paperwork to alter the list now and Alice was going to be released sooner rather than later … I suddenly felt the urge to rage over how despicable it was that her parents weren't here, that they thought it would be "okay" if _I_ designated off-hours visitors, while they remained abroad, and that actually Em had to submit who was approved for night visits because he was legal. This _list_ was a hassle that reminded me I was capable of taking care of nothing - like I was ever going to bother with it again.

All those thoughts coursed through one side of my brain while the other answered; "Yeah. You still are."

"Why wouldn't I be here, then?" He began condescendingly, which quickly caved into vulnerability. "I can't seem to leave."

"You should go say goodnight." I said, as I tipped my head to indicate the only person I could be referring to; _She's a liar anyway. _Alice was wilting away; I was pretty sure she wouldn't kill him if he came near; she just might suck him down like oxygen.

"Don't encourage me, Edward. Just … don't."

"I think she's lost without you, Jasper. I know what she said – we all know. You fucked up. But that doesn't change who she is and who you are to her. At least, that's how I see it." I slowly began walking away from this conversation, this unbelievably civil exchange that could crumble with one simple phrase. "Just say goodnight and then get some rest. And remember … you've never deserved her. You were always this fucking unworthy from the beginning, one way or another."

"Hey … Edward." His refusal to shut up stopped me from walking away as I'd planned; I wanted to groan as I thought about the reading project awaiting me in the privacy of my room. "If it had been Alice, do you think you would have left?"

If I were Jasper, asking the person I disliked most in the world that precise question … he was finally beyond pride – _you're such an evolved fucking male elitist now, Cullen._

"We're not at all the same, man. Ali doesn't understand it, that similarly titled relationships vary so much. You and Bella are completely in your own stratosphere, though. And if I can say so – hell, I can say whatever I want – that hasn't been healthy since Bella finished mourning Renee. Life does go on, Jasper."

He didn't attack me - which was good since he'd asked the motherfucking question in the first place - and instead nodded. Accepting his motion as the conclusion to this strange encounter, I found myself headed toward the stairwell - in a rush that would only be impeded by an elevator wait - hoping to avoid another strangled and pitiful "Hey Edward."

Heaving my full weight into the crash bar sent the door flying open and ultimately made my escape a success. Breathing out, I prepared to take every step two at a time and get the hell home, when my brown, suede lace-up's path was obstructed.

Arms cradling legs, chest heaving against thighs, Bella sat hidden by the wall I'd just rounded in pursuit of the parking garage.

Inhaling sharply from surprise, I battled with what to do. In answer, my beautiful girl's face turned upwards, followed by the uncoiling of her stance, as she stood and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella." I knew she'd been avoiding me; I wasn't born fucking yesterday. If she wasn't taking the elevator, obviously the stairs had become her chosen path of resistance.

"I was waiting until Alice fell asleep-"

"I thought you left before Emmett, what, four hours ago? At least that's what he said when I got here." I could have kicked myself for interrupting; why did I have to challenge her in any way? Why couldn't I just let her fucking talk? I'd waited painstakingly for just that and now I was being a mouthy doucheweasel.

"I was going to come find you. I'm not ready to talk …" These words caused pressure behind my eyes and I was either going to start crying or the swelling of anger within me was going to force spontaneous globe luxation. Since I didn't plan on losing my eyeballs at the present moment, I tried to quell the reaction.

"Wait, wait!" Her little hands shot up in panic. "I may not be ready to talk, but that's only because I don't know if I'll ever be … _ready _to understand why I'm so selfish; why I'm so stupid.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I've been so hesitant and skittish about every fucking little progression with us. Trust, openness … love, I just-" Her voice caught, and the sound tore at my chest. "I can't believe I left you behind; I didn't say goodbye – I know I shouldn't have gone at all. And then, in the waiting room, when I thought you'd jumped, all the fucking righteous indignation I'd spewed at Jasper about evolving and being wrong just fucking railroaded me. I had abandoned everything I believed in because you _loved _me and I knew, I _know _for certain that I love you too, and for that to be true I had to have been wrong all along; to allow myself to feel that way about anyone, especially you, made me _need _to be wrong about you and people and the world. But if you _had _jumped like Alice did, after promising me you never would again, then you'd be the liar I'd always feared. And if you were that liar, then I was more fucked than words could say, because I'd finally chosen to believe you."

"I'm not a liar," I half whispered, half begging her to believe me once and for all.

"I'm learning that-"

"But you still don't _know _it, do you Bella?" My Bella was a riddle; she was mystifying herself. And me.

"It isn't just you, Edward, it's everyone – anyone."

With a rough growl I quickly countered; "If you really love me then I'm not just _anyone_."

"You're right, you're _everyone_. All of my rules have been tested and stretched by _you_. Which might be the biggest problem here. I think the importance of you in my life is too huge – you represent so much change. If I could get over myself you'd be the center of my fucking world."

She couldn't say things like that; it was like being separated by one-way mirror. Right there, I could see all of her but she could only find her own reflection no matter how hard she threw herself against the glass. Then again, ultimately, she'd stopped trying to break through her own walls.

"You left me, Bella."

"I knew I'd fail you eventually. It would have been a million times worse than Heidi. If what you feel for me really is love; I would have eventually ruined you too."

"You leave me, ignore me and question my love." Fisting my hair to offset one pain for another, I focused on her red cheeks, her flaming honesty, to keep from losing it completely.

"I question every second I spend anymore, Edward. This world," - her arms flailed all around frantically indicating space and time and infinity - "it all scares me shitless, because I don't recognize anything. I look at nothing the way I should; every moment I spend reminding myself that my instincts have been driven by the fear of "what if" … so what do I do now when everything "is" and I'm constantly scared? The ways I know how to protect myself have failed because my guard can't be up with you in my life.

"I may know now that you kept your word, and believe that if anyone in this world would be honest with me it's you, but I still fight to be honest with myself. And talking right now, I pray to God I'm saying things how I mean them, because I'm never quite sure.

"I put off talking to you this last week so I could try and find the answers that you more than deserve, so I could be specific and make things better with us. I feel like instead only more questions have surfaced, but I hated seeing your unhappiness. I hate _making_ you so unhappy. I just don't think I have the capacity to be what you deserve right now; I know I don't have the words. My mind is such a fucking mess.

"I'll be sorry I did this to you probably longer than is healthy. And I know I'll love you even longer than that. Not that I know much about love …" By this point in her personal diatribe, I had her pressed up against the short wall with my entire body. I wanted her to crawl farther inside; I wanted to squeeze her into oblivion.

"You are your own worst enemy, Isabella Swan."

Time passed, while I thought and just fucking held the love of my life. More tears streamed down; her face, mine. There seemed too much to be said, but none of it was genuinely healing. I knew no matter what, our relationship wasn't escaping this hallway unchanged. The positive and negative of that truth was crushing.

Eventually I settled back to find her gaze and watched as her arms hung like million ton weights from her sagging shoulders; defeated couldn't begin to describe her.

I bore into her drooping, watery eyes as my thumbs wiped at the tear trails on her cheeks. Cradling her heavy head in my hands, I relished the opportunity to hold her even though I didn't know if this moment was filled more with desperation or understanding.

"I'm so upset by what you did, and I can't really wrap my head around your reasons, just like I know you can't either.

"Yes Bella, you are selfish, and bloody stubborn. All I want to do is shout at you and then kiss you so hard you stop freaking out, but you're caught up by what to want most, and I know exactly what I want most. So I can't throw a tantrum or touch you the way I really want to; you don't need either of those things from me, they won't make you able or willing to choose me. What you need is time to figure yourself out. I want to do this with you, but you have to do it yourself, Bella; by yourself.

"I've been selfish too, love. I knew you weren't ready the moment I realized I was. I unfairly needed things from you, and I took them."

"I _gave_ those things to you, Edward," she vowed, reaching towards me as the reality of where this conversation was heading hit her.

"And I gave _all of who I am_ to you," I reminded. Her hands fell back to her sides.

"I want to be able to do that, too, I swear-" But I couldn't let her finish such half-hearted wishes.

"What we want and what we're capable of giving are entirely different matters, love. I'm done pushing you to be mine."

We both seemed to accept my admission for what it was - freedom. A release awarded through love. She'd only just begun to scratch the surface of the new person she was allowing herself to become. Our relationship had helped, but also harmed those pursuits. I wouldn't hold her back or do the work for her.

A trembling sorrow settled over me as I realized Bella and I were meeting the end of a chapter. Though I knew significantly more about her now than I had the day I caught her mid sprawl in the refectory and later played her my music, or even Halloween night when I'd foolishly taken everything she'd offered - I now had perspective. Jasper's advice had been warranted, and basically ignored; her leaving was the lesson. I couldn't force my timetable or rational any longer.

Hindsight was humbling, and though she'd impulsively run from me, forgiving Bella would be simple. Hadn't she forgiven me everything I'd done to sabotage us before we'd even begun? Hadn't she turned herself inside out attempting to give trust to the least worthy candidate? And she owned my heart, so equality in our offenses was meaningless. I wanted to be what she needed, and of all the ways I could fulfill that need, right now it meant giving her space. My love for Bella couldn't heal her like it had me; her journey would be different.

Watching her go, I exhaled into the railing, loosening the grip I'd formed around my hidden contraband. Beneath my heavy coat, I'd held Flaubert's copywrite and Bella's additions. I checked the warn corners - to make sure I hadn't crushed anything with our proximity or my innumerable surges of emotion - and fluttered the pages absently. Watching her writing as it flipped by, I started to relax, surprisingly, until the motion caught. Nestled there, pressed between the pages of the only tangible piece of my girl I had left, was an envelope and inside that, familiar stationary.

_Bella,_

_I will show you._

_Undeniably yours,_

_E.C._

_And I'd kept my promise, hadn't I? _I couldn't help but think as I shoved letter into envelope, envelope between treasured book pages, and book inside the layers of clothing that would protect it from prying eyes.

Moving hastily in an effort to go forward in some capacity - as everything relating to Bella seemed to be backtracking ominously - the realization of what had been left unsaid in our pivotal conversation had me kicking off the wall and storming down the darkened stairway:

_Where the hell is her promise to me?_

***********

**JPOV**

I absently itched my bandage-covered hands, as I continued to stare at Alice's hospital door, and considered Edward's words far too seriously.

I'd done all I could to remain close by but not completely disregard her request. I'd tricked my mind, so the torture of being nearby wouldn't reduce my already faulty self-control.

Her refusing words were ingrained; I wasn't sketchy on the details. I just didn't want her to think I'd left … again. And if Edward was right, that "goodnight" wouldn't hurt, the significance of that led my thoughts to travel down more hopeful avenues than I'd dared this whole horrible time.

What if she was protecting herself; lowering her expectations to nothing, so the next time I wouldn't get close enough to let her down so extremely? I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt there would never be a _next time - _if she even gave me a corner of her affection again - but still, even in my resilience to never hurt her again, I understood those were just words.

There were no promises to be made anymore. Only time. Telling time.

Right now, though, Alice was small and alone in a cold hospital room recovering from my abandonment. I would tell her goodnight as she slept, I rationalized, and hope she felt my presence. Maybe she'd be glad I'd come. Maybe she'd been waiting. Maybe.

I hoped that inside her dreams there was a better versions of me, and he would show her the love I hadn't as she rested. That when I touched her leg buried beneath scratchy blankets she'd think it was him, adoring her as only I can. I wanted her to know everything I felt for her and that nothing and everything had changed at the same time once I realized the weight of my most heinous mistake.

"It's always been you, Alice Brandon," I whispered from the foot of her bed, after slipping in as unobtrusively as possible.

Her toes were so small in my hands, even while swaddled in layers of cotton-poly blend. I kept staring at the little toenails I knew were buried in there somewhere, remembering with a snicker when she'd insisted my toes should be painted green along with hers. She'd promised green would look manly. _"Neon sparkles have never looked so masculine, Jas. And look, we match. Now when you're wearing your shoes, I'll secretly be there."_

I smiled, unable to help myself. Alice was the brightest bit of life I'd never known was possible. As I looked on now, her sweet face was snuggling in pillows, completely calm; I was thankful.

"Goodnight, Angel," I spoke into the empty air, quietly but assured. "I love you."

Taking one final look, I forced my body to walk away, but my stubborn gaze lingered and barely caught her eyelids lifting. Ali's eyes met mine with torment and heartbreak burning at the edges, daring me to explain. Or perhaps that was just what I hoped they were conveying.

"I came to say goodnight. Alice…" Her small hand moved to brace her wounded head, as the other supported her weight; the simultaneous actions made it so she could sit up slightly.

"Alice…" Crossing to stand at one side of her bed, I attempted not to hover but completely failed. "Are you alright? Should I call a nurse? Is the pain pretty bad?"

"Slow down, Jasper. Just, _shhhh_. I need a minute."

After a few buttons were pressed to adjust the incline of her hospital bed and a couple sips of water later, we were face to face.

"I don't want you to say you're sorry to me. You don't get that easy out." The insistence in her voice was hushed but unmistakable; she wasn't all together angry at my presence but she planned on holding me at a serious distance. "Those words would mean absolutely nothing to me. Do you understand, Jasper?"

"I do." I wanted to touch her, but I behaved. Her face was freshly washed, and I could smell the lilac powder the girls used on whatever hair peeked through the white gauze so Alice wouldn't die from the filth a hospital stay condemns you to. I didn't give a fuck either way; I'd kiss her head to foot if she'd allow it. _Especially on her head_; looking at her bandages now made me cringe. _I did that._

"Can you tell me what happened?" she breathed out exhaustedly, indicating I could perch on the edge of the mattress.

"I was wrong." This was the most important fact.

"About Bella? She didn't need to leave?"

I fixed her with a stare that I hope would help her see inside my meaning; "I was wrong to leave."

"You should have just told me what was going on." _You deserve better than even that, Angel; don't you see?_

"No, Alice. I shouldn't have left _at all_."

"Was Bella mad at you?" _I don't give a fucking fuck about Bella right now,_ I wanted to shout, but instead I tried to stay mellow, not yell at the poor girl because obviously _I_ was dicking this whole confession up. I'd thought straight forward and simple would be best; I should have know when groveling to Miss. Million Questions that details would've made the most sense.

"No, no, that's not the point, Ali. I should have thought of _you_ first. This entire time we've been together you've deserved to be my main focus, needed to be. No one should have ever come before you." I hoped she was really listening now, because this was as transparent as I knew how to be.

Stupidly, what came out next sounded like one of those forbidden promises when I only meant to state the obvious; "They never will again-"

Her fingers went ridged as her small hand jutted out to halt my words. Ali's head shook back and forth, warning me I was treading on dangerous ground. I felt like my moment to explain, along with her patience, was slipping away so I threw myself into overdrive. She just _had_ to see.

"Even sitting here now I can't comprehend what my problem was. I mean, I get it – I was insecure about the new way my life was turning and I was certainly worried about Bella. It had always been her and me, so when things seemed to be crashing down around her I used that to get us away, to where I thought I understood life, you know? As messed up as life used to be, it was pretty simple. Nothing's simple anymore." My fingertips traced her bruised elbow in reverence and sheer inability to stop, to remain far away. Any second spent not connected directly to skin was excruciating.

"I was just so wrong. If you hadn't been injured I think I would have realized this all pretty quickly – Bella was having her own epiphany as we drove, nailing me right in the fucking eyeballs about all my issues. But, I think I would have been too much of a coward to come back." Shame forced my head down, chin almost scraping sternum.

"If all you're saying is true - and I've never considered you a liar Jasper Hale - but if it _is_ true, I'd like to believe you would have turned the car around before too long." Sweet hands flattened my too-long hair away from my cowering forehead, and elated me enough to find her sweet grey eyes again.

"I don't think you should have faith in me just yet, Alice."

"I won't, Jasper. I don't know what 'faith in you' looks like anymore." I'd known this as truth even before my hands had connected with wood on the shoulder of I-5 south; hearing it now made the pain in my knuckles seem like a tickle. "You've made me doubt what we had severely. I don't think I can go back."

_No, no, no, no. _This was heading somewhere dangerous, hopeless. I was more positive we still had something sustainable here than anything else; I'd take another chance in any form.

"I don't want to go back, either. I don't think we have to start over completely, though, but we do need to begin again. Will you let me show you the meaning behind everything I'm saying, sweetheart? Can I practice putting you first?" … _Loving you the way you deserve?_

"I have no idea what to say, Jas. I just don't know …" Her wide, unsure eyes fastened on mine as each of my fingers circled her forearm, slipping down towards the wrist.

So tired, so obliterated; Ali's whole body needed relief. I'd meant only to whisper my love and be gone; instead my every desire was answered. She'd listened. Alice just might even try with me. I shifted forward – closer - ready to relieve us both.

"May I hold you, Alice? You look like you need to be held." The words were out before I could regret their escape. In the aftermath, all that mattered was if I'd be allowed in that bed. Time would work magic after that.

"I just …" _Please._ "You deeply hurt me."

_God, I know. I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm so unforgivably sorry. _My mind bled with what I shouldn't say. But the truth will out.

"I hate myself for hurting you."

Her eyes squeezed shut, blocking everything out, having me assume the worst. Instead, as if the last vestiges of "_Don't" _had finally died, she breathed new life into us; "Okay."

Lifting up the arm I still held, I scooted to her side. Drawing her farther into my embrace, I cocooned her body with mine, arms encircling shoulders and waist and chest cradling her healing head.

"Sleep now, Angel. I'll be here when you wake up." I couldn't seem to stop promising, which, I realized, was a new development; before this emergency, I'd never promised Alice anything.

"And if you're not?" She mumbled, her tiny lips pressing against my t-shirt and causing my heart to pulse again, finally.

"Then I'm dead darlin'. 'Cause if it's fine by you, we're not gonna be apart again."

A minute or so passed, and I thought she might have drifted off, until she broke the silence, setting the terms.

"I guess we'll see." Now, I actually had something worthwhile to show her. And she would see, because I'd live every day to paint her _our_ perfect picture.

Looking down at our bodies pressed so tightly together, I should have seen us joining, coming back together, but my vision was split and I knew that in this I was nothing; she was the beginning, the middle and the end. No matter where along the way we stood, Alice was our definition and absolutely all I could see.

Almost asleep, arms and heart too full - yet stingy for more - I closed any last gap between us and watched the future I dreamed for us play across the backs of my eyelids. _All I see is you, Angel …_

"All I see is you."

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**A/N: I'm heavy all over from writing this. I hope you listened to the music.**

**Lengthy 'thank you' section below, which you're welcome to skip, but then you might miss some much-deserved praise!**

**Endless thanks and love to lovesfool87 (for being my trusty beta - even when it might accidentally spoil her - and such a wonderful friend), TaylorMa (for understanding these characters basically as well as I do and being my absolute motivation) and happymoon35 (for whipping my butt into shape, and helping me see how much clarity was truly needed). Each of you dove in, taking time just for G&B, and I greatly appreciate you!**

**To **_**everyone**_** who nominated and voted for this story in The TwiFic Indie Awards – you rock! You landed G&B into two finals categories and really, being nominated at all was so exciting and honoring:)**

**Kassiah is lovely and dedicated and always has been. She also gave G&B a fabity shout out on the Fictionators blog (link on the profile) recing it to all sorts of new readers. Sweetie, thank you so much!**

**I can't believe how close we are to the end of this, friends, but I wanted to say now - and as frequently as I can before the final curtain falls - Thank You So Much for reading Girls and Boys. You all are quite possibly the most eloquent, devoted, understanding, patient and loving readers in this entire Fanficdom and I selfishly hope it stays that way with everything I continue to put out there. There is nothing this writer loves more than reading your observations, qualms, intrigues and wonderment. This story wouldn't have turned out this way without you! Love, RAE**

**P.S. Caught Up in the Silence is my Jalice "For the Love of Jasper" One-Shot Contest Entry. I hope you'll read it and the other stories participating and then vote October 5-18: http://www [dot]Fanfiction[dot]net/~fortheloveofjasper**

**P.P.S. Follow me on Twitter for details on the progress of upcoming updates – LeSeaShell**

…**. Can I have all your thoughts now, please?**


	29. Girls and Boys Come Out to Play

**Chapter 28 Girls and Boys Come Out to Play**

**A/N: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. After all of this, I can say, I own G&B. **

**Musical Inspiration: Breakable by Ingrid Michaelson & Let it Be Me by Ray Lamotagne – Link can be found on my profile.**

**Thank you to everyone who's read G&B. Your dedication means the world to me. **

**This final chapter is dedicated to TaylorMa and lovesfool87.**

**Epilogues to follow.**

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**APOV **

I should have been grateful for every inch of natural light exposure that _slightly_ brightened my pallid, brutally extended hospital stay. No matter the fact that my pathetic excuse of a window, with its four-by-five foot spans and vertical blinds obstruction, didn't realistically allow much_ illumination_ to creep its way to my bedside. Now, however - after what seemed like ages without so much as stepping outside - I was reminded of just how incomparable _feeling_ the sky's radiance upon one's own face truly was. In honor of that revelation, neither the inane wheelchair, which regulations required assist me from my former room to Red's plush leather backseat, nor the gauze bandage currently matting my shorn, black lock's re-growth could cloud this moment. I was, at last, bathing in a cool freedom.

To say my stay at the Seattle Children's Hospital had been _ongoing_ seemed a gross understatement. In reality, it had taken them so long to release me that winter holiday was nearly upon us, breaking Fremont students free from behind fences and gates in only a few short days. Well, everyone expect the Hale/Swan's and lil' ol' me. Jasper, Rose and Bella would remain ensconced for the duration, their guardians planning to stop in for Christmas on their way to Belize. Since the accident, I'd only heard from my own parents twice, but it hardly mattered. This year's festivities would be about family, so I'd decided to stay behind with as much of mine as possible.

For today, it was strictly the girls who surrounded me; Bella helming the chair – pointing us homeward - and Rosalie maintaining the overt fawning and bitch quota. All was finally beginning to seem gloriously right again.

"The linens are fresh and I even had that lazy Clara scrounge up a few more pillows. And I know you say the bed is 'a hoochy king' but you'll still need your space - you know, to heal up good and proper. As I'm sure you can tell, Al, I don't mind one bit how _put out _this leaves me." Rose's warm cheek brushed each temple at either side of my head and two air-kisses resounded in the crisp, late morning breeze. Being that I couldn't turn to wrinkle my nose affectionately and witness her dramatics first-hand, my mind carved out a sassy pin-up likeness. Such an image equated perfectly with Rose all the way up to the look of amusement that was undoubtedly reflecting in her eyes.

These jokes, which Rosalie had been tossing around like men for the last day or so, weren't rooted in any form of truth. In fact, they were indicative of the exact opposite. If I weren't near, taking over her four-poster for the foreseeable future, the final hair would split for my loving bombshell. Any distance would certainly sever Rose down to the heels of the scalloped edged Chloe boots currently clicking her toward the driver's seat.

"Up and in -OY! Ali – _tisk, tisk_ – watch your head." With only that, just as if my treatment had been nothing more complex or taxing a lesson than practicing nap-time in nursery school, I was torn from outside observations and thrust back into my predicament.

If Bella's hand hadn't played buffer between skull and door jam at precisely the moment it just had this day could have very easily ended with me right back inside that overdone hospital room. And that was how outside myself I'd become. No speed, no agility, barely an ounce of common sense. Spatially I could hardly gauge the distance from foot to ground, hand to eye, ass to toilette. This meant someone with me at all times, lest I fall and re-injure …. everything.

_Just two thoughts for myself and I've already almost had to be recommitted._

With how far I still had to go in recovery remaining ever present moment-to-moment I'd begun to frequently reminisce over – and reevaluate – when I'd been able to walk, choose, play and daydream without the fear of critical trauma. I'd spent many days worth of hours attempting to relive these last months. Most specifically what I truly felt about the jump. Clarity was a gift currently Out of Stock to me in most capacities, yet the choices I'd made that overturned day could not, would not, dilute into the current muddy state of my mind. Blame held no allure any longer either. I'd been responsible for my own survival and actions for far too long to play the victimized pawn for any measurable amount of time. And it was still that singular instance, a day plucked out of someone else's life, that continued to rival the fog.

I'd regretted my lonely leap the moment my toes lifted off concrete. Not before - no, I'd been sure _then_. But, with my bodyweight acting as its own accelerant, the trip sailing through air had been spent disappointed that I'd not chosen differently. In the time between takeoff and landing, I'd also been unknowingly preparing for an impact no one could ever have steeled themselves against.

Regret and resilience; what a discordant pair.

But as the story goes, I was the unlucky daredevil who struck her head in an effort to level sentiments and ended up in an immobile, hypoxic coma. I'd say "sentiments" had become confused with _sense_ except jumping was old hat. I'd been stupid for a really long time apparently.

And then, the actual coma; what a psychedelic circus of days that had been! Just how cognizant I'd remained while floating along, motionless to the outside world yet all the while stirring up true insight within my concussed head and awareness, would be unbelievable to anyone outside of my friends. Truthfully, it was hard for me to reconcile and I'd lived it.

How I'd managed to be so vividly present during what'd supposedly been a profound state of unconsciousness boggled me further every moment I attempted to delineate it. Noises, people, exact dialogue; every trifling instant that the general person automatically processes and stores - and ultimately takes for granted - was impossible to isolate and define. Similarly, I'd strained my inner sight to identify the woman depicted in my coma-drawing but she'd only become blurrier. So, until I was free to do a little Wiki hunt or physically able to put the emotion of it all to an enormous linen canvas, the _how/what_ had been placed on the back burner. During my weeks of recuperation, however, the more meaningful _why _had taken on a life all its own and began to form something new within me.

I'd been deep in an alternate viewing platform, able to see my friends sans personal emotional sensitivities and overreactions. Instead, all I was attuned to was my love for them. Hearing them discuss me, and one another, without the kinetic ability to interject whatsoever, I found that natural judgment and comparisons of every word and relational dynamic were inaccessible. Frozen somewhere between understanding and grace, my base humanity was completely detached. As were my personally established definitions of all I'd ever known. The end result produced lessons I'd have to learn more than once; such was the needed correction for my misguided stance on "universal truths."

_Bella and Jasper. Jasper and Rosalie. Rose and me. Myself and Edward. Edward and Emmett. Em and me. Myself and Bella. B and Rose. R&Em. B&E. A&J. _

There _is_ beauty in differing loves and issues and priorities and endings. And the purpose behind all of it is always changing. I don't feel as though I hold the monopoly of control over such symbiotic connections anymore. I'm Alice and what I see is for me, about me, through my Ali-filter. To attempt to cram the entire world's vision into my pint sized perspective would be sorely undercutting the magnitude of history, individuality, experience and dreams. Whenever passion is combined with any type of relationship there are no limits. My love is not their love, and for that I am so grateful, because if everyone were as limited as I am I'd be short one tall, blond, dream-man.

Waking up to Jasper and pain and a mind full of uncertain experiences helped send my conscious regret packing eventually. Such rational retrospect made me realize that in the mania of Jasper's retreat I couldn't have expected myself to react better, just like I couldn't have ever guessed that Edward would abandon our ways. It was that two-count punch that helped me reconsider my long-held ideology - that paired with a constant Jasper Hale.

Jasper's perseverance made us possible. Allowing him in again, even if "in" simply meant beneath my covers, began a steady reconnect that was unavoidable. Well, _inescapable_ when you're an Alice-and-Jasper brand of lovers.

"Jasper asked if he and the guys could come by later, Alice, but I turned them down. The suite is a guy-free zone tonight," Rosalie sing-songed from a mile in front of me.

I smiled drowsily, thinking of my new path with Jasper, his second chance. No matter if I wouldn't be seeing him this night, as long as we each continued to direct ourselves toward the other, the man who'd leapt beyond any creation of my own design would continue to catch me up. Fill me up. Make me up – but only because I'd chosen myself first as we laid this new foundation.

"Hey, sweetie … Sweetie? Oh, Ali, you need sleep. We'll get you in bed, just hold on."

The femininity in each of the girls' voices melded and became indistinguishable as my eyelids drooped and musings tapered off. Welcoming _this_ type of slumber, the light around me faded in a sought and temporary way.

**BPOV**

She couldn't have looked smaller in Rose's bed if she'd been a second grader alone beneath the playground parachute during a game of Tepee. Size aside, the probability of that team exercise working solo seemed equally probable to our Alice ever completely returning to her whole self.

"Come sit, B. We'll hear if the little sprite wakes up." Rose's voice encouraged me away from the door frame and back to my Indian-style perch on the settee. How I'd gone from sitting, to pacing, to staring blankly into a dim room I couldn't recall. It felt as though I'd paused mid thought.

"But anyway, yeah – this must be what insanity feels like," I summarized, believing this explanation to my core. The constant vacillation between relief and despair was so bewildering, so exhausting. Above all, especially when combined with a Hefty bag full of other emotions, the shifting world my insides had become was utterly maddening. No stability, no relief, only a hope for progress, and an immediate need for motion.

The heaviness I'd acquired that night with Edward in the stairwell fit me like a familiarly worn glove. This time, however, the weight didn't leave me on the ground, anchored to stagnancy. Instead every inch of me, even to the tips of my wispy hair, felt aflutter.

Knowing you need one thing but realizing it can't simultaneously fulfill what you want, what your heart most desires, can require someone else's functioning brain to make the final decision while you turn in circles. To that end, his had.

"So, you're over? Eddie finally gets to talk to you and it's just … fucking done?" Her fingers focused on a wayward thread marring our dually occupied base of girl-chat operations. After a beat her blue eyes rose to question mine; "So, how did he actually finish things?"

"He just saw it better than I did, Rose. Saw me better … I don't know." I couldn't help but shake my head in time with my shoulder shrug. More of the mind jumble leveled out with the back and forth motion. I realized I wasn't giving myself enough credit. "No, I _do_ know! It's just that I can't make all of this information fit inside my brain at one time. I swear to you," I whispered emphatically, tapping my index finger rigidly against my left temple, "crazy."

"Oh hush, you're fine. A total pill in the trust department, and in desperate need of some life-adventure, but absolutely as sane as the rest of us." She pressed at the end of my deflated hand, tracing one chipped fingernail at a time. "You're leveling out, Bella. Going from one extreme to the other is a sure fire trip, but you're standing now, mighty fine and fucking fabulous." My cousin's determined murmur was on the verge of coaxing me into believing her.

Hugging her knees-to-chest, Rose finished consoling the last person in the room. "He did get it right, you know … it's much more important to have yourself." Then as quickly as she softened me, her blatant misunderstanding of all I was warring with became apparent. "That's _all_ that matters anyway, Swan - being true to your self. So what if you don't have King Cullen?"

The air in our immediate vicinity hung thinly as Rosalie's thoughts caught up with her. "I can't believe the girl whose life long determination centered on having others just said that. Whatever. Hindsight, bitches!"

Her reinvention had indeed been peculiar to watch come full circle. _First with Alice, then Jasper, obviously herself and finally Emmett, making up the jelly filling and cream frosting of her fucking cake life, _I fumed irrationally from deep, hollow places.

Obviously I realized Rose's life hadn't been easy; it just happened to be full. Enviable.

I couldn't help myself. It was draining having no one understand where you were stuck indefinitely. So, I brought it to her level.

"Just think about what it would be like to say a half-way goodbye to Emmett. You know you'll want him eventually, and maybe forever, but you've put that future completely on hold because you aren't ready yourself. You want to be ready, but you're not … but you _want_ to be … desperately." The spark of realization that crossed her features was cathartic.

"Okay, that is maddeningly insane," she breathed out, a few unsteady minutes later.

"And that, my fair cousin, is only the tip of my agony iceberg." All energy gone, but in an effort to keep from pacing the damned room again, I let my body sink backwards and curl into itself. My head burrowed deep into a velvet pillow sham.

"Well, hell. But, there's nothing else you can do …"

"Except wait," I volunteered, mumbling into the goose down stuffing. Simply put, I was highly aware of what I could currently handle. Forcing myself to be ready for how I loved Edward was not on the list.

As if my pillow-deep head helped her finally comprehend how my circumstances were literally drowning me, Rosalie took us somewhere we both would share in the party of frustration.

"What about Jasper, Bella? How are the two of you doing?" A low blow, especially when I was perfectly keen on continuing to asphyxiate myself.

Lifting my forehead just enough to launch a pointed glare, I countered: "_You_, 'What about Jasper?' Rosalie."

"Speaking of Emmett-" she shot out faux-innocently, with rapid fire.

"Like ten minutes ago, and don't change the subject!" I was on my back now, half looking to the ceiling, which calmed me, and half observing Rose draw her lips in surrender.

"Shit, well, alright. Jasper's fine in my book. I'm still aggravated about how he handled Alice, but they can work thing out like big kids." _One pause. Two pause. Three._ "He seems proud of me, and that means a lot. But, Bella, we'll never be like the two of you were – are. Especially where the dysfunction comes into play, that is fine by me. You know that relationship didn't evolve like it should have over time. There was no age adjustment and it became apparent as fuck for you both this year. So, whether it's Edward or Jasper, B, just do it better next year." My eyes slipped closed and heavy breaths shook my chest. At her next words, however, I no longer even had lungs.

"Renee would be proud of you, you know."

Like it had always been just a simple two-step, our dance shifted. In this one sentence, the match was declared a draw. I found that to be sweet. Knowing that even something as deeply rooted and cultivated as our contempt could be replanted nourished me. It gave me hope that in no way pertained to romance. Or even to myself. Tenderheartedness, I finally realized, could be our long-term game changer.

"I was the daughter. I haven't wound up killing myself or anyone else, so pride is sort of a given. No one has to love their niece as much as mom loved you. You were her choice, Rosalie." There was no comparison, only truth. Rose deserved to own that knowledge for the rest of her life.

"On bad days, I used to think I dreamt it. Being loved so much made no sense in a world that seemed totally void of anything so divine. A world full of cocktail party mothers and _Fremont_." The last came out in a sneer.

"Renee wasn't perfect, remember? She liked to put pickles on everything and streaked lemon juice skunk stripes in my hair during the summer for 'variety.'" My gestured quotation marks faltered as I covered my face as the memories flooding in. I couldn't hold the snort laugh back.

"I do remember! Dill chunks in the Jell-O. That bald patch you tried to cover with a ripped up sleeve headband. You kept yelling at me, 'Shut the hell up, Rose, it's _grunge_.'"

We laughed into the large room. The melody touched every edge of a void we'd never shake, dulling the forever-sadness. As the loved ones mom had left behind, we would never stop sharing her. I wanted to cry knowing that now we could.

A silent form appeared in the master bedroom's doorway enlarging the moment, if only a pixie sized amount. Padding slowly toward us and snuggling easily into the middle of our youth, Alice seemed to have always been there.

The light outside was beginning to shadow. Dark was quickly creeping up on the late afternoon hour, and even more so considering Seattle had entered winter.

After sufficient homage was paid to the hum of comfort only really good friends can create, Ali groaned. "Oh my god, I am positive that I will suffocate and die in here if we don't take a walk or something."

"No more life or death incidents, please," I countered with a groan of my own, attempting to lower myself into the pillowed cave once more. Instead of allowing that, Rosalie snapped into action - taking charge and care - ready to move us forward.

"Hale if I don't have the sweaters and thermal socks; Swan, you get the blankets. Brandon, let's get you swaddled!"

She was instantly a blur of activity, so I rolled over and heaved a few quilts into my arms while our patient let out a surprisingly Ali-like squeal. Venturing out sounded better every second.

**RPOV**

It's hard to encounter mutual need. In fact, it might be a fucking impossibility in this self-entitled world. If it does occur, often circumstances have to require it. It is rarely a product of choice.

Alice, Bella and I were victims of a freezing circumstance, to be sure, but Ali was tear-her-hair-out antsy so staying indoors was not an option. Unlike the majority, we chose to set out together. She needed this; we needed her to get better. Need. Need. Need. One enormous blanket containing three hundred percent body heat was the ticket to keeping any of our legs moving at this point, though. So, we huddled, and shifted slowly, desperate not to let the biting wind tear its way into our padded fortress. Just a little ways more and we'd be to the grassy hill, anyway.

We scurried along the sidewalk and continued past a large tree, not wanting bare branches to block the emerging night's sky. With the overbearing Queen Anne building isolating all ground's lighting, stars would soon be visible. Just beyond the location of my breakdown with Jasper we sat and pulled individual blankets around ourselves. Our perch provided a direct line of sight to the gates we'd one day exit and never be required to step foot through again. That was a promise I would set my calendar to.

"It's so fresh out here. Not living, like spring, but…" Alice appeared to be swallowing her own fog breath. "I think I can taste snow in the air."

"We probably won't see white until January or February at least. If at all."

"Um hum," I hummed in agreement with Bella. Snow wasn't likely this time of year.

"I want a snowy Christmas," Ali whined, full pout on display.

"Fat chance, baby cakes." Her arms crossed haphazardly in consternation, but a traitorous smile tugged at her lips. Probably in response to the "baby cakes."

"Hey, I am a traumatized woman. Aren't you supposed to tell me what I want to hear?"

"So you can be a sad-sack all vacation long? No thanks."

"Well, fine. I'll just have to decorate the windows with Artificial Spray Snow. Ooooh, and lights." Ali fingered the bandage situated behind her ear, eyes alive with planning. "When can we get a tree?"

"How about tomorrow?" I answered as I reached over to retuck her gauze and warm her worried fingers. "That way we can use the Jeep before Emmett and Edward leave for Chicago."

"That doesn't make me want to hurry and get a tree. I hate that they won't be here with us."

As if on cue, Jasper materialized, followed by our other men who just couldn't seem to get enough.

"Oh darlin', they'll hurry back. Won't ya fellas?" Wasting no time, he pulled Alice fully down to lie as he cradled her closely enough that our fingers remained connected even as Emmett situating himself below me. Hovering behind her already side-turned body, Edward became Bella's big spoon. Brown hair intertwined with my yellow as her forehead nearly rested on Em's shoulder.

A syndicate. Quietly connected without much effort. With a purpose to escape and reshape. But together.

"So what kind of shin dig are we missing out on, anyway, Shorty?" Emmett bellowed in absolute faith, as if Alice would obviously have something huge up her sleeve no matter the state of her health. Which she probably would. Or maybe that was too much to hope for.

"Oh, only the best kind," she threw back, with a warble in her voice from strain. The temperature was lowering every minute, the ground stiffening with cold. We'd need to get her back inside soon. "There will be great food and music and us."

"And … presents?" Jasper was a sucker for presents, like three kids in one.

She only shrugged as she snuggled more closely to his chest.

"No presents?" Bella reiterated, urgently drawing up on her elbow. Seeing the immediate expression her hair and scent and nearness brought to Eddie-Boy's heart breakin' face, I was damn glad she was facing away.

"Eh, maybe," was Alice's almost inaudible answer.

Hearing her so deflated couldn't only be affecting me, but I held on to the promise of progress that I _knew_ the coming month would bring. With Edward and Emmett being so much apart of her it was aggravating knowing they'd be absent for all of it.

"Well, it'll be an Alice affair. Enough said. You're going to miss out, Cullens."

Feeling my sudden rigidity, Em pulled me closer, walking his hands up and down my sides and spine. Cupping my neck, he kissed through my head down into my whole body. His touch reminded me we were a team, even when apart. Watching Bella easing into Edward, no matter their obstacles calmed me and I allowed every aspect of our collective dedication to wash over me.

Building this unit together meant we'd never be separated, not really, no matter whose love flourished and whose was taped up in the moving boxes come various graduation days. Six individuals were now inextricably linked by innumerable, interwoven bonds. This moment cemented the fact that, together with Emmett, being the glue to this hodge-podge family was always meant to be my purpose. Something grand, a blessing immeasurable and wholly mine. Aunt Ren had known. It was about time little Rosie knew also.

Time would continue to demand we move on, grow more. First dates ending in love, Water Polo riots, idolizing cling-ons, fantasyland parties, a boarding school monarchy exalting an opposing King and Queen - ours was an unprecedented life of "Castle in the Sky" mentality. It had been difficult to discover that we weren't so above everything that the crash impact of grounded reality couldn't be avoided. Within all of our privilege, the students of Fremont left little room for appreciation or thankfulness. Expectation trumped humility. And that arrogant nature would haunt nearly every being I'd haughtily subjugated during my reign. That I should escape such a vapid sentence seemed more miraculous every day that brought me closer to my own liberation.

May would be here before I could even think of turning my contribution around. It had been terribly easy to program these society brats into service in exchange for status, but it would be a waste of time trying to pry their class-clenching fingers from a future of "promise." Their parents live it, why wouldn't they. But once the glitter façade fades, there's no pretending. The six of us learned that lesson, that's for fucking sure.

Looking back, it was never the game we continually made it out to be, but hell, we've hardly stopped being children. Just girls and boys begging to escape the bubble of Fremont but not willing to leave the safety net, to come out and play in the adult world. Or perhaps we had ventured out a bit, but now the time for make-believe was over. Things we'd found out on our own made life too blisteringly real to fake one more second. Head-splitting, family-altering, heart-crushingly anew. It was almost like, if we had to go through it at all it better finally count toward the real deal.

"How long will you guys be in the Windy City, anyway?" Bella inquired quietly, as if to make is seem she wasn't the one asking at all. Our eyes locked. _I'll miss them, too._

"We'll be back early," Edward smiled, his desire visible for miles, light or none. "Then we have the whole year."

"And next year," Alice whispered.

"Not with Rosie and me." Emmett interwove our fingers, because it was us first, even while it was also all of us together.

"Oh, you'll still be around. If there's a place other than Fremont for us to hang out you know we'll be there. Gah, fucking Fremont." Bella happened to mutter the last part right along with Jasper.

"And after all that?"

Ali's question hung in the air for less than a second before I threw it far from today.

"Anything."

Eyes closed, warm energy all around, with breaths sustaining the most precious of people peppering the atmosphere – I knew beyond anything that in this moment there was nowhere I would rather be.


End file.
